Seeking Moms Advice - Saint Charles,MO

Hi C.,

I don't know if I have any advice but I have some food for thought. My husband was that way in school. He constantly got in trouble for talking. It was because he was bored. He got straight A's in his class but always got a bad conduct grade. He was tested for what was called "gifted" but is now called "Challenge" and he was. It means that he is very smart and I don't know if they still do it but the children that are in Challenge go for a little while with other kids and do more challenging work. Are you son's grades good? If so you might talk to the teacher about having him tested for Challenge. He might need more stimulating work and challenge in his class.

Best of Luck!!!
M.

Okay, reading some of the other advice below was a bit interesting. I wouldn't think rushing out to get him tested for a disorder is going to solve anything. My oldest daughter is 9 and has been a "talker" her entire life. She started talking in full and complete sentences when she was 2. My other kids love to talk too. Yes, it can drive us all nuts sometimes, but I see kids who barely speak a word and then I think how "blessed" we are to have such an energetic, bright talker! Yes, she has gotten into "trouble" for talking at school. But, she openly speaks her mind to others and her teachers. I constantly have other moms tell me how wonderful it is that she talks so much and how she carries on conversations with adults. I think when she is older, it will be fully appreciated. Take heart...if talking is his "worst" trait, you will learn to appreciate it. I know it took me 9 years to appreciate her communication skills! ;-) Enjoy!

I agree with the others who said that you should focus on creating a reward type system. He needs to learn how to take responsiblity for his actions and he's kinda of stuck there right now. Get with his teacher b/c I think that you should do the system at home and at school b/c he needs instant gratification. It may be too hard for him to think about getting something at home while he's sitting at school all day. Create some type of behavior modfication chart where he gets a stamp, sticker, whatever, when he's not talking and come up with something that he can work towards after receiving 'x' number of stamps. It could be something material or it could even just be getting to read to a kindergartner, or getting 5 minutes of drawing time, or something fun like that!

Hi C.,

I agree with Melissa. I had this problem with my 8 year old kid, he talked and it was hard for him to stay still, he played around, etc... (he still talks but not the way he used to do it), teachers complained about my son all the time, and even they "suggested" to test him for add or adhd. The pediatrician told me it was not necessary. I believe that we, moms, should look for more positive reasons or causes about our kids' behavior, we might find great things and easier to solve. I don't mean to be unrealistic, just the opposite.
My kid was bored in the class, he was looking for something to entertain himself, showing all those "signs" of an adhd kid (fidgeting, moving around, "not focusing", talking, etc...) However when the teacher gave him something more challenging to do, he was so enthusiastic in the class and all those "adhd signs" were nothing..He still is a very active boy, but he is behaving in a more responsible way. Now, teachers have suggested to test my kid for a gifted program. He is very smart, social and talkative, and I remind him always about being respectful everywhere, and do not interrupt people.
C., talk to your son's teacher, and make a plan. Not every kid is the same, he does not necessarily has to fit the mold. I have seen that most of the kids are very quiet, calm and they behave how "society" likes, and that is very great! I am not that lucky to have that child, but I am lucky to have my kid the way he is...I help my kid with charts and that may help yours as well. Just keep discipline very consistent and prize and reward him every time he behaves. He is 10 year old, and he will eventually get it, but please do not think of adhd or another behavioral problem as the first issue.
Keep your kid's sugar low, make him to exercise and play outdoor whenever is possible, give him some things to "study" at home (a little bit of math games H., a little bit of reading there, have a time with him to just talk or play a game board....all this just 15 to 30 min..more is better!, but keep him busy...). Use charts and praise him or reward him with something little but valuable for him every week if he is behaving how he is supposed to behave. My kid has 3 favorite things: WII and computer games, chess,...well when he does not behave he won't have those favorite things for one week. I tell you what I did with my kid, and it worked. There will be always something so precious to them so you can use that in a good way to make your kids do what they should be doing...

