She's Killing Me!

It isn't working for you so there needs to be change. You can't sit around and hold your child all day and have laundry and chores pile up.

That is my theory on kids. If it works keep it, if it doesn't change it.

Try telling her the list of things you need to do. Mommy has to fold a load of laundry. I am going to hold you and when the buzzer goes off you can help me fold the clothes. Get her involved with folding wash clothes. Oh look at this floor. It needs vaccuumed. Let's get yours and mine out and we can vaccuum together. Wow, lets wash the dishes together.

Try to stop the other pattern of behavior.

Good luck!

My daughter, and second child, is now 5 years old, but still occasionally regresses. There is definitely a need for closeness and attention involved, and I believe in giving it fully. Even to the extent that she is truly treated like a precious baby (just during the night ritual) with a devoted Mom to hold her and talk baby talk. Soon, it gets so syrupy, she asks me to "Stop IT"
But I really only respond to positive "requests".
Whining is responded to with a lack of emotional response or eye contact. I simply say, "I do not understand the language of WHINE. Please talk in your sweet voice." As soon as she uses an appropriate voice, I look at her in the eyes and pay full attention to her request. I try to "see" past her immediate request to the underlying purpose of the request. I read once that most all of children's behavior is based on two needs. One to GIVE love / attention, and the other, to GET it. Sometimes I have to guess. Other times, I'll ask, "Did you want to share something with me?" or "There are five minutes before the laundry is done, did you want to tell me something interesting, do you want to draw a picture I can hang on the fridge, or do we need a quick Tickle Time, before we take care of the clothes."

At 21 months, sometimes it is difficult for them to participate in many responsibilities. BUT understanding child development, and making it into a game, can help. That age is focusing on understanding categories. Call out the category, like "towel", and then count out loud how long it takes them to find one in the basket and put it in your lap (this adds the fun race factor).
After about 3 years old, both my kids loved matching and folding the socks, into sock bombs they can throw at me. Children this age are processing humor, and love to be the one to get others to giggle. Oh, the amazing things we agree to do as mothers. But... well... whatever works!

As far as self-entertaining, just keep trying new and different options. I highly recommend hands on manipulative materials, such as playdough, blocks, legos, or yarn, with high quality music (like Mozart, or even Kindermusik) playing in the background. This engages their mind, as well as their hands. Do it with her the first few times for the whole time, providing support for her ideas, as well as encouraging new ideas. Then gradually "go to the bathroom" and be right back, and so forth and so on. As she grows older, you might let her choose the recordings and add a selection of audio books (appropriate for her age). My daughter LOVES them !

I think you have gotten some fantastic ideas. My oldest daughter went through this a lot. She was the first and only for a long time. I bought a little table and put it in the kitchen. She cooked with play doh while I cooked lunch. I decided that If I did not get things done until daddy gets home it was not the end of the world. I tried to do laundry during map time. What helped me was I started doing in home day care and she had a friend so she would play with her friend. They are only young once, so I gave in and just loved on her. The laundry will still be there tomorrow, but she may not want me to hold her anymore.

send her to preschool for a couple of 1/2 days per week. was having the same problem and someone suggested that my daughter may just be at the point where some stimulation outside the house without mommy around might be necessary. it worked. she loves preschool and is happier when she is home.

My son was and is very similar. Instead of giving in to the whining, I tried (not always successful so don't beat yourself up) to refocus him. If I was doing laundry I would give him something to fold. I would work with him and try to encourage behavior of working by himself and teaching him things in the mean time. He has always been a child who wants constant entertainment. Completely opposite of my daughter who is self entertained. But by looking past the whining and giving him things to do with me, it helped us both. Good Luck.

I have three kids, and they all went through a (short) period of regression. It's the fact that babies sense when they are being given more freedom;and since she is the only child she wants to make sure you remember that she still needs mommy. When other kids come over she enjoys being able to interact and play, but when it's mommy and baby she wants all your attention. I say that to say...IT TOO SHALL PASS. They get over it, and then mommy will be the one craving attention.

