Should I Let Him Go?

Think about it this way...one of the number one reasons marriages end in divorce is due to financial problems. If you have a long and happy marriage, one year in the scheme of things is a drop in the bucket.

My almost 4 year old daughter has almost NO contact with her father (he's seen her 8 times combined in the last two years) and she still cries for him.

I have to say that it sounds like you are finding all the reasons that he can't go because you are scared. Fear and resentment are powerful emotions, but you can overcome it...and you'll be stronger for it. My husband left when I was five months pregnant with a house to pay for, two dogs to take care of, and a job that requires me to travel--I am the poster child for resentment.

You've already received a lot of good ideas about how to keep the connection open. Try living on half the amount you do now for a few weeks and see how that really feels.

Good luck.

This is a side issue, but often kids regress for potty training (and other things) when a new baby is born. Be prepared for that possibility no matter where you are.

I would try to imagine this as him being deployed. Not to diminish what military families go through, by any means. But take them as a role model. It's hard, but they do it. You will definately need a strong support system of friends and family to help you. And maybe the money will allow him to take some extended time off with you and the new baby when this job is over.

You have a good husband who wats to take care of you and your kids. Go!!!
There are pottys and good drs everywhere. A good husband is hard to find.
Good luck to you on your new adventure together.

I guess I don't understand why you can't have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. You don't want potty-training messed up....but is that really any reason to split up your family? You said that being away from home was hard on your daughter, but you also said she cries for her daddy and will miss him terribly. Ultimately, I think the latter would be much harder on her than simply moving.

I sort of get the OB thing, I do. It's so imporatant to find a good one....but there is certainly more than one out there and a little research should be all it takes to find one in your new location. They may end up being even better! People do this all the time when they are forced to move for one reason or another. I know you could too if you really tried. And honestly, your daughter is at the perfect age for relocating since she's not even in school yet and her "friends" are really just the children of your friends.

There's probably more to this than you've shared, since you seem so resolved to NOT go with him this time. But if it were me? I would do just about anything to keep my family from having to go through any type of separation. It's hard on the kids but it's also hard on your marraige.

Look, if the jobs that are available where you live won't pay enough for you guys to get by on, he obviously needs to take this job. But if this is really just a matter of making that "extra" money and buying the nicer car or the bigger house (or simply not having to budget everything)....then I guess you both need to talk this out and decide what's more imporant to you.

There is one thing you can read that might give you a little perspective, and that is a blog I follow written by a widow (and mother of six children). Anyhow, this post in particular really resonated with me and it came to mind as I was reading your question. Take a quick second to read it. It's titled: To Every Woman With a Husband...

http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/2010/12/to-every-woman-with-h...

The blog is called "One breath at a time..." and I encourage you to read her most recent posts as well. Her words have truly changed the way I love and appreciate my husband.

http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/

Much love,

-S.

.

I think you should stay put. Any good marriage can survive this.
I really can't believe you wrote "but I fear that I will become resentful of him being able to go out and do what he wants after work while I sit home with the kids thousands of miles away." ???!!!
I know you are young but really--you will have two children soon. Time to get past these sophomoric musings.
Best of luck!

Your question..........."Should I let him go?"...........You are not his mom and you do not own him. You are a team.

Next, the potty training issue and no experience flying is a crock. You can adjust.

Why can't you move with him, if not right now, at least within a short few months. Make it an adventure for your family.

If you have a good husband, good marriage, you should be willing to make sacrifices as well. It sounds like he is making all the sacrifices and if that continues, he will become resentful toward you.

Best wishes with your pregnacy and new adventure.

(((((( Hugs ))))))) I would head out and be there with my husband. I believe you are making excuses for things that can easily be rectified. This is the perfect time to be able to go since your oldes is not in school yet. It is 11 months out of your entire life. Your baby will need that imprinting period. That is very important. In the grand scheme of things your family will be ok. Support your husband,as he sounds like a good man who wants to provide for his family. I don't think it's an issue of putting money before you. Men don't look at it like that. He is still mentally with you. He is looking at your future. You are looking at things too hard. You mentioned that you want to be around your family. Your family is your husband and kids. it threw off your daughter's potty training schedule and she missed home. She is getting older and will miss daddy much more. Home is where ever my girls and husband are.

