Should We Punish 3 Year Old for Not Using the Potty?

Just a quick additional note to all the great advise here. Constipation is the most common at this age, and many doctors suggest that it is from kids that try not to go in their pants- a result of fear from punishing? Then their little bowels get all bunched up and it is quite painful. So be wary of that.
I am in the same boat with my daughter, not screaming, but a rather polite "no Thank you" to any mention of the word potty, and we had been pretty consisten for almost two weeks, but that was two months ago.
This may sound gross or unhygenic, but having her snack on the potty has brought the most results for us.

A.,
Although I never had this issue with 2 boys and 2 girls... all were trained before age 2..... the girls i put food coloring in the toilet so it was "cool" to change colors.... the boys i put fruit loops in so they could "aim".... I also dropped diapers totally and never once bought a pull up.... call me "lucky" or whatever, but that is what worked.... and although we had a few accidents i never punished them in any way.. accidents are just that "accidents".....
good luck
T.

Ummm...how can I say it w/o being rude? NO!!! Punishing a 2 year old for not being potty trained is like punishing a baby for spitting up. He's only 2...the average age for potty training a boy is closer to 4! He'll get it, but spanking him is not the way to make him ready. You and he have plenty of time. In my opinion, 'punishment' should never be a part of potty training. You may just hinder hs progress by confusing him. Reinforcement and rewarding will be much more beneficial...but still not until he is ready. I would take a step back, really look at the situation and put him back in a diaper/pull up. After all, how many kindergarteners do you see in diapers? I promise...when it's time, he'll do it w/o being spanked.
~L.

I'm not sure that punishment is the answer. Sometimes kids are so worried about the punishment it prevents them from making the right choices.

If you don't already, I would have him clean up his messes. That's right, he's the one to change himself and if it's on the floor...he's cleaning it. This helped my son when he overshot the toylet or waited to long to go. (He didn't like the idea of having to clean the mess any more than I did.)

It's also said that boys take longer then girls to train. As he get's closer to school age, he may make the decision to be a "big boy" so he can go to school.

I hope this helps.

nk

You should never punish him for having an accident. I know it's frustrating, and I know that when I was potty training my girls, I sometimes WANTED to punish them and say "you know better". But they don't always. Yes, sometimes, they might just be lazy, but other times...who knows. It's frustrating, I know. But keep working at it. Something that worked for my youngest, we gave her one jelly bean every time she peed and two for poop. Find something he really likes and "bribe" him. Also, just stop putting him in diapers. Make the choice that no matter how many outfits he goes thru, you won't put him in one (as long as you are home anyway!). Eventually, he isn't going to like being wet all the time. And you could even make him clean up the floor with paper towels or something too. He will realize it' more fun to just do it in the potty. I have heard food coloring works for boys? Add some green to the water. When he pees...it turns blue. Like "magic" to a little kid! Anyway, good luck and keep at it. Just remember, things our parents did back in the day may have worked then...but we know better now!

Personally, I don't think it is effective or worth my time. I am in a similar situation (3.5 year old and almost 11 month old) as you and I just don't have the energy nor do I want to make the potty be a battle of wills. I know he is physically capable of going on the potty, and he knows we are fine with him staying in diapers (like the baby) until he is ready to use the potty. I let him pick his "prize" for making poop on the potty (He had been peeing on the potty no problem until baby was born) - now he gets 2 skittles for every poop session. I remind him if I seeing him heading towards one of his "spots" and also at times when he usually goes. Most of the kids at his school wear underpants, but they are fine with diapers there so it's not a problem.

I think you need to decide what is right for your family. If you NEED him out of diapers, then you need to PRAISE the heck out of him when he is successful and downplay the misses. Have a sticker chart, let him pick a prize, tell everyone you know about what a good job he is doing using the potty. Pick a weekend, stay home and have him go nakey from the waist down. Sit on the potty with him, and read potty books.

Speak to your pediatrician about it, I think that developmentally it can take boys until about 4 years old to master potty learning.

Good luck!

the youngest was doing the samething after being potty trained for a few month then she would hide in her room poop or pee her pant then come out and tell me she did it i tryed the time out thing i tryed one small swat on a bare bottom and even taking away any tv for that day so i guess what i'm getting at is find something he loves and if he potty in his pants then he loose his fav thing my daughter love's to listen to dora befor bed when she goes in her pants she cant

Please, do not punish him for something he is obviously not ready for. He may be showing all the "signs" but is not mentally ready to give in yet. Our little boy who turned 5 at the end of August just potty trained in this last July! It took an enormous amount of patience, something my husband had run out of, but in the end, he is perfectly fine now using it 100% and not a single accident. Please let him learn in his own time frame. We did the kicking and screaming dragging to bathroom and quickly realized it was a step backwards in progression, because he became fearful of using the toilet instead. Punishment is not the answer.

Have you thought that perhaps You are wrong? Learning to go potty isn't as cut and dried as people say it is. We tried for well over a year to get our now 5yr old to potty train. He only recognized the signs of needing to go about half the time...and half of those were when he was already bursting or beginning to poop. We were stupid and punished him for having accidents because Like you we thought that since he had gone on the potty before he "knew how to do it" (and time outs are punishments btw) It was stupid of us and actually made potty training more difficult because he resisted. when he was around 3.5 I just gave up, stuck him back in Diapers and said when you're ready you know where the underwear are. We went on vacation for about 2weeks and within a week of coming home he decided that wearing Diapers wasn't very comfortable.

bottom line you can't force, or punish your child into using the potty. They will use it when they are REALLY ready.

