I am working on trying to get my 15 month old son to sleep thru the night w/o my help. He doesn't have trouble going to sleep in his crib initially at night. The problem is in the middle of the night. He tends to wake around midnight and won't go back to sleep until he has nursed, then he continues to wake up every hour and a half or two hours after I put him down again unless I bring him to bed with me. The problem with him in my bed is neither of us sleep all that well even tho he prefers it. My goal is to wean him and have him sleep in his crib through the night.
My other problem is I can't seem to get him to nap unless he is in the car and happens to pass out. He more often than not would nap on me while he was nursing and using me as a pacifier, but that has stopped working over this past week. As I type this he is here in the back seat passed out.
The way we initially got him to sleep the first portion of the night was crying it out when he was about 10 months old and it took 2 days...now the middle of the night. Last night he would jump up and down in his crib he was so mad when I would walk out. I have been going in every ten minutes and if I try to rub his back or his belly/leg he tries to move my hand off of him, so I am at a loss for what to do.
Success!!! I want to thank all of you for your responses as they were so helpful!
We were already on a schedule, but he was sometimes still needing his morning nap and other days, only an afternoon nap. I cut that out by keeping him busy and getting us out of the house on mornings even when we don't have playdates to go to the zoo or Sea World or park. This has helped a lot with his napping on his own as well. Another thing that helped was waiting to work on the nights and naps until my husband was out of the country for two weeks, so he wouldn't go in and get him in the middle of the night, like he used to.
He is now sleeping through the night and down to one nap in the afternoon after lunch and books. What worked for us with not waking during the night was that I would go in and make sure he was okay (no nightmares, falling, cutting molars, etc), not pick him up, but give him a hug while he was still in his crib and he would jump up and down. I would tell him I loved him and would see him in the morning and leave. I quickly realized that I couldn't go in there unless 15 minutes had passed because he would get worked up even more. It took 2 nights and now I get a full nights sleep too! (Plus he now has a lovey, Cookie Monster "cooh-cooh" he sleeps with). When he wakes in the morning we have our cuddle and bounce on the bed time, so now the best of both worlds.
Dear M.,
going back every ten minutes or so only extends the time he is going to cry. Just let him cry again like you did when he was 10 months old. Jumping up and down in bed means that he just doesn't get it yet that he can't control the house rules. Just do it. You will be a stronger mother and dad will be proud of you, and the baby will be calmer. ....after the crying time, that is.
Amen, C. N.
Hi M.. Looks like you have trained him to be this way. It is going to be difficult but you can redirect your toddler and teach him how you want things to be. If you are tired, you are no good to him, your husband, other kids, etc. Depending on how aggressive you are, this can take days to months. It does not sound like you live the SAHM lifestyle on a schedule. Do your playdates, errands, etc around nap time. Do the breakfast routine and leave the house for an activity that will wear him out but be back home before lunch. At this age, he should be taking a nap after lunch (12:30). After lunch you should take him to the park so that he can wear himself out. After dinner @ 6pm bathtime and jammies. The nights will be hard, but you are not being mean by putting him on a schedule. You will be happy you did. Ignore him at night. Sternly take him back to his room and walk away. Tell him no, and don't give in. It is all up to you. Persist and he will get it. Take care.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. (http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...)
Great book and helped us tremendously. Helps your child learn to fall asleep on his/her own yet doesn't make them feel insecure about mama and daddy abandoning him/her.
Our children are almost grown now and secure and kind and responsible. We are a tight knit family bonded in the Lord.
Treasure your little one, they grow way too fast. Days may be long but the years are very short.