If you don't go: You will be resentful when he comes back. You will have been independent. You baby won't know him, your oldest will have to readjust. You will have to readjust, he will have to readjust. - I'd be right there with him wherever my hubbby was. 11 months is too long. Too much can happen that you may not be able to fix without a lot of drama.

Sorry, but I think you need to go where the job is... you and the kids too! I wouldn't want to be so far away for a year with children and he will resent YOU if he doesn't take the opportunity to earn the money.

Ask yourself whether your daughter would miss her home or her daddy more. My guess is daddy. Would you rather struggle to make ends meet or move temporarily to end-up stable at the end of it? My guess is if you really weigh-out the options you will see that moving with him makes sense.

If you elect not to go with him... (note that I think he should go) get on a plane and go visit. My mother flew three times a year with all three of us to visit her family (my dad would meet us there b/c he couldn't be away from his office for several weeks at a time). It's not difficult- takes planning and organization, but my husband and I fly all the time with our son.

You're putting your husband in a really bad spot and portraying him as a money-focused person when in reality he's probably trying to make sure that you are supported.

For what's it's worth... you are already sounding resentful at his opportunity to be out of the house. Find something to do while he's gone. Join a play group, check-out the children's activities at your local library, start a book club... whatever you want to do to find some personal time outside of the house (even if the kids are with you). Don't forget that if you want to go out to dinner with some girlfriends you can call a sitter and go.

You're not trapped, think outside the box and focus on where you want to be several years from now, not just at the end of April.

Imagine how he feels! I doubt he feels like he is getting to go out and do what he wants. He has to go and work really hard in a new place among new people away from his family for almost an entire year. That sucks! At least you get to see your little ones every day.

Well, I do really sense that your daughters is most likely feeding off of your own feelings about being away from "home". When you say things like "I don't ever want to do that to her again" I wonder if you realize what you are saying and what that really means? Do you expect her to stay in her "home" town for the rest of her life? You wouldn't want her to have the skills to be able to explore her surroundings/the world, etc.... to have the confidence to deal with change and transition? People have to move sometimes... and in this case, your husband has an opportunity to make a living. I realize that you will miss your family, but with technology these days, you can keep in touch all the time by phone and video chat, etc. And you may not have experience flying with kids... but we have all been in that boat at one point. The more you do it, the easier it gets... and this site can give all kids of helpful advise in regards to flying with children. It seems like you are more upset at the fact that your husband is willing to move so far away from his family to a better job because you can't possibly imagine doing so. He is motivated differently right now... he is a man who wants to care for/support his family... this is how many men define themselves and how good of a parent/husband they are. It doesn't necessarily make it right, however I'm sure that he loves you guys very much... we just tick a little different that's all. If you split with him now, your kids won't get the chance to have the relationship with their dad that I am sure you want for them. You will find new friends (join a MOM's club) in your "new" area... it is hard, but it all depends how you look at it (after all, it is only temporary).
Good luck to you! Let us know what you end up doing :-)

It could go fantastic either way, or go terribly either way.

I have to agree.. if you stay behind it's not like being a military spouse... it's BETTER than being a military spouse. Because you get all the bene's that military wives/husbands get (freedom, independence, 200th honeymoon's when then come home, bills paid, etc.) BUT YOU ALSO get to be in contact with him most every day (sat phone at worst case, skype video at best... and if you're missing him you can hop on a plane... because it's not a war zone.

Kids are super resilliant. My dad was only home for ONE of our births, and met most of us when we were walking. To this day we are all very close with him and our mum. She ALWAYS talked well of him, included him in our daily lives... so even though he wasn't there... her love of him translated into his "being there" even when he was gone. At most we only saw our father 6mo a year. I'm sure we threw the occasional fit about his not being there... but that's not what any of us remember. We remember a wonderful/magical/golden years of childhood spent with our mum... and spent with our mum and dad (minus about 2 weeks every time he came home on leave where when we were older were told to be home by dinner, but not earlier...sheesh... took me WAY too long to figure out what was going on there... and when we were younger we'd stay with friends for relatives for as many days as mum could arrange. Either way; with mum or mum & dad childhood was magical and special and fun.

