She Felt Sorry for a Stuffed Animal at 6? - Doylestown,PA

Well I came across a Woody doll poking out of my neighbor's trash and it broke my heart! My kids grew up on Toy Story (my son even started college the same time Andy did) and all I could think was how could anyone do that to Woody (?) of all toys.
So yes, I pulled him out and brought him home.
After a wash I put him on the bookshelf in the hallway.
Maybe no one plays with him but seeing him there every day brings M. a smile, and I'm almost 45!

Well - I still feel badly about getting rid of a stuffed animals bc on some level, they have feelings to M. too! Crazy I know for an adult but not at all for a 6 year old. I felt horribly guilty giving away my favorite stuffed dog from when i was a kid J. a year or so ago.

Both of my boys are much like your daughter. They are extremely imaginative and compassionate, although they are older than your daughter (9 and 15).

I was also much like your daughter. I had a stuffed mouse that I was extremely attached to, and I kept it well into adulthood which is quite unusual for M.. I'm the opposite of a pack-rat, and seldom keep anything. When I was almost 30 years old, we were getting ready to move into a new home, and I found this mouse in my closet. I decided it was time to get rid of her, and I threw her in the trash. I was in cleaning mode.

My husband found M. in our room hours later, sobbing. I couldn't believe I had thrown out my beloved mouse. I knew she was J. a stuffed animal (for goodness sake, I was almost 30 years old!), but I felt so bad about it. He suggested I get her out of the trash, but I had tried that, and she was too dirty. I had thrown her on top of a bunch of food. I left her in the trash, and felt awful for days.

On my 30th birthday, I opened a gift from my husband, and it was the mouse. He had gotten her out of the trash and had her professionally cleaned. I felt such a sense of relief! It was one of the best gifts I have ever received; I really married an amazing man! Now, almost 13 years later, she sits proudly on a shelf in my closet, and I feel so much better knowing she is there.

Your daughter will likely feel that same relief knowing that the other stuffed animal is in good hands. Some of us do have very active imaginations and such strong compassion that it reaches to inanimate objects. We do know the difference between reality and fantasy, but still . . . :)

Your daughter sounds lovely.

I remember piling all my stuffed animals into my bed even though it was uncomfortable, because I did not want any of them to "feel left out". I did this till I was 10 or so. Even though I knew they were not real, I still felt like there was a chance they might have a soul or have feelings. And why not? Some of those stuffed animals had been my main source of comfort for years (I mean besides my family). Anytime the girls at school were mean or mom yelled at M. or I was sick or whatever...my stuffed dog was always there to hug and help M. feel less alone. I guess that is the magic of a special toy. I still would never get rid of my few special stuffed animals from when I was a child, I still have them in a trunk.

Think about how teary eyed most of the parents were in the theater for Toy Story when the toys are given away :)

My son is almost 10 and still kindof does this. He remembers a stuffed frog I chucked on the trash many years ago (I can't even remember why, it was a punishment but a super lame one!) a few years later we found the same "model" of stuffed animal at the thrift store and bought it, he still voices that he hopes this is the same actual stuffed animal that made its way to the thrift store rather than rotting away in a pile of trash at the dump. I think it is sweet.

Don't worry about your little girl! She is normal and sounds sweet.

I want to hug your daughter!

This could be part of her personality. She may grow up to be writer. Or a dancer. Or the best *teacher* a little kid ever had!

Don't find fault with her (I don't think you're wanting to find fault; you're wanting to understand because it's making you a little uncomfortable). Help her to explore this sensitivity she has without making her feel weird or uncomfortable about it. If she can make good use of it, it will be healthy for her. (On the other hand, if she turns it inward, it could hurt her.) If you don't know how, see if her teacher can give you some suggestions.

You could ask your daughter if she'd like to make a picture of this. Or if she'd like to write a story about it (with your help - you can be her secretary and write the hard words). That way she can also make an good ending to the scenario, which might make her feel better.

Then... I wouldn't mail an answer from the stuffed animal, because that would be deceptive and she'd know it. I would tell her that stuffed animals don't have mail boxes (which is true!), and ask her if she would let M. keep the letter. And I'd definitely keep it! It's a treasure.

There are people who have names for all their toys, names that go with the toys' real feelings, and they remember those names even when they're grandparents! There are kids (of many ages) who invest fallen leaves with personality. There are some who can make a wandering sidewalk ant into a hero and a too-short pencil into a beautiful character. There are some who see a vacant lot and imagine a beautiful family home there - and then build it. They may get laughed at or thought strange. But they are folks who make the world brighter and a little more enjoyable for the rest of us.

Your daughter sounds like a pretty remarkable girl. She's full of empathy, and the letter she wrote sounds quite expressive for a six year old. Regardless of the fact that it's a stuffed animal, she connected it with feelings when she was five and never resolved it. I would convince her that its probably found a new, loving home.

My older daughter is super empathetic like that. At age 10, she focuses it on people and animals. She's been a vegetarian for over 6 months. And when she gets in trouble she gets very upset that she's disappointed us, rather than at the punishment. She also gets comments from teachers every year on her kindness to other students.

Your daughter sounds very sensitive as well. It's a wonderful trait to have, but can be full of moments of sadness like that. Do your best to comfort her when she needs it.

I'm glad to see she has such empathy. To M., it's developmentally appropriate. She quite likely is able to logically recognize that the animal is fake and does not actually have feelings, but the empathy she feels is real (especially if she's seen Toy Story, which can even make adults feel empathy for inanimate objects).

I kind of like the idea of the return letter.

My 9 year old is still crying about her stuffed animal she accidentally left on a plane a year ago. I mean she breaks down and has a crying fit and is really worried about the darn thing, and if it ended up in the trash or if some other kid was able to take it.

