Should I Avoid the Tongue Piercing?

Sounds like you are worried about looking young, that is what happens when an old man marries a much younger woman, she looks young and he looks creepy. Don't worry about the tongue piercing, it makes no difference either way.

is English your first language? Does your "finance" adore or abhore it?

I've read your other posts. You have been misleading and VERY judgmental in ALL of them, acting like the former wife, now stating who you are. You have serious problems, chicka. You need to get your life straight BEFORE you get married.

1. I personally think tongue piercings are silly and immature. Just like the holes in lips and ears (the gauges).

2. Your "Finance" is NOT secure enough in his abilities to stand up to his ex-wife.

3. When I see young people with tongue piercings? I see IMMATURITY and a person who chases "fads".

You need to do what YOU want to do. Look at people 20 years older than you and see how they present themselves. This is the group of people you will be dealing with when you marry this man. How will you fit in? What is the perception you want to give these people? Is your finace a "business man"? Will you be expected to make and attend dinners? Will you be getting face time with other CEO's or directors? If so? WHAT impression do you want them to have of your husband and them wanting to work WITH him??? Do you want to be viewed as the "arm candy" or "trophy wife" or "mid-life crisis"??

you have a LOT to think and talk about BEFORE you get married. You don't have your priorities straight if you come to a public website to portray yourself as someone else in several posts and then come out with the truth. You're not mature enough to be in a relationship in my opinion.

Somehow - mature people in mature relationships have these answers.
They are comfortable with themselves and don't need opinions of people outside their relationship.

I'm a bit confused.
If you already have a tongue piercing - how can you avoid it?
By not wearing the hardware and letting it heal/close up?

Your divorced for 20 years boyfriend adhores (adores?) it - good for him.
I'm sure it'll still be thrilling when he's 80 and you're 60 unless he trades you in for a younger model before you get there.
Who knows?
In 20 years he might want a girl closer to his grand kids ages.

His daughters have got to be almost adults and when they are they can modify themselves to their hearts content.
Personally I don't see why people need more holes in their heads and I've seen people with so many holes in their ears it's a wonder the wind doesn't whistle through them.
While the daughters might care about how mad their mom gets their father doesn't sounds like he cares one way or the other - he's an ex for a reason and has presumably moved on.
You want to look like a presentable person?
To whom are you being presented - the Queen of England?

so you post questions posing as the ex-wife, NOW you come out that YOU are the girlfriend?

Dating and marrying a man 20 years your senior is going to be TOUGH....my sister in law was married to a man 20 years her senior. He didn't want kids. He was done. He didn't want things...he was retired before her and she was still working....notice I SAID "WAS" they are now divorced.

Look at your life in the future. You want to see where he stands on things - like what YOU are going to do when he's ready to retire....does he want more kids? will he want to go partying when you are 40 and he's 60?? or will he be ready for bed????

If you want to have a successful relationship with your fiance, the tongue piercing is the least of your concerns.

I'm hoping you've already built a very solid relationship with your fiance. He is the person who needs to have a good relationship with his children and their mother, not you. If the tongue piercing becomes a big deal, he needs to address that with her. This is not about you.

If you are this concerned about a tongue piercing, I wonder if you are really ready for everything that comes with getting married.

Hon, the reason a man goes for a woman 20 years younger is so he can control her. He has more life experience then you, knows the maturational stages you will be encountering and therefore can guide you through them in ways that benefits him, not necessarily you. This will leave you with a lot of unmet needs. The needs he is meeting now are probably very short term.

A healthy relationship is one where the couple is equal on intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and sexual levels. Two of these levels are automatically ruled out because of the age difference, and I’m betting it’s actually 3/4 levels that you don’t connect on.

It’s concerning that this man, a father, is not at all concerned about how his relationship with a woman 20 his junior may be effecting his daughters. Depending on their age, this relationship can cause them emotional stress and make them feel abandon by their father when they neeed a positive male role model in their lives the most. No father should ever make his daughters feel like they are competing for his attention because he brought home an ‘older sister’ for a wife instead of partner of equal status. If he, at his ‘20-Years-older-age’ isn’t thinking about his own daughters’ emotional needs, what makes you think he will ever think of yours?

I think instead of focusing on the superficial characteristics you are bringing to the relationship ( which by the way speaks volumes of your level of maturity) you need to focus on what you want in a committed relationship. Do you want children? I’m not sure how much of a partner he will be in rearing them. Do you enjoy being a caretaker? Because odds are in a few years that is who you will become to him. Can’t imagine doing that while having children. Do you know how to step-parent? Do you know how to be a supportive partner while your husband co-parents? These are the things you need to be asking and deciding how these answers will impact YOUR future.
A secure man wants someone who is his equal on all levels, not a subordinate he can control and manipulate.

20 years older usually doesn't work out long term. When's he's an old man and you're still relatively young the attraction will probably wear off. Sure, get rid of the tongue piercing, if it will make your life easier. I don't understand if your man "adores" (likes) the piercing, or "abhors" (hates) it, because adhore isn't a word.

