Sensitive $ Year Old

I would actually do the opposite of what you are doing. The problem isn't entirely that other kids are mean to her (although they are starting to be), the problem is that she is irrationally sensitive. At least that's how I'm reading it.

I would encourage her to not indulge in those feelings. My daughter is also very sensitive, and she will often say "So and so said such and such and it hurt my feelings." I will often counter by saying that what her friend said wasn't mean, and that if her feelings were hurt, that was her choice. I think that it's important that she learn that the world is not out to wound her, and that it really is a choice to feel bad about everything. Right now her irrational thought pattern is being fed as well because her unhappiness is getting your attention. Obviously she's not doing it intentionally, but that positive attention is really gratifying. I think that if she gets less attention for her maladaptive behavior, and more attention for good behavior, it might help cut it down.

I also think that it wouldn't hurt to get her hooked in with a child therapist. I don't think that she needs a diagnosis, but I do know that people can get into negative thought patterns which can later lead to depression. Better to break the habit now.

Good luck.

I remember my niece being very sensitive at that age. She ad serious separation anxiety too. She grew out of it (more or less). But if your daughter is being teased, and it's been going on for a while in spite of your efforts, you may need to talk to a school counselor or therapist.

I`ve had the same problem with my daughter.she was always quiet and wasn't very social.For her, she just needed one good friend because, it gives them a sense of secureness. This got her to be more social.she started doing better in school and i suddenly started hearing her talking on the phone and wanting to meet up at the park with friends.its also good for you to be friends with the other child`s mom too.finally, try to get her in an after-school activity or club for things she likes. most likely, she will find a good friend there!well, by now, my daughter has a great social life!good luck with your child!!

I had a very sensitive daughter, and I was very sensitive so I know what you are going through!
People who are extra sensitive seem to be so on the inside and outside. They not only are sensitive emotionally, but also sensitive to light, sound, their clothes, the foods they eat, smells, etc, although maybe not all at the same time.
In looking at this problem, you may think that be loving her more she would be able to get over it. Or that she just needs to develop a thick skin. However, in the first 50 years of my life that didn't happen. My daughter and I had different therapies that worked for us.
She had neuro-biofeedback that made it better for her so that she could finally let people touch her. Her particular therapy was called LENS but it isn't available everywhere. It was easy, and passive. We went once a week for a few months, and then it was done.
For me, I had primitive reflex integration. Do you remember when your daughter was a little baby, and if you blew in her face or startled her, she would shake her hands and feet out away from her body? That is a reflex that she was born with, called the moro reflex. Babies are supposed to integrate that by 4 months, but many of us don't. If we don't we will have several of the following symptoms (and they can be well into adulthood):
• Motion sickness, poor balance and coordination, physically timid
• Poor stamina, hyperactivity followed by fatigue
• Visual problems – Fixation (unable to keep eyes on object for 10+ seconds), excessive blinking, doesn’t maintain eye contact
• Light or auditory hypersensitivity (hears better than others)
• Allergies to food, environment, or drugs
• Hypoglycemia – hyperactive or poor concentration after eating sugary foods or 4 hours after eating (blood sugar is high or low)
• Anxiety (test, separation), mood swings, Difficulty accepting criticism, dislike of change, emotionally sensitive
• Math Difficulties
Luckily, anyone can integrate this reflex at any time in their lives. The best way is to find an occupational therpist in your local area who knows the integration exercise. This is not the same as sensory integration. Your daughter may need some sensory integration as well, but her emotional sensitivity is related to the Moro.
If you cannot find an OT near you who is knowledgeable, there are some DVDs that you can buy off the internet. Just Google search and you should find them.
The exercises take only a few minutes a day for about a month.
Good luck. I know that soon your daughter will be feeling more confident!

I don't really think there's any correct answer. I had the same problem as a child, so I am more sympathetic to children who are very sensitive. The more kids pick, the more she's going to cry. Why? It really does hurt. I remember trying soooooo hard to put a cap on the tears, but it just didn't work. I'd feel that bubble/pressure well up in my chest and the only way to get it out was to cry. I actually prefered to cry alone, because having parents/other people try to confort me only made it worse since it was very embarrassing. It's kind of like the pain threshold thing. One person can handle more pain than another.
The best things you can do is to provide a home that's a safe haven. It's even tougher on a kid if you are stressed out from kids picking on you all day, then come home and have a loud environment. (My father yelled all the time and was verbally abusive to my mom.) She needs a quiet space where she can let loose, like her room. She also need an outlet for her feelings. The outlet can be music/instrument, kung fu, art, a punching bag, etc. It has to be something that she can turn to at home. Not just a once or twice a week meeting. She also needs someone who is willing to listen to her problems and not judge her. She also needs someone to go to the school to tell the principal that the picking has to stop. Just because she's senitive, it doesn't mean the other kids have the right to pick on her. You can control anger, but you can't control sadness.
So what happened to me? We didn't have martial arts in our town when I was growing up. I liked middle school and high school much better, because no one noticed me so I didn't get picked on. My mom wound up driving me to school. I did try the bus in high school, but when the kids started up again, I told them I wasn't putting up with it and had my mom drive me to school. High school was even better, because now the teachers allowed me to pick back. (In elementary, the kids could pick on me, but the teachers wouldn't allow me to pick back....Yes, the teachers would call me a tattle tail and a cry baby, if I reported the other kids for physically and mentally abusing me....If they complained that I called them a name, I got to stand in the corner!) Picking back in high school really worked, because all I had to have was a better "come back" and they'd stop the picking. My parents did send me for music lessons at my request, which really helped out a lot. If I had a bad day at school, I would just go to my organ a practice my little heart out and everything in the world would disapear.

