Should a Psychologist for a 6 Year Old Be Stern??

Since I'm not clear about what tone or responses you interpret as "stern," I can't give you a decisive answer. (Everybody's "stern" is probably different.)

Different counselors, in my experience, have very different styles and different personalities. The question at the center of my evaluation would be; "How good a fit is this person with my son's style and personality?"

Some kids probably do well with a tough-love counselor. I would not, personally, nor would my daughter, or my grandson. So I'd probably look for a different professional. Good luck.

As an educator and former school counselor, I give the students the opposite of what the home gives. If the home gives it stern, I tend to be a soft place to fall. If the child was a spoiled one at home, I gave tough love.

The therapist may feel that because you are very giving to the child, she has to be tough.

What did your 6 year old think? Does he/she want to go back to that psychologist? My kids have had teachers I don't particularly care for but as long as they were happy, I was happy.
Honestly, I would not expect a child psychologist to be stern.

If you're uncomfortable with his counselor, then find a new one. Counseling is all about the relationship between the person in therapy and the counselor. If there's no relationship, then the therapy will never help.

I think psychologists, like people in general, will all have unique personalities and temperaments. If you don't get the "right" feeling about this psychologist or feel that your son is going to bond correctly, it wouldn't hurt to look for another therapist. Are you with your son during the session or did you just witness part of the interaction? If you were only there for part of it, maybe she wasn't "stern" the whole time. How does your son feel about the therapist? If he has negative feelings about her then maybe it isn't a good fit. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Usually at that age therapy consists of "play therapy." You aren't going to sit a 6 year old down and ask them to share their deep feelings.

of course it depends on what was going on, but in most cases I would be concerned about a stern therapist. I'd go with my gut if I were you. Start by telling the counselor you felt she was a little stern and see how she reacts to that. My guess is that will tell you whether to give her another chance or not.

it may depend on what kind of counceling your having. Is it for divorce? is it for behavior? is it for mental disibility? by stern do you mean she told him to sit down and shut up or she cut off a rant? most counseling if it is just for him will start out with some sort of play / game / story type thing. but if you son (and not saying he is) is the kind who is bouncing off the walls and she said please sit down thats not stern that is matter of fact. there are a lot of factors which you need to have for us to make any kind of informed response to this.

Counseling is about relationship. If there is no connection, it won't work well. You have every right to try to find a good match.

PLEASE don't go back to this school marm. She will not gain his trust and I think that he'll actually regress.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, Lisa.

What do you mean by stern? I find it difficult to form an opinion at all about the psychologist and how she interacted with your child without an actual description of the interaction.

When my mother too us to a therapist when my parents divorced, it was play therapy. She'd initiate a game (often one with a purpose to get us to talk about x or y) and was really laid back. Go with your gut. If you think she's a poor fit, find someone who can work with him.

It depends on what he's seeing her for. If he's having anxiety, or struggling to adapt to a change in the family, or is depressed then, it would make sense to me to try to "make friends with him."

If he's being seen for ADHD or a behavioral issue, then "stern" may be exactly the right approach.

If you're there for a behavioral issue, how exactly do you expect the psychologist to help modify his behavior without telling him what to do? I would think you son trusts you and has a loving relationship with you (the parent version of a friendship), but whatever issue has him in counseling still exists.

If I were you, I'd trust the psychologist to do her job. You might want to make a phone call and talk to her directly about how she plans to approach her sessions with your son, so you'll have a better understanding of what she's doing. If, given all the information, you don't like it, then switch counselors, but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Just because it isn't what you thought it would be, doesn't mean it isn't what's needed.

HTH
T.

You are well within your rights, and in all honesty: it is your responsibility, to shop around and find a psychologist that fits with your child's personality. If she doesn't fit, then find another one, so on and so forth, till you find someone that you are both comfortable with.

To answer your question: No, I would not expect a child psychologist to be stern, not in the slightest! I would think they would be kind and friendly and easy to talk to...and come off as someone who was interested in learning about and helping my child with whatever issues they are having that brought him/her to see the psychologist in the first place.

Personally, I think the counselor and the client should be a team. Unless he's being evaluated for something very serious and she was just 'all business', a stern demeanor won't help.

Reading over your past questions, I'd look around for someone who can make a connection with your son and help him to want to open up. Someone relatively companionable. My son's teacher was warm, stern when it was called for, but I never felt like she was inaccessible. So unless there were a lot of behavioral issues during the session (read: he was disruptive and you were uncomfortable with her redirecting him, which would be a whole other story), the suggestions to look around are wise.

My son sees a psychiatrist every 2 weeks, and he's stern. I prefer it that way because in our situation it works for him. My son can get a little wild, and his DR can get him to calm down. If you and your son are not comfortable with this pyschologist then look for another.

No, I wouldn't expect stern. Our son's psychologist is calm and reassuring. He makes his point, but it isn't forceful. However, I wouldn't have a problem with him being stern in the right situation. For instance, if our son talked back to him or was doing something inappropriate. If the overall feeling was too stern, then I'd be looking for another psychologist.

In my opinion, no. Definitely interview counselors beforehand, you by yourself so you get a feel for them. Then you decide if you want to go back. Talk to them on the phone and see 2-3-4. Some will give you a short free consult, some won't. That's OK. Pay for it anyway. Your diligence will pay off. This relationship is very important so you need to be careful finding the RIGHT person for your son and your family.

My son has ADD and stern is definitely the wrong approach for him. If it's a loved family member who is stern, that's fine. That's because there is a relationship there.

If he is turned off by this woman, he won't be willing to see other people. It will be an uphill battle.

For me and my family, relationship matters. This person is a complete stranger to your son. If my kids felt that a person was "hostile" or "mean" they wouldn't want to comply. They would fold their arms and rebel in some way. There is an art to reaching a child. If I were you, I'd find someone who knows what they are doing with regards to young children.

I think every child responds differently .. As a person who was first sent to a foster home and then therapy at the age of 10.. One of the therapist I saw was an older woman.. maybe she meant well, but her being stern made her seem like a hag.. (just being honest) ..then at 15, I was sent to another older therapist and UGHH... another hag, even condescending....
don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with older (I tend to like a person that seemingly has a lot of experience) but I also think in a therapeutic situation, you need a person who shows compassion and understanding .. particularly towards a young person..
so if your gut instinct says find a better counselor, then YES.. do it..

good luck