I would definately hold her and comfort her when she is asking for it. This can seem like such a burdon and it interferes with other things on your agenda for the day, but it is what she needs right now. Emotional growth and development (and meeting those needs) are just as important as physical development such as assisting her with eating, walking, potty etc. You wouldn't think of putting her in the corner or ignoring her for needing help feeding herself or walking through a crowd, but for some reason people have made parents expect that a young 21 month old should be emotionally mature enough not to need help in that area of their development. Every kid is different, and although she is whiny and asking for comfort now, she will pass this phase soon enough and it will be a distant memory. It has been shown that kids with emotional needs that are always met grow up to be very confident, secure and independent because they have always had the comfort of knowing that need will be met....... on the flip side, kids whose emotional needs are pushed away or ignored often get MORE whiny and clingy because of insecurity and confusion over why their parent doesn't want to cuddle when they need it, doesn't want them near, punishes them for their feelings,etc.

I have a VERY high needs 15 mo old... has literally needed to be held, comforted, rocked, walked, nursed, snuggled since BIRTH (a complete opposite to my other child, so it's not just me!) and sometimes it's VERY VERY stressful, hard and trying, but it's just him and I know that this too shall pass....

Maybe if you change your thoughts about her behavior it won't seem so hard????.....I mean, instead of thinking it is a burdon or it is making it difficult to get a chore done, just see it it a new light, as a phase in which she has extra needs right now, which come first. Change the daily routine to have chores done during her naps or at night. If possible, have a cleaning lady come once a month, so you aren't stresed about trying to clean when she needs to be held??? Include her a little, but try not to stress or get frustrated with her needs, I'm sure she senses it and it's got to be confusing as to why you don't feel the same way she does toward you at those moments....

Enjoy her now, it goes too fast. Laundry will always be there....

I have the same problem with my 22mo old son. Some days are worse than ohters, but he has been very whiny over absolutely nothing lately (I'd say the last few weeks). When he gets really upset, I just hold him and talk calmly to him to see if that helps. Sometimes distraction works, like coloring or going outside or something. He does like Noggin on TV, so sometimes that works, but not always. If nothing is working (even holding him), or if he's been doing it all day, I do ignore him. Obviously not all the time, but if nothing else works, that is sometimes all you can do.
I'm just chalking it up to the "terrible twos" starting. So good luck with your daughter, wish I could be more help!

Help is as close as checking out ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com- we have found them spot on
good luck-k

I tell my 3 year old "regular voice, please" when he whines and I repeat what he wants back to him in a regular tone, so he understands. He now does not whine as much. For temper tantrums, I ignore and stay close by so they know I am present, but not ok with behavior. As far as her wanting to sit on your lap with laundry, I would allow it. I would give her a piece of laundry to try to mimic folding, this is how humans learn, by doing. In primitive cultures, children are not catered to, but are allowed to participate in the adult activity. So, if you are cooking, give her some carrots to cut, spoon to stir, ingredients to place in pan or bowl, etc. If you are sorting laundry, let her put in piles, show her which pile. Let her place items in dryer. Include her as much as possible. What you bring close to you, naturally pushes away; and what you push away will naturally cling to you. So, involve her, but don't indulge her. Do not cater, but allow her to be a part of what you are doing, it is natural. Try to not let your emotions pull you into her drama. If she is upset, calmly state what you are willing to do one time and then do not repeat yourself and go about what you were doing. She will eventually see that whining and tantrums will get her nowhere.

A good book to read: "Continuum Concept" Jean Liedloff

Good Morning
I can related to your exact experience. I have an only child and have gone through the same thing. My guy is almost 4 years old now. I think the same behaviour started for him around the same age as your daughter (and he wouldn't watch tv either).

I also considered it a step back and he still does it from time to time. What I have noticed is that after a step back he takes two big leaps ahead in some type of development.

I also wonder if they get a little ahead of themselves and realize that they are becoming a bit more independent. So they quickly revert back to needing mommy.

It is frustrating, especially when you get use to them acting one way and revert back to being so needy.

I don't know how to change it, just go with it and bring a long a big dose of patience.

Maybe think of some activities she could do side-by-side you and reassure her every step of the way that you will be right beside her. Or if you have to get up (i.e. go to the bathroom) assure her that you will be right back and keep talking to her (and make sure you do go back right away).

She will learn to trust that you will be there and gain her confidence back to do things on her own again. My judgment is that it isn't anything you have done, it is just a development phase for your daughter.

I bet in a couple of weeks things will shift. In the meantime, get outside after bedtime for a walk to refresh your spirit.

Meet her needs now and you'll be rewarded later. This stage won't last forever. Include her in everything you do and give her a big girl job. Explain mommy has to "do" right now. Come help mommy. Consider a few hours a week away for mommy time.