Single Parenthood

I was a divorced mom for 9 years. The best thing you can do for your child is to put his/her needs first. Spend time with your child to make memories. It can include going to a park, the zoo, movies or reading a book. After years of being a full-time working mom and part-time student, I saved up my money and took my daughter to Disney World when she was 8 years old. To this day, her and I still look back on those days. I never brought boyfriends around either. When my daughter's dad took her for the weekends, that's when I went out on dates. Sometimes if the guy I was dating was good, I'd take her out on a date with us like for dinner. Your children have to come first is the best advice I can give you. It's very easy to get away from that concept and put your needs and wants ahead of your child's when you are a single parent. Also, if you do get into a serious relationship with someone, make sure that your child likes that person and that the person likes your child.

M

My mom remarried when I was in second grade. She meet my dad when I was about 5 years old. Even though I was young, I didn't meet all of her boyfriends (only one serious one around 1-2 years old) before my dad. And the situation with my dad...my Papa was dieing, my Grandma had an aneurysm and it was hard on my mom in such a very short time frame. My dad move in, slept on the couch, for support. It was then that he was around so much and I started calling him dad. I remember sitting in school in kindergarten or first grade, realizing that I wasn't like everyone else. I didn't know my real dad and he doesn't care to know me. (I still saw my Great Grandma from his side). 20 years later....my mom is divorced and I wonder if things would have went differently if I didn't start calling him dad. (That's why she married him)
About bringing boyfriends around...my best friend has LOTS of memories of her mom's boyfriends. (most things that were not appropriate for her to see) It really affects her in adulthood.

What worked for me was reminding myself that everything is perfect--that even if I would want more for my child, THIS life is preparing her for what comes next in a perfect way, even if it's beyond my understanding. Balance only lasts for a moment, and then we re-adjust. My best memory was signing her up for a boarding school that I knew would be perfect for her (Arthur Morgan School) even though my mother thought I was being a terrible mom. It turned out to be such a blessing for all of us, including my mom.

When I was single I dated quite a few different people- it's hard being single and lonely. I didn't think it was a big deal and my daughter barely met some of them but a few times but I did move in with one boyfriend and I think it was probably really sad for her when we moved out because she talked about him for a few years after we moved out. So maybe I wouldn't do that. On the other hand I moved in with my current partner before we got married and are now doing wonderfully. I got a single parent ymca membership and that was great having a place to go with my daughter and also a place to go to get a break because they offer childcare while you are working out.
It was very hard being single and going through custody court and eventually having half custody taken away simply because the father changed his mind and wanted to be a father after all. But I really cherish the times when it was just my daughter and me. We could go out and have dinner just the two of us, play games go to parks do whatever we wanted and looking back it was a very sweet time in our lives. She still occasionally talks about when it was just us and it hasn't been that way in 3 1/2 years! You never know when you will be coupled up again so as hard as your circumstance may be, (or maybe you are single parenting by choice?) really enjoy your alone time with your kids- it's very special.

I am not a single mom, but one thing I can think of that would make life feel more balanced is to try to have time for you just like a couple would try to have time for them. If you have family in the area, see if you can take a night out once in a while and go be with friends or do something alone, or meet someone for lunch during the work day so you are not taking family time. If you life is nothing but work and then home with children you might get a little crazy just like any of us would. :)

I am a single mom- now married, but my husband works on the road- so other than financially- I still consider myself a single mom. It was very hard for me to find a balance, between me time, work, kids, activity, and I never felt i spent enough time with my son- I shuffeled him a lot to sitters so I could work or go to school or date, or just have some me time. Keep routine- bedtimes and meal times particularly. try to avoid the child shuffle, your kids will do better with minimal variation on rules and values. I have spent the last time undoing what I allowed myself to do the past 5 years. and it's been a struggle. Good luck

Updated

And another thing that I feel is important and can't believe I left out- put GOD first, keep the kids active in a church, that helps monitor the input of other children and the men and women they come in contact with. It may also help you find a mentor for the kids. My son's dad is 800 miles away, we really benefited from the male interaction in church

There are a LOT of GOOD things about being a single mom! MY Favorite thing is that there is no discussion, no debate (at least until my son starts talking more!) I get to do things MY WAY!

Plus it's a lot easier to balnce the needs of two people than of 3 or more!