Should I Allow My 17 Yr Old to Drive 3 Hrs at Night? Her Boyfriend Will Be With

You are not responsible for his family circumstances. Your daughter is not responsible for his family circumstances. Let his parents decide how to handle their family, and you decide what is right for your daughter.

You stated clearly that you don't feel that she's ready for this driving situation. That should be the end of the discussion.

Remember also that if anything goes wrong on the drive with him in the car (accident, etc) she, therefore you, will be responsible. But even that shouldn't need to be said because you've already said she's not ready. "No" is hard to say, but kids have parents because it's sometimes necessary.

When I read the title, I thought no. Then I read the details. I don't consider 6PM to be "at night". I think a 17 year old driving at 6PM is fine. Now that daylight savings time has kicked in, it's not even dark at 6PM. If something happens, she has a cell phone (I assume) and can call you for help. Just check in with her and make sure they are really hitting the road by 6PM. They can take their time, stop for a soda if she starts to feel tired, and still be home before 10PM. I think that is reasonable for a 17 year old.

I can understand everyone's position here. I get that the parents don't want to drive 3 hours up and back in one day. They are there to see their sick mother, and who knows what kind of care and decisions may need to be made?

I understand that the boy has a mandatory practice commitment, and that coaches may be unwilling to bend for a family emergency if they get this sort of request all the time from different kids. I understand that he wants to (and should) see his ill grandmother and not say, "Sorry, Granny, I have baseball."

I understand that your daughter thinks she is ready. I think it depends on how long she has been driving and how long it's been legal for her to drive with a passenger who is not licensed and over 21 (that's what our state law is - I don't know what yours is). Has she done highway driving before? Is she comfortable with high speeds and tractor trailer trucks?

I would ask where the boyfriend is staying for 3 days while his parents are away. Is someone staying in the house with him? Can that person go along and help with the driving?

I think engine trouble is not a big risk. They have cell phones, I presume, and hopefully you have a AAA membership for roadside emergencies. I think the issue is much more the strain of driving, the distraction of a boyfriend (or any friend in the car), and night driving. To me, driving isn't about being able to steer or stay in your lane - it's about being able to focus, getting enough sleep (which teens are notoriously bad at) and being mature enough to really anticipate problems (looking ahead for construction or traffic tie-ups, passing cars, dealing with trucks and people speeding, using the rearview mirror to watch for emergency vehicles and tailgaters).

If you think it's really important for this boy to see his grandmother and stay on the baseball team, you could be the bigger person here and go along to share the driving. Yes, it's a long day for you, but you could split the driving, give her some highway experience, and really help out this family. Take a book and go sit in a local coffee shop or library while the family visits Grandma. And consider that it might not be appropriate for your daughter to be visiting the grandma - it really depends on how well they know each other, how sick Grandma is (which is probably a lot, since the boy's parents are staying for several days), and whether this is too personal or unwanted by Grandma. So perhaps your daughter should do something with you while the boyfriend visits her.

I don't see the problem. I assume she won't have to deal with poor road conditions where you are (ice and snow). Does she have a roadside assistance and a phone? 6:00 to 9:00pm is evening, not exactly at night. She is 17 and not alone. Highway driving is a lot easier than city driving. I have been driving 30 years, with some pretty crappy cars, yet I have never had engine issues or a flat tire on the highway. How likely is that scenario?

It's a nice thought, Actually she would be awake for a good 12 hours or more. Remember three hours up and back and the visit of a good two hours. How long has she had her license and how much night driving has she done? Driving at night with a new driver getting sleepy is the question I have. You can figure out the rest.

The reason I ask this is because I have done this type of driving in one day and it can be very dangerous.

Might be time for the boyfriend to think about his driver's license so that he is not dependent upon another to get to places.

the other S.

I see your point in the 'So What Happened.' In other circumstances (if you didn't think she was being used) would you allow her to drive? For example, if it was to her benefit? The wording 'being used' may sound harsh. This family sounds like they are going through a very difficult time and need help with transporting their son.

There are also different laws depending on the state. Times have changed a lot over the past decade. I think if you inform the parents, they may realize they are putting your daughter in a bad situation. Check your State laws about night driving under age 18.