Or you could go with him. Meet new people, find a new OB (or just plan on heading home for 1-3 months for the birth). Now if he's out in the boonies hours or days away from town, that might not be possible... but if he's near a town at all ... why not go for a week to "check it out"?

No matter which option you choose, though; staying or going... if you're miserable, it will go terribly. About 95% of life, I've found, is about attitude. If I can't change my attitude, then my life needs to change.

If it were me, I would go with him, without question. My little family has moved lots since my son was born due to my husbands job and it does affect my 2 year old, however, he always gets used to our new place. I think it would take him a lot longer to get used to life without daddys being there to tuck him in at night as opposed to moving to a new place. A family that sticks together, stays together.

At home, do you have a lot of support from your family? How much physical support can you rely on them for after your new baby is born? Could they come over a few times a week and give you an adult conversation, make you a cup of tea, play with your 3 y/o, hold the baby while you take a shower, help fold laundry, etc, until your body is healed and you are feeling ready to do it (more) solo?

Do your husband and you have good communication and are you in a strong place? Can your relationship withstand the space and the possible feelings that could occur (resentment was one you mentioned)? Can you both put together a bag of tools to help you through any issues or distance that would (potentially) arise? Are you both willing to work through the problems that could come up? Would space be good for your relationship? How much time does he spend at home now, and what hours?

Does he like his work...will he be drained and stressed by it or does he feel better and act like a better partner when he is working?
Do you feel drained or energized (I mean, I know probably both, but generally) being a SAHM?
Does he want to go or does he feel like he should go? Will he feel resentful if he stays?
Is the work dangerous and do you feel worried about him when he is working?

Would you both have access to telephone, cellphone, computer and internet (I'm thinking skype calls)? Would time zones make voice to voice or face to face communication tricky? How might you work around it, if so?

Would he be there when your child is born? Do you have a close friend/family member who could be with you if he is not able? Do you have someone to watch your other little one while you are in labor and recovering/resting afterwards?

Do you have friends who are in similar situations who you could talk to when you were feeling alone, or X?

How desperate are you both for income? Can you survive without? Will you lose your home, your car, or comforts without? How important is that to you both? Are you able to scale down or put buying a house on hold, or is it a priority right now?

How often would he be able to visit?
(When your baby reaches the three month mark), how willing would you be to make the journey with your kids, to visit him once a X and what would the situation be like once you arrived? (I think airplane travel is a lot like car travel...once your used to it and feel comfortable doing it by yourself and with kids, it's not intimidating anymore) How long is the plane ride, what is the climate like where you'd be going and what sort of accommodations would you be able to expect once you arrived (would you have access to a stove, or would it be a hotel room with a microwave)?

I know it's entirely *possible* for one spouse to leave and support the family. It being possible doesn't necessarily make it preferable.

Children do adjust. Of course your eldest would miss him and your youngest might be unfamiliar with him at first. There would be an adjustment period in the beginning, every time there is a visit and when he returned. But they adjust and Love goes a long way.

IF it were me, I would ask myself (and husband) those questions and any I could add. My decision would depend on the answers. I would write up a pro con list, of sorts. I would also take a walk, a bath or a coffee by myself and try to quietly sit with my thoughts and feelings.

Money is hard to come by, so I can see the need/appeal. I can also understand not wanting to be separated. You both will come up with the right decision. Good luck.

Well, there are only two ways this can go and you know what they both are.
In this economy, people have had to make extreme sacrifices to be able to financially survive.
I wouldn't like being away from my husband either, and I hope this isn't offensive in any way, but consider the women who are married to men in the military. Their husbands are gone to serve the country and provide for their families.
It's not the best of scenarios, by any means. I don't mean to make it sound easy.
If you don't want him to take this job, consider that you may have to both work and be away from the kids during the day (or night) in order to make close to what he can make if he does.
It's a very tough decision and it's a very tough position to be in.
I hope you won't continue to believe that he is thinking the money is more important than his children. If he is thinking of how to provide for his family, assuming he's choosing one thing over the other isn't really fair.
Again, I mean no offense by that.
Also, working on a pipeline doesn't sound like a gravy job to me. As if he'd have all this time and energy to be running around and having fun after work.
You two need to talk about it.
Put things down on paper and crunch the numbers.
If you are happy with less money and can make it work, then fine.
If you have to get a job and be willing to help if a job close to home doesn't work out, then you have to be honest with yourself that you can be happy doing that.

