Should I Stop My 9 Year Old Playing with Thomas Trains?

Thomas is not the problem here, so please don't be mean and take them away.

If he isn't already getting help, he and YOU need professional help in dealing with OCD.

you can address the OCD without depriving him of something he loves. don't take thomas away from him. not only would it be mean, it would probably only deepen his obsession.
khairete
S.

Why would you take something away from him that he enjoys? *You* are sick of them, clearly he is not. It is just mean to take them away.

Goodness, no! Don't take them away!

He loves them. Just imagine someone taking something you love (your son, your _______) away. You'll break his heart. Ignore who Thomas is FOR according to marketing folk. Your son has something he lives, that in and of itself makes them magic. He has whole worlds of imagination in his mind with thomas. Which has the added benefit of being a world with strong charecter, and high morals.

When you're dealing with neurological disorders things can be hard at times. Our lives are just different from neurotypical families. There are different challenges.

One thing you MIGHT do is to start introducing him to things in a similar era. Sherlock Holmes (many if not most are NOT murders, and Holmes' precision may appeal greatly to your son), Robinson Caruso, Jules Vern, Mark Twain.

Thomas, is less about the trains themselves, and more about the relationships between them. How they treat each other. The manners and expectations are from another era. Add in the exact and calming order (everyone in the station at night, trains each in their own sheds, different trains for different purposes, everything has a use and purpose, etc)... And I can see why it might be HUGELY attractive to your son.

So, too, something common with gifted or neurological disorder of many typeskids is 'balancing'. Meaning that the more advanced the work they're doing the 'younger' they offset things with. Sort of like watching a Disney Movie after a Horror Film. With kids they'll be working on something extremely challenging (whether it's chemistry or social behaviors), and then to relax their exhausted minds, they go with something quite 'young'.

As an example, my son started Algebra at 7. Looooooooved it. Would play with numbers for hours. Then would come watch Pingu!

When he was doing things that weren't challenging for him, he'd relax with more age-typical things.

But I'd never stop him from watching Pingu.

Dealing with OCD as a school aged kid, I'm sure your so has a VERY challenging life. Allow him his downtime, and his happiness.

Just my .02

Play is essential ! Kids do less and less of it today w/ all the technology.
It is important and probably helps him to cope w/ his beh challenges you mentioned. I am sure he will grow out of it. Introduce him to new play items, but I would not force him.

Is he getting assistance for his OCD and social issues? That is more important at age 9.

The issue is not Thomas Trains. You mention that he has behavior, social and OCD issues. Has he been evaluated so that these issues can be addressed? THAT is the important thing. Deal with this first.

Try transitioning him into "grown up" trains - don't take away his trains. Just because YOU are sick of Thomas, doesn't mean you have to take away something that HE loves.

I don't want to be alarmist, but taking away something he loves like that because YOU don't like it would be traumatic and hurtful. His Thomas trains aren't hurting anyone and aren't bad for him.

YOU are sick of Thomas. That's not a reason to take the trains away.

Your son needs some help, but not what you are describing. Do you have professional services for him? What have they told you about how to help him with OCD?

Your son is NOT too old for Thomas. My kids played with Thomas, built intricate tracks over an entire room, used Legos and Lincoln logs to build entire "universes" with cowboys and Indians, GI Joe men, space aliens, Star Wars, the whole kit and kaboodle, all around the framework of Thomas. They did this all the way up into HIGH SCHOOL, S.. The issue isn't THOMAS with your son. The issue is his OCD and inability to branch out into other areas of interest.

Go get him some help and stop worrying about the train. Ask your doctor for an evaluation by a play therapist. A good play therapist can help you figure out where to start.

Is he seeing a therapist? I would ask for some professional advice on this one, especially if he has been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with OCD.
If he hasn't been evaluated please get him some help right away. There are bigger issues here than the Thomas thing that need to be addressed!

I wouldn't take his Thomas stuff away. I would find ways to help him expand his interests using Thomas. Building train tracks is great for teaching problem solving. You could take a certain number of track pieces and see what type of layout he can do using only those pieces. Encourage him to use only those pieces without adding others. My son has several Thomas sets. Each one comes with its own layout, but once you add a different set, those layouts can totally be changed. My son is younger than yours, but I will encourage my son to play with his toys for as long as he is interested in them. If he is interested in reading Thomas, that is wonderful. So many boys are not interested in reading, so keep encouraging the reading. You could also have him write his own stories of Thomas. Whatever he is enacting in his play, he could turn into a written story. You could see if he is interested in drawing, sculpting, or painting. He could illustrate his own Thomas stories. You may be bored and tired of Thomas, but your son still likes it. Try finding ways to introduce other activites with tying the Thomas theme into them. If your son has been diagnosed with OCD or depression, I would talk to his therapist about your concerns before taking away his favorite toys. Otherwise, I would let him play and be a kid. He is only 9 years old. What is the rush to take away the creative play? As far as forcing other kids to play with him and getting mad when they don't want to follow him, I would definitely address that and talk to him about ways to be in control of his anger and respecting other people.