All us mom can say "When I was 16 i drove from New York to Texas 2 days straight with no sleep." This does not change the laws that have been created today. Our grandparents can say "I never used a baby car seat or seat belts." That does not make this legal today.

Did she just turn 17 or is she almost 18? How long has she had her license? Is she a decent driver? Does she have a lot of experience driving on the highway? Does she have common sense and a reliable vehicle? I would say "yes" if she's had her license over a year, has a reliable vehicle, has a good head on her shoulders, and has highway driving experience.
I went to college at 18 over 400 miles from home. I would make that drive several times a year with my sister or a friend or alone--this was back in the late 90s, so I didn't have a cell phone.
Leave the "maybe she's being used" drama out of the equation--this decision should only be based on whether or not she is ready and responsible for this drive.
Another option--are they going to a cool city? Could you go with them and hang out for the day--shopping/museums/a movie?

when i was 17-18 ish i drove out 6 hours and then back the 6 hours in one day. then at 20 i drove a truck to my brothers place which was a 9 hr drive stayed for his college graduation ceremony and drove his car back the 9 hrs to my parents house. i was fine for both trips driving wise. my mom was with me on the 6 hr trip, but she was going thru chemo and slept while i drove (dad was at home in a panick watching the tornadic storms chase us home. ) the 9 he trip i had a boyfriend with me to drive if i was tired. and he did end up driving for 3-4 hours each way. the trip home was horrendous in my brothers shotty leaky convertible mustang and on top of that we were again being followed by storms with tornados and heavy rain.
i did it so i don't see anything wrong with someone else being given the chance.

if your daughter plans on going to colloege will she drive there? this may be good practtice for her to get used to long distance travel.. i got a friend thats in her late 30s and has to have her dad take her and her 2 kids anywhere thats further than 2 hrs drive.. no one ever made her do it and now she thinks shes incapable... so teach your child now before its an issue. get her used to it so you know she can handle it

Sounds to me like her boyfriends family is having a family crisis.
In this situation - maybe she should give him and his family some space and not go along on this trip.
In our state - a 17 with a license still has restrictions on when/where with who they drive.
For instance - night driving is only ok if they are going to/from work/school/school function, they can only have kids in the car if they are family/siblings, etc.

Additional:
Yeah, I definitely think your daughter should be out of this equation.
This boyfriends family needs to think about their priorities - and tend to their ailing family member and see to their sons obligations - WITHOUT seeing your daughter as a solution to their problems.
The boy has 2 parents, right?
Maybe it was your daughters idea - she thinks she can help - which would be sweet of her - but it's not up to her to fix this.
Personally - if I had a family member that was possibly dying - the sports would be taking a back seat and if that got him kicked off the team - well bummer for the team.

I'm confused...is she driving 6 hours total? Do you mean 3 hours going there and then 3 hours back later on that day? Or is this the next day?

If it is the former, then I would not be comfortable with that. Six hours of driving in one day is hard for experienced drivers let alone a newer driver.

If it is the latter, I would make my decision on how long has she been driving? What I the longest time period she has driven prior to this? What are the roads/road conditions? Does she know how to read a map? What other ways has she shown responsibility to indicate to you that she is ready for this?

So it sounds like a good time for you and she or for your family to plan some road trips so she can get the practice in.

The parents will let him be kicked off or not see his grandmother who I assume is dying? How about one of them stays with grandma and one drives back with your daughter and boyfriend? THEIR son. I went to college about 3 hours away. A round trip in one day would have been a lot. I don't remember anyone attempting that. And I wasn't even in college yet at age 17. Is there a bus or train they could take instead to get back?

ETA: I guess I hear my parents' voices if this was me asking for this. They'd have been furious at the idea that the other family would expect their 17 year old daughter to come to the rescue with our car. That's a several hundred mile trip which is wear and tear on a car. They would have felt it was very ungentlemanly too of the boyfriend to ask this. Is he younger? If he's same age, why no license himself? And they'd not have wanted me spending so many hours on this. She has nothing else to do? So it's not just the danger. They'd have found the idea absurd so I inherited that outlook I guess.

The problems that I see are not so much with an engine breakdown (assuming the car she's driving is reliable, well-maintained, and not some falling-apart junk car). Also, Texas allows an under-18 year old to have one passenger under age 21 who isn't a family member in the vehicle, so they wouldn't be breaking that law.