I learned about a year ago that the average age for potty training a boy is 3yrs and 5 months old.

Personally, I would not. I have a friend and her son is the same age as yours. He did the same thing and started to go and then didn't want to. Two months later, he got up from the table and went on his own and never looked back. Maybe he is just wanting to establish some independence and wants to make his own descision about this. He will go when he is ready. I let my kids sit in it for a while until they wanted changed. Most of the time they didn't care, but sometimes they did and for me it seemed to help a little bit. I would keep a pull up on for a couple of months and see how it goes, for he will soon surprise you. Three is a little young for a boy to want to go, even though he is showing the signs. I think it is going to be very soon for you if you just relax and let it go a little bit. I know it's a pain so hang in there!!!

T. Beale

Positive reinforcement is the way to go, not punishment. I read in Family Fun Mag. about this one mom who was trying to train her child. Since her child loves having her pic taken, she came up with the idea of taking a pic every time he/she went potty. Only from the neck up, of course. And make a rewards system where after so many pics you give the child a treat (dollar store toy, granola bar, stickers...). This worked for the child. Your son will be trained in his own time. Try to make it fun.

Hello,

I have 2 boys and 1 girl. I believe boys take longer to potty train. My oldest did this same thing. I felt that he must just not be ready and let him go back to diapers for awhile. My boys both didn't fully get out of diapers until they were 3 1/2 yet my daughter was potty trained by 3. Pushing your child to potty train before they are ready I have seen only leads to lots of accidents. The more punishments will only make him not want to use the potty. Good luck!

I have a sone who was also pretty difficult to train. We went through the same thing you are going through. I really think that two things were going on. One was that he still didn't know all the time that he had to go and the second was that it was the one thing that he could really control. My guy had a younger sibling as well and I think that it turns their world upside down more than we think. He also was at an age where he was between being a big boy and a just a little one. That transition is tough and I think he was trying to figure out how he could have some control over things. In the end I dropped the whole thing and let him tell me when he was ready. That was at about 3 years and 8 months.

Hi A.,
You know your child the best but in my opinion punishing him is not going to help. He isn't even 3 yet. It might not be laziness it may be he just isn't quite there yet. When my first son turned 3 he was pretty much potty trained but he did have accidents. Over time he didn't have any accidents. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Chris

You already know in your heart that you shouldn't punish him and especially physically for not doing something he may not be ready for. Believe me I know, I was so discouraged with my son and I asked all the mamas out there too what I should do and they all told me what they are telling you now and that is to back off. I was so mad that isn't what I wanted to hear as I am sure this isn't what you want to hear. He may have used the potty before but it really doesn't mean that he is ready, besides you have another baby in the house and that makes it a little harder for him as I am sure you have heard that kids regress when they have younger siblings. That whole spanking thing is so wrong what parents did to us 20-30 yrs ago usually wasn't correct now a days. I mean who wants to be yelled at and hit for not peeing and pooping when and where the people who love us unconditionally tells us to. Going to the bathroom it is such a big deal and it isn't something you can force on a kid they will go when they are ready. I don't know the reason your pushing your son to go but if its because a friend has a child that went at that age or your mother in law told you it was time or maybe because he showed interest it is hard to hear but you need to have patients and it will happen I promise. Good luck! I just wanted to add one thing what worked for my son is standing up to pee like his dad he watched daddy go then copied him and aiming for cherrios and trying to sink them, I don't know it is a boy thing! :)

I also agree with if he makes the mess make him clean it up. My daughters hated it. I just tottally took away diapers and did underwear. I also agree with the reward things. I gave my girls m&m's when they went on the potty. I would buy a big bag and put it in the potty jar. (see through cookie jar) I also put it in the same spot and they always knew that if they went they would get a few of the m&m's. they were pretty much both trained by 2.5 . Good Luck potty training is a big handful but if u stick to it the out come is GREAT !!! NO MORE DIAPERS LOL YEAAAAA

I think what's important is the fact that you are his mom, and you and his Dad are the ones who know him best. Despite what advice you get, it all comes down to that. Yeah, there's differences with boys and girls, and 'average' ages for this milestone and that, but no kid is equal! If your gut tells you he's ready, then trust yourself. Our youngest (daughter) is 4, and it was the same issue with her. Our oldest (daughter as well!) Was trained by the time she was 2. But her personality is completely different. But the 4 year old was into her 3rd year when she 'tested' us. I knew she was ready. She would go on the potty at first, then suddenly had accidents. But she would do the same thing as your son: say she liked going in her pants, and she would have this attitude going on, too. I really struggled with what to do because I as well do not agree with punishments for potty training. My husband suggested we actually have her clean up the floor when she would stand there and pee. (Like another mom had suggested to you, I saw.) She was also told she would go in the corner if she did it, too. ONLY because we knew without a doubt that she knew better. Then we stuck with what we said we were going to do. I would never punish for potty training if I wasn't sure. I have heard of a few boys who were trained crazy early- before a year or two old- that's why I emphasize going with your gut and remembering that each kid is DIFFERENT despite the whole 'average age for this milestone and that.' I hope this helps, and just remember, it won't last forever! Before you know it, you'll be looking back on these potty training days : - )

Punishing your child will propbably do more harm than good. It will make him fear going potty altogether. He will potty train when he is ready I promise. My daughter was 1 month shy of her 3rd birthday when all of a sudden she didn't want to be a baby anymore and never had an accident again. Just be patient...it will happen naturally.