It sounds like his is being a kid and you're about to tear his world apart by keeping him from something that makes him happy. If anything, you should calm down a bit and get him to a professional if you feel he has OCD or any behavioral issues.

I was recently asked if I would ever take Thomas away from my son, to which I laughed and said, "OH NO! He can play with any toys he likes for as long as he wants!" Although he is still only three, he is extremely advanced academically, but enjoys things that he should at his age.

I would definitely encourage you to encourage your son to play with the toys which make him happy. If anything, just introduce him to new things by placing a new toy in his room every now and then. To take Thomas away would hurt him so much that, THAT would cause you more stress. He would probably act out, which won't be good for anyone. Give him time, he will probably grow out of it. And if not, maybe he's telling you what he's interested in later in life - he could become a conductor someday or do some sort of work in that industry!

Please do not take his favorite toys away. He has a very deep connection to them, obviously.

You might be sick of it, but let me say this kindly: this isn't about you. This is about him.

I noticed that you have listed OCD, behavioral challenges and being 'retarded socially'. Have you had evaluations from professionals? What sort of support is he getting, either through the school or privately through insurance? If he is receiving services, please ask the advice of the therapists to help you with the aspects of "Only Thomas Play" with his playmates. If he is not receiving any help, please get some. Both your son and yourself will benefit from support and guidance. Especially if you are concerned about a spiral of depression.

Good luck-- and let him keep those trains!

I'm with Jo W. He enjoys these completely harmless (and actually wonderful) toys! Be glad he's not glued to a video game you have to ration out like some sort of drug. You know, some people are eccentric -they're just a bit different. Most of the time they're quite wonderful and interesting, but they're not like everyone else. Maybe your son is like that -or maybe he's a late bloomer.

I was a late bloomer. I was very intelligent and could converse wonderfully with adults from a really early age. I had friends, but I also played with my dolls and Barbies and sucked my thumb until I was 13! Guess what -I turned into a really popular adolescent; I'm 42 and still very successful both socially and professionally; and I have two wonderful sons of my own.

It doesn't matter if he becomes Mr. Popularity or not -he's still just a little boy, and I would encourage any type of play that he enjoys that has no detriment to him (like Thomas). I promise you he'll grow out of it at some point.

Have you ever introduced other train sets to him? Maybe for his birthday or Christmas or something, you could get him one of the awesome Lionel train sets or something. Grown men work on those as hobbies and even have conventions for them! Maybe he just loves trains but doesn't know there's more out there than Thomas. In the mean time (or even if you get this and he still loves Thomas more) -don't take away Thomas. That's a childhood trauma in the making.

Also -if he does have OCD (has this been professionally diagnosed?) or depression issues -please get him some professional counseling help if you're not already. Not because of Thomas but because of what you mentioned at the end.

let him have what pleases him.....it's certainly not hurting him!

socially, he's already aware of how this appears to his peers. You are his last comfort boundary...please don't take that from him.

& as a head's up: my younger son is 15. The last time he had friends overnight, they dug out the Legos! It's been 2 months, & they're still in his room. He's been watching Top Gear on Netflix ....& building. 2 funny!

I agree with the other mom's, they have given you some great advice. I do have one peice of advice to offer though. Please do not call him retarded within his hearing. With everything else he has going on, the last thing he needs to hear is someone calling him retarded, that would really hurt.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

There are many adults who love trains/models, so some never out grow it.
Perhaps you could build on the train interest.
Show him other trains, go to train model shows, take a train trip.
We went to Cass, WV and took a steam engine day trip to the top of Bald mountain and had a picnic up there.
There's a trans Canada train trip which is very popular (but it costs about as much as taking a cruise).
You can steer away from Thomas a bit and look into other trains and see if that works.
Would he like fire trucks?
My son was into them BIG time.
For the longest time we couldn't go on vacations anywhere without visiting a fire station where ever we went.

Dawnette is right about not taking them away but building on them. My grandson is 11. he was obsessed with thomas. Still loves to go the thomas train thing every year. However when he hit about 8 or 9 his other grandfather introduced him to other train sets. they got a big piece of plywood and started a track that slid under his bed. they have expanded and built on it to the point where it had to be moved to the basement. My grandson loves trains. I would get him books and movies about trains that are not thomas but are not adult dry not interesting to him. here are a couple links to movies that are about trains that he might find facinating.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/The-Empire-Builder-Amtrak-Railroa...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/The-Blue-Mountains-Mt-Rainier-Rai...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Challenger-3985-Railroads-Trains-...

on a side note. my nephew was obsessed with tornados we had to have the weather channel on all the time. talk about twisters / vs funnel clouds vs cyclones. he could tell you the difference and what weather situations could cause any and all of them. i finally went online and bought him the weather channel movie about them and put it on any time he came over in self defense lol

Grown men still play with trucks and trains. If he hides them when friends come over, he knows it's not the typical toy for a 9yr old, but he obviously loves them and wants to continue to play with them. It is not a crime, it keeps him busy!

I see no reason to take it away. If he's hiding it from his school friends, he will most likely wean himself from it soon enough.

