Should I Force Pullups on My Daughter

Hi L.,

I have 8 children and each one has done the potty learning thing differently. My youngest is 2 1/2 and decided to learn when she was barely 2, but it was her decision. I have always just waited on each child; each one is different and each one will learn to use the toilet when ready. I had a daughter who decided it was time b/c her friend used the toilet. I had a son who basically taught himself the week before his younger brother was born - he decided that he was "big" because he would soon be a big brother & he would need to know how to use the toilet. My sister-in-law forced her son to wear underwear and he did not completely learn to use the toilet until he was almost 6 years old - I honestly think he was over stressed about it.
Good luck with whatever you choose.

You win! Don't force potty training, she'll get it. IMO Pull-ups are worthless...they don't hold as much as a diaper anyways. Put "big girl" underwear on her when you feel she is really ready to commit to training. She's in charge of this one mom, let her lead, you and hubby follow.

Best wishes,
J.

She is definitely physically ready to be toilet trained, but she seems to be afraid of it for some reason, and you need to resolve that issue rather than forcing the pull-ups on her - think how you would feel if someone forced you to look over to the edge of a cliff if you were afraid of heights !! You would cry too !!!

Try buying potty books (e.g. once upon a potty) and videos so she understands better what is happening, buy her a small potty seat (maybe she is afraid of falling in the toilet!), give her an incentive, like stickers, or a trip to the zoo if she used the potty for a few days, or a favorite food for dinner, or brand new underwear, etc. She needs to not be afraid, and to WANT to use the potty instead of diapers. Good luck.

Hi L.,
When my son was just 3 I needed to put him in a preschool program that required children to be toilet trained. I told him that if he would use only the toilet for 5 days I would buy him the Thomas the Tank Engine station house (a pretty penny). He had already been sporadically using the potty but was inconsistent and mostly wanted to use the diaper for BM.
It worked like a charm and after 5 days he was off diapers.

Since she is not even using the potty you obviously need to start with that--"if you use the potty today, you get to pick out a special sticker/have a special dessert/have an extra story at bedtime." You get the picture--positive reinforcement is very effective. Start small--just use the potty once today and you get...No pressure, just some positive experience that she REALLY LOVES as the reward that you can do daily without spending real money on it.
Once she uses the potty daily for 4-5 days you up the ante.
Then she has to use the potty-only for 5 days and she gets...

If she has expressed so much anxiety over the pull-ups, I wouldn't stress over it. "Skip" over it to the end goal and just go for use of the potty. By that time she probably wont care if she wears them or not.
Good luck!
A.

why don't you try the old style padded training pants. some have a coating so they don't leak. she might like the soft cotton feel instead of the pull-ups. JC Penney carries the padded trainers or you can find Gerber ones in the cloth diaper section of Babies R US.

my daughter was 3/12 when we started potty training over Thanksgiving. I did use pullups for a long time to get her used to pulling them up and down like one does with panties. What worked for me was asking her what treat she wanted. My daughter chose a trip to Chuck E Cheese. We said Ok.. then you have to try and go on the potty for this many days. If you don't that's OK.. but then we start again. It took us about a week and she was trained for the most part and she got her trip. She just went to to Chuck's again because we are now working on panties at night.

Maybe its too early for your daughter.. maybe she isn't motivated enough. Call it a bribe.. but if it works.. it works

summertime is the best time to try using "panties" :)

Don't force any issue when it comes to potty training. If it becomes a traumatic experience, she will never want to learn. Instead, try hiding the diapers to make her think that there are no more and tell her that (when she's home) you don't have any and she has to be naked or use the potty. She'll have a few accidents, but trust me, she will decide that the potty is a better choice. The best way to do this is to take an entire weekend and let her run naked all weekend, placing her on the potty every time she starts to go. I went through the same thing with my (now) 3 year old when she was about 2 1/2. The pull ups did no good, if she had them on she would go in them, if she had panties on she would go in them too, we had to let her be naked and when she would start to pee we would pick her up and run her to the potty and then finish by wiping and washing our hands. After a couple of times, she started to run to the potty herself. Some one suggested to me (after she was trained) that in addition to the above, had her help you clean up her accident. Also, NEVER scold her for not making it to the potty, or she will revert.
It actually took us 3 full days, but now she's totally trained. We still use pull ups at night, but she can make it through a 2 hour nap during the day with panties on. Also, take her shopping for panties and let her pick them out.

