Sleep problems--Please Help

Hello, TC -

Well, I wish I had some good advice for you - unfortunately, I struggle with the same issue - my daughter is 10 months and does the same thing. Right when we have a few good days, then...well, you know the rest. I have talked to many moms who have struggled with this and they say eventually it will pass. I know, not a lot of help...but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!

We had the same problem with our 9 month old. She had trouble gaining weight, so we had to wake her up to feed every 3 hours overnight since she was 2 months old. So, she got used to that pattern of getting up every 3-4 hours. Now that she eats great during the day, we finally decided to break her of her habit of getting up. Do this only when you have the time to commit to it - but you will be much better rested and more sane afterward! The first night, you wait let them cry for 5 minutes, go in and say hi, you're all right, go back to sleep, and leave the room. This is the key - you can't pick them up, touch them, or stay in the room. You then wait 10 minutes, go in and do the same thing. If they are still crying, you wait 15 minutes. Then continue doing this in 15 minute intervals. The second night, start with 10 minutes, increase to 15, then 20. The first night we did it, she was up for 1 1/2 hours, the second 40 minutes, by 4 days into it she was sleeping through the night. Good luck!

this baby is not going to be the same as your other children. dont expect her to be. thats unfair to her....
she has different, and stronger needs than her brother, and thats FINE. you have to understand that.

heres the other thing. you have to trust YOUR instincts. i know the cry it out method is popular, and it seems to work, but it works out of depression that "no one is going to respond to me so why cry" instead of what you mean it to work like. this breaks down the parent-child bonds. i dont think this is what you intend.

my son did not sleep through the night until 15 months, then it wasnt consistent, in fact it was still pretty rare until around 17-18 months. now he will sleep in his bed every night until early morning - between 6-7. he has never cried it out, and as a result, his crib isnt a scary, lonely place to be. he never fusses at nap or bed time, i just do prayer, we have a vacuum cd playing, and he is in his crib and goes to sleep. he has a few books in bed with him, and he sometimes will look at them before he lays down, but hes quiet, peaceful and calm. when he wakes up, he usually just says mama or dada and someone goes and gets him.

i cant tell you how exhausting it is. you know. no one says parenting will be easy, or that you will ever get rest again. this will last the rest of your life, you will always be up nights thinking about your kids, when they are grown, you will be wondering what they are doing if they are safe, etc. sleep is never going to be the same. its nice that you had an easy sleeper in your son, but its (obviously) highly unlikely that your daughter will "match" that trait. relax, and go with the flow. if you force her into something that shes not ready for (sleeping alone) she is going to rebel. i guess how you react depends on what you want her to learn and how you want her to take the next step forward. parenting is 24/7 - that means you lose sleep. so what? youve got great kids :D or, you have kids at all! they are healthy, smart, fun, inventive, and they are the future! :D thats the payoff. so what if you dont get all the sleep you're used to? this time is so short, so precious (you probably hear this all the time) and before you know it shes gonna be going to school, growing up, being a teen and not wanting to have anything to do with you (sigh - teens) and graduating and going to college. it happens so fast. take the time now to nurture their needs and wants and feelings most of all.

i understand that its hard to sleep with a child, there are alternatives. my son still sleeps in his crib in our room. yeah, so many parents might say its a no no, but you know what ? we all get sleep. and its good sleep. theres no worrying if hes ok in the other room, and when he wakes up we hear him right away and he goes back to sleep easier. when they are awake for a while, nad have to scream before you get to them, they are going to take a long long time before they can get back to sleep because they are all worked up.

also consider teething. teething pain is aweful, especially with molars is most kids, giving tylenol or something for teething pain might help sleep be more consistent. check with your doctor about a dairy allergy. (VERY common these days - dairy is not good for humans, no matter what the money grabbin milk industry wants you to think). check for other discomforts such as tags, heat, cold, strange noises, too dark, too bright, too quiet, too loud, etc etc. im sure you have probably thought of all that before, but just reminding...