This question is for an expert of OCD and I don't mean another Mom. How was your son diagnosed? If it were me I would call that therapist or tester and ask for advice.

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with him playing with toy trains. Who knows? Maybe he'll be an adult who has model trains as a hobby. 9 isn't really too old to be playing with toys.

I don't really have any advice for getting him into other activities. Are there any clubs in your area that deal with building things (Lego club, club where you build robots etc)? Maybe he would be interested in something like that and you could foster his interest in building things.

You could ask his pediatrician or a behavioral psychologist for some hints.

Good luck!

I wouldn't take them away but I would slip something else in like the DK books about real trains like this one
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dk-big-book-of-trains-dk-...

Then maybe slip in the DK book on planes, or other vehicles. Or space. Then throw in maybe a book on how to draw trains .
I'd get him some hotwheels track and cars , show him it's like the trains he can build different tracks and he can crash them etc like the trains. They also have garages etc that you can get for them, and they even have track you can stick to the wall.
Depending on his reading level you can find many books about trains or with trains in them .
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/train?keyword=train&s...

I think the bigger issue is his obsession with Thomas. Has he seen a neurodevelopmental pediatrician. I am not going to say your son has ___ but many kids on the autism spectrum are obsessed with Thomas or trains and have social issues. Has the school said anything?

I would not take his thomas trains away.. Men have tracks when they are grown men and go on to real trains. I'd intergrate bigger kid trains if you are so worried about it. But I say let him be a kid as long as you can. One day soon he will be gone out the door on his own life and you will only have those Thomas trains as memories. But if you start building a real train set on a table. The nice ones and save up for nicer ones it can be a hobby he has for the rest of his life.

My son was 1st obsessed with balls, then cars, then Star Wars LEgos and now XBox 360. He was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 10, it took that long to truly present itself. Puberty seemed to be what really brought it all out in him, little things along the way hadn't added up yet.

Obsessions with trains is very common in aspie kids, computers, watches, as well. OCD is very common too. Joshua can't stand sticky things on his hands, textures are a real problem for him as is loud sounds and bright lights.

I would not take these away from him. THe idea of an electric train is a good one but he may shift his obsession to those so be prepared. It is frustrating that all he wants to talk about is Thomas, I truly understand. Joshua can talk your head off IF you talk about game design and XBox games but change the subject and he 'disappears' from the room.

Best of luck to you.

Will he not play with othe trains that maybe aren't Thomas specifically? Just something you could possibly try to transition him to get him off the Thomas trains, but still let him have the activity.

No, I wouldn't take them away all together. That would be very damaging. My son as obsessed and fixated on Thomas when he was 2-6 years old. I would introduce a new toy each week, and had them interact with Thomas. Then I would create a new storyline( he usually had the same storyline,enactments, etc , using first/then to start it so he would have a time limit for his story..If he wouldn't go to a new storyline or a different toy, then I would stop playing with him.

Do you use First/Then ? It was a godsend to me with my son. It allowed him to still play with his things, but that if he wanted to play with his toys, he first had to try a new toy, etc. I use it for everything I had to do each day. " First we will go to the store, and then we will go home", etc..It helped him transition better from playing with his toys, to doing something else.

I played with barbies till i was about 13 and my friends weirdo looks made me stop. Then several years later I moved on to The Sims!!! Would he be at all intreasted in the more grown up adult type tracks and trains. Gradually moving him up but still in the train world? I can picture in the basement all the adult men gathered around and playing trains. You know those miniture little tracks?

id say leave him be maybe for his birthday get him a more complex train set. like an electric one. i dont think you should cold turkey him but maybe replace the lower level toys with more age appropriate ones. he will give it up when he is ready.

You can try easing him out of his obsession one train or two at a time, by rewarding him with something else. A trip to the museum about trains. New clothing that maybe his friends wear. A certain food. Something that he may find just as rewarding. It is a day to day struggle. My grandson is 3 and Thomas is all he plays with to. Don't take them all away. Just try switching his attention. This may take some behavioral therapy.

OCD requires specialized treatment & exposure therapy. Cold turkey could be traumatic for your son and should not be done without the guidance of a specialist. Therapy worked wonders for our daughter but it wasn't easy or for the faint of heart. It was our biggest challenge to date and my heart goes out to any person/family that is having to deal with it.

I'm not a fan of forcing kids into interests. My nephew "outgrew" Star Wars (his friends said it was childish) before he was ready and his mother supported the push. Who cares what your interests are? They are your interests. I think it's okay to hide it from the school friends. I hide some of my interests (closet Twilight fan) from my friends.
Let him keep the Thomas, but maybe introduce some new trains- like electric ones, into his life. There is so much out there for train hobbieists. I would try to point him in that direction.

Lionel Train Sets have Thomas the Train options if it is Thomas he craves rather than just trains. My 3 yo son got an antique Lionel set for Christmas from his grandfather but he also gave him a 2011/2012 Lionel Catalog and there were tons of awesome trains (including Thomas Characters). Of course it isn't as complete as the wooden set we own...not sure if that will help. Good luck!