Should I Leave My 4 Year Old for the Weekend?

If I had the chance to get away from my 5 year old for the weekend with my husband I would do it. Do the three days it's not a long time two nights. He is used to grandma and you will feel refreshed after.

Oh for heaven sake, GO! Why do mothers think they are being bad mothers because they leave their child with grandma for a few days? He will be fine. He's 4 years old. Old enough to understand mommy and daddy will be back in a few days. Personally, I think it makes you a better mother to get away once in a while. You need a vacation to kind of regenerate! Go have some fun with your husband. And don't call home any more then once per day. Grandma knows what to do! She Lives there and knows the routine and has raised a kid or 2 in her day. LOL

Yes, it's FINE to go for the weekend. Your MIL is right.

One thing I've been told and I firmly believe is the best thing you can do for your children is to take care of your marriage. A good marriage helps make children happy. Part of having a good marriage is to spend time together WITHOUT the children. Recharge your batteries.

You're lucky you have a babysitter who is so close to your son.

Here's an unsolicited piece of advice - decide in advance how much you are willing to lose, and ONLY spend that. It's your "entertainment" budget. That way if you lose it gambling, you and your husband won't fight about it and ruin the reason you went on vacation together...

Your son won't even have to go to another house while you're gone! He gets to stay in his own home, with someone he lives with there 24/7. It's an ideal situation. If you had to haul him somewhere else and he had to stay with someone he doesn't know well, that might be different -- but you don't have to do any of that. Enjoy.

I want to second what Doris Day said about establishing your "entertainment budget" before you go to Vegas. Assume that every penny you spend on any gambling will be lost -- if you win a little and it's not lost, that's a bonus, but go there assuming that you will not come home with any of the money you took for gambling. That way you're pleasantly surprised if you win, and not upset or angry if you don't.

Definitely go!!! Your son will be fine. In fact, the separation will be harder on you than on him, particularly if he is not even going to be in a different house. Your mother in law talking about you "might not always be there" is super creepy, set that out of your mind.
I am guessing you may be a little sensitive to being a good parent because you are a young mom. Trust me, moms of all ages need a break every now and then, and leaving for a couple of nights does not make you a bad parent. If it does, this board is full of bad parents...
Go, and have a great time!!

Yes, absolutely.

Your son will be just fine. I know it seems a bit overwhelming, but you will be amazed at how well he will do. Sometimes, I honestly think some parents are a bit disappointed if their children do not miss them as much as they expected.

Do not make this a big deal. Do not over explain it. Very simple. "You get to see Grandma! SHe is excited to see you! We will see you in a few days, I KNOW you will have fun. Love you!

And the 2 of you? Have a great time!

You all live together.
Your son knows Grandma. She knows how you all are. She knows your son.
She is right.
And you are lucky, you have a MIL that will... and is willing to care for your son when you are not home.

Go. You need time alone with your husband. Your son will be fine unless you suspect your MIL will be neglectful for some reason (which it doesn't sound like from your post... and I think you'd have an idea since you all live in the same house).

GO.... your relationship with your hubby is very important and it is important for you and your child to be apart sometimes.

You come back recharged and little one is ready to see you.

Since you are living with your MIL, there would be even less changes in his schedule.

Get the What If's out of your head. Living in fear of all the What If's in the world will drive you nuts eventually. You don't want your child to live in fear do you?

If you trust your mother in law with your son, I don't see why not. I would trust my mother in law in that situation, because I know how she is with my children. My own mother, hell no. I haven't trusted her with my kids for more than a few minutes at a time because I know how she is. There's nothing wrong with going away for a couple of days, as long as you trust whoever you're leaving your child with.

Yes, it is perfectly fine to go away for the weekend provided that grandma is physically capable of caring for your preschooler. My oldest spent a couple of overnights with the grandparents during the infant year (when we had been invited to weddings) and at 3-4, would visit them for weekends every now and then, and loved it.

I don't think that you need to prepare a child for a time that you might need to be away from home, but I also think it's good for parents to leave their kids in the care of others for short times. I'm not sure what there is to be scared about.

I agree with your MIL. It is healthy and normal for you and your husband to get away for a few days. Your son will have a GREAT time with your MIL!

My husband and I went away for 6 days to celebrate our 13th anniversary (well, it was to celebrate our 10th, but it took us 3 years to get away). We left our three boys (8, 6, 3) with my in-laws. Everyone had a wonderful time!!!

It sounds like a very good idea. You 2 also Need time alone and what better way than knowing your son is perfectly safe with his grandmother in the house where you all live.
I would say go for it and have a really great time.