Have you considered enrolling her in a martial arts class? Many martial arts teachers focus on teaching respect, self-respect, how to handle bullies, self-defense, as well as the martial art itself. This could be a tool to help her gain a sense of accomplishment and the tools to deal with her less-than-sensitive classmates.

Before enrolling, observe the teachers in action for many classes and, if your area has more than one dojo, check out several different dojos. Find an instructor who has a philosophy you can work with. In my small town, there's only one dojo, but the instructor has worked wonders. For example, before he started martial arts, a neighbor of mine was shy, withdrawn, and scared of his own shadow (mostly because he had a stammer and most kids weren't patient enough to hear him out). Friday, he tests for his black belt and has become the most out-going, charming, confident young man. Another example, my eldest son was constantly bullied because he was a sensitive guy, one who tried (too hard) to make everyone get along. Imagine my pride when he stood up to a bully, neatly side-stepped the punch the bully threw at him and ended the incident with an intelligent and witty remark. This confidence has followed both boys into high school, where both have been very successful.

Good luck!

I learned something in a training before I had children that I have ALWAYS used with my children. You are in control of your thoughts and emotions. It is so simple and yet so true. You choose to feel a certain way, and you choose to think your thoughts. No one else is responsible for how you choose to feel. When you realize that you have the ultimate control it can be very powerful. It is yours and no one elses's.

I have a very sensitive 8 year old. When she is upset I ask her if she is choosing to cry. She says yes, she vents about why she is crying, and then she stops. She understands that crying can be a release, but she also realizes that she is choosing to feel how ever she wants to feel.

I don't know if you can afford it, but the best thing we ever did for our youngest was to take her to a child development therapist for a similar issue. She was diagnosed with ADD and dyscalculia. This is not to say your daugther has these or any other problems. But it was so helpful for us to find the root of her sensitivity: She felt different from her classmates which undermined her self-esteem.
Now, two years later, she is a very happy 11-year-old who faces her challanges with confidence. Get some support if you can. An outsider can often make helpful, simple suggestions that you are too close to the situation to see.

SOOO funny, I quickly started reading, thought OMG sounds like me when I was a kid, then it click you said she is a May baby...so am I! lol

Get her involved in something she will enjoy and something that will make her feel good about herself. Dance class, softball, music...something! The praise and recognition you get is different then from what you get from your parents. I did not develop a thick skin until my mid 20s!! Everthing hurt my feelings, I was a whiny a kid and cried for everything. ONE thing I can look back and say was that my parents would let me have my moment and not acknowledge/reinforce the crying. They would keep going about their business until I was done. Even looking at home videos now its a running joke, there she goes crying again! See if you can notice a pattern in it, I think I wanted more attention, which is crazy I had tons! Was the only girl at the time and was super cute kid... always getting stopped by people telling my mom how pretty I was...perhaps its something in the stars lol Good luck and be patient with her.

Well, when I am down in the dumps, I try to increase my activity, exposure to sunlight and chocolate. A little girl may benefit just as much from natural seratonin-boosters like those. Is she involved in sports? Does she have a best friend? Does she have any interests you can use as a gateway to a world of activity?

And don't forget the chocolate. A reasonable amount, yes, but a little boost.

Good luck to you both.

karate will boost her self-esteem

If I didn't know any better I would have thought you were talking about my daughter who is the exact age with the same issues. I could go on and on about what I have done however the most important intervention that I performed was to get her therapy. I privately paid for her to be evaluated and I now pay for private group conseling for her so she now gets to be around other children who are sensitive and I also championed her school district to make sure that they provide services and are on the same page with me in regards to working together. If you need anything an available ear, some advice please feel free to reach out. It's a work in progress we have our good days and bad days, good luck.

It sounds like you've tried everything I could think of to do yourself. Some kids just are more emotional and have trouble adjusting and transitioning. However, while left alone, she could grow out of this, once you mix in bullying for these very issues, it's just a cycle of unhappiness for her. I believe school counselors are an excellent resource for older kids, but if she's very attached to you, then this might not be a good fit for her because it involves opening up to a "strange" adult and could even cause her more stress.

I think a really good thing to try would be group mother-daughter activities. This would give her peers in a fun setting, but in a structured way with you nearby and participating. First thing that comes to mind is the Girl Scouts. BUT try googling group mother-daughter activities for more suggestions. It might feel corny for you, but I think something like this could be worth a try. Good luck

Updated: I thought this might give you some ideas, hope it's helpful.

http://www.themother-daughterproject.com/startyourown.htm

Michael Gurian's book, "The Wonder of Girls" has been really helpful for me.

Here is another option. Others, please don't come back with feeling defensive about this idea. Homeschooling might be another great option. We have had our kids in public and private schools as well as have homeschooled. I have found that the most accepting groups of kids are the homeschoolers. Socialization is exactly the point - you get to be around a wide variety of people (really bright, general and kids who struggle, etc. In our group we had a girl who was legally blind, a boy who had had cancer and had a glass eye, two kids who had been adopted from abroad and had been hugely mistreated as little ones before adoption, a boy with milk autism and some super smart motivated kids learning Latin. I mean, really, nobody is actually 'normal' - we all have interests and things we don't want to do, struggles and strengths. They really learned to work together - wrote and made a movie even one year.) There are literally hundreds of homeschoolers in the Darien area. Email me off list if you'd like to talk about it.

With compassion and hope,
E.