I have a 17 month old daughter who will not sleep alone. Normally, she goes to sleep around 7:30 and sleeps in her crib until about midnight. She wakes up screaming and the only way that I have been able to calm her is to lay on the couch with her. Now, please don't judge me too harshly. I know that I have created this problem by holding her when she was an infant as she slept, but it's out of control now. She rarely sleeps more than 5 hours without waking up and not going back to sleep without me.
I am exhausted all the time and I know that things need to change. Please, if anyone has any suggestions on how to change this, please let me know.
Thank you.
Thank you everyone for your helpful suggestions. I have to say that I am not comfortable letting my daughter cry and cry until she falls asleep. It is just far too stressful for me and I feel for her. Reading the answers from the Mom's who say that there is nothing wrong with bringing her to bed with us really eased my mind. I think for me, my daughter and my husband... this is our answer. I will also convert her crib into a toddler bed to see if that changes anything, but if she gets up at night to come find me, she will be welcomed into our bed with no issue.
I agree that we only have them at this stage for so long, and I enjoy my daughter so much. I don't know who is more attached... her or me. Thank you again to everyone. I found all the information helpful.
Thank you.
You are going to have to let her cry as hard as it is. Trust me- it's way harder for you than her, and after a few days and a couple of good nights of sleep, you'll be glad you did. Take care...
Are you open to co-sleeping? I had my doubts when my kids were little, but I have to say I'm a huge fan now! Our boys begin every night in their own bed, but if they wake in the middle of the night (they're sick, they had a bad dream, they are just not sleeping well, etc) they simply climb in to bed with us, and everyone goes back to sleep.
My 19-month-old just started sleeping consistently through the night (@10 hours) on his own. For many months, he slept in his crib in my room for about 4 hours before I brought him to bed with me where he’d nurse frequently until morning. If I tried to put him back in his crib, he’d wake fully and cry. A couple of months ago, I converted his crib to a toddler bed and moved it to his room. The first few nights were difficult for me because I was in and out of his room nursing him back to sleep but he was happy to sleep in his “new” bed. Soon his night wakings tapered off to twice a night and then, recently, to none. So other than to suggest possibly transitioning out of the crib, I wanted to encourage you. She will sleep through the night when she is ready – even if you continue what you’re doing now. After all, there is nothing wrong with nighttime parenting.
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It's really hard to let her cry, I understand. I had this problem with my son for a long time. But try to make her room as comfortable as possible. Put in a blanket that you two have been cuddling with in her crib with her so that it smells like you. Extra blankets, a night light, and even some soothing music will help.
When she cries, go in and check the list: Diaper, hungry, room temperature, etc. If she is fine lay her back down without saying anything, then leave the room again. Wait a few minutes while she cries not long, just a minute or two, and then go back in, and repeat. Keep doing this for a little while. Just go in every few minutes, and every time you leave, wait a minute more than the last time. She will start to get the hint that you arent going to give in.
It will take a few nights but it will get better.
Consistency is the biggest thing. If you arent consistent then it wont work. Listening to her cry will be almost torture but walk away from the room and occupy yourself with something else for a minute. Read a page from a book, watch a minute of tv, talk to your husband and distract yourself and continue and repeat.
Se needs to learn to self soothe and to sleep on her own. You arent hurting her any by letting her cry just a minute or two. I always hated cry it out, but in my experience and opinion just a minute isnt "crying it out"
It will get better I promise, I had a long road of this too and now have finally got my son to sleep well. It took a few nights, and a few tears myself but I can finally say that we are both happy.
Dont be too hard on yourself either, everything will be okay!
Good luck!
I don't know where to start because it angers me when people advise to let a baby cry! And YES, she's still a baby regardless of her ability to understand conversation. Letting a baby cry never accomplished anything for us other than to make everyone in the house more and more upset and lose more and more sleep. You get so worked up that it's hard to fall back to sleep... for everyone.
One thing that people need to understand is that there are many reasons why a child wakes in the night. It's not necessarily out of habit. Maybe she's had a bad dream, maybe she needs to pee, maybe she's hungry, maybe she's cold or too hot, or maybe she just needs comfort. Even adults don't sleep all the way through the night. We get up to pee, sometimes we need a snack, maybe we're too cold, so we throw on a blanket.
I wholeheartedly agree with Tauna G and Jennifer, and I was in the same situation at Abundantly Blessed with my son. He was 19mo before he slept more than 5 hours, and it was NOT out of habit. I did everything I could to get him to sleep in his crib, even tried letting him cry for 3 nights before I said enough is enough. Why can't we parent during the night like we parent during the day: with compassion and respect?
Things will change, but even now at age 5, my son prefers to sleep with someone. (Granted, he sleeps 11-12 hours now haha) Honestly, can I blame him? Absolutely not! Don't we as adults sleep with our spouse?????
Some of wouldn't be upset with you but would ENCOURAGE you to continue to listen to your child's needs and ques. We are a bed-sharing and co-sleeping family. There is nothing wrong with that. I'd rather my children feel safe and comforted than forced to learn to hack it alone in the dark/dim room vulnerable and scared.
well damn, my daughter is 21 months and still wakes up some nights..usually around 4 or so. I just bring her to bed with me. We all sleep alot better. I could never have the heart to just lay there and let her cry, but thats me. Especially cause she usually only wakes up when she's got a tummy ache or is teething, or maybe has a nightmare. As sick of it as i get sometimes, i just remind myself that the nights i get to sleep with her cuddling next to me isn't going to last forever and i will miss it one day.
let her cry. if she is still sleeping in a crib then she cant get out and she will eventually fall back asleep. it will take several days before she will realize that she isnt going to get you to do what she wants and at that point when she wakes up in the middle of hte night she will be able to soother herself back to sleep.
IME, the best thing to do is to shake things up a bit. Create a 'new' routine instead of this "lay on the couch with mom" O. that she has created (with your help! lol).
Take her into the kitchen, give her a sippy of water and a light snack (a few puffs, a cracker, etc., lightly brush her teeth then put her in her crib with soft music and an interesting nightlight/moon in my room/star projector/anything different. Make that 'THE' new routine!
She's old enough to understand when you tell her something. Next time she does it explain to her that she has to sleep in her bed like a big girl, lay her down and let her cry. She'll get it after a few days (if that many) it's going to SUCK those first few nights and you probably won't get much sleep but after those few days you'll be SO happy, and so will she.
I'm with Denise. Time to shake it up.
No more couch. Instead, get her some warm milk to fill her belly in the kitchen, see if she needs to pee/ change her diaper, and put her in her crib. Grab a "special blankie!" to put in with her (or toy) or whatever. Music, lights, it doesn't really matter. NEW ROUTINE TIME.
Then you just start shifting the routine so she has those things to START with in the BEGINNING of the night. When she wakes, you just show her her things she already HAS.
Then she'll start waking and seeing those things and putting herself back to sleep.
SInce she is older it will be harder on both of you so the short hard way is to let her cry. The longer also hard way will be to keep her in her room, keep everything dark, don't talk (it's sleep time not talk time), but place your hand on her back or massage her until she has calmed down this might take weeks and hours but she will learn that you ARE there for her but she does need to be in bed. Baby wise is great book about this but you have to do what is comfortable for you. Maybe check out "ToddlerWise" and look at other peoples example sleeping schedules (they are done by age)
Good Luck, don't beat yourself up! You love your baby and there is nothing wrong with holding her!!
Sleep Schedules DO WORK, I have 3 kids (1 is 16mo) and they have all taken 2 naps a day and slept 10-12 hours at night. Put her down within 15 minutes of the same time every day, to me this is the most important