Ahhh C.....it is not easy at all, you will need lots of patience and consistency and discipline. That was and is my choice to raise my kids. There are other choices out there, but it is YOUR son (not to be compared with anyone else, and YOUR situation).
I hope this helps a little bit, do not be discouraged because it is easy to be that way. Your kid is just different but not less smart or clever, just different, find the best of him please...
Good Luck!!!!
Alejandra

Respect and kindness is not the issue. Being bored and a natural social person is. I too am a talker. Talkers are high achievers who think fast and have many questions and many answers they would like to share.

I am happy that my mom recognized that when I was kept busy and engaged in my studies I talked less. If I was growing up today some teacher would have had me on drugs. When teachers recommend drugs it makes me think that they are just teaching for the holidays and summers off.

Here are some tips that helped me.

Ask the teacher to keep him busy or have him read a book when he finishes his assignments. Have him explain something to the class or explain an assignment to another student that isn't quite getting it. If you make his talking constructive and let him get out the urge to talk than he will quickly learn that he has a time and a place to express himself without interrupting the class. Praise him at the end of the day if you do not get a note from the teacher. If he goes a couple weeks than give him a special treat. Nothing big just a treat.

These things help me and the two talkers that I am raising. I also have two non-talkers.

I went through this with my daughter a few years ago. First it would be good to determine the cause of his talking in school. Is he talking to friends? Is he "clowning" and getting social reinforcement for it? Is it because he's bored as others have suggested? Is it because he's finished with his work and just figures he can talk? Is he talking to the teacher or the other kids? In other words, what's reinforcing the behavior or what's motivating it? Once you determine that you can have a better idea of what to do. Since you aren't there, but the teacher is, its difficult for YOU to be the one to deter the behavior. I'd really try to work with the teacher and ask her what she thinks is going on and what she's doing to try to dissuade him from talking. If he's doing it for attention from the kids or just for social interaction, then separating him from the other kids as much as possible during class might be a good idea. I know in my daughters school, they have the kids facing each other in groups of four as if they are sitting together at a small table. This promotes working together as a group but it also is pretty tempting for the social kid during boring lectures. Also, as others suggested, if the work is not challenging enough or if the teachers aren't dynamic enough in their teaching style, he could be just bored. My daughter had these same issues so I moved her to a higher academic school which challenged her and also had better more creative teachers.

If your kid is social, grounding him after the fact may be making the behaviors worse. If he's grounded from interaction over the weekend, I bet he's dying to get back to school and interact! Maybe you should try a different approach and reward him with social outings with his friends if he goes so many days without the teacher correcting him for talking in class. Tell him the time to talk is during recess and other appropriate times at school and then maybe after school he can have a friend play for an hour if he's done his homework. Or keep track on a chart and reward him with maybe a trip to the arcade with a friend if he's gone so many days without talking out in school.

In any case, I'd really also push the teacher a bit and ask what they can do to help you since you really aren't there when its happening. Maybe talking to the school counselor would help too. Good luck!

Hi C.,
When I read you post, I had to smile. I have a little chatterbox myself, so I understand your frustration. I will first say that I think schools have gotten more strict on children, (at least where my daughter goes). But besides that, I have done it all, grounding, taking away privaledges(sp?), with no results, so I decided to try something different. I am a huge fan of Supernanny, so I really takes Jo's advice on praising our kids. So I instituted a reward system for my daughter and at the top of the list is the talking issue. Any day that she does not get into trouble for talking, she gets a credit. We have set up credit amounts for things that she wants. For example 20 credits is a friend stays over, 50 credits is a new game for her DS, etc.. She can also lose credits for "bad" days, but I only consider it a bad day when she has been over the top. As I said, I think that the schools are a little strict. My daughters teacher gives the kids "$50" each day and they lose $10 for each time they get into trouble. I consider if she still has $30 then she is ok, depending on what the "offenses" are. She has greatly improved this year with the new system. And she is old enough (9yrs) to keep me on my toes, she asks for her credits, so she realizes she is earning something.

