Single First-time Mommy Needs Advice

Not in your shoes, but I can empathize. I can only imagine how your heart breaks when you leave him and miss out on things, but try to focus on what you are doing for him. You're busting your butt to give your son the best life possible. And while he's too young to get it now, one day he'll look back on all you sacrificed for him, all you gave him and will appreciate it. Know that you're doing the best for him, even though it's emotionally difficult for you.

As for strengthening your bond? Just spend all the time you can loving him and being there for him. Snuggle and read before bed. Start a weekend tradition of cooking a special breakfast or something (and ask your mom not to make/do that *particular thing.

Trust that you're doing the best for him.....and no one will ever love him as much as you :)

You are very blessed to have your mom and grandma to help you. Your son is very lucky too. What a beautiful family unit all of you share. There is a bond between you and your son, a very strong one. He may not be able to speak the words yet, but he treasures the night time rocking just as much as you do. What you are feeling is very normal while you are setting a strong foundation for your future as well as your son's future. Never let go of the big picture. Ask your mom & grandma to video tape a few minutes here and few minutes there of the things Nick does...a treasured gift to keep always. Hats off to you girl. You are doing the right thing by son and yourself. God Bless.

Good for you- doing what you need to do to assure your son a good life. And how lucky you are to have a mom who will love your son this way- think of all the moms who have to leave your babies with a stranger. And yes there is ALOT of work. Comes with the job description.
Make sure your diet is good, my evaluation is you are tired, and maybe not eating as well as possible, so if that could be correct handle the food. NO sugar.
Maybe replace the worry with looking at how good it is to trust your child's daycare- because it is your wonderful mom, and grandma, and how generous they are to help you finish school, and to tell you what your son did while your were preparing for his future.
Granted you will miss somethings- but we all do, andyou have this generous woman to share with you what happened while you were studying.
And how lucky for your sonn that he has all these people to love him.
Try looking at it this way, maybe?
And again, please eat well- it will make this easier, I promise.
best, k

I know far more moms who work outside the home, and went back to work at 6, 8 or 12 weeks than moms who stay at home. None of their children feel like they aren't their mothers and they've all bonded with their kids. Yes, you're going to miss some things, but we all do at some point! Going to school now will allow you to be there in a better way later. You may not see the first step or hear the first word -but that's not definite -you may! You'll get to see the first soccer goal or music recital though. By finishing a degree program, you will most likely be better prepared to earn a higher salary and offer your son more opportunities in the future -opportunities you can share with him. Just be really happy that you can leave him with your mom and grandmother. That's the best! I will tell you -the young, single women I have known who had babies on their own and actually cared, had support like you do from parents; stepped up and did what they should (like you -working/going to school) instead of continuing to do whatever they want have EXTREMELY close relationships with their children. They often say, "We grew up together."

I think all of us have serious insecurities from time to time, and it seems to me that you are doing what you can to provide a good/better life for your son. I believe school is important, and work as well. When my son was born I had a really hard time because he spent more of his waking hours with someone else (daycare) than he did with me. I missed the first crawl and first steps and it sucked! I tried to engage in LOTS of eye contact and/or cuddling whenever possible. It was really hard then, but he doesn't judge you for it and you shouldn't judge yourself.

He knows you are his Mommy, and that bond is special. Nobody takes your place and even at 2 months old he knows that.

Sweet girl,
I am amazed at how similar your story is to my daughters. My daughter is 20 years old. My first grandson is 15 months and he lives with myself, my husband, and my mother. Our daughter moved back home while pregnant. She also started school when he was just a few months old. For the last year my mother (grandma) and myself (memaw) have been here all day and my daughter has come and gone between work and school. I'm quite certain at times she has the same feelings you do. But I want to assure you that my grandson loves his mommy and he has no doubt who his mommy is. He cries when she leaves. He and my mother and I all get a long wonderfully when she's gone. But he misses his mommy.

My husband is the only father figure he has. He loves his grandfather so much! His father is also uninvolved by his own choice. Be very grateful that your family is there for you. Take advantage of the situation so that you can get your education. It's going to be a long road. But it will be worth it.