I'm a single mom. Raised two kids by myself. Getting on a plane with two kids once in a while is much easier than daycare and juggling and punching a time clock on top of every other responsibility, including financial, every single day all by yourself.

I'm just saying to weigh all options carefully.
I know several marriages that have broken up over the last year due to finances.
I hope you can find something that works for the best for your family.

Ask yourself these questions- When was the last time you traveled with your husband? I'm sure your daughter is a pro at potty training now compared to then. She is be fine with the potty training. Is the current OB you are seeing more important than your husband being there for the birth of his child? There are great OB's all over, post a question on here and ask other Moms for references for the area you will be in. Is it more important for your daughter to be around OTHER family or her Daddy? I think Daddy.

I think it's wonderful that you have the opportunity to travel with your husband. I bet there are a ton of women out there that would LOVE to go with their husbands when they had to leave for months at a time. You can be better off financially, be with your husband and your kids still have their Daddy. It's a no brainer to me.

I understand what your asking. But it is for me a no brainer. Your husband has a good job and wants to provide for your family. Let him do it. you knew his job when you met/married him. This is the same thing an army family struggles with except there is not an option of saying nope you can't go. Let him go have him come home to visit when he can and get yourself into some sort of mommy's day out group so you can have some time to yourself. And if your worried about going crazy with 2 little ones at home get a job so you work a few hours a day to get out in public. I hear the being scared about being alone. But he is not running out on you he is going to work.

Isn't a stable job closer to home for less money a little more secure that an unpredictable job all over the country? My ex worked for a pipeline company and when they had a job in our state, I know exactly what those guys did in their spare time, wife or not! I'm not saying your husband is like that, but I know how lonely the guys were. My ex and I had them over to our place quite often, even shared a holiday with them. But other nights they were hanging out at the bars and well...I never asked what my ex was doing while he was out of state because I didn't want to know.

For me, the choice would be obvious. Forget the pipeline and get a stable job close to home.

ok I understand the pipeline work been there so to speak not exactly pipeline but turnarounds. this is my advice. I was a single mom at the time I had to have the money. I was single no child support or food stamps or health benefits. I had no choice. now having said that I did it for 3 yrs. 7 days 12 hrs a day. my son was a teenager so he understood. but now he is older and I look back my thoughts are I wasnt there enough for him. man did I miss out on a lot. if i had to do it again I would try to make it by working a full time job that wasnt 7 12s.

tell him his kids are only young once. he doesnt realize what he will miss out on birthdays, and such. bonding time with the kids the birth of his next one. and tell him the divorce rate for 2 careers are the highest number one being miliatary and number 2 bieng construction. tell him money is important but the kids should come first that he doesnt get a redo. time lost is just that time lost it can never be gotten back. tell him he had them and they are half his responsibility too and you need him home especially when they are babies. I knew one guy that worked construction like that till he realized his kids were getting in trouble cause he was never there. he went home quit working the pipelines and started working the ship yards. due to his kids getting in so much trouble. kids of construction workers unless they travel with dad have abandonment issues. the guys work so many hours so they wont feel the hurt of te kids being gone. have him read this response and let him decide for himself. he will know when he reads it exactly what I am talking about wether he admits it or not. you can survive on less money but money doesnt buy love.

