Should I Have Told Her?

People are so annoying! She should have just complained to her husband and let it go, why bring you into it? Does she have kids? live nearby and are you close? You handled that pettyness well.

I think you did the right thing. It doesn't seem like you were trying to keep it from anyone. You told the grandparents. Don't they talk to each other? In my family, you tell one person and the rest of the family finds out before I'm even off of the phone. All families are different, and my husband's mom would never spread news for us. We assume that, unless she is going to see the rest of the family, she most likely won't get on the phone to spread the news.

I wouldn't have called either. I would have probably just let my mother tell them as she is the one who regularly talks to everyone.

your fine...My Daughter is having surgury on 04/14 and I havent told any of my siblings. There is soo much going on and tube surgery is nothing...
Just tell her you are sorry her feelings were hurt...it wasnt intentional.

No. That's silly. The woman gets hurt too easily.

She's being a drama queen!! It's not like your kids had brain surgery, they had a very simple out patient procedure. I wouldn't think another minute about it.

These are your children, your life. While it is nice that your SIL cares so much, it is not your or your husband's responsibility to inform her of every detail in your childrens' lives. You SIL sounds sweet, but very high maintenance. Just call her and and tell her that you and your husband only told your parents and your grandma, and please don't be offended b/c it was not your intention. Now the ball will be in her court. You did your part and you are DONE. At that point, she will have 2 choices: 1) accept your explanation (do NOT apologize - you did nothing wrong) or 2) not accept your explanation and that will be HER PROBLEM. Please don't stress over this!

It wasn't wrong at all.

It's not a matter of right or wrong, but different. If you SIL spends a lot of time with your kids and shows she loves loves them a lot then maybe she should have been told. Thank her for her concern and tell her you will keep her in the loop from now on. Explain you didn't want to make a big deal about the surgeries because you didn't want the kids to become afraid. Welcome her with open arms when she comes to visit in the hospital. She probably loves your kids like they are her own.

I think you did the right thing. When my daughter had tubes put in her ears we told my father and my husband's mother. Anyone else that heard about it got it from them not us. We were too busy taking care of our daughter to worry if everyone else got the message. There was so much going on and it was such a minor surgery that it didn't seem like that was a big enough deal. On that same note maybe you could have had your parents or mother-in-law call and tell everyone else that way they still knew but you didn't have to make the calls.

No, you weren't wrong. Why cause others worry? I wouldn't expect my sister to tell me about stuff like that, or my SIL. BIG stuff, like major surgery, maybe, but not this. Your actions were fine and your reply was fine.

I dont think it's necessary to call everyone for routine stuff like tonsils and ear tubes... don't feel bad. As far as the "text" from your SIL she was only showing "concern" and I doubt was actually "hurt" that you didnt tell them. You hafta remember to read between the lines with text and email since you cant hear expression and tone.
No worries.
You gave her the right answer.

No, not wrong. Ladies just like to be in the loop more than guys. My husband didn't mention my last surgery to his brother's either, and one's wife was mad that we hadn't told her.

My neighbor had emergency surgery from an accident. The wife wasn't going to tell any of his family because they haven't talked to them in years even though they are local. Her son decided to call Grandpa in a different state and mention it. Next thing the wife knew husband's whole local family was in the waiting room.

I only notify those that need to know. My milk shake in the middle had to have 7 root canals done at once and they we doing it at the childrens hospital because he was needing to be put under. My hubby stayed home with my other two boys. I gave my moms (mil and my own) which part they wanted to play...one needed to come with me to keep me sane. the other was to take older brother home to so he got the one on one and my msitm got all daddies and most mommies attention. anyone else who knew found out from the moms. it was our deal.

You handles this great. Had you needed help or support you would have reached out but if you and your hub have it under control...all the others can do is sit and worry which wil l make you worry more. so the less who know...is better IMHO.

libby

Family is family and I can sympathize with your sister-in-law's point of view competely.
Everything is fine, over and done with so this is going to sound like a mute point but please take this into consideration for the future.
My husband and I live out of state from our grandchild who was going to have her tonsils and adnoids removed. This was was supposed to be a minor surgery and she was to be released after the surgery was performed to go home. I am very glad that my son called us and gave my husband and myself the option of being there or not as complications came up during the surgery and she was hospitalized afterwards overnight and yes, gramma stayed with her as well as both of her parents.
A lesson that I learned years ago from experiencing another family members minor surgery that went haywire...you can't predict what will happen during any surgery, and yes, this previous experience pulled up in my memory bank and that was why I made the flight reservations.
A phone call letting one of your family members know what type of surgery and where the surgery is going to take place is not only being considerate but could save you the emotional questions and answers you are now experiencing in the future.

