Should I Make Him Go? Etiquette Question

I think he's going to be missing out on a REALLY fun party if he doesn't go!
Around that age O. of my son's buddies (boy) had a gymnastics party. It was 50% boys, 50% girls and 100% of attendees had a blast!

I would make mine go. My son went to a gymnastics party when he was 7 and has been begging for his own gymnastics party since then. It's all about trampolines, running, jumping, ball pits, etc. Basically a big indoor fun place. So yes, I would make him go.

I would remind him that she's coming to his party, for which he chose the theme. He should reciprocate. If they are really not good friends anymore, then this might be the last year to invite each other.

I usually made my kids go to parties and events to support other people. It's good for them to learn how to sacrifice and be kind. Once he's there, he will probably find something he wants to do, since of course gymnastics isn't "for girls." But if he just wants to sit there and watch, he can do that too.

Make him go. The earlier you teach boys not to be self-centered, the better. His future wife will appreciate it. I really wish my husband's mother hadn't given into his fits and babied him when he was little; the task of teaching him to put others first at times fell to me, it took decades, and did a lot of damage to our marriage.

BTW my kids were always proud of themselves that they had attended parties they didn't want to go to, afterward. It really did make them kinder people, and it is evident in them as young adults. They just dropped everything to go to stand at their ailing grandmother's hospital bed for a week, and had I not taught them to be selfless at times, and to endure discomfort, that might not have been the case.

I'm with Bridgett, nip that "it's for girls" stuff right in the bud!! I would make him go and then have a conversation afterwards about what he could have missed by being narrow minded. I've been to several gymnastics parties with my boys, none were girly magic pink sparkle princess parties :)
ETA: Yes, god forbid a child be forced to the horrible torture of two hours of playing and cake. Sometimes we do things because it is polite, not simply because it is all about ourselves. I have no desire to sit through a high school or college graduation, but I have done it several times for people I care about. Teaching a 6 year old to second guess gender stereotypes in this very small way seems like a great learning opportunity to me. But I suppose telling my kid that they can always have their way because I don't want to be seen as sanctimonious is also a lesson.

He should go.
He's going to have a lot of fun.
His assumption of what is 'for girls' is just wrong and kind of ignorant - it's not an attitude I'd encourage nor give in to.
And if he's starting with that nonsense, I'd make a point of pointing out 'for boys' stuff that girls do.
If the invitation has been accepted then the only reason to not go would be if he's barfing sick (but don't tell him that).

The reasons you make this decision for him are:

1) he's a kindergartener - not 16 - you are still very much in charge of his social calender - this is not a shot he gets to call

2) this is a party that's fine for all genders - they are not doing makeup/hair/nails (which some guys wouldn't mind by the way)

I know kids go through stages where they think the opposite sex has cooties.
That doesn't mean they can be rude to their friends.

there are times little people have to endure things they don't want to do because that's life. and there are times their wishes should be honored.
i don't think that social engagements are a must for little people. it's great that she came to his, and i'm sure their friendship can continue as long as you and the other parents are willing to set up times for them to get together. surely he can bring her a present next time you're meeting them at the park, right? her birthday can still be celebrated.
i can't think of anything more not-fun for the birthday girl (or her parents) than having a sullen reluctant little guest there.
of course, if you decide to go he'll probably have fun. but i think it's okay for little people to start to learn to be discerning, and to have a say in their recreational activities.
thanksgiving dinner at auntie eunice's house? gotta go. gymnastics party that doesn't sound fun to him?
meh.
khairete
S.

My daughter often says she doesn't want to do something or go somewhere because its new and she hasn't done it or been there. I usually have her go but let her know if she is that uncomfortable then we can leave.

We have never had to leave, once she gets there she realizes that its fun or makes new friends, etc..

I would take your son and see how it goes, you can always leave early.

Did you already tell the host family that your son would attend. If yes, then yes, you follow through and take him to the party.

