Separation Anxiety? Hungry and Bottle Refusal? I Can't Return to Work!

I remember I breastfed my 3rd child longer and more successful than my other two. We are very close now. Something about breast feeding brings about a close bond between parent and child. It was hard to be away from her when she was young. I couldn't go anywhere without her, even after a stop breast feeding at 5 months. She was still attached to me. It got to the point that she would just hold my arm and smell me. It was a smell she was use to while breast feeding and I guess it brought comfort to her.

Hi there! First thing, I applaud you for breast feeding. Second, you really have to ask yourself the question do I really need to go back to work right now. Your situation sounds a lot like ours. My daughter, was exclusively breast fed, never took a bottle and hated them from day 1. When she was about 6 months, she was litterally attached to my hip. We took baths together. I never went anywhere without her. It didnt last that long, and it wasnt that hard on us being that we are home bodies. LOL After about a month or 2 she was ok with my mother. Visit this page, it has lots of info. I found useful. http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_145.bc
Good luck!!

Ana,
I also once had this problem. My daughter was strictly breastfed and when I returned to work when she was 4 months old I would get calls in the middle of the night from my husband and mother that she would not take a bottle. She was hysterical in the backround. It broke my heart. Now it wasn't seperation anxiety, but she did not like being away from the breast. What I ended up needing to do was introduce her to another form of feeding. She refused the bottle but I started to introduce her to a straw. Which she loved. It did take about a week to master that skill but at 5 months she was taking breastmilk from a sippy cup with a straw and that what worked for us. I know every baby is different and this might not work with him. But it is worth a shot. Also if it is anxiety being away from you he will just have to learn that you will not be there 24/7 but you do always come back. Good Luck.

K.

Remember this is just a season - one that is hard and that you are doing the right things by asking the questions, but it will pass to the next season sooner than you know.

I would urge you not to follow advice that tells you to ignore him. A baby has one means at his disposal to let you know his needs - crying. Until they develop (which is what you want to encourage, not discipline), the mom is the primary provider of those needs - which is what is so hard for us because we don't know!

However, if we teach them (put them in their bed and close the door) that we are not there with them through thick and thin, will they call when their friend is drunk and they need a ride home? Will ignoring their cries teach them we will be there for them when they have cheated on an exam and need to confess and make it right.
When is abandonment taught? Sorry to get on a soapbox, but as moms, we are the only source for tiny babies (even with awesome dads, the primary emotional provider is mom).

On the actual topic, it sounds like in some cases he may be experiencing gas pains, which can be very painful. Have you considered removing milk from your diet and adding proibotics a couple times a day? He could be having bowel issues and that could only grow larger if ignored. You could start taking some good enzymes like Zyme Prime (chewables are yummy and easy to eat) that could really help him if he is having digestive problems.
So good for you that you are breastfeeding - I know the dedication, great job mom!

My hope is that you are educated on the gastrointestional damage shown by many studies now to be results of vaccines and that you have considered altanative schedules to those the CDC has recommended without one single study proving they are safe for babies. If you are not, I would encourage you to delay vaccines until you are able to read. www.generationrescue.com is a good place to start.

Give him a squeeze for me, I miss that little baby boy (mine is now 9 and I don't get nearly the squeezes anymore....).
J.

I remember how hard it was to leave my baby at day care. I had to do it at 3 months and I saw other children being left for the first time at 1 year, and they were so much worse. I couldn't stand to hear my baby cry, so I never left her in the crib or the other cry-it-out stuff. But the day care assured me that it was normal, they were used to the crying, and that she would be fine.
If you jump out of the shower because daddy can't keep him from crying, you're making it worse. Daddy needs to learn their special hold or song or rock or tv show. I know he's still tiny, but he can handle it. He's pulling on your heartstings to get what he wants (you).
You have to take it slow, like leaving him in the living room while you're in the kitchen. Come back after a few minutes, then 5 mins, then 10, each time letting him stay a little longer. This might be over several days that you make it to 10 minutes.
I toted my daughter with me everywhere and had toys for her in every room. She loves her day care teachers, but loves me more! Now that she's 2 1/12, I get freaked out when she's not in the same room - it's not "normal", and it usually means she's doing something she shouldn't be.
So, what I'm saying is, I fully understand your dilema. But...you have to work through it now. Better to break him from your hip now than at age 2. And in this job market, if you can work now, do it. After all, you may not have to worry about this if you can't get a job, or lose it later. (I'm pregnant now and am thinking about extended leave, but in this market, I can't afford for my bosses to think that they can do without me.)

My ;youngest daughter was like this too. Her thing was being put to bed and she would scream until she throwed up. I took her to my pediatrician and he told me I had let her become "boss" in our home. He advised to never remove her from the bed when she did this, clean her up and the bed without taking her outof the bed then leave the room and close the door. It only took a couple of times and this stopped. I would say from my experience to never give in to him when he pitches a screaming fit. You know when he should eat and there's no reason to breast feed just to get him quiet. If you know he is dry, not running a fever, and it's not time to eat just ignore it and let him cry. V.