If he adores you because of your piercing, then you should be questioning his values.
Hopefully you have more to offer than a hole in your tongue.

Good luck, I have a feeling you'll need it!

I've read all 3 posts here, and I'm trying to make sense of all of them and just give you one answer.

If you are engaged to a man with 2 teens and your prime concern is a tongue piercing, I think the priorities are off. Have you even met his children? Or is he waiting to introduce you because he's concerned about the tongue piercing. And you write "adhore" - do you mean he adores it, or he abhors it? How do you make a decision to get engaged to someone when you don't know all about him? You don't know enough about his background and you haven't seen that side of his life, from the sound of it. You refer to yourself in one of the other posts as the "new girlfriend" yet here you say you are engaged.

What are the ramifications of his ex-wife being angry? Does she keep the kids from him? What is your experience in dealing with shared custody and divorced people? What's your experience with teenagers, other than having been one? What issues have you and your fiancé dealt with to prepare you for step-parenting? Is the tongue-piercing the problem itself, or does your fiancé feel you aren't all that mature in other ways and you are either a liability or a little bit of an embarrassment. Maybe he has a side that loves the wild side of a young fianceé but another side that says he has to act like a 40-something father.

In my mind, an ex-spouse doesn't get to decide who the ex dates or marries. For kids in their teens, I don't think an ex gets to decide whether they meet the new partner. (For babies, or if there's any suggestion of illegal activity, that's another story. But that's not the case here.) So she doesn't get to decide whether you have piercings or tattoos or anything else. But what's more interesting to me is why he's so concerned about his ex, and why he's making you change to keep her happy. That tells me there's something you don't know, or he has some unfinished business.

What it looks like to me is that neither of you is too in touch with the ramifications of introducing a new significant other to a couple of teenagers and a divorced family. That concerns. And even the fact that you posted 3 versions of one question tells me that you're impulsive and don't think first or organize your thoughts before speaking (or posting). So I say what I always say - get couples counseling so you can learn to communicate with each other and be on the same page. You also need to learn what it means to take on a whole family, not just a boyfriend. They were all part of his life before you were, and that's the reality.

I have had my coffee now, and this still isn't making sense to me. Sorry. What does "adhore" it mean? Adore or abhor ... either way, so long as you like your tongue, that's all that really matters right?

What happens if you remove the piercing and Mom is happy - but then you dye your hair a color, and daughter wants to dye hers the same color. Mom is upset. What are you going to do? Or you go see a concert and daughter asks if she can join you. Mom is upset. What do you do then?

Ever see the movie Stepmom? With Julia Roberts? She was the younger, hipper mother figure and the Mom was upset a lot of the time because daughter was trying to emulate her. In the end (movie fairy tale ending, although it ended somewhat tragically) they were respectful of each other. However, you have to be very secure in yourself and be able to handle this.

This all lies with you. I don't think removing the tongue piercing is going to take care of the larger issue in other words. Know what I mean?

If you want to be taken more seriously - I don't know. I don't know too many people with tongue piercings personally. Other piercings - sure, and it doesn't affect me one way or another. I find so long as they are tasteful, they don't even register with me.

Well my hubby is 19 yrs older than I am. We got married when I was in my mid 20's and 34 yrs and 4 kids later we're still going strong. So age is just one thing but not everything.

The issue I'm seeing with your postings is that you are too worried about how you will be viewed by his ex wife and his teens. Piercings are a personal choice that we make to please ourselves. If you view this piercing as something you want to change then do it for yourself and nobody else.

G. please don't change yourself to try to fit into this man's life. You are an adult and can make your own choices but you should be living a life trying to figure out what you want to do with your future instead of worrying about other people constantly. Be who you are and don't worry about being a serious presentable person. If you are made to feel lesser than others in his social circle its not good.

Are you the ex-wife or the girlfriend? I am confused by your three posts. If you are the ex-wife, you have to get over it. You cannot say who your ex can or cannot see. It is his decision even if you hate the new girlfriend. Your job is to parent your children so they know your values and rules. When they are of age, they can pierce or tattoo as they please. Spend your time on teaching them and not worrying about someone else.

If you are the girlfriend, think long and hard before you enter this relationship. A man twice your age with teen kids is going to present a whole new world to you. It takes a mature and stable person to work well in that type of relationship. If you are in your twenties, consider his stance on having more children, how he will age while you are in your prime, how he is established financially and you are just starting out. That said, if you do enter this family, it is no one's business but your own if you decide to have piercings or tattoos. If your older man hates these things, and you have them, it might cause serious problems with you two as well as with the ex. My opinion? Skip the tongue piercing.

why are you letting his ex-wife dictate your actions?
??
khairete
S.

I'm so confused. Two posts about you being a mother worried her ex is dating a woman in her 20s, now you're the other woman you were speaking of...which is it? Are you the ex or the new woman?