I'm not in your situation-I am a work at home mom, and I can tell you that we have major worries too! I used to be jealous of my husband because he'd come home at night and so happy to see my kids and so patient with them and play so nicely with them, and they'd be excited to see him, too. By that time of day, I'd be grumpy and they'd be sick of me, lol. He always seemed to have more fun with them!

So we all worry! But the main thing is that there are as many ways to be a mom as there are moms, and that love is irreplaceable. Love your little boy and it will all work out!

J., you are a great mom and you are doing the right thing by going back to school in order to provide a better life for you and your son. It's rough going, but DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

Let me list a few reasond why your situation is better than it seems: 1. he is being cared for by family; 2. his mom is a hard worker--work AND school. What a fabulous example for any child, at any age; 3. you are strong and independent...this is obvious from the path you are taking.

I was where you are. I went back to school too (while working) and am within a year of finishing. I also remarried. Things are great, and I have a wonderful bond with my daughter. Guess what? She is a really hard worker too ; )

You can do this J.!!! Please come back and let us know how you are doing! S.

My Parents helped a lot with my first child and today my daughter and I have a very strong bond. I had her young, so I still had to finish high school and I did. As well, I had to work and then went to college too. I wouldn't worry about the bond, be happy you have great care for your son while you are at work.

I had a wonderful bond with my Grandmother and to my knowledge, I only saw her on Sundays.

Hi, I know it's hard but I wouldn't worry about it if I was you. How wonderful, that you have people watching him who love him and take note of his special accomplishments! Perhaps you can try to have them video the things he does during the day, and show him videos of yourself as well. Also, you can videoconference with him during your lunch hour some days. This would necessitate you purchasing 2 laptops, possibly, but it will be well worth it since you have babysitters who will actually do this with you.

Also, as a parent of 2 grown children, while I can feel your pain, it isn't the end of the world. The important thing is the your son SITS UP. He ROLLS OVER. He WALKS. Whether it's the 1st time, or the 40th time, it's still special.

There will be plenty of time to play with him later, and that time will be more meaningful and memorable for him. He'll get to know you real well. And, you will be much better company if you have an education and are able to provide for him.

Aww, it's normal to feel that. Congrats on making your life better and your son's! You will be there when it really matters when he gets older and needs you to help make decisions. Enjoy the hours/minutes you have with him when you are around. Your son is truely loved with your mom and grandma. You have more help as a single mom then I do as a married mom. My family lives states away and I can't drive 16-18 hours to get there fast enough. Congrats again on your baby. Your doing a great job!

You not alone in feeling this way. I am lucky to have a great hubby, but I work full time durring the day and he works overnights so spends all day with the kids. I go into work at 7 in the morning (everyone is sleeping at this time, and get home at 6 at night. I make supper and then we eat and the kids go to sleep. My hubby tells me all the cool stuff that him and kids did and if that not bad enough everywhere I go I get all the SAHM's telling me how my hubby is right with them and how lucky I am that he does all this stuff with the kids. I am lucky and I thinks that great.....But I want to take the kids to all there activities and get to spend all that time with the kids!!!! I do have to say that the older you child gets the better it will get. My oldest is 6 and on Sat we have special movie nights just me and him and eat special pop corn and have hot coco!!!! It's fun to snuggle and talk about what is going on in his life!! good luck with everything!

It is tough when you are working and a single mom. Coodos for you trying to improve yourself and working hard at giving your family the best. A lot will happen in the first year but a few things need to happen from your part. First off, the initial bonding is not obtained only through the first holding at the hospital, it can happen anytime. It is tough to get over the c-section experience....you need to find ways to cope with how it happened and move on. I went through a tough time as well. When you are off, find time for the two of you, sing to him, tickle him.....rocking at night can be a special bonding time. Also, your mom is there to help not take over. Ask is she can help with your laundry and other chores so you can take advantage of the little time you have together. It will get easier as he grows a little more but then it can get challenging again when you need stick to certain bedtimes and routines. One idea I can share is we recorded A LOT of daily happenings for my husband to see while he worked. Find a way for your mom to take lots of pictures and video if possible. You may not be able to see it exactly when it happened but will still share the joy when you see it.
As it can be disheartening to miss out on all the great firsts, it is also important for you to accomplish your goals and find ways to enjoy life with your son. Stay strong and let go of what you have no control over. Pray!

