Sicking for Mom Whose Husband Is in the Military

My husband retired before we got married, so I never did it as a wife, but my dad didn't retire until I was in 10th grade. So I grew up with my mom doing it.

Honestly, your community will become your family. Ask for help when you need it and graciously accept it. Be there to help others in the same shoes as well.

Find things you can do to pass the time quickly...and if you need organization, start planning now. Making changes now such as planning meals, homework time, activities, etc will make it easier when you do it on your own.

My mom always had us make countdown crafts for when my dad was gone. The ring chain works really well and is fun for kids. If it's a year, that will be a HUGE chain, so maybe break it up between when he will be home (I assume he will get a two week R&R, but I could be wrong).

Start using SKYPE now. Get the kids used to using the computer (not sure how old they are, but as early as 3 or 4, they should be able to figure out how to call daddy or answer his calls).

Can you write letters? If so, that helps BIG time. We loved sending things to my dad and loved even more getting things back from him. Even a small note that my mom could slip in our lunch boxes was priceless to us.

My friend's daughter is 14 months and she has a teddy bear that her husband will sleep with for a week or so before he leaves, so his scent is on the bear for a long time while he is delpoyed. That helps her young daughter a lot.

One piece of advice I can give to make your life easier is to start taking on the task of doing things your husband does before he leaves. For example, if he always does bedtime, you should start doing it. That way it will be easier when he is gone and can't help. I know it stinks, but it really will make it easier for you next August.

Thank YOU and your kids for your sacrifice, and please tell your husband thank you as well!

Ask your husband for the FRG (Family Readiness Group) leader's information so you can get hooked up with the other spouses in his unit.

I would also reach out to the other military wives in his unit.....

You have gotten 10 month's notice of the upcoming change. Begin to prepare now by taking over the household bills if you don't do them. Learn how to change the tire or any other small thing that hubby did that you can do.

Make a calendar of things to do prior to the remote tour that need to be done like oil changes, painting, any family trips, changes to jobs or getting a job, you going to school. Check them off as they are completed.

Get to know the spouses in the squadron or platoon or whatever. Get to know other spouses that live near you and have children the ages of yours. These women will become your lifeline to help you get through tough or trying times.

Line up repair people who can do the "Honey Dos" when you can't. Get involved in your local church or such for other support means.

Keep the lines of communication open as much as possible while hubby is away. You are going to find inner strength from this separation. You are going to become more assertive and be able to tell someone no in a quick minute. You are going to learn how to make a decision and stick to it because you have to. Hubby is not there to make it for you. You are going to have time to become a new you and bloom and blossom into a wonderful woman and mom (if you have kids). Hubby is going to grow in ways that are different from you.

Think positive and be positive. You will get through this. My husband was in the military when they had snail mail and MARS phone calls which lasted 3 minutes. Any other calls were collect from Vietnam or wherever. Make sure you have separate bank accounts so that you can send or transfer any extra needed money to him without bouncing checks on your end.

If you need any more info pm me.

Above all you can do this. You are a military wife who is capable of many things that people don't think about. Who else can move a complete home and have it set up again in three weeks? A military wife.

Thank hubby for his service and yours.

the other S.
Retired Military Wife

PS Contact your Family Support Center (when it opens) for additional assistance on station moves and what to look for.

You will come to consider other military wives your family. It is not easy, but somehow, you will get thru it. Keeping busy is a biggies. Idle time is not good.

Angel:

Thank your husband for his service and sacrifices to our country.

Do you live on-base? If so - get to know the spouses from your husband unit.
If you do not live on base - you can still get to know the spouses from your husband's unit. There will be a support group. I don't know an installation that does NOT have a support group.

Do you know where he is being deployed to? Most locations offer Skype and e-mail. So you and the kids will still get to see him. Just not touch him.

Making plans. Keeping a calendar. That helps. Being a military wife isn't easy. But I can tell you it's easier for you now than it was for my mom....ship-to-shore calls were MAYBE once every 45 to 60 days...and my dad was out to sea at least 12 months every other year. And snail mail? Yeppers! THAT was TRULY snail mail! now you have e-mail, skype and so much more than what we had...both my husband's were active duty....my first was deployed several times and we were already in Europe - so it was tough. No skype and e-mail was JUST starting up....

You've got this. You really do. the better attitude you have? The better his time deployed will be. Why? Because he's going to be able to focus on his job - NOT being worried about you.

One of my girlfriend's husband is stationed in Afghanistan right now. he gets to come over every 7 months for 3 weeks. They skype daily. She stays POSITIVE...he is able to stay focused.

So really....get into a support group with his unit. Get to know the spouses. You will be able to reach out to them when you need something. It's great to have that. It really is!!

Get a calendar. Make a to-do list and get stuff done. Focus on taking care of family at home so he can focus on his job overseas.

I'll say again - YOU'VE GOT THIS!