omg, so frustrated. i'm not "dating". i hooked back up w/a jr. high love and we've hung for about a month or two. enough bout my personal situation....my question is, how do you balance the love for someone you wanna be with, with the love for your baby & dog (in my case, that's my family)? also...i'm SO used to my own routine, schedule, quiet but sometimes lonely pace of life, that having someone around is just messing w/my head. i can't date like a normal person b/c i don't have a sitter usually, but i also feel guilty for dating anyway, b/c i feel like it's taking away from my bear. idk what to do!!! he's a great guy, really, but i think i'd probably just be better off back to my lonely, quiet, sometimes frustrating days of straight up singledom. this is just too much trouble.
any thoughts single dating mommas??
i need some guidance...i've prayed, but haven't heard back yet, lol. :)
hey thanks for all the reponses, hope i get more, b/c i'm still confused, but that's my problem. my son's 2 yrs old, we've hung out some and the guy is very understanding, bless his heart, and i won't let the guy come over til bear goes to bed. in addition, i really just let him see bear 1-2 times on the wknd. otherwise, i feel bad w/us 3 hanging out too much for bear's sake. bear's daddy's in jail and i'm sure he would attach himself very quickly. the reason i'm having such a hard time i guess is b/c i can't develop the relationship normally like i would w/o a little boy, so i guess i just really don't how to go about dating or hanging out w/this guy. i will def take on the suggestion of waiting a little while and keeping in mind that dating doesn't always have to include romance. i would just like to date, go out, do something besides watch movies on the couch after bear goes to bed, but i guess that's what it'll have to be. for now...i've decided i can't do this. i've told the guy this and that's pretty much where it stands. so.... :(
thanks so much mommas. :)
I have been single nearly 6 years and I also love spending my time with my DD but sometimes think about dating but wonder if its worth the trouble. :-)
I look forward to reading all the replies you get.
Ok well I'm single and not really dating, but I do go out with friends very occasionally.
I feel awful when I do go out. I hardley get to be with my son. We got to school at 7 then I also work till 5. Pick him up then dinner, bath, book, bed. So by that time it's 7. So I get very little time with my son. BUT I know I need time for myself, so I try not to beat myself much.
You need to go out and find the other love of your life. Bear and dogs are great, but they don't give you the other type of love that is needed in life.
So I feel that if your son is younger than 2 like the other poster said, I would go on "group" dates with him and Bear. That way you can see how he is around your son and if he is truly a good guy.
wow i feel the same as you! except i don't have anyone in my life right now besides my daughter & dogs (lol) i really want to date but then i feel like it would just be better to not.
I don't think we have to choose between being a Mom and being in a relationship. What we have to do is decide how much time and attention each needs. If a man can understand that there are limits to your time and availability, then great. If not, he's not the man for a mom to date. If he is really "too much trouble" then maybe he's demanding too much of you. Take things slowly, there is no rush. I don't think any of us want to live a lonely, quiet, life. Kids grow up, need us less and less, and then leave, then what?
ok i spent 8 yrs being asingle mom. my honest opnion ifthe guy doesnt want to take you out with the baby find another guy. second if your baby is young enough hang out with him at home. now when he gets over 2 i wouldnt advise this they get attached to quickly.
Hmmm.. You love this man you wanna be with, yet you think it's just too much trouble. Sounds like you already know what you need, and don't need. I'd try to just be mom for awhile. Your "bear" is your first responsibility right now, and you know that. That's why you feel the guilt. He might very well be a great guy. But that isn't necessarily reason enough for you to be dating him.
Just an observation.
I'm not single but had plenty of friends that were. I would be patient you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life! Its boring and lonely mostly. Give it a chance god hasn't answerd your prayers because he's waiting on you to make the right move! God wants everybody to be happy. If this man is in your life it is for a good reason :) Just make sure he's good for you & your child! ( If you have one) Sorry you didn't say to much about that. Try different things in your life it dosen't hurt to do try changing your rountines it may become something you needed this whole time. I wish you the best of luck i hope you give it a chance :)
Dating doesn't mean you have to live with them. Set the ground rules now. "I really enjoy your company and want to spend time with you, but this is new and I need my alone time too so I can reflect on this and figure out where it is leading." Or whatever...
I've been single for 6+ years now and I love my freedom after having been married or in relationships for the past 28 years. I am discovering who I am and when I'm ready for a steady relationship, I'll know it.
I'm not right now.
And I think, neither are you. You're doing what I do when I date. Make excuses. When the time is right and you find the right person, none of this will matter. You'll want to spend time with them as much as you do your family and you'll want to blend them into your family.
Do you have single friends at work? See if you can trade babysitting with them. They babysit your son one night and you babysit theirs on another night. Or maybe someone has a teenager who would like to babysit. If the child's dad is around he should have visitation and you can go out on the nights your son is with his dad. You can explain to your date that you want a relationship but want to move very slowly into the relationship.
Don't feel guilty about going out on a date or with friends, Moms need a night out at least once a month or one night every other week. It helps you relax and focus on yourself and your friendships. You need supportive friends and some fun. It can make you a better Mom to get out and relax.
I fully understand where your coming from. I was the same person until mine babies got older. Their father is also incarcerated and it was hard to just get out and have fun. Dates were just that a movie on the couch after they had went to bed. What i did was started mingling more with my neighbors gettting to know them and i found one that i became really close friends with after a period of time and started babysitting so that i could get out of the house for awhile. You can go crazy just being at home by yourself all the time you need down time to. I pray that you find a solution that works well for you..........
Maybe you need some structure to make boundaries for yourself, such as dating on the weekend only, go out with your son once a week and other things that might work for you. If he has interrupted your life in such a negative way, it is time to evaluate your priorities. Remember that a strong attachment to a person who is temporary in your life can affect your son for a long time.
If this man is truly interested in you and willing to acept your baby as part of the equation, there is no reason why you can't "date" (do things together) with the baby. You didn't mention how old the baby is but there are so many, many things you can all three do together to get to know each other and bond the 3 of you together. This will also give you an opportunity to observe how the man is with and around your child, which is extremely important if things should get serious. You can all go together to museums, parks, playgrounds, picnics, shopping, out to eat, church, etc. True dating is not always about romantic dinners and sex. If this man is right for you and your baby he will be interested in and love to do things together with you AND your baby. If not, I wouldn't waste anymore time on him. For those occasional special occasions such as Valentines Day, etc., perhaps you could have a family member or friend watch the baby, or trade babysitting with a friend.
Deja Vu..been there, done that...especially FELT that...mmm, if you already think you are better of by yourself, you'll probably end up leaving this guy down the dating road...excluding kids from a mother's life is just not natural and it never feels right! See how you feel about thim some time from now (what's the rush?) and think if, in perspective, it may just be easier dating somebody that has children himself...it makes dating A LOT easier as you can turn the single-parents date into family dates, where the kids play with each other and it all gets a lighter "aura". Only rule is no kissing/etc.. in front of the children, so they just think is friendship. When you get to know the guy well enough and feel he is the one, then you have already a good idea of what the new, blended, family will be like. I think it's a win-win situation and nobody gets hurt either way. What do you think?