P.S. I also give bonus credits for extra good acts, like good manners, especially if we are at someone elses home, or church. And she always get credits at report card time. My daughter has matured so much over the last year.

Good Luck.

Oh, I bought cheap "gold" coins that we use as credits, my daughter has a jar that she decorated herself. And it sits in a prominent position on the counter. I will be starting her sisters jar really soon, she turns 5 in May.

Wow, does your letter bring back memories. I, too, am a talker!!! I can remember when I was in about the 3rd grade, my teacher looked at me and said, "Do you think you could be quiet for just one hour?" I did pause and think about it, and I then replied, "No, I think my head would explode!!" I wasn't trying to be funny, and the teacher didn't think so either, it was just a statment of fact!! I really never out grew it, I am still a talker. I was always curious, and had so many questions to ask. I'm sure my parents were at their wits end, and I KNOW my teachers were, at one point, I did learn some limits. I learned not to talk when others were talking, and to try to show some restraint in groups, just because of peer pressure. I don't think there was anything anyone else could do to have stopped me. I am now a 60 year old grandmother, and for much of my life, I have been a public speaker. I took what was a challenge to others, and made it productive for me. I can only say, try to let your little guy know that you love him, but sometimes you would love him "quiet". He will learn his limits in time, and try to be prepared for report cards requesting that he learn to talk less. Only time can help. By the way, I have a "talkative" grandson, who is now 4, and his mother is trying to help him cope with "too much talking". I just keep telling her to keep an open mind, and love him regardless. Good luck, and pray for patience. D.

The question is "why" is he talking? My son has Asperger's and can't control talking, if he has a thought in his head then it must come out right then. He can't control it and it took me forever to figure that out. So maybe try to find out why he has to talk or why he thinks he needs to talk. Is it certain times of day? Certain kids? What are the surroundings like?

Good luck,
D.

Good morning, C..
I agree with the other moms about trying to find out "why" or "under what circumstances" is he talking. What is he talking about? I am a teacher and have done extensive research on gender issues in the education setting. Some research suggests sometimes girls are considered to be 'social butterflies' and boys are considered to be 'defiant and disruptive'. It can be frustrating. Boys tend to be more active learners. I agree with the mom with the son that "no longer shows signs of ADHD". Talk with his teacher. My hubby and I did. The teacher didn't really give any suggestions, but you should have seen the look on her face when we told her what we would do.
I have an idea that you could try. My daughter [8 years old] was coming home with marks for talking too often. We [hubby and I] would casually talk to her about not talking-but no real consequences would follow. So, we decided, and told her up front what would happen the next time she came home with a highlight for talking. [Didn't take long, maybe the next day ;} ]

consequence: she has to write for 10-15 minutes about...
-how or why talking is disruptive to the class during instruction
-how or why talking is disrespectful to her classmates who are trying to pay attention
-how or why talking affects her ability to listen and pay attention
-and finally, when ARE some "ok" times to talk in class
During the writing process, a timer is set and she is NOT allow to talk. If she does, the timer is started over. After the writing is complete, we review it and she has to take it to her teacher the next day.

The great thing is...We had to do this consequence only 1 time. It's been about 2-3 months and she had only one single highlight about a week ago, down from about two highlights a week for talking!!!
Good luck!
E.

