Janelle,
I had my first when I was 19 years old. I ended up having a c/s due to "failure to progress". I can TOTALLY relate to you "feeling less of a woman". I was DEVASTATED! When I got out of the hospital, I did all the research I could on VBACs and read everything I could get my hands on. I found a midwife when I got pregnant with my second(in my opinion, midwife's were more open to VBACs). Three years after my first son, I gave birth vaginally to a healthy baby boy! I pushed for almost 3 hours, and tore really bad, but in my opinion, it was ALL worth it! I had all my friend's and family there, and it was euphoric when he came out and everyone shouted "IT's A BOY!!" (he was a surprise). My recovery was a LOT better than the c/s (with the c/s, I had a really hard time just sitting up in bed, days after he was born).
When I got pregnant with my third, I assumed I would have another VBAC. I went back to my same midwife and everything was in place. When I went into labor on June 16th, my contractions were PAINFUL (over my incision scar from first c/s)! I got to the hospital at 7am, got my epidural, and was dilated to 10cm by 10:30 (NONE of my other labors went as quickly!). I didn't start pushing right away since his head wasn't down, so we waited. In those 30 min., his heart rate skyrocketed to 180+ and didn't come down. My MW told me it would be best for me and the baby to have a c/s. I trusted her since she, herself, had a VBAC. I didn't realize the severity of the situation until all the doctors and nurses rushed in! It ended up being an emergency, they rushed me into the OR and cut me open within 5 minutes of being in there. My hubby didn't get to come in (they didn't even have time to count all the surgical instruments). When they pulled him out, I had to ASK what the sex was (another surprise). Come to found out, the placenta was starting to detach from the uterus (that's why they think I had pain on my old incision, and why my labor went so quickly). Going into the c/s, I was bawling! BUT, my recovery was MUCH smoother! I was walking around by that night and never had the pain that I did with the first one.
Sorry about the "book", but I wanted to give you some of my history to help you make a decision! When I go for my 6 week check up next week, I plan on talking to my MW about the chances of me trying for another VBAC when the time comes. At the same time, if my chances don't look good, I might just elect for another c/s. I was BUMMED my hubby wasn't there when they pulled him out, and the whole thing was so rushed. I don't want to go thru that again!
My MW is with Bethany Women's Healthcare. If you want to chat more, feel free to message me!
Take care!
J.