Seeking Moms Group in Penninsula

Hi! I read the last response on your page- that was wonderful- but she forgot to mention to make sure you also make dates with your hubby - he needs to know he's still important too. I'm sure intellectually he understands, but emotionally, he needs some one on one as well- maybe if you can find the option the last mom mentioned, you can have one week an evening with your son, the next week an evening with your hubby, the next week an evening with your daughter and the last week an evening just for you- with friends or just time to be alone (I know I need that sometimes too!!- I have 4 kids between 8 and 4, no specials needs, but challending in it's own right too!!) so often when we're working so hard to be the best parents we can be, we forget to nurture our marriage and ourselves. Good luck!

ONE MORE IDEA, SORRY! I should have told you this yesterday --contact Parents Helping Parents at www.php.com -- they have wonderful resources for parents and kids...I'm pretty sure they have an ADD/ADHD parents group!

Hi C. --

Wow, you are juggling an awful lot. As the mom to a special needs kid, and a once-upon-a-time stay at home mom, I can relate. Now my son is 15, and doing fine (he has Asperger Syndrome) but it took a long time to get him where he is. I'm now a counseling psychologist helping kids like him, but his younger years took a huge toll on me and my marriage (and I'm now divorced, ahem).

Here's what I recommend:
- With special needs kids (and actually, with any child) you simply CANNOT be everything to them. It takes a village to raise a child, and we have forgotten that! In short, I think your daughter is the one who 'needs the playdate'. I realize that that's hard, so think about what sort of afterschool activities she can do, which will give you some breathing time.

- Get help for her -- there are several interventions that work well with ADHD besides (and including) medication. Again, if you are spending all of your time with her coaching her, training her, etc., you are not getting enough time to be her MOM. Get a professional to do some of the work with her.

- Set up 'dates' with your son when you can focus just on him. Do the same with your daughter. It may mean getting a babysitter, or having your husband watch the other child, but this way, you get 1:1 time with each child without conflict!

- Take time for yourself. Go out to lunch with your girlfriends, get a manicure, take a nap. The saying "If Momma ain't happy, Ain't NOBODY happy!" is very true...:)

- Finally, remember that this is probably about the worst it will be. ADHD is quite treatable, but it takes perserverance. Hang in there!!!

J.

My friend Jan works with kids like this and she'd be happy to talk to you. Here's her contact and website. She's in Mountain View/Palo Alto. Good luck, A.

http://evolibri.com/contact.html

Hi C.,
I also have a daughter ( 9 yrs) and another almost 5 yrs old. When in 1 st grade the school made her go thru ADHD testing ( kaiser ) She only had some problems so has avoided the label. Most of the school problems have gone away (4 th grade). She works independantly and completes her homework!
Still very social and distractable (but,she notices this now). I now have more problems with her picking on her younger sister.... so I hope it gets better for you and more normal.... ( it is not ever easy...)
good luck! a Redwood City mom