I guess the problem I see is that kids often don't stick to the plan. Are they disciplined enough to actually be on the road at 6 pm? What if Grandma or the parents need errands run, and they end up getting delayed? There is a strict time limit in Texas for the under-18 driver: no driving between midnight and 5 am except for work or school or driving to the emergency room, for example. Is your daughter disciplined enough to call you when they get on the road at 6 pm (before she starts driving, of course)? Is she disciplined enough to not make any calls while driving (letting her boyfriend check in with you every hour or so)? What's your opinion of her general sense of responsibility? Will she drop him off at his house and promptly let you know he's in the door and then come home? Is there a AAA plan or roadside assistance plan in place?

I might consider allowing her to do this if she was normally a reliable, trustworthy, rule-following kid. However, if she is always forgetful, never aware of the time, really casual about rules, then I'd hesitate to allow this.

I would say no to driving.
Can't they go with his parents?

At that age, my husband was hitchhiking to NY to see the Dead. At 16, I traveled with friends 2 hours away to see a band, it was an overnight trip. I've been using public transportation alone since I was six. Letting my kid drive home from 3 hours away, between 6&9pm, with cell phones and road service? I have no problem with that unless the boyfriend is untrustworthy or immature. That said, it does sound like the other parents are kind of using your daughter so their son doesn't miss practice, you should call them and voice your concerns about why it's necessary for him to come home that evening.

Couldn't they go after baseball practice? I'm assuming Baseball practice is on a weekend, and once a week.. if Grandma is sick he should be allowed a day off school to visit.. that or miss practice for family . Sounds fishy.

In Florida I would drive all over at 17. so to hear that you wouldn't allow your daughter to drive for lengthy trips is kind of weird to me. But I get that doing round trip in a day is a bit much. If your daughter wasn't going , I don't see why the parents couldn't find an alternative or leave with their son after practice.. what would they have done if he wasn't dating her? It does sound like they are taking advantage of the fact that she can drive.

I would have allowed it, as it would be a learning lesson and give them some responsibility. As long as she calls you periodically. That's me though.. but I would call his parents and discuss the plan with them before allowing..

She is 17, almost a legal adult. It is time for her to start learning some independence.

Go with your gut but if she has been driving for a while, I would have no issue with this. My oldest son didn't get his license until he was 17.5 but once he had it, he was off and running. Have them make sure that their cell phones are charged and that she has AAA in case of a roadside emergency. I guess if you live in the middle of nowhere I could see this being a problem but where I am, 3 hours doesn't really get you off the beaten path and help is pretty readily available in emergencies. Might be a whole different story in Texas.

If anything did happen, they would have each other (so she's not alone) and they would have their cell phones and be able to call you or someone else for help. Keep in mind that 17 is so very close to 18. She is going to need experiences like this because soon she will be making her own decisions and can decide to drive at night with our without your permission. Is driving from 6:00 to 9:00 pm really driving "at night." When you first said at night, I was thinking home by midnight. She would be home around 9:00 pm. Surely she's normally allowed to stay out past 9:00 pm.

I understand that you are just worried about your baby, but you need to give her a chance. How is she going to be ready to do things like this if you don't let her try?

One of their parents are sick. That's something they need to address with the coach. If the coach says he is going to boot the boyfriend over missing one practice then I'd say something else is going on. If it's through school they need to address this with the principal. If a child has an excused absence then they can't receive retribution from teachers, which is what the coach is.

If this is a baseball team outside the school venue, such as a community league, then the coach pretty much can do what he wants within the limits of the rules of that league.

Please talk to the parents and figure out what's really going down here. It just doesn't sound right that one missed practice is this important. Seems like he'd just have to sit out the next game or something. If what he says is going to happen is true then I do wonder what his parents plan is if your girl doesn't bring him home.

I wonder though, why they're okay with her driving him home?

If she's used to driving on the highway and is experienced at it then it would be a reasonable solution but if she's not used to it then I'd wonder why they'd even consider it. I wouldn't want someone that isn't used to driving highway to drive my kid anywhere.

At what age will you allow her to drive at night?