Seperation Anxiety in a Preschooler?

Hi B.,
I went through this with my son a year ago for a short time. I think it's just an attention-getting behavior and I would try not to overthink it. Once my son saw I wasn't going to come right back if he pitched a fit, he quickly got over it. They do love to try to make us feel guilty, don't they? :-) Try not to show you feel badly about leaving even if you do--he needs to know you think he'll be fine without you for a bit.
Hope that helps--good luck. Stay strong!

HI B.
so I am not alone...my 3 years old has the same problem. Every day when I leave to go to work she is throuing tantrums and she is staying at home with my mom. All the attepts for 1 classes without her didn't work...I have to be around. I send her to a 1.5hr long camp and it was 1.5 of crying or seating next to the window waiting for me. Only think that possible works for us is when she can see me seating there, so I try to let her play and just sit in the background and I am hopeing this will improve as I want to send her to preschool soon.
Good luck

have you talked to him about this before or after it happened? It can be normal or perhaps something happened under someone elses care. I would just look into it- perhaps its something simple like someone got yelled at but I would talk about it with my child and make sure my child knows and understands that if someone is hurting them to talk to an adult etc.. I read a book to my child called my body is private.

You can get the child busy with daddy or whomever is watching him and leave when he's busy. Just say mommys' going shopping, see you later and leave. Don't look back. It's too bad that he vomited but he'll get over this. He may be "trying your patience" so he gets his wasy. Good luck mommy

My question would be how does he behave after you are gone? Does this behavior continue the entire time you are gone or does he "mellow" out in a couple minutes. If it is a show just to make you guilty (which it seems to) forget about it. Kids always seem to feel free to demonstrate their true feelings for M. but contain it for others. If he is continuing the behavior well after you are gone then I would get advice from a trusted pediatrician.

Maybe describe to him what you see when you see him being so upset (being specific about which time you're talking about), and ask him what he was thinking and feeling that time? It might be something different each time.

Maybe you could make a tape or CD of your voice and leave a message behind for him to listen to? Maybe alternate your voice messages with some songs that he likes?

I also agree with the ideas of talking with him ahead of time and using a clock. Maybe also use a clock during the day when you're with him, to time how long other things take, so that he can grow a sense of how long things take?

I'm not sure, but this might be helpful....

http://askdrsears.com/faq/az35.asp

I also suggest this book...

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...

Hi. My oldest daughter did this at the same age. She is very outgoing and it was a surprise to myself and her teachers. It was the last year of preschool and it was separation anxiety which can occur at age 4-6yrs old. We did this for 8months and she would completely stop 1-2minutes after I left her. It is normal, one day she said, Mom, I am not scared anymore and that was that but it was a long 8 months. I just tried to stay firm and calm throughout the mornings and would exit quickly when I passed her off to her teachers. We didn't have any changes in our routine either and my daughter loved school and hanging out with anyone but me because she was with me all the time. I would just constantly assure her I would be back and we didn't car pool because of this. I sent her to kindergarten crying every morning for the first week but after that she was fine. Hopefully yours won't last as long.

My first thought was that the 2 incidents you mentioned were at the same place. Maybe something happened there - and it is causing a problem.

Instead of jumping to "really bad" scenerios - I would try to find out what could have happened. Was there some fighting?

When kids change behaviors - in such an extreme way - it can mean something is going on. . . .

Of course it could be a phase - but follow your instincts - usually a mom's "gut" is right.

My son did the same thing for a few months, when he was three years old. Then the phase passed, and it happened again a few times during the last few months (my son is four now). Same as you, no changes, nothing different.

After talking to my son's teachers and reading some articles online, I found that some children go through these phases to basically "test" their primary caretakers to make sure their emotional needs will continue to be met. It's part of a child forming their own identity and growing into their own person. Kids fear that their independence means that mom or whoever won't take care of them anymore. Growing pains are fun, huh?

Just know that I completely know how you feel, but know it will pass. My son is perfectly fine, despite the phase he put us both through twice, and we're both the better for it.

Good luck!

Poor girl! Man..I can only say wow..I have a few suggestions. First, have there been discussions yet about going to school and being gone all day? Maybe if you are priming him for that, he thinks that is now, not sure about what K means, etc. Just a thought..Also, it sounds like you are trying to be the dutiful mom by making him go, good for you. Maybe the thing to do is, talk about being gone, talk of when you will be back, what he will be doing when you are gone, and that you will not come back if he throws a fit. He will clearly understand by looking at the clock when you will return. He is old enough to look at the clock and realize you will be back shortly. ALso, you can offer time of yourself or a fun trip to one place or another as a reward. Be sure you always give the structure, the time, a clock, and always the reward. THe vomiting concerns me more than the fit. Has there been a time lately where maybe you left him overnight and he was really unsure when you would be back? Also, how does he do with discipline with others he stays with? Is he using the fits and vomiting merely to get his way? Sometimes kids will do things like that to get to do what they want, not what is asked of them- they get smart to who will let them have their way, and who won't. It's not as cute as we would like it to me! LOL..Just keep analyzing the situation and stand your ground with rules and details. I don't want to see it turn into an all out war every time you must leave him and school is coming soon- oh, and the vomiting is awful to even get started..How inconvenient..