Another vote to go, no question! For the "what ifs"...leave a note with a copy of your insurance card and your pediatrician's contact info for your MIL that authorizes her to seek treatment if he gets sick or there is an emergency. Other than that...she lives with you, so she's got this. Trust that your son will have a great weekend with his grandmother and go spend some time alone with your husband!

FWIW we went away for a weekend for my husband's 40th birthday when our kids were 2, 4, 10 & 10. We had 4 shifts of family members coming to baby-sit them so it was logistically challenging but very much worth the time away.

Have fun!

Just so you hear more voices saying the same message... This sounds like the absolute perfect setup for some couple-time. It is important to have time together as a couple, and your son doesn't even need to be dropped off at another house. Sounds like a win!

Also, your son is plenty old enough to spend some time in the care of a special person like his grandma (assuming she is physically capable of meeting his needs for three days). Just think about how much YOU cherish the time you spent as a youngster with a dear older relative, and know that you are setting the foundation for those memories for him. So replace the 'what if something goes wrong' tape with 'think about the fun they are having and we are having, and we'll get to tell each other stories about it soon!' Enjoy!

Go and have fun. I'm a Gram and I watch my grandchildren while their parents go have fun. We always joke that as long as I return them alive and well then it's ok. lol.

GO.

My husband and I didn't have an opportunity for a weekend away until our kids were 7, 5, and 3 (very close to 8, 6, and 4). The kids had a hard time with it because we are always there. Honestly, it was SO great for us to get away for two nights and for them to spend some time with my family and see they would be okay for more than a few hours. I wish we had gone earlier and I wish we could go more, but definitely go. It's so worth it to get time out on your own...for both your child(ren) and marriage.

If you trust your MIL to care for him (she's healthy, responsible, generally in line with your values even if she spoils him just a little like grandmas are supposed to), then why not?

I don't know what she means by "you might not always be there" - are you or is she worrying about you dying? Is she causing you to be afraid?

Children benefit when they learn that other people in their lives care about them and love them. If kids can form a bond with grandparents or aunts/uncles, that's great. They learn that they can be independent just a little, separate well from Mommy and Daddy, and that Mom/Dad come back. Eventually they learn that Mom and Dad are real people with real needs, they are more than just parents. Kids who can separate from Mom & Dad also do better at going to school, joining activities, going to camp, and eventually going out in the world. As he gets older, you're going to have to let go and let him do some things. It's never going to be easy if you don't start.

What's the "what if?" you're worried about? Does he have any life-threatening conditions that you feel you must be on top of? Are you worried in any way about what kind of person and caregiver she is? She raised your husband so unless something terrible has happened to her personality or health situation recently, she must be pretty good at this!

You are not a bad mother if you are a complete person and have needs and wants. You are a better mother if you take care of yourself than if you just sit around devoting yourself to your child 24/7, watching him like a hawk. There is nothing that could happen that couldn't be taken care of. You've had him for 4 years - has anything serious happened that only you could take care of? If yes, I can understand why you would be nervous, but what's the likelihood of something happening again?

Get yourself to the point when you can go and have fun, realizing that you are making him a stronger child and yourself a stronger woman. Taking care of your marriage with some adult time is beneficial to everyone.

Just don't expect to have long phone conversations with a 4 year old. They don't talk much, they get bored, they want to go play. This does not mean they don't love their parents! And resist the urge to constantly say how much you miss him. Tell him instead how glad you are that he has special time with Grandma, that he's helping her, etc.

Go for it. He's plenty old enough to spend a couple of days with Granny without you.
As for the "What if's," she managed to raise your husband without killing him, so she apparently knows how to handle kid emergencies.

GO! My MIL told me parents should get away every 6 months without their kids, to keep the marriage healthy. I was like, yeah right, and I wasn't ready until my 1st was one year old. But then by the time I had my second hubs and I were hitting Vegas for two nights when she was 5 months old...

The grandparents love quality spoiling time, the kids love the mini vacation at grandma's, and you get a chance to feel young again- dress sexy, go out late, have a cocktail and read a magazine by the pool! Everyone wins.

Trust me, no grandparent wants anything bad to happen on their watch so they probably supervise the kids even better than we do. At least that's what I always tell myself, because I get a little anxiety away from my kids too. In fact, you may only want to do 2 nights. I am usually pretty anxious on the 4+ hour drive home from Vegas because I am just ready to get back to my kids by then. Not sure how long the drive is from Fresno? Or if you are flying.

Yes. It's good for him, and you. Your MIL is correct.

As long as you trust that your son will be safe in the hands of your MIL, then go! Have fun! Enjoy eating a meal without rushing. Having a drink and walking home late holding hands with your DH. Sleeping in. Yes, you will miss your son, but you will also come home recharged.

Ask your MIL to plan some special things with your son so that he is excited to go to her house.

