Single Mom Attempt at Enforcing Respect & Rules to 16Yr Old Boy

Sounds like he and dear old Dad deserve each other-I would pack his belongings and place them and him lovingly in the car and drive him to the dad's along with a lucious casserole to make their first night of living together super cheery! Why wait until he's 18? So you can have two additional years of being threatened , terrorized and held hostage? "I'm moving in with dad"- I'd be sprinting to the car!

Ignore his threats to move in with dad, he's only saying that to push your buttons. If he does choose to see if the grass is greener when he's 18, then there is nothing you can do about it so no sense in worrying about it now.

Your son is at an age when he's trying to become a man. Without his father full time it makes it extra hard on him. Try treating him like a man and showing him how a real man acts. How a real man treats a woman. Right now he's lost and its coming out in his behavior.

Have one more talk with him about respect. Make the rules simple and to the point. Set curfews, time for home work, chores, etc. If he continues to break the rules, whatever you are paying for such as cell phone, have it turned off. Pack up his things and have his bags waiting for him when he gets home from school. Let him know that you love him but maybe he would be happier with his dad.

Right now he feels like he has the upper hand with the threats. You need to show him that you will not be intimidated by threats. If he can not follow your rules and respect you than he doesn't need to be in your home.

Be Blessed!

I say pack his bags and send him on his way. Doing this will not take away you love for him but he needs to see that he cant threatening you with such things. He is 16 and thinks he's a man treat him like one. If his dad is putting stuff in his he let him deal with him. It they have same attitudes like you stated then they wont last a year. Because the personalities will clause. And when he tries to come back make him work for your acceptance. I had a friend whose son did the same thing he was disrespectful and always talked about moving with his father so she packed his bags and sent him on his way and a year later he called her begging to come back home and his Dad had also went as far as calling begging for her to take back and when she did she laid down her rules and she hasn't had a problem since and its been over 6 months. He works he graduated and is attending college so I think your son needs some tough love. Enough is Enough.

I'd say,spell out the rules and expectations clearly as well as consequences. If he violates the rule then follow through. If stays within rules be sure you recognize him and let him know you appreciate it. As far as Dad, not much you can do to prevent him moving in with him once he is 18 - but chances are they both will be in for a rude awakening and will quickly realize "...be careful what you ask for, you just might get it." Make sure you aren't trying to control too much of his life if he is reasonably responsible.

My daughter used to use the line ."....I just want to go and live with Dad" whenever she got in trouble, but in her heart she knew where she was better off. Not sure what changed but over the past year she has become much better and I haven't heard that line in about year now. She will be 17 next month. Hang in there...and chances are the 2nd child will be different, still challenging but you'll have learned lots from child #1

so, the disrespect you're referring to is the threat? that's not disrespect, it's a boy relating to his dad, who is obviously encouraging him. you can't put this child in the middle by labeling his relationship with his father as disrespect, especially since the 'threat' isn't even active until he's an adult anyway.
if you have issues, it's with the dad.
if your older son is threatening you with this and you don't like it, your response can really only be 'okay. but until then, you're here and you need to do the dishes now.'
khairete
S.

My personal opinion is that if your 16yr old wants to disrespect you, let him go move in with dad. Trust me... He won't like it there and his dad will not know how to handle most situations.

And just because your ex has done this with the 16yr old and he buys it, hook, line, and sinker... Doesn't mean your 10yr old will be that naive at that age.

My stepbrothers are very different from each other and I am very different from them dispite the fact we all grew up the same way.

My husband and his brother grew up the same way and are also very different.

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Punish his poor behavior. If he moves in with his father, so be it. It won't last long b/c promising the world sounds great, but it won't pan-out in reality. You need to have a sit-down conversation with BOTH of your sons together. Literally spell-out the expectations using clear language and post it somewhere visible in the house. Next to each expectation, outline a logical consequence.

For example, if your expectation is that your sons will use respectful language towards all members of the family, then a logical consequence for not doing so it to remove communication options for a period of time (no internet, no cell phone, no home phone, whatever you have). Be realistic about the time period b/c you have to be able to stick to it- a day or so is enough.

On the other hand, if you notice your boys abiding by the rules, acknowledge it! I wouldn't suggest purchasing items b/c you will eventually run out of reasonable options, but you could certainly "buy" some family time- order their favorite take-out, rent a movie of their choice or something else that reminds them that respecting their family will result in happy times with their family!

Hi TD, I wish there was more information here. Specifically what type of 'disrepectful' behavior. Maybe a little history regarding you and their father's relationship. Other factors like are your boys successful in school, socially? Do you work full time, etc. Sorry to be nosey!

Don't worry about being wordy, we don't mind!