believe me I know how good the pay is but you cant beat it. all of the moms who are advising you to go have no idea what constuction people do you will still be at the motel or trailer by yourself 7 days 12 hrs. unless he is gettng an 8 hour which is unlikely. but even if it is an 8 hour in crunch time it becomes 7 12s. so he will never be home anyway. and the gettin laid off every 3 months to a year gets old quick.and you have to hope a new job pops up before your unemployment runs out. I know welders who have been out of work 2-3 yrs because there is no jobs out there. fitters too. if he finds a stable job with less pay it will be there in 5 yrs and he would have adjusted to the less pay by then and have gotten raises. in my opinion I have been there done that its just not worth it. and your daughter needs stability at that age not being drug around like a cave woman. if you allow her to be drug now whe will spend her whole life being drug cause he cant see the importance of her being stable. she will never make friends and when she does it will be time to move again. my opinion is he is making a huge mistake. in more ways than one

ps all of these women who are suggesting you go with them dont understand you will be living in either a motel room or a 5th wheel. both will be cramped and lonely. and I do agree with the one that said she knows what pipliners do when they are gone married or not. I would walk on a job site and get 10 hits in a matter of hours. I watched one guy that was married hit on 20 girls in one night and 5 of the girls were nieve enough it was their first job to fall for it. I am in total disagreeance with everyone except the one that suggested alaska and the one that said she knows what pipeliner do when the wifes are not around. and trust me she is right. and how anyone can expect you to move when you are pregnant and doing this might cause a miscarriage has never worked with the pipeliners and doesnt understand what it entails. saying yes you can go see him where military wifes cant this is true but you are always exausted when pregnant who is going to feel up to taking you and your daughter and all the luggage and so forth and drag it around all of the time to visit. come on guys you wouldnt like it either if you were preganant and wouldnt feel up to it either. they are wanting you to live in a motel or a 5th wheel for 11 months pregnant with a 3 yr old that would get very old very quick. and perdiem isnt that high. it just wont cover what you need to cover.some jobs the perdiem is $30 a day $70 if you are lucky which doesnt happen much. and the timing of this job crunch time would be thanksgiving and chrismas of next year and they arent going to let him come home during crunch time. jmo everyone who is advising you to travel hasnt been there and doesnt understand what it entails. and once it gets started it will get in his blood and would be misery to give up. I didnt give up construction by choice. I gave it up cause there wasnt a turn around for 3 yrs where I lived. normally at least 2 a year. and I couldnt travel I was a single mom. and actually I am relived I am not living that way anymore. the lay offs all the time and hoping your unemployment doesnt run out before another job comes a long is miserable. they dont realize these guys work 6 months on and 6 months off for the most part. and until construction ran out in my town I didnt realize what I was actually missing in my sons life. man if i could do it over again I would have done it diffrently

Is there any way his job can start after you have the baby? Or can you go up EARLIER and find a new doctor there? My husband was in Los Angeles, and I was in San Francisco area for the first 6 months of my pregnancy - I moved to him and had different doctors for the last 3.5 months and it worked fine. I think it would be worth asking, considering your due date is so close to the proposed start date.

Do you own or rent your home? Is there any way you can move to where he is for that year? It could be a wonderful adventure for you all. Kids that age really don't care where they are, as long as they are with people they love - I think it's you who want's to be around family, etc - but that's OK! Especially being pregnant.

Keep talking with him, see what you can come up with. Think outside the box.

At this stage in your lives, I think you should go with him and look at it as an adventure. Talk to him about possibly getting into something after this that would allow you to stay in one place with a home, etc. Plus the kids will be getting older, going to school and need stability. Right now though, you have the opportunity to stay together AND do well financially, so take it! Maybe after this 11 month stint and the birth of your baby, you could look into going back to work as well if that would help your family be financially stable without Dad having to be gone or you all having to pick up and move all the time.

I was a military kid and moved around a lot. Personally, from a kid's POV, I think stability is better. That said, if Dad needs to travel for you to get by, the kids will be OK having a stable you and a stable home. Going with him would likely be miserable. And try not to be jealous - he probably "goes out" after his shift to eat a burger and have a beer (which is dinner) then goes to sleep. : )

GOOD LUCK!