Hi C., I understand what the teacher is saying about rewarding expected behavior, but I think it's a good jumpstart...an incentive. At some point, the reward should be NOT getting into trouble and thus you and he are getting more out of his academic experience. So I guess I'm saying a 'reward' for doing the right thing and gradually increase the timeframe (i.e. start out with one day of success to two days to a week, etc. - you be the judge on what he's able to handle - don't set him up for failure!) and also discuss the internal reward also...that he can be proud of himself for making the better decisions. Eventually the internal reward can be much more important to him (and your confidence in him, your praise and love) than the external. Consequences are not only important for poor decisions, but we should remember that there are consequences for good decisions too. It just so happens that those consequences, the more important consequence, in my opinion, is the internal growth, being confident that we can make good decisions, that we can be proud of ourselves (without being boastful) and that most importantly, we can get better at things with practice (which includes failure at times) but inevitably we can get better. Good luck to you. And remember, he's not the only one in practice...good parents have to practice too...and just by your inquiry here, it's obvious you're willing to try! Pat yourself on the back, give it a go and good luck!

Try putting together a rewards system to build a good habit of not being rude in talking. We did George Bucks and made up our own funny money in Word and put our son's picture on it. Then he earned 'so much' everyday for good behavior and doing his chores and homework with out being asked. Then we put together a redemption list. For example, he could swap out five for $5.00, or he could save up 50 and earn a dinner out at his favorite sit down restaurant. We would always ask him what he was saving for, so we knew how much real money we would need to swap for when he got there... Now here is the catch - He would loose george bucks when he got in trouble or had to be reminded about chores and homework.

Now 'George' came from his last name, so you can personalize them to your or your son's name.

Have fun and good luck.

I always felt that I was lucky that my kids only got in trouble for talking. How about rewarding for not talking instead of punishing, there is a bigger incentive there for your son. It doesn't have to be big and I'd do a week to week thing for a while, then maybe work up to monthly, or yearly. I find that some schools will only let a child talk at recess, I don't know if I could stay quiet that long! Rewards don't have to be big, maybe having a friend over, since he needs a friend to talk to!

C., I have not read the other responses. You have the right to sit in on your childs day at school. I would schedule a day when you can do that. Tell your son you are just curious about his day, dont tell him why you are there. I would explain to the teacher that you would like to observe his behavior in the class room. After you can see what he is doing and what is the major cause, then you can begin to work with him on it. Until then you are only guessing about his reasons.

Perhaps he needs a bosom friend? See if you can connect him wtih someone he would really like to spend time with, and let him have afterschool time with the boy if he is quiet in class. I don't know that since you have been teaching him respect and all that, that he is intentionally trying to be disrespectful. Perhaps he just has a lot to say! Maybe get him journaling. And, if you can spend a little more time with him, even if it doesn't interest you, that may be helpful. That may not be the issue, but I thought I would mention it.

As a teacher for 10 years, let me start by saying that there is always a bigger issue for kids who are "talkers". Sometimes ADD or ADHD is to blame. More often these "talkers" are victims of the fast-paced, no- wait society we live in. (They do not recognize their behavior as disrespectful.) Kids need to be taught how to wait and delay gratification. Yes, patience can be taught. Self control is a much bigger predictor of success in life than straight A's. Assuming that your child does not have ADD/ADHD, I believe the "rewards" that many people suggested would be a mistake. A reward would only be another form of instant gratification for doing something that he is expected to do. Rewards should be given when children or adults go above and beyond the expectations, and giving them simply for doing what is expected (not talking in school) is sending the wrong message.
I also whole-heartedly disagree with the many people who claimed "boredom" may be the reason your son is talking too much. First of all, boring and mundane tasks are a HUGE part of life (dishes, laundry, diaper changes...) and kids who learn HOW to deal with their boredom have a much better shot at being adjusted, productive adults.

If you feel like he is not being challenged in the classroom, then find some extra-curricular activities that will challenge him, but make sure he knows that right now, school is his job, and whether or not his teacher is boring or highly energetic, his job is to complete the work he/she gives.