We don't notify family members about minor outpatient procedures. If it was major surgery or something that was going to require an extended hospital stay, then we let people know.

I meant to ask, how's everyone doing??

I wouldn't worry about it. You were busy, just like you said... too overwhelmed with what was going on with everybody else, that you didn't realize a memo to each family member was in order. She just wants to be supportive which is great, but it's not like it's her business, you know?

I think you handled it well, saying it wasn't personal. She needs to understand your position, and if she can't, then that's kind of her problem... but don't make it YOUR problem, go take care of everyone! :)

Hope everyone has a fast recovery and you get a little downtime! :)

My family is in the loop,you seem to have choose that is wasn't a need to know basis your call to tell what goes on with your family/children.

I don't think that you were wrong since it was pretty routine surgery, but I can understand if she ended up hearing it from someone else that she was hurt and concerned. I would just be honest with her and explain why you didn't tell her and hopefully she will let it go.

One suggestion is to create a family blog and have people post to it current happenings. That way you avoid things like this happening in the future.

It's a personal decision and since it was minor surgery your family is over reacting. Do they let you know when they take their kids to the dentist for a root canal?

I would apologize for unintentionally hurting there feelings and let it go at that. At least you know they care.

Blessings...

Wise advice from Lisa W. You did what you thought was right and didn't mean to hurt or offend. Appologize for hurting her feelings and keep the entire family posted on the healing progress. They may want to do something special for the kids to help them feel better. My family shares everything which can be somewhat of a drag when they forget to tell me but I'm not offended. I know they don't mean me any harm.

No. Not wrong. But I would apologize to your SIL. Just tell her the truth... that you didn't think of it as that big of a deal. If they have surgeries in the future you will be sure to inform her, if she wants you to. But really, you just didn't think this was that big of a deal.

Then follow through, should any more surgeries happen. Maybe she wanted an opportunity to dote on and spoil the kids. Maybe she just felt like she should say something about the surgeries and it came out wrong in a Text mssg (darn those things... hard to read between the lines sometimes, ya know?) Maybe she thought that she was the only one who didn't know.

Just apologize, say you didn't think of it as a big deal or you WOULD HAVE called her, and then let it go.
:)

I would have. I tell my family every time there is something with my kids and they appreciate it. I let my husband deal with his family since they don't live here.

Geez. Don't worry about it. You weren't wrong. Tell her you made a choice and didn't intend to hurt her feelings.

I don't tell my mom or my MIL anything that the rest of the family or the world for that matter can't know. So for my son's 3 major surgeries and 4 minor ones we told them and we were done, it was taken care of. You had a lot going on and should not be expected to tell everyone. If her feelings are hurt then maybe she is just being selfish or is sorry that she couldn't offer her support. She is making this about her and should have just called and said "Hey I heard they kids had xy&z done, do you need anything?"

I would be hurt as well if my sister did not let me know that my niece or nephew were having surgery, and I am by no means a drama queen. But, we are very close and talk almost daily, and I love those children as if they are my own. We actually refer to all the kids (hers and mine) as OURS. And I believe all surgery involving anesthesia is a big deal. But its your kids and life, so I wouldn't say you are wrong in your decision to not tell them.

I think you handled everything perfectly. It wasn't a big deal, right? Enforce the 'nothing personal' part of it, as your SIL probably feels like you don't care about her enough. Ya told mom and grandma, but not her - "Why not me? What do you have against me?" might be her thoughts.

Now you know for next time - just send an email out to everyone and say "Just have the doctor's and kids in our prayers." or something like that.

She is probably upset because it had to do with one of the kids, especially if she is close or considers herself close to your family. Not something that is oh my gosh they have to go to the hospital but more along the lines of sharing. If she keeps pushing like you are the worst, then I would think she is going to far. But she probably considers this to be an important life moment.
When my daughter had her tonsils taken out, I let my mom know and she told my bro and sis but we did not announce it. THere is too much going on. My son was in the hospital this year and way busy for anything. I didn;t say anything until days later about the first time and my sis got upset about it. I would have said something later but, not the first thing that comes up.