Up until April, my son was at home with a sitter during the day while I worked. In mid April, he started preschool/daycare three days per week and is home with a sitter the other two days. I did this for a number of reasons….I did not think the sitter engaged him nearly enough and thought he would benefit by being around other kids since he is an only child. On Friday, I was told about several concerns that the daycare teacher noticed (1) He will not talk to them for the most part (he will say please etc when he knows he must) and when he sings along to the song he does not know the words to – he just sings random sounds that do not sound similar to the actual words (2) He does not fight back or get upset when he falls down or when another child bumps into him or takes a toy from him and (3) sometimes when washing hands – he will freeze and just stop doing it and they need to say “rub your hands together / rinse them” like he forgot what he was doing. I am a worrier by nature and one of my first thoughts were, how could there be a red flag that I missed when I am constantly worrying and googling over every little thing.
Regarding speech, I’ve actually been concerned about the minimal use of multi word sentences and for the most part his poor pronunciation. He will be 2 ½ in a little over one month. He still prefers for the most part to communicate with single words – sometimes many single words but not necessarily a sentence (when asking to go to the beach he may say, Beach! Ball. Truck. (He has a specific truck and beach ball he plays with at the beach). He does say some multiword sentences, “milk please,” “the truck is stuck,” “Daddy go bye in his car,” “I don’t know” for example along with several others but it is not the constant way he communicates. Since I am a worrier – I have had two evaluations – one in December at a local hospital and one in March by Early Intervention. I called Early Intervention because I did not feel that “relief” after the first evaluation because as soon as she heard how many words he had she did not seem concerned at all and really did not “evaluate him.” He was not two yet at that point. There were no flags during the Early Intervention evaluation at 25 1/2 mos and no services were offered or suggested. She commented about how active he was and said that most of their cases involved active boys. She mentioned a lot of the time, these kids are always on the go and less interested in being still and focusing on their speech. She said to just keep up with what we were already doing and providing multi word responses back to him when he spoke to me in singles…thinking it would eventually become more natural for him.
I am scheduling an appt with an ENT (just in case there is fluid in his ears and this is the root to his poor pronunciation). I did call the OT that the center recommended as well and left a message requesting an evaluation.
My question for you moms are on the other two items. I have noticed if he falls etc at home and is not hurt – he just blows it off like it was no big deal. I always said he was tough. When he does get hurt, he cries and I comfort him. Sometimes when he even bumps his arm against the table for example and looks at me with a “ouch” look I say do you want Mommy magic kisses and he smiles and comes over to me and I kiss his arm, and then he goes back to playing. I honestly never thought anything of his lack of reaction to every little fall/bump.
At the playground, I’ve noticed that he will always cater to the other kids when there is any question about who is first in line, he moves back out of the way etc and lets the other kid go first. At the mall play area, the other day, an older child was running by him and lost control, bumped into him and knocked him over. He just kind of looked at her with the expression, “Why did you do that,” looked at me, pointed to his head and walked over for a quick kiss and then went back to playing.
Regarding taking away toys….I have seen on occasion where a child grabs something he is playing with and he just looks at them like why did you do that, but nothing else. I’ve also witnessed a time when he was playing with large building blocks and another toddler came along and started pushing the blocks’ cart away. He became very upset and just started to cry. He did not chase after the child or become aggressive. He actually ended up throwing himself on the floor in tears until the blocks were returned to him. This is how he acts with strangers. At home, we’ve been having issues lately where he hits me if I take something away from him because its time for bath, dinner etc…or if I ask him to do something he does not want to do. So it is not that he is not always non-reactive/emotive regarding any disappointment etc…I think he just feels like he has to be comfortable with the person to act out in a negative way.
I am thinking he may just be shy and that is the root. This would make sense for the hand-washing concern they mentioned too…he has Never “zoned out” doing anything at home. He does actually throw a tantrum when he does not want to do something…(hold my hand to cross street, wash hands etc). He has never acted up at school at all. I think this is almost his way of gentle rebellion there..like he does not feel comfortable enough there to throw a fit about not wanting to wash his hands so he ends up just standing there and not washing them until nudged a few times
Other areas of school are great for him. He seems to really enjoy playing with the other kids (he pulls them in the wagon during outside time) and plays along them with other toys, enjoys painting etc. Also, while the director was telling me her concerns during about 15 minutes at pick up on Friday, my son continued to bring random toys, books etc and tell me something about them or want to engage me with the toy. The Director commented that he just said more in those 15 minutes than he did in the last month+ at school. Another reason, I think he may just be shy. What do you moms think? Do you think he is just shy or do you think I really should be concerned about something?