Others have mentioned that you should talk to the teacher, and I agree. You said that he is "getting in trouble," but what is the consequence at school? The consequence at both home and school needs to focus on something that really matters. Sometimes "grounding" is not enough. I know for some of my students, parents take away the chance for their kid to play in an upcoming sports game in order for the seriousness to really hit home. Real life is about real consequences, and children need to learn that. Some of the most troubled adults I know are the ones that still haven't learned that. Your son needs to accept responsibilty for his actions and hopefully you and the teacher can find a way to make him see that his behaviors do have negative consequences. On days when he is behaving according to expectations, verbal praise can be encouraging.

Good luck!

he's board! He needs more to keep him challanged than his classroom is giving him, maybe try talking to his teacher about extra work he can do when he finshes what the class is supossed to do... I homeschool,so I don't know if teachers do this or not, but I know I went through this my whole academic career and my 12 year old (who lives with his dad and goes to public school)is following in my footsteps.. he's a straight A student too... he can even be so board and distracted he's not doing his work and get bad grades. As far as respect, it is always caught more than it's taught....hope that helps some:)

I understand your frustration. Respect for others is paramount. I have found my kids don't do things I feel are no brainers until they see the value in it themselves. I am embarrased to say that the qualities I find most frustrating in my kids are the ones I am not doing so well with myself. For example interruping. I was going crazy with kids interjecting or trying to get my attention while I was on the phone or talking to someone at the door. We sat down and covered the guidelines, ie wait until I pause excuse my self and then acknowledge you. The situation didn't change until I realized I was answering questions from siblings or taking phone calls while they were talking to me. Being the mom dealing with 6 kids I quess I assumed I had the right to deal with what ever came up. I did not realize how poor my example was. I was showing them how to interrupt me. I have to work very hard to give each person the respect they deserve no matter if it is my child or a friend. That may not be the case but it is something to consider.

Another idea is try coming at it from the other side. Instead of punishing for not doing it, catch him doing it. You can just start at home commenting/praising at the littelest moment he is respecting others or let him know that you will ask his teacher each day how it went and for each day he doesn't talk he gets a reward, I have found at the begining lots of little rewards are more fulfilling than a big one. I have worked up to that as the weeks go on. It is important to find a reward that you can both feel good about. My boys usually choose extra gameing time but it could be a special ice cream time with mom or save up good days for a bigger reward at the store. When he realizes how important it is to you and he can see the reward he may try harder to do it. Plus with time habits are formed and maturity comes. Special rewards can happen just because he is so great! I find I get so caught up in the don'ts I forget to reward the do's. Sorry about the novel, best of luck.

Is there something else that he really treasures that you could maybe suspend use of or take for a period of time until he stops getting into trouble. I guess I'm thinking it sounds like something Dr. Phil would say that you have to find out what it is that means a lot to him. Maybe it is not taking something away but giving something to him if he doesn't get into trouble as a reward (doesn't have to cost anything or cost a lot). And I need to work on this one myself - talking to them in a normal respectful voice (believe me, I need to work on that one, not losing my cool) hope this helps

Good Morning C.. Kids are funny creatures for sure. They forget so quickly why they are being disciplined, goes in one ear and out they other. :) Some kids just like to talk and be heard.

What worked for us ( had to do it a couple of times b4 it sank in) was to write sentences ( two fold improved penmanship & remembering why they were doing this task)

Out of respect to my class and teacher, I will not talk without permission. If you just made him write I will not talk in class he might get it into his noggin he couldn't answer questions either.

I would start with 75 times and move it up by 25 if he continues. Like I said it may take a bit for it to sink in, but if he has to do this task every night along with reg homework he has to hand in, he will get it soon enough!! Hopefully!!

You could make a sheet he has to take to school for his teacher to fill out each day to bring home to you.
1. He was very respectful and didn't talk without permission.
2. He spoke without permission, but stopped when reminded.
3. Continued to speak without permission.

That way you & him will have something to look at and decide if he gets a BIG ^5 or gets to write sentences that day.
It has to be signed or initialed daily by his teacher, and by you when returned the next day. If it doesn't get brought home one night or thrown away it's sentence time.

May sound hard hearted but it does work with some children.