and again, theres nothing wrong with going against the grain, ESPECIALLY when you know thats what your heart wants you to do. nursing, holding, carrying, no crying it out, cosleeping, those are all things i struggled constantly with people telling me to do things differently. my heart told me otherwise. my son is so happy and confident compared with other kids his age. if most parents are using cry it out, and most kids are having troubles sleeping one way or the other, or having trouble trusting their parents... that should tell us that it isnt working! its really about their whole life. what you do now affects the way they think about the world! if parents are responsive, loving, kind, respectful, accomodating, on and on, then children wouldnt think of the world as such an aweful place (and therefore, if you are Christian, they wont think God is a horribly vengeful person either...)

just love.
do what your instincts and heart tell you.
thats what matters most. at this age, yes she can cry a little. but all night 2 hr screamfests? shes trying to tell you something else is up. somethings bothering her. if that means she gets her best sleep with you for now, so be it. maybe try a matress on the floor in your room, or her crib in your room.... something. crying it out isnt the answer....

www.askdrsears.com has awesome advice about sleep. mother-supporting. you do what you have to do.... all moms will.... just remember your heart is whats most important. listen to it. i cant say it enough.

I don't think you mentioned in your post if you discussed this with your pediatrician, but that is where I'd start. My 9 month old son has reflux, and one of his symptoms is nighttime waking/crying. Sometimes we can console him back to sleep, sometimes not. What usually helps, if it's reflux, is to keep baby upright for 30 minutes after a bedtime bottle, prior to laying down for the night. Talk with your doc if you haven't already. Good luck!

I am soo sorry you are having sleep issues. My little boy did not sleep through the night until he weaned at 13 months. I read the "No Cry Sleep Solutions" (sorry I don't remember the author) and she had some great suggestions. I would suggest reading that. I know it is hard to read a whole book when your tired but she really breaks it up by age group and other things so there is not as much to read. I found that letting Lucas cry only made things worse and when he knows that I will be there as soon as he needs me he sleeps better. The few nights I tried to let him cry were the worst! You just have to find what works for your child's personality.
Good Luck and I hope you get some sleep soon!
N.

also...Lucas can only sleep in 100% cotton and sleeps better when he is cooler. This time of year I still have him in thin cotton pants and long sleeves with a pair of socks. The sleep sacks are great when it gets cooler also, I found great ones at www.pampersack.com. They are a little pricey but well worth it.

I feel your pain. I have 3 children, 2 of whom have had sleep problems. I have a 13 month old now who has been waking up nightly and we are guessing its due to teething. We have been giving her ibuprophin and it helps. I hate medicating her, but I know how I feel when a part of my body aches. Could your baby be teething?

Well one question is how many naps a day does she take, and for how long at a time? If she is taken 2-3 naps a day try to get her down to 1 or 2 depending on how many she takes. If that starts to help then easily take her down to 1 nap a day. And make sure it is not any longer then possibly 2 hrs, depending on when she takes it. Also you want to make sure she is not taking a nap later in the day because that will have an impact also. Hope this helps. Also one more thing, try keeping her up a little later then normal. If she goes to bed at 8 then wait till 9, and so on and so forth. It worked for my kids that is why I say this. I have 2 daughters, so I do know what you are going threw. My oldest slept all night at 3 weeks but at 4 months started to wake about every 2-3 hrs. And that is what I did with her.

Could she be teething? Try giving her some Ibuprofen at bedtime and see if that works. With my two the only time I had a sleepless night was when they were teething or sick, and the Ibuprofen always worked well for both. You could also use Tylenol but it only works for 4 hours where Ibuprofen works for 6 to 8 hours.

I second the No-Cry Sleep Solution book - lots of very practical, varied and soothing advice. I'm making a guess that your daughter might not be ready to fall back to sleep by herself. All children are different. My daughter did the same thing. Now she sleeps well. For some kids, being able to sleep without closeness or assistance from mom and dad is just a longer process. For us, I just pulled her into my bed at 9 months and we slept like that until she was two (it saved my life and we all slept better). From two to about 3 or 3 1/2 she gradually slept in her toddler bed. I never pushed it by letting her cry it out, but I positively encouraged it.

I know all about sleep exhaustion...remember it won't be forever and find whatever works best now for your child and you so you can sleep. Kids change and when she's ready, she'll be able to fall back to sleep on her own. Now that my daughter is four, she's changed so much. I threw my back out a couple of months ago and was completely laid out on my bed being able to only crawl to the bathroom. One night when my husband had to work, our daughter got her jammies on, brushed her teeth, kissed me good night and climbed into her bed and went to sleep! 2 years ago I would never have believed it.