Hi M.. Firstly, I hope you ignore some of the critical responses you've gotten. We have an AWESOME 21 month old, very confident, curious, affectionate, smart as a whip, and sweet, and I'm still nursing (although much less frequently than when he was little), and we co-sleep. Jay Gordon's article which has already been referenced to you is terrific, and it works. Sounds like the first part of the night is going pretty well. When he wakes up, go and nurse him, but after a few minutes just tell him it's "night-night time", (or whatever works for you, but be consistent) and that night-time is for sleeping. Give him a kiss and a cuddle, put him down and leave. Get earplugs if you need to, but don't go back until the next time he wakes up (after he has slept), and do the same thing again. do that for 3 nights. Night 4, go in, hold him, cuddle, but don't feed. Stay with him 10 minutes or so, remind him it's night-night time, you can even say "no more milk at night" give him lots of love, put him down, then leave and get your earplugs. After 3 nights of that, decrease your cuddle time to 5 minutes, 3 nights later, don't pick him up just pat him on the back. It's not easy, but it works. It even works if you're in the same bed, which I found hard to believe. My son still likes to have a good nurse in the morning and at night before bed, but that's about it, and there are 3 nights a week my husband puts him to bed with no problem, he just tells him a story and he goes to sleep without a sippy cup or anything (I teach a late-night yoga class on those nights). Anyway, good luck. And don't let anyone make you feel like you've done something wrong by not having your son on a rigid schedule during the day, either! Babies are all different, there is no "right" way to do things, just the way that feels right for you.
Boy, I am right where you are and this is my fourth baby. All the others were off the boob and in their own cribs by 10 months, not this guy. The other night I let him cry it out. His crib is in our room so he could see me laying in the bed. Like you I got up several times to lay him back down and comfort him then my husband said "no" to me the last time I tried to get up. You know what? He was right. I knew it. So I lay there while the little guy cried for over an hour....he kept slowing down and then he'd get a new burst of steam. Finally he passed out exhausted. He didn' t wake up until dawn. I told my husband this is going to take at least three nights, wrong, he went to bed and slept til dawn the next night. Last night he fussed a little but I gave him a sippy cup of water and went back to my bed. He had a couple sips and then passed out. It's going to take commitment on my part but there are no 18 year olds co-sleeping with their mammas.
I will tell you this as a mother of four. This is the first of many battles of will. Don't worry about his well being. he won't be traumatized by this experience. Down the road he'll feel safe knowing that mommy's in charge and has things under control so that he can be free to be a child. But he's just a baby you say, yeah and he will demonstrate again and again his desire for you to give him some boundaries...it's not always easy but it's necessary and it helps a child feel safer. That's why we don't live in a lawless society because boundaries create security. Don;t forget it and show your little whipper snapper who's in control.
I followed the book Babywise by Ezro. This book and method of crying it out is often a hot topic, but I knew that sleep deprivation was going to cause us all more harm than my twin girls crying themselves to sleep. It's been 3 years since I read the book, but I from what I can remember the technique of soothing your child when they are crying has increase in minutes each time. So, when your child first cries you go in and use the same soothing method (i.e. light scratch on the arm, rubbing legs, patting the chest,etc.). Then you leave the room and do not enter for 5 minutes if your child is still crying. After 5 minutes you go in and repeat the soothing. Next time you go back in is after 10 minutes, then repeat the soothing. Next time you go back in is 15 minutes, then 20 minutes. Now that seems like a long time to let your child cry, but if you add up all the crying he does each night it probably is about 20 minutes or more.
I have to say, that my girls never went past the 20 minutes of crying out. The crying almost drove me to a breaking point, but my husband was the strong one and reassured me that they were okay. They almost always would fall asleep after the 10 minutes of crying and then sleep through the night. When we dedicated ourselves to this method like the book suggests, it worked in just 3 days!! It truly was a relief for us all to get a restful night of sleep.
Stay strong and know that you are a great mom for trying to help your son sleep.
My friend put music on for naptime that lasted an hour. She told her son that he had to stay in his bed and rest until the music stopped. I think she let him have some books or toys to look at/play with. He screamed for the whole hour for awhile but it established routine and a time amount for him. He was over two though and it was more to keep him having naptime as he was outgrowing his nap.
With my son routine has been the biggest thing and just letting him know that we are serious and he isn't going to get out of it. He is an awesome sleeper and napper now even when traveling. He knows when it is time and he goes to bed like a pro.