She'll do it at her own pace, whatever you do, don't force the issue, it will only backfire on you.

Good luck.

Go with your instinct. Maybe your husband is very ready for her to be out of diapers, but if it is stresful for her, then she is not ready. Potty training is work, but should not be invoking tears and excess stress, that will actually backfire and make it harder. Maybe you could find some articles ont he internet about this subject to share with your husband so you and he can be on the same page. Ihave 2 dtrs, they did not have any delays, however one was almost 4 when she potty trained. My son is now 4 and although he is day trained he still has occasional accidents and is not night trained.
Also, there are larger diapers out there. My friend has a child with developmental disabilities, he is 7 and is in diapers. I think she needs to go to a medical supply store to get them though. Good Luck!

I wouldn't force her to wear somthing that is causing her discomfort...but I would not put anything under her shorts...she'll go a couple of times and it will be messy and yucky and she will use the potty no problem...just plan to stay home for a week...if she isn't ready don't push it but you and your husband have to be on the same page, otherwise you will confuse her...

In my experience forcing does not work. I am in the process of potty training my daughter (She will be 3 in August). I can get her to wear panties and pee in the potty, but I haven't been able to get her to poop in the potty. She will go all day wearing panties and when she needs to go poop she will ask for a diaper. This has been going on since last December. In January, I thought I would try to get her to go poop in the potty. When she would beg for a diaper, I would try to distract her and wait it out. I thought that when she would have to go bad enough, she would go in the potty. I wasn't trying to be mean about it or anything, but I guess it caused her to hold her poop for about 3 days. She got so constipated it was horrible. I thought that I was going to have to take her to the emergency room. When she finally had a bowl movement (2 days later) it was so painful that it was traumatizing for both of us. After it happened I had to start all over with potty training. She wouldn't go near the potty to poop or pee.
Now we are back to the panties and she will pee, but I still can't get her to poop in the potty. I just try to gently encourage her. I have a couple of children's stories about growing up and learning to use the potty and I talk to her about it a lot. I keep telling her that one day she'll be a big girl and won't need a diaper anymore. When she asks for a diaper now and I know she needs to poop, I'll ask her if she wants to try to go in the potty. Sometimes she will say yes and she will sit on the potty for a while, but she hasn't been able to actually poop yet.

I really don't think that forcing the pullups will help. At the very least you will just get more resistance from her and worse,if you don't give her the diaper, she could hold it in and then go through what my daughter did, and that would be terrible.
When I fist started training my daughter, I talked to her about becoming a big girl and wearing panties. We went to the store together and I let her pick out the panties that she liked. Luckily they had some with Curious George on them, which she loves. I would sit her on the potty when she first woke up and I knew she would have a full bladder. Once we had the first success and I gave her lots of praise and made a big deal about it, it got a lot easier to keep it going.

I hope some of this info is helpful to you.
I wish you the best of luck!
B.

L.,

I cannot tell you what to do,but in my experience it is not good to force them. Last Saturday (a week ago) I decided to try putting underwear on my 3 1/2 year old who has refused to potty train. She said ok and has been wearing underwear and peeing/pooping in the little potty ever since. Up until that point I would offer the underwear at least once a week and she would throw a tantrum, screaming and demanding a diaper. She would yell...I hate the potty!!! So when she was ready, it was easy as pie...if they are not ready, they won't do it anyway and you will just be causing yourself a lot of stress. But that is just how I handle it.

D.

I don't think you should force her, but I think you can fool her into it. The Huggies brand has velcro closures down the side. You could open them up to look like a diaper and try putting them on like a diaper. She may not notice any difference. Give it a try and good luck!!

