I have had discipline problems from my 4 year for awhile now, like the supernanny kind of kid. A big problem was his cousin, who is a little older than him. He was a bad influence on my son so i had no choice but to keep him away from his cousin. The behavior is still going on so i thought karate class would be good for learning discipline, etc. I took him for 2 weeks.. the first day he got up and done a little of the karate but after that he was and still remained clingy to me, he cried and whined when i tried to get him to do it..i finally gave up on it and he hasnt been back for a week or so. When he was in the class he wouldnt do the karate stuff in class but would practice at home..now 2 weeks after pulling him out he is still practicing karate at home. I thought maybe he was just shy. Should we try karate again? How can i get hiim out of his shyness in karate class if we decide to do it again? and for those who are going to comment..I am not forcing him to do karate it is his decision and he is not too young there are quite a few 4 year olds in the class. NO Negative responses please!!
Can you send me a message letting me know where he goes? I have been thinking about putting my girl in a class. She is 3, but I hear it is really good for discipline and she has a lot of energy. Sorry I'm no help. I'd say maybe give it a try again, if he seems to like it at home. Thanks.
are you staying in the room with him during karate? if so, maybe try leaving. he'd cry at first, but probably get over it quickly. and have you talked to the teacher? i would want a teacher to be as supportive and helpful as possible. i know 4 is NOT too young for karate - you're right. but is the teacher really good with young ones? have you considered another karate school?
not much help, just some suggestions! :)
(my 4 yo daughter takes dance, and at home says she loves it and wants to go, but if you saw her going into class you'd never know - she cries and holds my leg, etc. her teacher has to come into the lobby and physically pick her up and take her into class. so embarrassing, but my daughter snaps out of it the instant i'm out of sight and does great in class.)
I am sure my advice will differ from most, but after living through what sounds very similar, I would recommend trying to get a family class or one that allows you to attend with him. Discuss the issues you are having with your son with the instructor. You will not yet be able to "change" the behavior. Expect it, and try to support him during the class. It may take letting him sit and watch a couple classes prior to joining. If he is expereincing sensory processing problems, he cannot control the behavior because the environment is really tough for him. If it gets out of control, smile and tell the instructor you look forward to seeing him next class. Do not "punish" the behavior by anything other than leaving. Make it a privelidge and do not discuss it other than to say you have to follow the class or you all cannot stay. He needs you as his mom to support him and be with him - even when you want to strangle him.
I would recommend you read "the sensory sensitive child" and consider taking a look at your childs health in order to change the problems. How does he eat -picky?, how is his sleep, does he have exzema, etc. My son was so difficult and now so awesome (still a kid of course!). I would be happy to share more if you are interested. J.
I think it would be worth trying again. I also don't think it is too early to start letting them know that they need to commit to something. Like if you do the first month of it and don't want to go back that is fine but we are committing to it. I think that teaches responsibility. ood luck with it. You may just need to hang around for a while. I have had a couple that were shy and some that were not.
Best wishes!
K. B
I had discipline problems with my older son at 4 years old. He was a strong personality -- not violent or anything but often so strong willed that I found myself wondering what to do. I got some good help with a parenting class our church was doing at the time, and from the pastor directly -- and he said he had never seen a child as strong willed as Jesse! He told me that if I did not rise to the occasion, and stop being a wimp, that I would let him get the bit between his teeth then , and look out when he's a teenager! I could see that he was a leader type of boy, and would either lead his life the wrong way, or the right way, leading others in the same direction. I wanted to make sure that he went in the direction of healthy choices, and happiness. So I decided to take counsel, and take action. I had to change my tactics constantly, it was not a magic 1-2-3 kind of thing.
Basically, I had to make my yes mean yes, and my no mean no. There was no way I could say no, then give in later. He would take that as carte blanche to keep bugging and whining to get his way. Even in the simplest things, wanting something in the store , I had to say no. Never. Or every trip would be a battle.
I had to make him obey, even if it meant we spent all day on it. I could write a book!
He is now 6' 2 and 24. He is a wonderful young man with a lovely girlfriend. He is still finding his path, as he is so talented in so many areas that he has pursued BMW repair just so he could learn everything possible (and repairs them on the side), and he does light and sound intstallation and operates them for performances , and repairs computers. I can't tell you what a joy he is to me, he has picked me up !!! and said you were the best mom, thank you for all you did for me.