Yes, you should go. Book now before your mother in law changes her mind. :) He'll be fine with Grandma.

What if something happens - you hop on a plane and go home. But nothing bad will happen. Only good, fun things!

Get away if you can. My mom has stayed with our kids many times so hubby and I can get a quick getaway in. unless your worried she might take your grandchild and move away while your gone then I would go. but it sounds if you live with them like she is very connected and will be fine with him while your gone. here is a what if "What if we go and have a wonderful time and so does he" keep that one in your head.

Children need to learn independence away from Mom and Dad. This is a great time to start. It can be hard on you and the kiddo, but 4 is pretty big to not have ever been left alone before. My daughter, also 4, spent the night at Grandma's a last month. The next day we spent the day at Grandma's playing, (with my younger one as well), and when it was time to leave, she's like, Oh, Mommy, I"m going to have a sleep over with Aunt Sis. (My sister who also came to play that day). She didn't even ask, or show any fear or worry. She was like yeah! I get 2 sleepovers in 2 nights! It was fine, and she had a blast. I will say though, that by Sunday she was super tired girl and all worn out from the excitement.

GO, have fun, let your kiddo explore his options, and since he isn't even leaving home, it will be much easier on him if he does feel stressed or upset. I think that you will be fine and have a good time if you don't let the stress and worry get to you.

Happy Birthday by the way.

Have a Happy Birthday in July and go on the trip. You need some "couple" time and you have a great "going away" plan for your son. As long as your MIL is physically able to take care of your son, then go and enjoy yourself. Perhaps they can do a few special things while you are gone. Also remember to celebrate your birthdays at home with a cake so he can join in the celebration. If you are afraid of the "what ifs" - then think through in advance. Put the car seat in her car before you leave or leave her your car. Leave a list of emergency numbers --doctor, dentist, insurance info. Have fun.

4 is a great age for a "sleepover weekend" with grandma. Either this fall or next year, your son will be going off to kindergarten. If he knows he can handle a weekend away from mom, he'll have a much easier time adjusting to the new adventure of school. This will help to build a resilient kid, but painlessly.

Enjoy your time, and be sure to come back with presents for your son AND your MIL :)

i'm not sure about your MIL putting forth worst case scenarios as a good reason to leave your kid with her, but in the big picture sense she's right.
rather than look at from the gloomy perspective of 'what if i die and she has to raise him?', how about the much more cheerful AND realistic perspective that kids are happiest and healthiest when they are confident and strong enough to spend time not attached to their parents, and most kids have a blast and create lifelong memories from their one-on-one visits with a good grandparent.
it's not good for anyone's psyche for a parent or a child to be afraid for the child to be away from the parents. it's not bad parenting to leave your child with someone who is safe, reliable and especially one who loves the child. in your situation your MIL LIVES with you. so why are you scared? has she demonstrated some sort of instability, or are your fears ruling your decision-making process?
khairete
S.

Go and have fun. It will be good for everyone.

You haven't packed your bags yet? I would be out the door before anyone knew what happened.

Like others have stated, you need a break and be an adult. You have a MIL that is willing to watch your kid. Go, go, go and run to the nearest exit. Come back with recharged batteries and enjoy your 24th birthday.

You were a woman before you were a wife and before you were a mom. Now it is time to be woman again and then the wife and mommy in that order.

the other S.

An entire weekend is a lot if you've never left him overnight. It's okay if you don't want to. Yes, it's good to get away, but no one else can dictate when or for how long is right for you. If it's that uncomfortable for you, start with a full 24 hours away.

It bugs me when people say, "You might not always be here, and he/she needs to learn how to be away from you." Uh, that is a drastic case that we don't need to drill for. While you are here, you get to be as present as your parenting plans and goals call for. No one else gets to make that schedule for you. Four years is not too old to have never been away from at least one parent for two to three days.

If your marriage is fine and you and your husband are on the same page, it's okay to ease into extended time away.

I'm leaving in a few days with 2 of my kids for 9 days. My 3 and 2 year old are staying with my mom. I feel terrible, but 18 hours in a car, and 12 at the gym (which is the reason for the trip) just doesn't scream fun times with 2 toddlers. there will be other families there, with their small kids, and I'll deal with the bad mom mentality, but I will also enjoy every second of my vacation. I'm now a single mother of 5. Outside of work I get zero free time. the only time my little boys aren't with me is when I go to my oldest son's baseball games. I deserve this, and i know the boys will be fine, and most importantly my older kids deserve this too, to have me to themselves for a brief period of the summer, when life so often revolves around the whims of 2 toddlers.

Go, if you come home early then that's what happens, but you need to deal with how you feel. I think that's what is most important here, you shouldn't feel guilty, or like a bad mom.