L.,

I agree with you. I don't think that potty training is an issue you want to force. When she is ready, she will let you know. My daughter is 2 1/2 as well and we just made the potty available for her and let her decide when she wanted to use it. No forcing, no rewards for using it -- just a lot of praise and patience. She is now totally potty trained and she did it all by herself.

2 1/2 is not too old for diapers and I am sure that she will do it in her own time.

Good luck.

Hi L.,

I don't think it's good idea to starting potty training just because your husband wants to. Quite honestly until childen reach school age, moms have main role in raising children. You should your gut feeling about it. When I look back when our kids were small, my husband had no crue. It seems that your girl has some unbalance, she is growing fast physically but a little behind emotionally. It may not be good idea to force when your girl is refusing to change to training pants. Or you may want her to try real underwear and let her put it on short period of time day time since it's getting warm, if she likes. I think you need to communicate wtih your girl and go with her pace.

Dear L.,
It does sound like your daughter is ready for potty training. And you are right, it should not be a dramatic experience. I am answering you because my son also refused to sit on the toilet. Come to find out he was afraid of it. We bought him a small potty seat that set on the floor and things changed overnite, he was willing to use it without a problem. We also kept books beside it that he could look at while sitting on the potty. In no time he graduated to the toilet. Perhaps your daughter also feels insecure about the toilet.
Good luck. W.

Hello,
I am a mother of 3 boys and my 7 yr old trained himself, then trained his 3 yr old brother and my 3rd is just 3 and just started going on his own. I am not bragging I'm telling you this because I sat and watched how they trained themselves. I don't know if it is the same with boys and girls but summer is a great time to train. if you let them walk around "diaperless" when she has the urge to pee or poop she will have no choice but to go to the potty. Also does she like princess stuff? Maybe a princess potty seat may encourage her, special princess underwear might help. Does she enjoy tv? They have a great potty training video called potty time or it's potty time (a girl version as well as a boy version)Try your local library, they might carry it. The more she fears pull ups the longer she will fight you on potty training. We also do the poopie dance for my son swing your hips and sing "poop poop (like a train)sounds crazy but the bigger the hype the better results. I understand she is too big for diapers but you also have to consider 2 is quite young to potty train and cosidering she has delays this just may not be the time. Good luck I hope this helps!!!

Hi L., I fully agree with you. As the mother of 5 grown and now helping to raise 2 of my grands, your daughter should never be forced. That can cause more problems. Let her do what she is now, telling you when she is wet or poopy. That is the first stage and says she does not want to be dirty or wet. If you are lucky enough to stay at home and don't have to get her ready for daycare, just let her ease into it. It won't be long even if it seems like an eternity. You will look back on this some day and both of you will be happy. I think parents have to realize that even though we are bigger, we cannot control. Children are people too and need to be respected for that. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

I would NOT force the potty training itself and I WOULD call pull ups Big Girl Diapers or something so that she understands it is still a diaper. To me, pull ups don't have as much to do with potty training as they do with fitting the bigger child better. Both my older boys wore them when they got too big for regular diapers and they didn't associate them with potty training. Just don't get the ones that change feeling once they get wet. Get the ones where the pictures fade instead so that it doesn't feel any different to her.

At 2 1/2 she should be able to understand that she is too big for the diapers she wears now and that these are her new diapers. End of discussion. Don't even bring up potty training. My oldest was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained and I think part of that was we tried forcing him earlier and also made the mistake of having him help clean up a couple of his accidents.

Some of the things we learned was we had to wait until he was completely ready. Be nothing but positive. If she has an accident, it's ok. We'll try again next time. Reward when she does use the potty. Don't make her help clean up accidents. And don't force!

I agree with you L. but size wise, you really don't have much choice about the pull ups. If she is too big for the regular ones, she is too big. Both my boys were in pull ups by 2 1/2 without giving a single thought to potty training. I'm just not sure why she is associating them with potty training so much. I would try to find out and if it's something your husband is saying, I would ask him to stop because the flow would probably go more smoothly if you could remove that element for the moment.

