I'm 27, and 10 1/2 weeks pregnant right now. (This will be my first AND ONLY!) My boyfriend is married, separated for 5 years, with his two children (6 and 7),which I adore, living with us. He doesn't live like he's married, which is good. I've been with him for almost 5 years. I'm hoping he could get divorced in the meantime, before his wife finds out I'm pregnant, and before the baby is born. I know I've sounded like a broken record asking him for 4 years to get a divorce.) He hasn't done his taxes yet, so I know he's not financially ready for divorce, and he's afraid of losing his kids to her. I'm not expecting the 'jump in the haybasket' and get married immediately so the baby and I could have the same last name, but that's just the thing. My boyfriend wants our baby to have HIS last name, while I'll still have my maiden last name if we're not married. By NC law, could he do that, even when I'm 'on the edge' of wanting the baby to have his last name, me having my maiden name on their birth certificate and it having a different last name (I'd feel like a stranger/less of a mother not having the same last name), taking the child to check up appts. and us having different last names. Or would the doctors tell him,"No you can't do that, because you and the mother aren't married." I'd hate my boyfriend and I split up, and the baby have his last name, and I still have my maiden name, even if we never married. Is that possible, or does the baby automatically get the mother's last name, or is it the mother's choice of which last name the baby receives? (By NC law) I tried asking my boyfriend last night if our baby can have my last name until we get married and he said 'Not going to happen." Then I asked him,"Well are we ever going to get married in this lifetime!?!" He said,"I don't know." About us ever splitting up and the baby having his last name, and then me wanting to change his last name to mine, he said he wouldn't put forth money in doing that. : (
Thank you all for you advice!!! You're a lot of help!!
Are you putting him on the birth certificate? Sometimes that makes a difference. Here in DE, you can put any name you want on the birth certificate. My BIL and his wife were foster parents for a girl and when she gave birth she gave the baby their last name instead of her (no father was listed either).
I agree with the others--this is your baby and your choice. The nurses at the hospital should hand the birth certificate form directly to you, not your boyfriend, and that's because you're the one who makes the call. If you're at all hesitant about giving baby his last name, remember the oh-so-important advice my midwives gave me with our first: never make an important life-decision when you've just had a baby. It's too emotional a time, so it's good you're thinking through it now. Plus Yarrmatey is right--it's an easy matter to legally change baby's last name if you do get married.
Good luck with your pregnancy and the tough decisions you've got ahead.
You can put whatever name on the birth certificate you want, just make sure you're the one who fills it out. My husband filled ours out at the hospital because I told him to, but I could have if I'd wanted to.
Hi A.---You've got some serious decisions to make here soon. I've got to think your boyfriend has some serious issues as you've been together all this time while he is still married. If he 'doesn't live like he is married', why is he, married, that is? Being afraid of losing custody while they are currently living with you seems like a very lame excuse. Hesitating because of costs is another excuse. A good lawyer will take care of all of those details. Sounds like he's content just the way things are.
So what do you want? Do you want to have some stability in your relationship that goes beyond your boyfriend having the same address? Do you want your child to have his last name? I would think it is definitely time to make some decisions and plans for a future together.
At this point I think that you can do whatever you want to do as your boyfriend has no legal rights based on the fact that you are not married. Naming him on the birth certificate has legal ramifications for support, but your best bet is to contact your state's office that handles birth certificates. Can't think of that particular office, but if you search a bit online I'm sure you'll come up with the phone number. Ask them to tell you your options but don't take that as legal advice.
I personally feel you have much bigger issues to deal with than what last name your baby will have. And I hope I'm not sounding negative, this is just what popped into my mind after reading your post. If I were your mom (I have a 27 yr old daughter) I would be insistent in her getting a commitment...at least of divorce...from the baby's daddy. You deserve his commitment. Don't settle for anything less. Good luck...I say my prayers for you. D.
As the unmarried biological mother you get to fill out the birth certificate meaning that you can give the baby any last name you desire. In most states the biological father needs to sign off on the birth certificate indicating that he is the father if he is not married to the mother. In some states this has to be done through the court. It is called legitimizing the child. It really has very little to do with the last name as you get to decide what you will be calling the baby. If you do get married you can then legally change your baby's name to reflect dad's last name. As far as doctor appointments....that shouldn't be an issue. Doctors see children who have differing last names from their parents and siblings all the time. Good luck.
I'd say check your facts. As far as I know, babies get Mom's legal last name unless she agrees to give him Dad's. In which case there is paperwork for him to fill out.
My kids have my HUSBAND's last name because it was MY legal last name when they were born.
Google it, but I'm fairly certain baby's name is Mom's name in the event of a dispute.
:)
Sounds like he is not only unreasonable, but unconcerned about even trying to make you happy.
I would leave. I would say "From your attitudes, I get the distinct feeling
I'm going to wind up doing this on my own. I'd rather make the break now than have to make the adjustment with a newborn." Give your child your last name, always. If and when a marriage occurs you can change the child's last name then. (Offer to pay for it yourself. It desn't cost much if you don't have to involve a lawyer.)
There was a question like this a year ago and ALL the women w/ experience (not married to dad) said to put YOUR name on the certificate.
If you need to go after him for child support, etc at a later date all you need is a DNA blood test to prove he is the father and the court (I believe!) will make him do that.
I would tell the nurses when you're checking in to bring you the birth certificate when he is NOT around as it sounds like he will override your decision and take the form form you and fill it out how he wants. Good luck!
I say use your name for the baby, it can always be changed later. You have to have BOTH parents' permission for a name change and if you were broken up do you think he would allow you to change the name to yours? Probably not, it's much more likely that you would sign for a name change after marriage than he would after a break up.
PS-if you are very concerned do NOT let him turn in the birth cert paperwork, I actually knew a dad who didn't like the baby's name and changed the paperwork between the room and the nurse's station...AFTER it was signed by the mother, then she could do nothing about it because he wouldn't sign the paperwork to change the name later.
Ouch you are in an incredibly rough spot. I'd put my foot down, though, on this issue and legally give the baby two last names. Hopefully before the baby is old enough for that to be a big deal, you'll be married or you'll know if it's not going to work out. If it's not going to work out, you don't need to change anything but if you get married, you can always drop your last name from the baby's name with little effort.