I weaned him gradually. To eliminate the put you to be feeding I got a NUBY like sippy cup that has a soft nipple but it is a sippy cup not a bottle. I put water in it for before bedtime and he did great with the transition. The last feeding we cut out was the one at 6 in the morning. When it wasn't putting him back to sleep anymore we cut it out and he didn't even notice. It meant getting up at 6 for a little while but now he sleeps in until 8 or 8:30.
Every kid is different and needs a different trick for them. Be consistent in whatever you choose to do. Ignore the offensive people who think their way is the only way and everyone else is damaging their child. Every child is different. My sister in law has twins and she has done the exact same thing with both of them and they have different sleep habits. Kids are kids to some extent. And to some extent we have to put our foot down and find what works to teach them the skills they need - i.e. sleeping through the night and in their own bed.
Good luck! Hope you find what works soon.
Go to www.3daysleep.com - get Davis Erhler's video. Your baby could be asleep in 3 days and all your problems solved!! (that is what she calls it the "3 Day sleep solution"). If you can consult w/her (which I did), she is absolutely amazing but if you can't - definitely get the video. My son has slept 12/hrs since 4 months old. Who has time to read books? It's only $39.95 AND IT WORKS!! Good luck!
Hi my name is A. I have four children and believe i have been there done that and my advise might upset you or not but from all of my experiences this is what i advise to you which you can take it or not but here it goes you need to at a moderate pace start introducing the sippy cup with whole milk and make sure you child is eating proper meals and of course you need to talk to him to let him know hes a big boy now and big boys drink sippy cups and NO MORE NURSING EVENTUALLY! I know its hard and its a bonding thing but that is why hes not sleeping but you have to do it!! A.
Hi there M.
This is not your issue. Let it belong to the child. Change up the routine. Don't get in the car. Teach him to sing and dance and sleep when tired. You try to do the same. Look into getting some freelance sort of work. He is not a project, just a kid. You are not just a mother, you are a grown woman with needs also.
My 2nd daughter is also 15 mo old and I'm also trying to wean her off. So far, focusing on offering her several liquids throughout the day, water, water/juice mixed, and whole milk have shown a drop in her desire to nurse since she's not as thirsty in addition to feeding her 3 full meals a day plus snacks in between. I've also noticed that her molers are coming in strong and find that giving her hyland teething tablets calms her to sleep for nap and bedtime when she gets fussy. Also giving her physical activities in the evening after dinner has made her soooo tired that she sleeps without nursing (basically passes out) and sleeps longer nights in her crib (10-12 hrs) vs. 6-8 when I nursed full-time. So, now when she wakes up is when I nurse her 2-4 times within a few hours (I think she's realizing not as much comes out anymore, but keeps tyring) then sometimes she'll fall back asleep for a cat nap, which I enjoy with her. I'll let you know if I discover any other tips to try if you haven't already. My 3.5 year old was completely different since I was working full-time with her and just dried up by 13 months, plus she loved the pacifier until 23 months which worked for her, while my 15 mo old won't have a thing to do with it...best wishes!
If you are serious about wanting to get him to sleep through the night w/o nursing, my suggestion would be to start giving him a sippy cup of water (spillproof) so that when he wakes up, he's got it in his crib and doesn't feel the need to wake you to nurse. I started doing this with my son when he was about 20 months and he hated it at first, but now he really likes it and doesn't always wake up in the middle of the night any more. If you can endure, letting him cry it out when he wakes in the middle of the night is something else I might suggest. As long as you know he doesn't need to be changed and he's warm enough, then there's really no reason that he should still be waking you to nurse in the middle of the night. Crying it out will take him a week (maybe two at the most), so be prepared to wear earplugs or something. If he can't get out of his crib, then that is what I would suggest.