If not, I would probably still take him to the party, but then I have a limited tolerance for the "girl stuff/boy stuff" nonsense.

Both my sons had gymnastic parties at around this age. Neither did gymnastics but they loved the idea of getting to run around on obstacle courses and to do jumps into a big foam bit. Everyone loved it.
If she comes to his party, then he goes to hers. that is just how life is. It is important to be nice in this way. Think of how your son would feel if he went to her party and then she did not attend his?

BTW, the "for girls stuff" is not okay for so many reasons, both for how your son seems himself and also how he sees others. If I were you, I would find some video of the US male and female Olympic gymnasts. That should put an end to "for girls." They are all athletes, plain and simple.

In response to comments that he shouldn't have to go. Posts says adults go even tho not wanting to go. Or vice versa adults don't go. This is like com paring apples and oranges. You're comparing adults with a young child.

Adults have experience with parties and what happens. They make a decision based on experience. A child doesn't know what the party will be like. It's a new experience. He thinks gymnastics is for girls, he doesn't know what gymnastics is like. He needs experience so that he will not be afraid of new experiences. I suggest taking him to the party is a part of teaching many things: social skills/appropriate behaviour, that gymnastics isn't just for girls, (hopefully at least one boy will be brave.), that this party has several activities, that trying new things is important.

The suggestion to take him and a present is similar to the way I handle this sort of thing with my grandchildren. I tell them I'll go with him to check out the party. If he wants to leave after 20-30 minutes we will. Once we arrive, I help him get involved some way. Sometimes he/she sees a good friend and rushes away. If not, I help him/her to join other kids or participate in an activity.

I like the idea to taking a gift as a reason to go.

Added: geez, that may be your attitude about making kids go. That you're being mean mama. Most of these answers do recognize kids feelings. That's why we offer positive ways to take him.

Are you really a mean mommy? I bet you made your kids brush their teeth, do their homework and a chore or two inspite of them not wanting to do it. Making kids do what is right is not being mean. Telling them they have to go without respect for their feelings might be called mean mommy if that is all that is said.

Yes! My boys LOVED gymnastics birthday parties. A lot of boys have gymnastic birthday parties, too. The place where we go has a rope swing and trampoline that both go into a huge foam block pit. The boys could spend HOURS there:)

I would make him go, after explaining to him that not only does the gym have other activities, but that gymnastics is in no way "for girls". I would also explain to him that his friend is coming to his party and that her feeling may be hurt if he does not show up. Assure him that if he is having no fun that after 1 hour you will let him go home.

Yes, he goes, because it's the right thing to do for a friend. If he's not having fun after an hour, let him take a break. Hey, there's always cake to look forward to. She's kind enough to attend his party, he goes to hers. Gyms always make it fun for co-ed parties. They're not girly at all. Good luck.

I made my kids do things they didn't want to do at that age. I still do. We all do things we would rather not do because it is the proper thing to do, and sometimes we find actually find we enjoy ourselves doing it. It is never too early to learn this. Tell him that going to the party is what a good friend and a kind person does.

ETA: I've attended countless parties, social functions, school functions and sporting events that I have had no interest in, as a child and an adult. I do it not because I enjoy it, but to honor commitments, show appreciation, show I care...I have also made my kids attend countless of these functions and they learned quickly and easily to "grin and bear it". Kids become self centered if we always let them do only what they feel like doing.

Yes. Make him go. Tell him if he doesn't want to do the gymnastics he doesn't have to but he does need to go. Period. Take him and stay if you need to. I never leave the kids.

We've had numerous gymnastics parties and each one has been successful and the boys, 99%, loved it. They saw other boys on the tumble trak and bars and stuff and absolutely joined in. One boy is all I can remember saying no and sticking to that. He had worn jeans and he wouldn't have been able to bounce and stuff comfortably. But he came and ate cake, did games, and enjoyed himself. The kids opened their gifts there too so they get to hang out for that too.