God Bless and I wish you the best.
K. Nana of 5

I just happened to be looking for something to do with my son to help him to be more in control of himself. I found some exercises that I am planning to try here:

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/handouts/behavior%20t...

Hope it helps both of our sons! If you try it out, let me know!

Have you looked into any kind of testing? It may be he can't help from being chatty, I am no expert, just a mom but there are a lot more kids these days that are on the "spectrum" I am not saying rush out and get him medicated up...but a little compassion and patience goes a long way. Have you talked to his teachers to see if there is something they can do? Maybe there is a goal he would like to work towards? Like if he goes an entire week at school a special outing with mom? Maybe start small, two days in a row?

I think a confrence with the teacher is a good first start
Lots of luck
B.

I agree with a lot of what the other Mom's have said...determine WHY this behavior is being exhibited...is he just a class clown...feeding off of the attention it gets him...is he bored...and needs to be challenged?? Does your son's teacher have an email that you can contact her easily?? Start a chart at home and list the behavior that you want to see in school...if the teacher gives you the "thumbs up" everyday for a week...then he gets a reward...let him be in on deciding what that reward might be. If he gets a "thumbs down" more than 2 days a week ( or whatever you decide on) then he looses something. Positive reinforcement is a wonderful tool...dont be afraid to use it.
R. Ann

How are his grades? Perhaps he isn;t being challenged or perhaps at on the other side, he isn't able to comprehend what is being taught? Maybe try an outside learning situation as well, like Kumon maybe, that could help him with subjects and perhaps this in turn would get him more interested in learning and not talking?

Have you tried having him write an apology letter to his teacher and all the students for disrupting class and their ability to learn. Or come up with a consequence that is logical to the action. My step-son is a gabber too. He is only 7 and has not gotten in trouble for it at school yet but I'm sure those days are coming. So I don't know if this will work but it's worth a try.

Have you had him evaluated for ADHD or other underlying issues that may be the cause of his behaviors? I would have him checked out by a psychiatrist, I know it's painful to think about, but there is so much help out there for kids! You can do it and I really sympathize with your frustration! Good Luck!

Hi C.,

I dont know if this has anything to do with your son, but my parents used to ground me for anything and everything. I never got out of the house, so when I went to school, it was like social hour for me. Is he involved in activites or is he always grounded? Maybe give him a different punishment, like extra chores, or something embarrasing for him instead of always being in solitare. Just a thought? Good Luck, let us know how it goes.

My son did that and I asked the teacher to put his desk by hers. Around 5th grade he asked the teacher himself.

Hi C.,

There isn't enough information for us to detect what is at the basis of your son's issue. But, there are 2 basic areas to consider. You have obviously tried to work with the first area, which is character training. I will share some strategies in that area later. Some of the responses you have received suggest the possibility of some neurological difficulty such as ADHD or an impulse disorder. I work with parents and children every day to provide therapies and learn strategies for such issues.

Unless there are other indicators, I would not toss him too easily into the ADHD category. But, what most people do not understand is that most of us develop some neuro-processing patterns when we are very young that are inefficient. One teacher defines ADHD as, "Ready! Fire! Aim!". This is a good description, because it shows how the brain processes some things out of order. There are children whose brains send information to the part of the brain that stimulates an active response before that information gets to the part of the brain that can inhibit a response. These kids literally act before they think and no amount of discipline changes that. Typically, the child labeled ADHD has several brain functions that are out of order. But there are always those who just have a few areas of brain disorganization and don't tend to fit into the categories of learning differences we have identified. The drugs that are given to children for such conditions do not reorganize brain function. They either overwhelm or inhibit brain function with the intention of giving the child more time to choose a response before they act. If a child is tested and found to have a disordered brain function, these drugs are often what the doctors and/or schools will expect you to use as a solution.