With the napping issue, you could try the same thing. Let him cry it out in his crib. If he's your first, I can't tell you how it will break your heart to listen to him cry, so you have to be a little stronger willed for this. We made the mistake of taking our son into our bed when he wouldn't sleep and now he's 2.5 yrs and still sleeping with us occasionally. Babies have to learn how to soothe themselves as a coping mechanism when they're young so they can cope with other issues as adults. At least that's what my therapist says. And I have a feeling he just might have something there. If you're willing to try the crying it out, you have to be consistent. It won't work if you try it for a few days and then decide it's not working and go back to having him in your bed or riding around in the car with him. Babies are kind of like experimental pigeons. You give them something one way and they expect it that way all the time. The behavior is reinforced by the result they expect to get. If your son knows you're going to cave when he's screaming, he'll scream and scream because he knows that's what you respond to. Patience and consistency are the keys to training your child to do what you want him to do. You're the mommy.
Hey M.,
If your son has recently begun waking up during the night, asking to be nursed, he may be going through a growth spurt and be hungry. Try giving him a bottle or yogurt or other snack before he goes to bed, and see if that doesn't help. You need to stop nursing him through the night. Otherwise, he will continue towake up so he can have that bonding/soothing time with you. It is difficult, my son is 2 and 9 months, I stopped nursing 3 months ago, when I was 4 months pregnant. You don't want to nurse that long, do you? Try cutting him off at night. Good Luck!
I think this website explains pretty well the needs of food and sleep in the 0-3 y/o. I work nights, so my husband is in charge of many of the night feedings throughout the week. I'm so proud to say that he instinctually did what the article says. It was also reassuring to read that what he did was very beneficial to our children.
M.,
I weaned my daughter at 14 1/2 months because she was waking at night just to nurse and not sleeping through the night. I weaned her off of all the daytime feedings and then I just completely cut out the night feedings at once. I turned the monitor off and just let her cry it out. She cried herself to sleep for about 30 minutes and it seemed like she was crying for 10 hours, but after a week she slept through the night. She has slept through the night ever since I weaned her. I was also exhausted and needed a break. I know it's hard to listen to them cry, but this was the only way for me to get her to sleep and myself. I hope you have some luck.
L.
I'm just going to tell my story: At 16 months, I decided to wean my little one, and the first nursing to go would be any overnight nursings because I needed more sleep. When he awakened, I went in to him, offered to cuddle, he got really mad, cried and stomped around the room for 1 or 2 minutes, while I gently continued to offer the cuddle and say that nursing would be for the daytime, and he soon accepted the cuddle and fell asleep in my arms. Then I placed him back in his crib when he was pretty sound asleep. I'm not sure if it was coincidence, but a couple of weeks later, he didn't awaken in the middle of the night as often. I continued to drop a nursing every 2 weeks. The last one to go was the nursing to bed at night. For a while after, I thought that I had just changed my problem, because he didn't need to nurse to sleep, but he needed to cuddle to sleep. Then, around 20 months, after stories and blessings, instead of cuddling, he said, "Sleep bed", I put him in the crib, and he fell asleep on his own with no pressure from me. I think he was just getting big and felt uncomfortable in my lap because he was getting really wiggly and shifting a lot.
Hi M., the herb/spice "sage" will help dry up your milk supply. Get it in powder form, mix it with water and drink it. Taste like tea. For sleep issues I highly recommend "silent nights" sleep patches. No drugs or chemicals enter the body. Nontransdermal and they work LIKE A CHARM. Go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth for more info or email me back. good luck!!
I just got my 20 month old to sleep through the night so I understand your pain! We did the "SLEEPY PLANET" routine. You can look them up online. We tried various methods and you need to find what works for your child. We couldn't touch our child either like we wanted to help comfort and soothe - he would get too upset. It would escalate. When he woke up in the night this time around (we've done it before but then he got really sick and I went back to night nursing)we didn't go to him because the sleepy planet DVD says you only go in if they are CRYING - not yelling or throwing a tantrum or calling, fussing etc. only really crying. Then you go in after 5 minutes - do a check in from the door not longer than 30 seconds saying "You're doing great - I love you = see you in the morning etc."Then if he continues to cry you check in after 10 minutes, then 15 and every 15 until they stop. My guy woke up at 12:21 and stood in his crib calling for me for almost 2 1/2 hours - he called "mama" mostly - then he would yell, jump up and down, tantrum, feign crying, then go back to a sweet mama. He even started saying " thank you mama" - it killed me but he finally did a last tantrum - stopped on a dime and lay down and went to sleep and has been sleeping through the night ever since - almost 2 weeks now.
