Hi mommies! How do you deal with the separation anxiety and naps/night sleep? We sleep trained my son when he was about 9 months using Ferber and he did great - took two long naps (1-2 hours each) on most of the days and went down for a night sleep after fussing just for a few minutes or no fussing at all. However since last week he is hysterical when we try to put him down, especially for naps. I am pretty sure it's separation anxiety because he also cries and fusses when my husband or I leave him in the play yard or pack and play for a few minutes and get out of his view. He also just started walking last week so maybe that affected his sleep to some degree too. He is 10 months and we are lucky if he takes two naps/day and if at least one of them is longer than an hour. He also sleeps 7pm- 5:45 or 6 am. Today he only took one nap which lasted 40 minutes. I am worried he is not getting enough sleep. Also, how long does the separation anxiety last? Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
There is nothing wrong with letting him fuss a bit if you or hubby need to leave the room. It's like extended peek-a-boo, you just disappear longer. Keep talking to him so he knows you are nearby. It will help a lot in the long run if he learns Mommy and Daddy can leave the room for a few minutes and they always come back.
As far as sleep issues go: babies will get enough sleep. If they are tired they go to sleep, no matter where they are.
Just know that, per age stages and developmental stages.... "sleep patterns" in EVERYONE, changes. It is not set in stone.
No adult person sleeps the same way now, that they did when they were a baby.
And no baby, toddler, child, Pre-Teen, Teen, College kid, Adult, or elderly person... has slept the same way with the same patterns, since they were a baby.
It changes.
And sure, the natural stages of development, such as separation anxiety... just is. We cannot turn it off or on at-will. It is a developmental stage. Just like night-terrors or dreams, or nightmares or teething.
I always just went according to my kids' cues for sleep, or comforting needs, when they were a baby and even now. And they sleep well, they were regular nappers, and there was hardly any sleep battles. And each of my kids, were different per sleep/naps.
Also, being over-tired or over-stimulated, can really abrupt or disrupt a baby's sleep. Babies or kids do not instinctively know how to keel down or wind themselves down.
He's getting about 13 hours of sleep a day by your estimates, which is fine. And yes, new milestones like learning to walk or separation anxiety can affect sleep.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sleep/sleep812m.html
Your son is at the very age separation anxiety sets in. When they're between 8 months and 1 year old, kids grow into more independent toddlers, yet are even more uncertain about being separated from a parent. This is when separation anxiety develops, and children may become agitated and upset when a parent tries to leave. Many little ones now react by crying, clinging to you, and resisting attention from others.
How long does separation anxiety last? It varies, depending on the child and how a parent responds. In some cases, depending on a child's temperament, separation anxiety can last from infancy through the elementary school years.
And kids do understand the effect this behavior has on parents. If you come running back into the room every time your child cries and then stay there longer or cancel your plans, your child will continue to use this tactic to avoid separation.
I'm not talking out my ear on this, though I know it to be true, I found this here -
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sep_anxiet...#
Hang in there, all normal :)
In child care by 10 1/2 to 11 months of age we start getting them down to one nap per day. When they move up to the toddler room at 12 months they have to stay awake and go down for their nap with the whole class. They have a classroom schedule and they only have one nap in there.
So your child is just doing what comes natural at this age, although it's a month or two early. He's growing and isn't so much a baby anymore. He's going to be at a different developmental stage very soon and he won't be needing near as much sleep as before.
If he's still going down and expected to be asleep by 7pm I think you're going to start having a lot of struggles with him. He doesn't need so many hours of sleep anymore.
If you do put him to bed and he goes to sleep that early he's going to start waking up very very very early and he won't be tired so you're going to have to get up. I can't imagine getting up as early as you do unless I was going to work.
I think if you let him stay up later he'll go down easier. Unless you want him up that early then let him stay up until he's tired then he'll sleep in in the morning.
Dear O.,
I think that I would try to keep him up closer to 12 noon or 1 PM then get him into a pattern for a long 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. You might want to check with your pediatrician.
My "little guy" did not want to "go down" in the early afternoon, but I made it a policy. The first time, I held him down and I rested with him. I needed it as much as he did. I let him squirm and he lasted 10 minutes and rested close to 3 hours. The second day, he squirmed 7 minutes then went down for 3 hours. The third day, he squirmed 2 minutes and rested for 3 hours. It did not take long for him to get the idea. I put the radio on some talk show or slow music, and that was it. After that, I laid down with him for a few minutes each day, he got the picture (there was not way out) and he fell asleep. Mom, be easy on yourself, you need the rest too. Be refreshed when your husband comes him and let him know you are caring for him, too. Good luck. These are some of the best days of your life. Make the most of loving them all. (P.S. I would put my toddler in the crib or stay there with him, depending on my schedule.)