The bigger question is what situation will be easier on YOU to handle. The reason I say that is kids adapt to situations that mom adapts to. If mom is stressed and not happy because dad is not around, that will affect how "stable" the children are more than your actual physical location. We moved around a LOT and the kids did fine. Eventually it got to the point though where moving affected my oldest (13 at the time of the last move) and it affected me. At that point we bought a home in TX and my husband continued to move when necessary for his job. He has moved 6 different times in the past 8 years. My oldest is now 21 and my youngest just turned 9 (he was only 13 months when we came to TX and stopped following my husband everywhere). How they do with dad being gone has a lot to do with how you do. Don't get me wrong, you will have your bad days and have moments were you resent having to do everything on your own when it comes to your kids and maintaining the home. But, it is your overall attitude that will make the difference. My younger ones just know that daddy works far away and they are perfectly fine when he comes home. They run to the door excited to see daddy just as many kids do when their daddy comes home from a days work. It boils down to this. If mom and dad are stable, the kids feel stability. It isn't where you are located. I've followed my husband and not followed my husband. I saw first hand how my handling of it (both good and bad) affected how my kids handled it.

There will always be financial decisions and sacrifices to consider, whether it's now, or after you all buy a house. I'd say don't make DOLLARS the deciding factor. When he's on his deathbed, is he going to say, "I wish I'd spent more time on the pipeline." or "I wish I'd spent more time being the type of parent and spouse I always aspired to be." You all can make do with less; out of necessity or choice, people do all the time. We have. And, it's often uncomfortable and pinchy. BUT, if you can make things work with less (plus - bonus! - all your family nearby to help with the kiddos), you guys will always be able to land on your feet - no matter what amount of money you have to work with.

Im not sure what the right advice would be, but personally I would never want my family apart like that. Its going to be way too hard on you, and kids are only little once and thats way too precious to miss. I would probably go with him, or figure out something quick for him to be able to stay. I always tell my husband, as long as we are together and healthy, we can get through anything.

If I was in your situation, I would rather move, keep the family together, and keep my marriage stable. Juggling 2 children under the age of 5 is tough--especially mentally and emotionally--and you'll need him. Not to mention, your 3yo will need his dad to balance adjusting to you not being as available once the baby comes. Your other objections to moving should take a lower priority than your marital health... You can find another doctor. You can move back to be closer to your family after this job ends.

Amanda:

This isn't about letting him go - but adjusting your family life around his job.

I don't think he thinks money is more important than family. He is doing the best that he can in order to provide for his family. I am sure it hurts him to be away but is also probably making him feel good, if not, great about the future he has with his family - as how great will it be that you can afford a home, etc.?

DO NOT look at this as him "not being there" or thinking that money is more important. He has a job that is paying him well that will allow you to do things you want to with him in the future.

You can do video conferencing with your husband so your kids will get to see their daddy. You can explain to your 3 year old that daddy is doing a job that will take care of us all in the future.

It WILL work out. I know you don't to be alone with a newborn and a 3 year old. You have your family - this is a good thing. I hope you are involved in a church - ask them to help out as well. Many will!!!!

A lot of this right now is hormones from pregnancy. Keep your eye on the future. DO NOT get a divorce or ask your husband to stay close - he can get leave when the baby will born - DO THIS!!! IT WILL BE OKAY!!

Yikes This is hard becasue he is working hard for your family. I can see you getting resentful because he will be away SO long. Basically you are saying you will be a single Mom for 11 months and to me that is a deal breaker. I'm not saying divorce your husband!! I am saying for me I didn't get married to raise my kids alone. This wouldn't work for me at all. Be honest with yourself. I would rather be poor and raise my chidlren with my husband than have money and be alone but that's just me.

BUT If I had the option to go I would. My husband and I talked about the possibility of him moving for work for a few months and what we would do so I know I would go with him and we would make it work. Honestly I would rather live in a hotel room with all 3 of my kids than be separated from hubby for work.

Good luck with what you guys decide!!

EDIT: He isn't in the military, you can't compare the 2 jobs because you have the option to go where as a military wife doesn't. Also for the reason's you gave to not go I think you have other reasons you aren't saying because the reason's you gave to stay can easily be fixed if you moved. It just sounds like you really don't want to go and your kids need their dad in their lives.

Well, let's look at this. You are a young family and you have been used to being around your family. Great. Hubby got a job offer that takes him away from your familiar surroundings and puts you in a place you know nothing about but it will be more money for the future and you don't want to go. What do you think about all the military wives that go through this scenario daily? They don't want to do it but they do and think of it as an adventure or a chapter in the book of life. Just think you go and you explore the new area and all that it has to offer as a family. There are many memories here to be made together. You be come more independent and can function on your own as a loving wife and mother.