The other big change /addition they suggested was to create a nightie night book for them that you and/or your husband make. You draw them sleeping in their crib and do it like a story book of them sleeping all through the night and if they wake they have " whatever cuddly bear type thing" they suggested getting a new one just for this purpose. He loves the book - I think it really helped - we are still reading it to him each night. Do the night first then move to the nap in the day. When you don't go in during the night (or do the check ins) and then put him down for his nap and do the same thing - the consistency will help you.
If you have the resources and want you can pay the people at sleepy planet to come over and help you.
I would stick to a strick schedule. As you know the night feedings should have stopped months ago. Put him down at night like you usually do, and when he wakes up at night, go in there once to see if he needs a diaper or hurt. If he starts to cry when you leave, then stay out of the room for at least 5 minutes. Then go in there again and tell him this is the last time your coming in. It's night night time, so go to sleep.(Of course say whatever you want but don't stay in there longer then a minute or so. And thats it. Don't go in again. He'll scream for a while but he WILL go back to sleep. I actually had to do that with my 15 month old baby girl today. She would not go to sleep for a nap even though it was already an hour past the time she usually goes down. So, I let her cry after the second time I went in there. I think it lasted about an hour. She finally feel asleep for and hour and a half. Not much longer then she cried for. But, mommy won. I just wasn't going to give in. She has been doing this to me for 3 days now. Tonight I put her down to sleep and she cried one time. I went in there and told her that it in night night time, and to go to sleep. (I said I love you too) and walked out. She cried for about a minute and then stopped. I checked, and she was sleeping. I'm hoping that she is getting back on track. She was doing so well for the last 3 months (sleeping through the night)
SOOOO, you are not alone. I hope the info to you is helpful.
Good luck!
Feel free to email me.
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Hi M., You have created a 15 month habit, that you are now trying to break, I have wrote in so many times becasue moms who breast feed so long are the ones who are writing in with problems that their babies won;t sleep through the night, and you all created this yourself, at 15 months, this child should be using a cup, with regular milk, having 3 meals a day with snacks inbetween, not midnight feedings, thts what new borns do. M. you need to break this habit/cycle and stop going into his room, and eventually he will stop waking up. I had my babies on rice cereal in their bottles at night and they slept through the night from 6 weeks on, once they turned 9 months they only had one bottle a day, that was in the morning while I was getting their ceral ready, then by 1 year no bottle, at all, and I started traing them on a cup as soon as they could sit up on their own, 3 kids and i never had any sleep issues. Kids are now 24, 21 and 19, all grown healthy and happy. J.
Hello M.! I have a 10 month old who has been sleeping through the night since 6 months thanks to the 3 Day Sleep Solution. I saw an ad for it on this website. After one night she slept from 9-6. The next night she slept from 7-6. Elle now sleeps 10-12 hours a night uninterrupted and takes 2 good naps a day. It may be a little harder to get your son to sleep through the night just because he's older. But it will be so worth it! You need good sleep too! Elle sleeping through the night saved my life. There's a money back guarantee. The only thing you have to lose is more sleep;) Let me know if you need some support!
Hi M.,
Your son sounds very much like my son at that age.....and, boy I wish someone had shared this with me back then.
I would really recommend taking him to a chiropractor to have his alignment assessed...during childbirth, spinal misalignment can occur and then it impacts the nervous system. This really could be what is going on with your son.
My son's chiropractor is Dr. Cameron Sutter ###-###-####
I really hope this helps & that you get some much needed sleep!
N.