It may be just separation anxiety, although if he's been sleeping easily for several months I'm not so sure that's all it is. Is he teething? Any other signs of not feeling himself? My son is 2, and he normally is a fantastic sleeper. He goes through phases like you've described, hysterical crying when put down for naps or bedtime that last for a week or two, then he's back to his normal self. I've noticed these almost always coincide with getting new teeth. Babies change their routines as they grow, sometimes they change back and sometimes they don't. Separation anxiety usually peaks around this age, although with some babies it can come on later and last longer. I would just stick with your normal bedtime routine as much as possible, and perhaps go back to doing whatever you feel comfortable with as far as sleep training if he's not having any other physical problem. Good luck, I know from recent experience how frustrating this can be!
Could be separation anxiety but he could be ready to drop a nap. Yikes, I know! Try one nap a day.
Let's see, my kids are grown now. But I remember when they were younger and about this time I dropped or should say they dropped the morning nap on their own. So we would be up all morning doing things in the house. Lunch time came and we all went down for a nap. It was much needed by then. After lunch I would start dinner and we would walk to the park for play about a half mile away. Dad would pick up all up on his way home from work.
You may need to get outside and get him in the fresh air and play with a ball or walk a bit. This does wonders for them.
Remember there are times when you don't want to go to sleep the same is true for your child. He just started walking so he is burning up energy and probably wants to be with you to get into things to explore his territory. Now is the time to put things up if you haven't. I put a small plastic bowl and wooden spoons on a shelf in a cabinet in the kitchen that was the play area while I cooked. The area was away from the stove and traffic patterns and my daughter loved it. She would play in it when I wasn't in the kitchen some days.
Naps should be around 1 to 1 and 1/2 hours no more than 2 or they won't go down when you want them to at night. You just have to fine tune what is going on in baby's life with yours and adjust.
Enjoy these times as they do fly by.
the other S.
So, my daughter had a lot of trouble sleeping as a baby. I read just about every book on the market - there are lots of different philosophies out there! She is a super-smart kid with high sensitivity (meaning her senses are sharper than average, so things are louder, brighter, more intense for her). She had major separation anxiety and would panic when I left the room, even though she has never had any trauma or extended separation.
What eventually worked for us was working hard to make her feel safe and to regulate her environment. Small spaces were more calming to her than large ones, low lights rather than bright lights, soft music, lots of gentle touch and soothing voices. It took a few weeks, but the payoff was huge. She learned how to calm down, how to take care of herself emotionally. Now she is 4, and she will actually ask to take some quiet time if she is feeling overstimulated. And she sleeps great, all through the night every night.
One more thing I did - I made sure she got LOTS of exercise, so she was good and tired. Toddler trampolines are great, as are playgrounds and water play.
I hope that helps! I know how awful sleep deprivation is - best of luck to you!
Sounds like a phase. Keep putting him down w same routine, don't resort to car rides or anything. Maybe some soft books and a lovey in there too.
I agree with the ladies who say it's most likely time to change his sleep schedule to only one nap. Find the time that sits in the middle of his old schedule and use that time frame for his new nap. It takes a little adjusting because part of them is used to the old schedule, but their little bodies don't really need the same sleep anymore.
As far as 7 being to early. I have always put mine to bed at that time, and yes they do get up between 6-7 am, but they do that no matter what time I put them to sleep. Many kids have a biological wake up time, mine have always had one that is super early until they reach 5-6.
Another thing to remember is that your little ones sleep schedule will change a lot over the next few years. Ferber method is not a one shot deal and all of your sleep issue's are solved. It is something that has to be used over and over again, especially when baby reaches new milestones, or has a change in the need for sleep.
ReverendRuby also gave a good suggestion about leaving the room. I make it a game when I first see the anxiety coming on. I leave for brief seconds and pop back in, I talk to them the whole time, as they get more and more comfortable I leave for longer and longer times. They just need to see that you will always come back. This is important. I also start every sentence before I walk out with "I'll be right back" this is their cue that I am leaving, and their cue to know I am coming back.
I agree that it's time to give up the morning nap. And fresh air and sunshine will wear him out. So, right before or right after lunch, take him outside to play for a bit (doesn't take long - 1/2 hour to 45 min). He should be ready for a nap then.