It made it all worth it.
Your son is asking you to help him learn self control.
Be the mom he needs you to be. And don't be afraid to ask for help!
I recommend the Liberty church parenting series by John Fichtner.
Keep him in the karate class and when he gets into line for stretching time, leave the room so he won't be distracted that you are there. My son studied under Michael Wilson, and there was a separate room for parents. The training is worth it!
My son got his black belt at 16 and has been successful in everything: academics, music, even learning to drive; and now he's off to college in August. You will not regret the karate experiences.
I had a similar issue with my daughter...not with behavior issues, but with shyness and clinginess. I started her in a 1/2 day preschool program 2 days a week at 2 years old. She cried every single day at drop off THE ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR. She also refused to set her lunchbox down and wore her coat with the hood up during the school day. But when I picked her up, she told me how much she loved it and couldn't wait to go back. Then of course, she would scream at drop off. Like you, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. It was agonizing.
Right now, she is in the 3 year old class and I was hoping she would not cry at drop off this year. Well, she did cry but only for 3 weeks. I found the more I tried to console her, the worse it got. So I just told her this is what we are doing, and I don't want to hear any crying. That seemed to help alot. I also bought a book about a little boy who wants to take his parents to school and does, but very quickly finds out that he can't have any fun of mommy is always around. My daughter seems to really connect with books, so that has been very helpful for us.
We had the same issue when I put her in gymnastics. We went for the free trial class and she sobbed uncontrollably on the mat and refused to participate. I bought a book called "Who Moved My Cheese" (kid's version) about 4 mouse friends who were looking for something together. 2 were adventuraous willing to try and easily found what they wanted. However, the other 2 friends were too afraid to try something new, and ended up not getting what they were looking for.
I swear, that book flipped a switch for her. Her next gymnastics class, we did arrive early so she could become comfortable with her surroundings, but she was more than willing to try this new thing...no crying at all. I was so proud of her. That was a year ago. Now my 3 year old (who before would have a breakdown if she thought she had to do anything without me).... is thriving in pre-school, does gymnastics, and plays soccer. It's funny, because she still refers back to that book whenever she tries something new. She will say "This is new cheese mommy"!
B D,
I have a 4 yr. old son whom I'm considering putting in Karate as well. I have heard it is great for teaching respect and discipline. I think if you are going to try to bring him back to class that consistency will be the key. You can also make up a weekly calendar that will have a picture of the Karate bldg. on it and when he gets up that morning tell him that he is going to Karate that day. Mentally preparing him ahead of time will be a big help. Maybe an hour before you leave you can give him a reminder.
Good luck.
A.
It sounds like he is testing you...and he has won. If he really isn't clingy in other circumstances, but becomes so when he is asked to take direction from someone else, you have to look at that. Especially if he has displayed behavioral issues in the past. I don't say force him to do karate, but I would strongly encourage. It may take time for him to participate and that's fine. But being consistant in going to every class will set a great example of being disciplined. Also, I would imagine the instructor has been faced children displaying this type of behavior in the past and can probably, with time, get him to participate.
We have not been able to do karate (economy situation at the present time) however our ped doctor had suggested it for all of our boys but mostly for one, our oldest. The oldest is shy and reserved except around us) and our doctor had nothing but good things to say about all martial arts. She said a few things that have stuck with me and one was it helps with self control and was wonderful for discipline...she had said she has seen a kids that have went she suggested to that they became more respectful and helpful to their parents and she had said her experience with shy children (like my son) they changed with have more confidence and in school they became the child that would raise their hand to answer a question rather then not raise their hand and hope the teacher doesn't call on them...my son knows the answers to questions but is afraid to speak out in class in case he's wrong with the answer and many times he's not. She had told me when we go to try it for 3 months. Wish I could tell you I have had a great experience but I haven't got to take my son yet. I have heard from other moms in his class that have children enrolled in martial arts and they have nothing but great things to say about it....maybe try taking him for a 30 day period everything new takes times to adjust to I bet he would do just fine, just keep up positive things to say about karate and praise him on how you think he's doing so great maybe that will help him...even in front of friends and family brag a little for him to hear how proud you are of him....hope that helps, hope you can get him to go i think he'll be fine after a while...sound like he enjoyed learning I bet the shyness will over come. Best of luck