I practice a highly specialized form of acupressure called the Brain Integration Technique. We challenge specific brain functions and then use acupressure to increase blood flows to that area of the brain. The common result is that the brain is given the opportunity to find more efficient pathways to process information. You could think of it like defragging and/or reprogramming the computer. Sadly, I discovered this technique the year after my son graduated high school. Because I had worked in early childhood development and was then working in the field of advanced acupressure, I decided to take on this study because I saw what it could do for children. For most kids with specific learning difficulties, there just isn't a safer or more effective program I know of. So, if counseling, reward incentives, and discipline don't do the trick, Brain Integration would be my first suggestion. Although this technique is scientifically based, supported by scientific research, and has been proven consistently effective with more than 20 years of practice around the world, it is still considered and 'alternative practice' and is not yet provided by schools or covered by insurance in most of the US.

Now, regarding strategies for character development, I always recommend a book, The Family Virtues Guide, by Linda K. Popov. It sounds like you already have a focus on teaching virtues like respect and kindness. You may have used the word 'preaching' off-handedly, but this was the strategy used on most of us by our parents. Unfortunately, most of our parents didn't have books like this. The question may not be 'what you are teaching', but rather 'what is he learning'? This book provides the strategies that help children develop awareness and willingly practice such strengths - to become more self aware in a positive way and develop a sense of empowerment and self control. These ideas were developed by a non-profit international organization, The Virtues Project, whose program has been adopted by The Boys & Girls Club of America. This book was priceless to me in raising my son. I got it when he was about 8 y/o. It took a while for me to learn to use virtue awareness and the mentoring strategies naturally, but I was so glad I put in the effort and had gotten rather good at it by the time he was a teenager. I am so grateful for how this book empowered me.

Once a month I facilitate a free discussion circle for adults who wish to learn the strategies in this book. We meet in central St. Louis County. If you are in the area and would like to join us, contact me for more details.

For more information about the Brain Integration Technique, you can visit www.Crossinology.com. For information about The Virtues Project, you can visit www.VirtuesProject.com.

Hope this is helpful for you.

What Melissa suggests is very much worth looking into.
Also, have you considered ADD?

I know it is controversial to some and considered overdiagnosed, but we had my oldest diagnosed and finally agreed to put her on meds and the difference is amazing.

She no longer interrupts others while they are talking, and she can get through her school day without getting in trouble for moving and talking constantly.

J.

Hi. C. I think you should try going up to his school and sitting in his class a few times. Dont let him know you are coming just surprise him. Kids that are acting up hate when their parents do that. After you do that a few times he will not know when you will pop up on him.
P.

C.,

There could be a couple reasons why he is getting in trouble for talking so much at school, but first, is it just school or has it been a problem at home and in other places as well? If it is just at school, there could be some issues going on of which you are unaware.

Is he bored? If he already knows what is being taught, he may just be filling his time with talking. On the other hand, he may not understand what is being taught and may need extra help but because he doesn't understand it, he just does whatever he can to divert from the fact that he is not getting it. Is there a bully or some other issue for which he feels the need to make himself seen and/or heard?

One other possibility to at least consider is, is he constantly talking because he is having problems staying focused on what is being said in the classroom, such as ADD?

If, however, he is just doing it to get attention and is truly disrespectful, you really need to address that (though it sounds like you have been doing that). If the school calls and says they are having problems with your son, or if you get a note from the teacher, just simply tell them that you appreciate being informed and that you are working on it at home but that he needs to take responsibility for his own actions and if that means going to the principal's office or staying after school or whatever, then your son will have to experience the consequences. Let your son know that you expect him to be respectful (again, it sounds like you really do do that).

HOWEVER, that said, don't "preach" at him; that will only make it worse. Tell him your expectations once or twice and then let him experience the natural consequences of his actions. When he expects you to bail him out or lecture him, just simply tell him that he knows what is expected of him and he didn't follow it.

Good luck to you! I hope, for your sake, you get some resolve from this situation.

L.