I had PPD after giving birth to both of my children. After I had my second child, I was even worse than the first time. At my six week check-up I talked to my OB about it. She prescribed antidepressants and sent me on my merry way. I never took them. There was no follow-up appointment set to see how I was doing. Nothing. I felt so alone. I decided not to take the pills as I was so afraid of what they would do to my breastfeeding baby. I didn't want to put anything in her body that didn't need to be there. I tried to combat it on my own, it didn't really work.
When my daughter was two, I decided to see a family physician for my problem and once again they prescribed antidepressants. I was on them for two days when I started getting weird side effects. I immediately stopped taking them and crushed them up and threw them in the garbage. I decided I had to do this on my own. I began believing in myself and the power I had to control my actions and thoughts. I began going to the store ALONE at night and used this as my alone time. I had a few close friends, but they always seemed to be busy and HAPPY. I found GOD. I found myself. I picked myself up out of the trenches and decided to move forward.
I am not saying that everyone can do that, it was hard. I had the determination and the drive to find my inner happiness. No, everyday is not peaches and cream, but I am working towards that day. I seriously haven't cried in over a year, when I used to cry at least two to three times A DAY! Find a hobby that will make you happy. Go on dates with your husband. Spend time in prayer. Spend time reading about how to be a better wife and mother, as we all know that there is always room for growth. I found a few blogs that I read on a daily basis that inspire me to be the best mom and wife I can be. There are other blogs that have helped me realize that we don't have to be perfect in an imperfect world.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. A knot has grown in my throat reliving the days of my past. Believe in yourself, you are a valuable, beautiful being and I am sure that there are many people that love you and are willing to be with you through this journey. My husband was my rock.