We went to the ENT and also had a hearing test...no issues and his hearing is just fine. Today we met with the Developmental Pediatrician and she diagnosed him with Selective Mutism. Thanks to all for your feedback and recommendation to go this route for an evaluation. This is something that Early Steps never could have picked up on....because he is comfortable in our home and talkative. In fact, he talked to the Ped today and played the whole time in her office. It is his opposite actions at school alone that led to this diagnosis. Thanks
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M.L.
answers from
Hartford
on
He is still young. My son does not cry a lot when hurt either. He does talk but not to much either. He is 2 (B-day in April)
I understand your concerns, if he was evaluated then he should be fine. My daughter is very shy too! She does wamr up though. She is almost 4 too! He is really little and 2 year olds tend to play by themselves. If he istalking to you then he is fine! Maybe he is shy! It is sad that he is not benefitting from their program. I am an elem educ. major. He does need socializing but for some reason he is not warming up!
M.
Back to the sitter. Your child is on the way to some stupid shrink diagnosis and will be put on drugs- get him out of that situation now. Talk to the sitter, and put in gentle learning,at home, safe.
Gosh, someone thinks there is a problem because he is not aggressive enough to grab toys back? What is this world coming to??
Please don't get caught up in this psycho babble- that stuf ruins kids lives- and you can stop that now.
best, k
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B.P.
answers from
New York
on
So my son is 27 months old and getting services for EI. Honestly, I think your son is fine. Its not like he got a concussion and thought it was fun. It's like, if he cries everytime he fall there is something wrong. If he brushes it off most of the time then there must be something wrong too! I think we moms worry so much about every little thing. The preschool teachers have to mention these things to you because if there is something wrong then they don't want you coming back to them saying, "why didn't you tell me!?". If EI said he was fine then that should alleviate your concerns. The biggest concern I see if that he is not putting words together enough but if I read correctly, he is only 2 1/2? I would just watch him and if these behaviors continue (and he is probably shy since he was home for the last 2 1/2 years and is learning the right ways to act in a social setting) then have him evaluated. You can take him now, but since EI said he was ok, I don't really see the rush.
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C.D.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
My usual instinct is that if the mother thinks something is wrong, something is. I would recommend scheduling your son with a developmental pediatrician to have him assessed. HOWEVER, I didn't see any red flags by what you mentioned. If your son isn't crying when he's knocked down, but isn't hurt--that's fine! As long as he cries when he is hurt.
You'll definitely want to nip his aggressive behavior at home with you, however. If he ever hits, you have to tell him that hitting is bad and discipline him (time out, for example). Give him no positive reinforcement after he's done this. You'll also want to work with him on letting him know that things do not always go his way.
If you choose to not get him assessed, keep an eye out on the zoning issue as well. It could very well be what you think, but keep an eye out for it at home. My daughter is high-functioning autistic, and she zones quite a bit!
Since you are a worrier, if it would make you feel better, then get an evaluation, but do it with a developmental pediatrician so that you are not stabbing in the dark like this. You seem to be describing a general feeling that there are odd causes for concern, but nothing overtly glaring, and in that case, if you are simply picking up on something that is going to be a future issue, you need a more indepth evaluator than the therapist who work with the issues that developmentalists identify. Therapists can idendify and evaluate specific areas, but they just feel thier part of the elephant, so if speech is not his issue, but speech is effected by his issue, they may not see a huge cause for concern. Does that make sense?
The biggest area that stands out to me is that he seems to not feel pain too much, or it does not really bother him, which could indicate that he has sensory issues, and an OT could help you with that, but you may leave that office with a less than satisfactory answer too.
You seem to be saying that you want someone to rule out problems, and therapists can only really tell you if they see a particular problem that they can provide therapy for. They are limited by the testing they do, they test for a processing skill, and the child either scores in or out of the typical range, and they know what to do to remediate that one skill with therapy, that does not really tell you that nothing is going on. Call the nearest childrens hospital, and make an appointment with a developmental peidatircian, it will take several months to get in, and when you speak to the intake nurse, you may feel better, or you may know then that you have something that warrents evaluation. They will ask you a great many questions prior to the evaluation, and you will know if you beleong there very quickly.
M.
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K.B.
answers from
Houston
on
I agree with Martha. To ease your worries and to get to the true root of the issue IF there is one, make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. It's the best way to find out as conclusively as possible what (if anything) might be going on.