Make the little moments count. Really BE THERE, put your phone and books and concerns away while you are with him. Even if it's for 15 minutes. Children know who their mommy is. It's instinct. Rock him and look into his eyes and talk to him. Never stop talking. Get him on his belly and get down on the floor with him and sing, play, and move with him. It is quality, not quantity. Children learn through their bodies so any movement you can provide for him while you are with him is great. As he gets older going to the park and swinging is great. Hopefully your mom is taking lots of pictures for you as he rolls over, sits up and grows or you can ask her not to tell you, so when you see it, you think you are seeing it for the first time. Also since he was a c-section he needs to integrate primary reflexes through tons of movement. Your guy needs extra extra tummy time to develop the skills he needs.

I was a single Mom since I was 6 months pregnant. I also, had a mind/body numbing cesarean (mine was 'emergency')... but I made DAMN SURE I was having a good latch to breastfeed before I let them kick me out of the hospital. Breastfeeding makes a HUGE difference in the type of bond, and even more so for single Mothers.

He's only 2 months, you can easily get back to breastfeeding him while you are home, pumping while nursing, in the car on the way to work and in FL there are laws regarding rights to pumping at work. WIC has wonderful IBCLCs to help and guide you in addition to MANY local Le Leche League meetings in your area. The support, information and motivation are everywhere - but will you use it?

Bonding for your special time every time you nurse, and the baby's memory of your body warming him while drinking breastmilk from a bottle will remind him of you all the time. You may want to consider co-sleeping/bed sharing.

I got married 2 months after her 5th birthday... I've always had 2-3 part time jobs and usually part time or full time school as well. I breastfed exclusively for 10 months and nursed as often as she wanted it for years. It makes a HUGE difference, you don't feel so left out of the loop... trust me, I've been there. I got my A.A. degree in 2007 (she was 2 y/o) and just got my Nursing License in 2010 (she was 5 y/o)... it can be done!

I can't begin to answer all your questions, except to just reassure you that you are not the only mom out there who has dealt with this and your son will know who his mommy is. You and he are lucky that you have the family support that you have. As for having to be put under for the c-section and not getting to hold him right away, that will have absolutely no bearing on how much he will be bonded to you. I had to be put under too, and couldn't hold my daughter for several hours because I was in recovery and she had to be under observation in the NICU. She is now 3 years old and there is absolutely no way anyone could tell that we missed out on those first precious moments. Bonding takes time, and while you might miss some "firsts", it will only bother you, not him. There will be plenty of time for other firsts, like his first baseball game or his first trip to the zoo. Think about all the children who get adopted and the ages they might be at the time - are they bonded to their parents any less?

Hopefully the time you are spending on school now will give you and your son a better future, and in the long run, that is more important.

Your hormones are still all jumbled up, and I feel for you. Your mother instincts are spot on, wanting to care for him every step of the way. I am (was) in a similar situation, and I nursed my son. It was an INCREDIBLY bonding experience! You didn't say whether you are or not. If you are, the bond will come naturally.

When my son was born, I was terrified to have him in the hospital room with me while I slept because I didn't want to be out when he woke. The nursery down the hall had a nurse on constant duty there, so I felt better having him with them since they have lots of experience and would be right there if he quit breathing. When I first brought him home I was alone with him and scared I would mess up everything somehow. (I am a single mom, too.) Soon after, I felt incredibly guilty because nobody can care for your baby better than you and I beat myself up over it thinking I should have known better. I felt like I missed out on his first few days of life by being so paranoid. Then I got over that too with the knowledge I did the best I knew how at the time. That's what you are doing - THE BEST YOU CAN with what you have.

Have a blessed Christmas with your little angel!