Good luck,
L.

http://APerfectMoment.MyArbonne.com

No, I don't think that you should try to force your daughter to potty train. It will take so much longer if she is forced to do it and she will think of it negatively. My husband was the same way with our older daughter. She can wear pull-ups (I used the Easy Ups - made by Pampers - they are pull-on diapers)and not go on the potty. Perhaps, you can tell her that they are big girl diapers. They come in much larger sizes. You can just use panties when she is ready to potty train. Let her tell you when she is ready to potty train and she will when she is ready. You can introduce her to the potty and ask her if she wants to go, or try the potty books and videos. No one has ever heard of a bride walking down the aisle in diapers. Good luck to you.

Don't force her, there is a potting training tape/DVD (Toy R Us/Baby R Us - Amazon.comnand it is very helpful reward her with stickers, this worked excellent for my son who was also speech and socially delayed. He is now a healthy, very talkative and social butterfly at 8 1/2 yrs old. My friend gave me this tip because she is works with early intervention
because it was hard potty training him.

Let me know if it works. Good Luck!

Instead of going with pull ups why don't you take her shopping and let her pick out big girl panties with her favorite characters on them. Explain to her what they are for, and let her wear them, even if she has accidents. Don't force her though. She should not associate any kind of trauma with a body function since it's not something she can ever stop doing. Since she is getting therapy for a couple of reasons you may want to ask is there is a different way to approach potty trainig for her.

I wouldn't force it... 2.5 is still young anyway. Sure, some kids are potty-trained by then, but my son wasn't ready until his 3rd birthday and I have several friends who didn't send their children to pre-school at 3 because they were not potty-trained yet. One of our favorite potty-training tools was http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/games/pottytim... if your daughter likes Elmo! :)
Good Luck!

go to www.bootycampmom.com This woman claims she can potty train your kid in less than a day, some even in six hours. As long as they are 2 1/2 or older which yours is. good luck

C. R

Hi L.,
I don't think you should force the pull ups on your daughter. You said she is two and a half years old. I would work with her but not force her. I have seven grandchildre and each one has been different. I think their age has alot to do with it. When the time is right she will let you know.

I would never force anything. What I would do is hide the diapers where she cannot find them and tell her either you go naked and start sitting on the potty (which you should carry everywhere with you) or you can wear a pull up. Personally I do not believe in pull ups as they are the same as diapers. I have a speach delayed son (now almost 6 and really caught up), and he potty trained - harder than my other kids, but not traumatic. Keep in mind that everything in life is a learning lesson and nothing is easy for kids - potty training now or later is still going to present change and be hard for most kids.

HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, many children will not go #2 on the potty for some time and would prefer to hold it which is very dangerous for their health. Tell you daughter over and over that if she has to go #2 to let you know and you will find a secret diaper for her - but only to go poopy and then it comes off.

Good luck and everything will work out!

why not just put on the huggies pull ups but put them on like a diaper for her, she wont know the difference but then you can teach her they go up and down like panties later. the sides of the huggies comes apart and velcros. now its no where near as easy as a diaper to attach the sides if she moves around alot, but you will get used to it.
once you get that adjusted, start potty training. i found pee easy, just set the oven time for every 45 mins. she actually went all by herself after a day everytime the bell rang. we used stamps as a reward which are really great since htey wash off, they dont get too used to them. good luck, i wont even say about going number 2, as its not working out as easy:) good luck

Hi L.,

You can't force a child that age to do anything! *smile* If you put the pull-ups on her and she hates them, she'll take them off and make you sorry you did it. You can't force her to use the potty, either. It's one of the few things she really has control over at this young age.

We were working on PT with our son for almost a year before he decided he was really ready. It literally changed around one morning when he announced, "Want to wear underpants.". He's been in them ever since. I would suggest doing all of the things you can to get your daughter primed for using the potty (have cute underpants in her room as incentive, a sticker chart for any time she does use the potty, etc.), but you are right to let her go at her own pace. You're doomed for failure if you try to make her do it now because that's what you or your husband wants.