If you won't make him go to something extremely fun where he will have a blast that also serves as the polite thing to do for a friend who is coming to his party.....

How will you make him do important things that are more even more difficult?

Kids don't always want to do stuff. But parents are in charge of kids.

yes. my kid often complains he doesn't want to do something but once he gets there he has fun and he likes it.. sometimes they are afraid of the unknown..

go with him.. I bet in 5 minutes he will be running around and having fun.

This is soooooo not about gymnastics bring a girl thing.....this is about attending a party with kids he doesn't know in a place he doesn't know.

Did this girl invite any other boys?

I think those words he chose are a young child's way of saying...I'm not going to know anyone and I don't understand what the space and activity will be like.....

I would not make him go due to the fact that this is some weird etiquette exchange of party invites you started and the mom reciprocated and not two friends that know each other celebrating together...it's been a year...they both have new friends to be with.....does he know or want her at his own party????

I would not make a kid go to a birthday party he doesn't want to go to.
It's a party, not something necessary.

He doesn't want to go, he probably won't have fun, why make him go out of some adult sense of social contract. I have gone to a few parties where a stray boy or girl is there. They always look so miserable. Part because they really don't know anyone and then on top of it they don't even have a gender in common. Usually mom is off talking to the other moms with the me me me not even noticing their kid is miserable.

It isn't about boys and girls, it is about he is no longer part of her peer group. Don't make him go.

Oh my, looking at some of the answers, you guys do get he is five. Does anyone actually expect this child to go, mom, you are pushing me outside my comfort zone. I feel like I will have nothing in common with this group and the birthday girl will have to spread her attention to all of her guests. I will feel alone and I don't really want to risk that? Remember the only child he will know there is the birthday girl who can't spend all her time with him.

When my boys where younger they loved taking gymnastics at the YMCA. The class they did was specifically for boys at the time, but it is now co-ed. It was a separate thing from the competitive gymnastics track.

I'm assuming he is not going to throw a tantrum at the party, so I'd tell him he has to go to be supportive of his friend. I suspect he will come to enjoy the bouncing and jumping. :-)

I would probably make mine go. Show him that gymnastics isn't just for girls - bring up some you tube videos of men's gymnastics - point out the athleticism, strength, physical fitness that these men have.

My child went to his first gymnastics party when he was 5. 3 years later, that child and his brother are on the boys' competitive team. It was all triggered by that one party and they love it.

If the only reason is b/c he thinks gymnastics is "for girls" then yes. I would have him go. We've been to some gymnastics parties (for boys!) and they are not gender specific at all. Trampolines are not gender related whatsoever. And those are often recessed into the flooring for the kids, along with the foam pits. The one we went to had a climbing wall, too (like a rock climbing wall, not just bars).

Tell him to keep an open mind and go in support/celebration of his friend's birthday. That's all that really matters.

If he doesn't want to go b/c he has lost interest in the friendship, or he doesn't know the other kids who will be there an he feels like he'll be an odd man out, then I would try to be proactive to make him more comfortable. Invite the birthday girl for a playdate in a neutral/public location, and ask the mom to maybe bring a birthday party friend along with her, and maybe you invite one other kid for your son (who will be at his party, to help ease it for the little girl at your son's party).
If an option to help proactively doesn't pan out, then I might be able to be convinced to send our regrets. OR, you could just tell him he needs to stay for X amount of time to be polite and then anytime he's ready to go after that, then you'll leave early.
(If you plan to do that, please be considerate of the fact that the host family is paying for his presence, and if they are on a very tight budget, it might be more prudent to send regrets in advance).
I suspect, though, that your son will have fun even if he doesn't know the other kids. At that age, kids play with kids, and most of the time it doesn't even matter if they know each other at all, or not.