I get aggravated when it goes on a little too long and she drags it out, but she is a very empathetic kid and has a heart of gold, so I cannot fault her for that.

Ok, say it with M.: FEE-ON-SAY. Fiancee. See, you can do it!

Anyway, my Emmy was like that, too. She personified everything, not J. stuffed toys, but cars and food.....everything was a he or she, not IT.

Turns out she's J. inherently empathic. And not surprisingly med school bound.

:)

This reminds M. of something that happened to M. when I was about six years old. We were at a craft fair and a lady was selling these little crocheted teddy bears. I pointed to the one I wanted, but she mistakenly handed M. a different one saying "This one?" I didn't have the heart to reject that teddy bear, so I said yes and took it! It always held a special place in my heart because I felt like I had saved it, but I also had mixed feelings because it wasn't really the one I wanted. I still remember this vividly, and we're talking about 35 years ago!

I think she knows that stuffies don't really have feelings. I would mail the letter. It might give her closure. Not sure about writing one back to her -- that might be a little strange. But maybe not! Mail the letter for her and see if she brings it up again.

Others have said what I wanted to say. You have a lovely, empathetic daughter!

I would definitely have her "mail" the letter, and then mail one back from the person who has the stuffed animal. It may bring her closure.

Don't forget to put her letter in her baby book! It's definitely something you'll want to treasure.

I agree, sensitive. It's a good thing for the world but can be very hard on her. Let her mail the letter. Then she might can let it go. This sounds a lot like M. as a child, even at older than six. I happen to think its part of being "gifted". Its a kind of a developing Emotional intelligence. It will get her far in this world, if she can also take chances. J. because you don't understand it, don't refuse to value it.

Empathy is a wonderful trait!

Your daughter sounds ADORABLE to M..... at six, I think that is still pretty young and sounds appropriate to M. that she be concerned about a "stuffie" However, the guilty aspect would bother M. a bit in that I think children might hear a word and then try and apply, this without really knowing the true meaning.. Then again, all kids are different..If it were M., I would probably sit down with her and allow her to talk about her feelings . Obviously, it has bothered her for some time. Maybe help her process the feelings and let her know that the other stuffie got a good home..
I know it seems small to us.. but sometimes kids put another of emotion into their toys. When I was small, I LOVED my dolls and took very good care of them. I would get very upset when my brother would call them names:) I definitely had a big attachment to those dolls.. :)

Actually, one of my girls was J. like that. When she was 8, we finally found one of her favorite stiffed animals. She apologized to it for having lost it for such a long time. She is now 14 and a very creative person. She is also very intuned to other people but also very sensitive to what others say and do.

Oh my - she sounds like M., and like my daughter.

She is not at all a too old for this. Kids grow up so fast in so many ways, but this is very age appropriate (attributing human feelings to stuffies).

What isn't typical 6 year old behavior is her gift of empathy! What a wonderful heart she must have to have carried that for so long.

You can help her with this by helping her imagine how that other stuffy went home with another boy or girl who couldn't get the bigger one, and who really wanted a stuffy to love. Reassure her that the little stuffy isn't sad and how happy its new child is!

Only children do frequently develop their imaginations because they don't have a built in playmate, and it's OK. It will serve her well later in life with problem solving.

Treasure her gifts and nurture them. Teach her how to manage them - she is clearly a special little girl! :-)

She has a great imagination and is very empathetic!

You should tell her that the little stuffed animal found a great home with another little girl and he's very happy.

omg my son at 6 was still upset over a (helium) balloon that he let go of and lost at 3 years old. i kid you not.

now at the time it was as though the earth had stopped spinning...so yes, he was upset at the time unlike your daughter...but yeah...apparently it made an impression!

She's working things out in her own way. Play (even this letter writing) is often not about the objects themselves, but what they represent. Six is a great age to see that you have a very caring, conscientious daughter. Perhaps a story triggered this response? Perhaps she wanted both? Who knows. It sounds like she did a great job of making her amends (really, to herself) and processing this in a healthy way.

I think this is also a good lesson in letting her keep what *she* likes instead of what *you* think she'd like more/is the better toy.

My son is almost six and at this point, I would much prefer to have him write a letter to the toy he didn't choose instead of getting all whiny over it!;)

Your child sounds wonderful. My 11 year old still loves and adores a small and very cute stuffed monkey she named "Harry" at age 4. Yes, intellectually she knows he is J. a stuffed animal, but I love how she still cares for him.

Is she too old for Santa too? Since he's J. in the imagination?
I don't think it's a big deal. My 6yo son thinks his favorite stuffed animal (he's had since he was 2 days old) gets sad when he's not in the bed with him. I think it's sweet that he even considers the feelings of others (real or not) when a lot of kids his age J. don't. You should too!

This is so sweet!! The only thing I'd be worried about is that she's held on to the worry/guilt/sadness for so long. Other than that, I don't see a problem. My daughter was very sensitive to stuffed animals' feelings. I still regret getting rid of the ET stuffed animal we had; she told M. to get rid of it but then later I found out she J. wanted it out of her room at that moment. She still, several years later, brings this up! I feel horrible about it!!

I found a little Mickey Mouse in the park last year; there was no way I was going to leave him there. Even though he looked brand new I tossed him in the wash machine when we got home and now he sits on my shelf with all my other Disney stuff!! (I still wish I could find a Minnie Mouse the same size so he wouldn't be lonely!)

If this were M., I think my options would be:

1) tell her you saw what looked like a nice kid take the stuffed animal home.

2) if no one won the animal, then it's ok because he's still with his friends.

3) send her a letter from the stuffed animal saying he's fine and with a really nice family.

Good luck!!