As another poster put it you don't own your husband; you are a team. Another way to put it it is a partnership or business and the two of you are the co-owners of the business. This means that there will be times that what you do you may not like but it is for the long run not the short run in the scheme of things. Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years? This is how you get there by planning and some times sacrificing in order to make it all work.

If he doesn't go he will resent you just like you resent the thought right now of him not being there. What did you say when you took those marriage vows? For better or for worse in richer and poorer and in sicness and in health. It is time to grow up and be woman and do what is right for the family your immediate family - hubby, daugther, baby and you. Your other family members can come and visit you and you can show them around your new town.

Good luck and stop worrying. People fly everyday with children who have never flown.

The other S.

PS Right now with the economy the way it is good opportunities to improve ones self do not come around often. Think long and hard about what you plan to do and keep us posted.

Where is your sacrifice? Go with him. A husband and wife should not be separated if poss. Also, men feel a heavy burden often to provide. He may be doing this for his family, so don't resent him for not loving u enough and wanting to stay in the same situation that is not working. Why are u the one to tell him what to do? Don't resent him for being alone and working. U have family near by and can stay at home. Read shari freidmans, what men really want book. The Bible is of course the most wonderful guide.

I say suck it up and give it up. It's money in the bank. My DIL goes through this with my son quite often. He works a high security job for the Govt and has to go to Afghanistan and Iran and Iraq a lot, and stays for a month to 3 months at a time. They have a 2.5 yr old daughter. My son takes his laptop with him when he's gone and sends vids of himself to the baby and DIL does the same for him and they webchat when they can. She hated it at first and was so scared being alone while pregnant and then with an infant and now a toddler BUT she finally realized it was for the greater good of their family. Hubby can probably fly home and see you off and on while gone, your job would be to find cheap tickets for times he can get away. Do you think he wants to be away from his family laying pipe all day? NO, he doesnt, but he sounds like a very responsible caretaker of his family and is willing to do what needs to be done to make sure you have a decent quality of life. Be proud that he has a work ethic. Your child is young and it really won't phase her as much as you think, you are the one that has to readjust your thought process. Men have to work long hard hours early while they are young and able bodied. This sets you up for a decent retirement some day. Besides, his willingness to take on these out of town jobs is really good for his resume for the future.
Also, just to put it in perspective consider all of the families that have a parent in the military right now.... When you reunite with daddy when he's finished with that job it becomes an entirely new beginning. Be proud that he isnt a slacker and going on unemployment or welfare, he sounds like a good man, a very good man.
You know he'd rather be in his own warm bed with mama dont ya?
Take the opportunity you have now before he goes on this long work job to love him up and give him a lot to miss about being home :)
That is my advice.
Keep yourself busy with the kiddo, and brag about him while he's gone. Miss him, love him, and make the other women envious that you are strong, secure and doing fine while he's off making the big bucks.

You need to figure out what you need to do. You are the only one who can make that decision, and feel ok about it.
I would kind of look at it like all the ladies who watch their husband go off in the military. They all stay home and take care of the house and kids while their husbands go off to work. I know it would be hard to say goodbye, especially when you are having a baby. It sounds like you have a lot of supportive family around. Make a list of all the pros and cons and make your family decision from their. What does your husband think? Tell him your fears.

Those are two choices you have but I have a third that makes much more sense and that is to go with him. I know you gave your reasons not too but if you think it is going to be any easier on you staying while your husband is gone, you will be sorely disappointed. Your daughter misses out on time with her dad, he misses out seeing his baby being born and being part of that important bonding time with the baby and you become a single parent for 11 months. My granddaughter was 3 and half when her daddy was killed in an accident. Every moment they can have together is so important and you won't know it until it isn't available anymore. Go with him and be a family. Going for 11 months isn't forever and given todays job market, take what he can get! You never know, you may really enjoy being where he is going and meet some wonderful friends along the way.