Some people swear by the crying-it-out solution, but I wanted a kinder approach and I did enough research to know there is no empirical evidence that it is not harmful - there is only ancedotal evidence that it works. For me and my daughter, letting her sleep next to me made a positive and happy sleep environment and actually encouraged her independence more than if I had forced her to sleep on her own.

My heart truly goes out to you - I remember the sleep exhaustion and the difficulty in trying to find a solution that I was ok with and worked!!!! When we do baby #2, I feel like I'll be better prepared if I have a baby/toddler like my first girl!

Here's my 2 cents worth: stop rubbing her back. When she wakes up at 12:30, I would let her cry for a good 10-15 minutes before going in there. When you do, keep it brief, make sure she doesn't need a diaper change or something to drink, and then leave.

What about teeth? They hurt long before you can see them poke through. I occasionally give my daughter tylenol or orajel if she's crying lots at night. Good luck - I'm right there with ya... :(

L.

It must be really frustrating to have had one child who slept all night, and now one that is needier at night. It's difficult when you begin to compare children to each other- they are all individuals and have different needs. My first two boys were up all the time at night until about 18 mo. My 5 mo old girl has slept through most nights since she was a newborn. If you've been trying to let her cry it out for 11 months, it's obviously not working. Maybe she just needs you- try bringing her to bed with you when she wakes up. You'll all get more sleep, and she can begin sleeping on her own and through the night when she is ready to. I've gotten far more sleep having my children in bed with me than I ever would have getting up with them at night. A rested parent (and family) is a happy one!

this could be a shot in the dark but my son didn't sleep through the night until he was almost two. In fact he had a hard time sleeping at all. we later found out that he had a sensory processing disorder. his problem was and is that his brain doesn't filter all the imput it gets. he has a hard time with overload. when he was a baby I was lucky if he would sleep for two hours at a time. it wasn't until he was two that we discovered some solutions to help him. we had to reduce his tv time, his time spent in busy places, and we had to set a calming routine before bed.

It was like his brain couldn't shut down long enough for his body to sleep. he used to get nighttares as well. he would seem to be awake but really wasn't coherant but he would be screaming and crying. had to just wait those out. Yikes.

Well, i am not sure this will help but maybe you could get some info on sensory problems and see if she fits any of the symptoms. we had an ocupational therapist who helped us. our doctor just said some kids were like that. (that didn't work for me)

good luck. M.

by the way, he is six now and sleeps all night and has for about three years now. :)

I hate to say this, but it sounds as if you created this problem. If you rub her back to help her fall asleep, she will know nothing of how to fall back to sleep with out the rubbing of her back. I think the only way to get her out of this bad habit is to let her cry it out. Go in one time and say it is time to go to sleep, tuck her in and kiss her good night. She will cry because she is not getting what you have always given her in the past which is a back rub. Do this every night and you will see she cries less and less and then she will be able to fall asleep on her own.

I wish I could offer help, but we are going through the same thing! We do co-sleep, and that doesn't stop the crying in the middle of the night. Sam is almost 2. It doesn't seem like it will ever stop! He sleeps through fro 4-5 nights in a row, and we think we are through it, and then last night happens with him screaming until 3am.
We have gone through tons of medical testing, prayer, even having him annointed, and while it IS better, it is still happening.

One thing that we noticed is that Sam is a night owl. If we have an early schedule, he is a horrible sleeper. If we have a late schedule, like him going to bed no earlier than 11pm, he sleeps much, much better.

This sounds like our situation and just one of those parenting pitfalls you have to deal with. You can experiment with different things, like elminating a second nap, moving bedtimes, adding a filling snack after supper, a new bedtime routine, and extra outside play in the afternoon. (that actually helps a LOT, but I hate going outside)

The no cry sleep solution is by Kim West and is called Good Night Sleep Tight. We used it with both are kids and it has worked great. Our son is 6 months old and sleeps 7-7. I highly recommend the book. It is a very gentle approach and easy follow. It also doesn't take long to read what you need to know to start.