Good luck!

Hi L.,
ANYTHING YOU FORCE A CHILD TO DO IS A BIG MISTAKE! It seems that she is delayed on some issues, so that is her development for her and it is OK. If you force the issue-you are adding more stress to her development which in turn will delay it further and cause more problems down the road for you and of course her! Make sense?
Men have a way of "forcing Life" and you will suffer those consequences. Use your gut feeling and do not be swayed if it does not feel right for you. Keep a POSITIVE attitude towards her development and help her through it with LOVE and Patience!

Good luck with this. Time will help her also. That is always on your side in growing children. Have Faith.

M. G
###-###-#### anytime
____@____.com

hi L., how about trying big girl underwear? just get her few pairs (she can help you pick them out) and see if that makes her want to go on the potty, because she will not like the feeling of wet or pooppy in the underwear. My daughter is not fully potty trained yet, but i've noticed big change when i started to put only underwear on (except for the night) she tells me she does not want the diaper anymore and almost never has an accident (its been around a 1,5 months of wearing underwear ) even outside.
that's a little more messy, but speeds up the process, in our case at least.

If it were me, I'd buy adult diapers. It may sound ludicrous, but I also believe a child will let you know when they are ready.

My daughter was 3, and in morning pre-K when she told me that she wanted "Little Mermaid panties like Francesca wears". She NEVER had an accident. She was ready to grow up...

Since your daughter is delayed, don't let her chronological age influence your decision. Remind your husband that she's not a regular kid, she's a special kid, and needs special stuff. Don;t try to force her into the mold that other people want for her. You are her mom and know more than you think you do.. . The information you need is in your heart, not here.Follow your gut, especially with a special girl like her.

I'm a 51 y/o mom to 2 girls.. 17 and 13. They both were ready by 4 to give up diapers. What's the rush?

Your job as a mom is to help your daughter become self sufficient and self confident. "Forcing" her to do things you are ready for that she is not ready for, works against that big picture. I promise you, one day she will be ready. Waiting for that day is well worth it. Making her feel respected and secure is more important in the long run than getting her out of diapers is. Age three is a much more realistic, if less popular, goal for toilet training.

S. Striker (author of PLEASE TOUCH, which has a chapter on this issue, Simon & Schuster) SusanStriker.com

try big girl pants during the day. then try the M&M trick, she gets 1 M&M for peeing on the potty and 2 for bm. And remember it will just happen some day.
peace
K.

Hi L.,

In my opinion, forcing simply does not work. Your child will do it when she's ready, and only then. I have 2 kids, the eldest with speech delays, the youngest extremely bright. I tried potty training both of them from about 12 or 18 months old (basically, when they could go for ages without a wet nappy, or when they were aware of doing something in their nappy). It simply didn't work. I myself was out of nappies day and night by 16 months, my kids were 3.5 yrs old.

How about switching to cloth? Some nappies, like FuzziBunz (for example) are easy to put on, even for dads, and if you use the microfibre stuffing instead of the hemp one, it's so easy to wash and dry!! I used cloth on my 2nd, and wished I'd done it with my eldest too. They make fuzzibunz in pretty big sizes! They also have pants. You could use them as pull-ups, or put them on like a regular nappy with her lying down, and just pull it down and up again when she needs to do a wee.

I can see where your husband is coming from, but seriously, a child will not potty train unless they're ready and willing.

Good luck!
A.

Hi L.,

'Forcing' and issue with a child rarely works and does more harm that good unless its a safety issue. Since it really seems impractical to keep her in diapers, you have to do something. If you can determine what is making her so upset (ie resistence to change, lack of control in the situation or both) it may give you a clue on how to proceed. Maybe your early intervention providers can help you break down the process of toilet training into small steps or come up with practical rewards for your child's effort or compliance.
Good Luck,
M. Kassover MSPTPCS
Physical Therapist
Board Certified Pediatric Specialist