Buy a web cam so that you and the kids can talked to your husband and see him. Hallmark has recordable books that he could record his voice and your daughter could have a story "read" to he by daddy whenever she wants. Just make sure that your friends and family know that you will need their suport. You could also check to see if there is a MOMS Club in your area and they are a great way to see other moms, and kids to play together. Good luck with everything including your pregnancy. Try not to stress about your husband leaving, be thankful that he is going to have a good job and that it is good paying too.

If the money is literally double the pay of what he'd get locally, I think he should take the job but I think that it would be in everyone's best interest (his, yours, daughter's, new baby's) if you and your kids went with him. It'll be hard and it'll suck having to find a new doctor but a year is a looong time to be away and esp. w a newborn and young child, a year of missing things with daddy isn't good :( April is still a good few months away which maens you'll have time to find a good doctor. plus potty training may regress even if you stay behind b/c your daughter misses daddy so much and can't handle his sudden prolonged absence. go with your husband!

You have to make the decision, but I want to encourage you to go with your husband! It's an adventure! We learned when our kids were little that home is where the family is -- and your family is you, daddy, and kiddos. The extended fam helps you, but the kids need mommy and daddy. You'll have time to find a new doctor and get comfortable with that. The upside is you'll get to have your husband there for delivery. You'll find a MOMS or MOPS group nearby and have instant support when you move. Go for it!

You go with him. Whether you like it or not.
You care more about your husband than potty training, schedules, and doctors you know.
You realize that your family is you, your husband, and your children.
You realize that you will lose your family if you don't put your husband first (before yourself, before your children, before your birth family).
You support your husband in his effort to support his family and make him feel like he is indispensable and that you would follow him anywhere and give up anything to be with him because you love him and need him so much.
You sacrifice, and you do it happily just like your husband is doing.
Isn't it much better to think of being with him when your child is born then being the doctor you're familiar with?

It sounds like you already know what you want to do and need our backing. You want to stay home.and not leave your little family. Your whole letter is preparing yourself for this. It is tough economic times, I think he should go on by himself if you have enough family support around (or good friends)I am sure you will do fine as long as he is prepared to be lonesome. For some reason however men are able to pal up and do things so he probably will be fine. Women are worried about the children, etc. Your 3 year old will be fine with reassurances from you. And sounds like you will be better, too. We can all learn things, you can learn to fly even though you have no 'experience' flying and your child's potty training didn't seem to really be the issue. You are nesting and you need your roots and sometimes that means a separation like you are talking about.If you can handle this perhaps in a year you can join him on another trip. You are just in a tough spot right now. Life changes. Make sure your husband is really comfortable, and that you have no concerns about temptations under the duress of loneliness. Believe me love is of course important but if he has no job and a family he needs to work. And sometimes we have to bite the hard stuff in order to have a good future.

Call it an employment deployment. At least your hubby isn't getting shot at. The kids will readjust, they will get to know him again and they will be OK. Talk to him on Skype. Stay connected with family while he is away, go to his mom and dad's so they can spend time with the grandbabies.
You will make it through this.
My hubby deployed while my 3rd was under a year, he came back at 18 months and at first she didn't want anything to do with him, it lasted a week, now 13 years later they are inseparable. She is definitely a Daddy;s girl, both my girls are.
If you need to vent to military wives who get it then go to some of the military websites, like Navy for Families,and military.com and Marine parent sites. I know the Army and Airforce also have sites. They can offer so much help as they are going through the same emotions you are.

Make sure you know exactly what his salary is going to be and approximately how many hrs. per week he works (40-50-60?). If he is sending you most of the money (he'll need to keep some to live on) then it would seem that his heart is in the right place - supporting you and the children and trying to help be more financially secure. If you don't know this information and if he handles ALL of the bank deposits, withdrawals, bill paying, etc., then I would be more concerned about his motives of going so far away to work, even though it pays much better than local. Wives & children & newborns adjust to military dads being gone, and I think you will, too. Kids are VERY resilient and will adjust to temporary life without Dad, better than you will. Get involved in support groups for Mom's. If there is a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at ANY local churches, it would be a wonderful way to get support, do fun things, crafts, speakers, music, etc., with babysitting included in the church nursery.