Good luck..keep thinking, you will get the answer somewhere on here!

Hello B.

Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child cry when you are about to leave. I feel for the both of you.
What I would do is when he is calm sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that he can talk to you about anything.
Ask him what happens to him when you leave for an errand, social time etc. See if he has anxiety with the people that watch over him when you are gone. I was wondering if you ever left him with a teenage babysitter. Some time a young adult sitter can be fun. The parent the aunt may remind him that it would be you watching over him if you didn't go out and an 8th grader or high school caregiver may distract him easily as you leave for those couple of hours we Moms need from time to time. I believe you are nurturing and doing the best you can. Ahhhh this to shall pass.

All the best.
S. K>

Hi B., I have a 15 year old daughter,only child, who had a seperation problem up till kindergarten, not to the extreme of vomiting or running out after me. But she became anxious when i had to leave. All i could do was reassure her and be calm myself, it did stop, try shorter times away from him, and talk about it with him, never sneak out, warn him your going to leave, show him a clock and explain when you'll be back, (don't be late). Don't make to big a deal out of it, he'll pick up on it. Hang in there. D.

Hi,B.. I guess my first advice would be to go back to the source of the trouble. When was the first time he started to act like this? If it was at your sister's, was there anyone strange there, did anything strange happen? If he is a sensitive kid, in general, it could be something as small as someone making fun of him, or it could be something bigger. My daughter started acting like this about dance class one time and I finally figured out that the teacher had seperated her and her friend for talking. She was 3. If you can't find anything that triggered the anxiety, I would wait and see if it passes. Is it normal? If there's one thing I've learned with having 3 kids, they all have their own "normal."
Just make sure you know it isn't something "Big."

B.,

It can be the most simplest thing that will scare a kid.
My daughter is very sensitive. We saw Disney on ice when she was 3.
She was scared of the evil Queen/Witch from Sleeping Beauty.
After that, she refused to go to ballet class. It turned out that the teacher used
the music from sleeping beauty in her class. Which of course reminded her of the evil Queen and got her scared.

Anyway… try playing a game with your son. While he is in a happy, relaxed mood, get him to talk. You can even take out some dinosaurs, stuffed animals or dolls and ask him to play with them. Watch what he is doing and saying. Some kids will act out what is wrong, instead of tell you directly. Hopefully what ever is bothing him is not serious.

Good Luck!

Good to know that all things have remained constant (good job listing out the background info). Certainly is worriesome. I recommend seeing a homeopathic Dr. We go to Dr. J. Polich at the DuPage Homeopathic Ctr in Naperville (www.dupagehomeopathic.com) for our chronic problem (DS has eczema). I use homeopathic remedies for all our acute ailments like colds, flu, first aid.... Anxiety in kids is common, but very treatable.

I found this doing a google on treating anxiety w/ homeopathy:
"Perhaps no other system of medicine has such a superb approach of tackling the mind-body disorders with definite therapeutic agents. Homeopathic remedies are capable of influencing the state of mind. They can specifically act to alleviate emotional disturbance such as excessive anxiety, irritability, insecurity, obsessive traits, undue jealousy, suspicion (paranoid) fears, depression, neurosis etc. By relieving the emotions such as above, homeopathic remedies bring about harmonious state of health. Thus homeopathy demonstrates the possibility of the highest goal of medicine, the therapy for the person rather than for the disease alone. Homeopathic remedies can cure mental & emotional disturbed states."

Dr. Polich is giving a free talk on homeopathy on 3/15. All the info is on her home page (www.dupagehomeopathic.com). I'll be there if you want to come!

One thing you can try on your own is Bach Flower remedy "Rescue Remedy" (homeopathic). http://www.bachflower.com/Rescue_Remedy.htm
This is great for stressful situations when a child gets hysterical or in a tantrum. It helps them calm down almost immediately (works on my little baby 9 mos when she's all worked up about something). I even give it to my dog who hates car rides (she stands the whole time - after I give it to her, she will even lay down to ride). They carry it at Fruitful Yield and Whole Foods, might even have it in the natural foods section at Dominicks or Jewel, maybe even at Walgreens or CVS.

Feel free to email me offlist if you want to talk more!
Best of luck. --Jen S. (Naperville)