OMG! I had the same situation last year when my son was 3 mos old and it was time for me to return to work. My son flat out refused the bottle and would scream (hsyterically) if a bottle nipple came near his mouth. I talked to my doctor and she assured me that he would be fine but would have to be fed by someone else preferably outside the home. Baby can sense and smell you in the house. I also read many articles that a baby will not starve, they eventually learn or take to a sippy cup. My baby was very resistant for the first 2 days and I had my sitter feed him milk with a large syringe. It's very emotional and heart-wrenching to see your baby suffering (or what it appears to be). As for us Mommies, we just have to trust our sitter, be patient and allow your baby time to adjust. Best of luck with this.

Ana,
We went through the same thing with our 2nd daughter. We tried every nipple and formula on the market. Nothing else would do, not even me using the breast pump. One time my husband and I had to go out of town for a funeral. My mother kept both of the girls for the 36 hours that we were gone. Baileigh didn't eat the entire time we were gone. Mama was out of her mind with worry until we got back.
I finally had to put her in playschool to wean her (she had just turned 2 yr. old). Then it was anxiety filled mornings. Many times I had to go pick her up shortly after dropping her off, because she had cried so hard she made herself throw up. She made a few friends which finally made the transition easier, but if her best friend was absent she would pitch a fit for me to not leave her. She never spoke a word to her teachers, not even when she went to 4k. The teacher in charge of screening the children for the 4k program diagnosed her as having selective mutism. She picks and chooses who she speaks to and uses this as a way to control whatever situation she is in. We've struggled thru the years and she has opened up more, but she still has her moments. Baileigh is 11 yrs old now, so hang in there. Time will go by so fast, you'll wish for these days to return (especially when they've grown in to a "know it all" teenager) LOL
Milly

How many months is your baby? Is this your firts baby?

If he's been checked by a doctor and found to be healthy, it's YOU that has the problem, not him. He feels your anxiety and reacts. This could go on for years if not stopped NOW, for his sake. Leave him with someone, your husband, or friend that you know will take good care of him. My daughter reascted to me leaving her in child care and cried the whole time (I went shopping without her and her older brother). You child has to realize, if you go into the hospital, he can't go with you!! BREAK him of this now!!!!!

Yes, it sounds like seperation anxiety but you'll have to be strong enough to break the cycle. I know it will be hard and you'll think that it is causing the baby great pain and suffering, but he will be just fine. There comes a point in their little lives that they have to figure out that other people can take care of them just like mommy does. No, daddy might not have the soft breats that feed him but he can feed him non the less, daddy won't let him go hungry. He refuses to eat, then so be it. Try again in 15 mins to a half hour till he either takes the bottle or you come home from work, store, etc and you can feed him. He won't wither away to nothing just because he refused to eat from a bottle for half the day. Eventually he will realize that if he is going to eat, then that is how it is going to happen and he will take a bottle.

Like I said, it will take time and the less you fuss over him for it (along with everyone else) the faster it will pass. I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear but it's either break the cycle or have an 8yr old that can't get off your pant leg when you drop them off at school!

Good luck!
S.

My two cents....I'm a first time mom with an exclusively breastfed 5 1/2 month old. From the beginning my baby would go a lot longer without food if I was gone than if I were around. I would feed him and then leave to set out on errands and he was always good for about two hours. Never, when he was smaller, would he make it that long if I were around. He has never taken a bottle and I've tried the breastflow several times and an assortment of others. If you are like me, you halfheartedly let someone else try to tempt him with it. After he would get mad at the fact that he was hungry and couldn't get anything out of the bottle I would always breakdown and feed him. Surely if I took a whole day to bottle train him he would eventually take it but I find this unecessary in my situation. I am trying to train him to a sippy cup currently. One of the hardest things for me to learn as a new mom was that I didn't need to pick him up everytime he cried. If he has been fed and changed and I desperately need my 15min shower time, I leave him in his swing, shut the bathroom door behind me, cut on the fan and enjoy the quiet. Nine times out of ten he is asleep when I return, sometimes he is playing, sometimes he is crying. Zander will do that same smile one second, frown, laugh, frown, giggle, cry.....when he does this it means he is tired and doesn't want to be. Also, just to let you know, there could be a medical reason he acts like this. When my son was barely over two weeks old he was diagnosed with reflux. Giving him Zantac Rx nipped the tummy trouble in the bud and my happy baby was back. When he was about 3 months old he started having bloody stools and was diagnosed with Milk protein intolerance. He showed no other symptoms asside from the diaper problem. Most MSPI babies act like you described your son. Sometimes they overeat because their tummies hurt and the milk soothes them momentarily only to make their bellies hurt more from being overfull. This can cause them to vomit. What color are his stools? If they are green then he could be getting an overabundance of foremilk and not enough hindmilk. The foremilk is very high in lactose which makes their tummies ache and causes gas. I've been through just about every stomach thing with my son... Don't assume separation anxiety, but I would say if you are in a situation that he spends a lot of time with you force yourself to allow someone else to take care of him now and then. One thing to remember, babies do not cry to exercise their lungs, if they cry it is for a reason. They are tired, hungry, overstimulated, bored, uncomfortable....what are your instincts telling you? Listen to YOU first.