Sleeping on Their Own

We always trained the kids to sleep on their own as infants to avoid hard habits to break. But now, at ages 4 1/2 and 2 1/2, they share a room, and it's more about having fun with me for as long as they can..one more story...a song...stories from when I was little...maybe an attempt at "I'm lonely" or "I'm scared, please stay in my bed for just a minute....." You know the drill!
Since they don't control me and aren't allowed tantrums or anything, I just decide how much to do on any given night, and when it's time for me to go, I just put my foot down, and cheerfully walk out after a bunch of "I love you, cant' wait to see you int he morning"s while waving and shutting the door. They are disappointed for a second (whether we played for 2 hours, or they went straight to bed) but that's it.

Some nights I'm in the mood to spend 2 hours reading and singing and then chatting and playing before walking out. Some nights I warn them in advance it's too late for books (even if it isn't) and that they have to go right to sleep. Either way, they're never asleep when I leave the room and they know not to get out of bed or throw fits. They're allowed to chat or whatever, but no getting out of bed. It takes discipline at first, but you do need to control when your kids go to bed, so be firm!

At 5 and three it will take a while for them to realize you are consistent and serious, but they will learn to respect the rule.
I also recommend taking charge of the "routine" and sort of making it not such a routine...if you do exactly the same thing every night, they feel entitled to it, and on nights when you don't have time for it, it will be a bigger let down. Get control so they know YOU always decided what bed time will be like that night. Make the long nights more of a treat once or twice a week, and the shorter bedtimes the norm.

A warning in advance really helps. Tell them, "OK, tonight, you're getting ONE book, and you can play for 10 more minutes before bed. OR, you can go to bed right now and have 2-3 books." Mine always react really well to just this.
You can add: "After your books, no fits or (fill in the consequence) will happen." Then follow through, and don't back down. If they act wrongly, treat it like a discipline scenario at any other time.

This has saved me from total exhaustion since my husband travels all the time and we have 3 under 4. Some nights I HAVE to put them to bed quickly and get some sleep or some alone time in, and I'm SOOOO thankful for it. You can do it!

You don't say what they do when you try to leave. Get scared? Get up and play? Call for water? That could make a difference, but whatever, I have a couple of ideas that might help you make your escape and leave them sleeping.

1. Behaviorally, I'd try weaning them gradually. Find reasons to leave the room briefly. Only a minute or two at first, and only occasionally, so they don't pick up on a pattern. Try just after bed some nights, or 20 to 30 minutes in some nights. Then be gone for slightly longer periods. Keep mixing it up.

After they get used to the idea that you can come and go because you need to, but that you return because they love to have you there (and of course, you love to be there), they will probably become much more relaxed about your exits. That's the point at which you can leave a little before they drowse off, and not come back. Don't do that every night if seems to backfire, and maybe spend an occasional evening with them until they sleep.

At some point, you can observe quietly that you know, and they know, that they can sleep without you. You might schedule one night a week for extended mommy-time as a treat, for all of you. Be sure they get plenty of time to snuggle and chat with you BEFORE bedtime, too, if that seems to be what they are craving.

2. You might find this even more effective: Get the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. (You can read some of it here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...) The authors demonstrate exactly how to help children communicate, identify their own emotional issues, and participate in finding workable solutions. They also give you tips and examples of how to communicate your own needs and expectations. It's pretty crazy how clever kids can be at getting what they want. And it's crazy cool how they can help solve problems themselves, once they understand both sides of the issue.

i think that you may have to train yourself to be able to leave the room while they are up. I know the feeling that you have but they also need to learn how to go to sleep with out you being there. my mother would put me in the bed read to me(maybe two stories if i gave the puppy eyes) then told me goodnight and i better not get out that bed unless i had to use the restroom. but maybe you can get them one of those nice water or nature cd's to listen to. good luck!

You might find the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddler and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley to be helpful. Good luck!

I had this problem with my son who is now 2 just a few months ago. I told him it was time to sleep and left. When he cried for me I went in said "it;s time to sleep goodnight", kissed him and went out of the room again. The next time he cried I did the same thing and then once he cried for me from then on I went in didn't make eye contact and didn't talk to him, I just kissed him and went out of the roomk again. I did this over and over again and eventually he got the point. It took 3 nights total but was easier each night. I hope this helps. I don't agree with crying it out and this system worked for me. I felt that he knew I was still there for him but that I was in charge of the situation and he was going to sleep by himself. Good luck. If you have any questions feel free to email me.

My favorite sleep trainer is Dr. Ferber. His "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" is a great resource. I highly recommend it.

I can’t leave my son’s room while he is still awake because he will cry until he throws up. I have the same problem as you, I work all day so after he goes to bed is the only time I have to get anything done. So what I did was find a way to make that time work for me and still meet his need of me being in the room. We do our whole getting ready for bed routine, read 2 books together, then I turn out the light and rock him to sleep, but while I’m rocking him, I use the internet on my phone to catch up on FaceBook, read the news, check the weather for tomorrow, etc. If he tries to engage me to play or read more books, I just tell him that this is mommy’s time and if he wants me to stay he needs to settle down. It’s worked out great. I feel like I have a few minutes (it’s normally about a half hour) to relax and do what I want while still getting him to sleep the way he’s most comfortable with. Plus, since I’m actively reading or typing, I stay wide awake. The worst part for me used to be that I’d start falling asleep while rocking him, and then I’d be totally useless for the rest of the night. Maybe this won’t be the solution for you, but the point is that you might be able to find a way to make it work for both you and your kids. Maybe you bring in a little book light and do some reading. Maybe you’ll be able to convince them that as long as they can see you they are OK, and then you could keep their door open and fold laundry in the hall or something like that. Good luck.