I make my youngest go to parties where she is a bit hesitant - one was a pool party so we just said Dad would stay and watch (she was fine once we got there). So if you think you can overcome it with encouragement and offer to stay a bit ... I'd go that route. Because I think he'd be missing out on fun.

If this place is near where you live and not a total inconvenience to pop in, could you just make a quick visit so he sees what it is like? If it has obstacle courses and stuff, he might love it in person. I don't know if you have the time or interest - but that might make it easier.

We had an invite to a movie party at theatre and my child had only been to a couple before - unfortunately we were not able to stay during it (which is what we would have done had it been possible) so we had to skip it. But instead of telling the parents my child isn't comfortable going to see movies yet without us, I just said sorry we can't make it.

My personal thought was, if my child is this worried about it - do I want a mom to have to deal with my child at her own kid's party? Nope. Those are the times you stay if at all possible.

Good luck :) I think he would have a blast.

I completely agree with 'B'.

My sons are 21 and 17 so I'm looking way backwards here, but if it were me I'd tell him that we are going to stop in, drop off a gift, and watch her blow out her birthday candles. That is just a nice thing to do. We won't have to stay long. Then I would secretly hope he would become engaged in play with the other kids and actually have a great time.

Sometimes they don't know what they don't know. :P

If you strike a compromise you respect his feelings but also open the door for a teachable moment (though I wouldn't tell him later - "see, I TOLD you that you would have fun - boys hate when mom does that, at least mine do).

Nope, I wouldn't make him go if he really doesn't want to. That said, I'd maybe wait until after his party to make the final determination - if they are still pretty friendly and enjoy playing together then he may change his mind. If he still doesn't want to go then no big deal - just let the other parents know you won't be able to make it.

I wouldn't make him go. If you feel the need to "reciprocate" get her a gift and drop it by her house.

I think this is one of those mom tests to see what mom is going to do. He has made it obvious he doesn't want to go, but once he masters this, there will more to come.

My daughter just went to a bounce house type party. They had trampoline runs, foam block pits, skateboard type ramps to run up and slide down, and gymnastic mats. No one knew what to do on the mats, so at the end I showed my daughter how to do her back walk over on one of the foam blocks. It was actually a really cool place and the party was a lot of fun even though it was mostly boys. Kids scattered everywhere and moved from obstacle to obstacle.

Nope, I don't think you need to make him go. You don't even need to give an excuse. You can just say "thank you so much for inviting us. Unfortunately, he cannot attend. I hope she has a wonderful birthday." The etiquette is in reciprocating the invitation, not necessarily in attending, in my opinion.

It's too bad your son thinks it's for girls though. My son (just turned 8) LOVES gymnastics parties and had one for his own 7th bday last year.

I would tell him we are going to bring "x" a birthday present. That he doesn't have to stay/play if he doesn't want to but that he is going to go and say happy birthday and give her the gift. But no if he gets there and doesn't want to stay don't make him. Or give her a gift if you want at the end of your sons party and say sorry can't make it.

Could you visit the gym with him before the party to let him see others having fun? He may change his mind. My girls are not athletic but enjoyed the game guided by the gym leaders, the trampolines, the rope swing and the foam block pits.

I wouldn't make him go, he might have a bad attitude when he is there which isn't the point, generally people only want people at a party if they are actually having a good time/want to be there.
Its kind of weird that he thinks that though, we just went to a 6 yo boys gymnastics party and the gym offers boys only classes.

I don't think you should make him go. After your son's birthday party, if he still feels that way, call up the mom. I would just explain that your are sorry, but your son is just feeling uneasy about the gymnastics theme. It's just not his thing, and he's not feeling up to attending the party. Any reasonable person is going to be understanding. Likely this girl has a whole bunch of other friends, and she will still have a lovely time. Besides, if you force it, he's going to be unhappy, reluctant, and possibly make it uncomfortable or awkward for others at what is supposed to be a happy celebration. I think you can make your point that the sport is for either gender and still let him decide whether or not to attend.