S.,
I applaud youfor your determination to breast feed your child. It seems like it has been a rocky path for you thus far. I really don't have an answer to help with your breast milk production...but I wanted to give you encouragement and support. I've copied a letter a friend of mine wrote about breastfeeding. I think you will find it helpful emotionally during those times when things seem particularly difficult.
My suggestions are this: Nurse as much as you can to keep up your milk production. Drink plenty of H2o and eat a well balanced healthy diet. Continue to take your pre-natals and an omega fatty acid supplement to boost your own DHA's in your milk. There is a tea called Mothers Milk that is supposed to help with milk production. You can even try drinking one dark beer like Guinness once in a while. And mostly, let go of your guilt. You are doing the very best that you can with your circumstances. Feed your baby with love...even if it means feeding him formula. There is nothing wrong with you. As much as I'm an advocate for breastfeeding, don't get caught up the idea that it's the ONLY thing you can or have to do for your child. Your child needs you.
Also, are you having any negative emotions about his birth via ceserean? Was it a traumatic experience for you? Do you have any healing to do from it? Sometimes our birth experience can affect how we nurse...and it definitely can affect our emotions and the guilt we place on ourselves.
Be sure to read the article my friend wrote below. I think you will find it nurturing to you.
Best wishes on your journey. Be determined to do what is best for your son, yet be gentle with yourself as well.
In peace,
A.
mom of 4. Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com
Breastfeeding From Within
By Virginia Bobro
Birthing From Within encourages and teaches "doing the next best thing" when it comes to making decisions within the flow of labor and birth. The same mind-set is important during postpartum and breastfeeding. In the days, weeks, months, and even years that a woman is breastfeeding, she will face numerous obstacles, detours, and unexpected events. How she prepares prenatally and how she views these challenges can make a difference in her ability to cope.
As a breastfeeding counselor, I support many breastfeeding mothers who have to change their perception of what a "successful" breastfeeding relationship is. Some mothers need to wean much earlier than they hoped. Others need to supplement with bottles or formula. These are opportunities to re-envision what it means to nurture and nourish their babies. Many mothers are humbled when the "breastfeeding fairy" presents them with difficult circumstances and spoils their fantasy that nursing is easy and blissful.
When breastfeeding does not go as expected or hoped for, a mother can feel regret, anger, blame, grief, and guilt. Inevitably, this negative self-talk begins to affect her self-esteem and attitude, her ability to receive support, and her relationships with her baby, partner, and others in her community.
So, what can be done?
In addition to learning practical things that make breastfeeding easier, do this:
♥ Learn and practice mindfulness.
The same pain-coping practices you learn to help you cope with labor can help you postpartum when you need to still your mind, quiet negative self-talk and deal with physical discomfort and stress. (See Birthing From Within, pp. 213-238).
♥ Get a breastfeeding "reality check."
Breastfeeding is natural, but not always straightforward and easy. Very few women sail through breastfeeding on calm seas from beginning to end. Even for the most vigilant captain, storms arise outside of her control, and still, she can do the next best thing. When women know that they can influence but not control what happens, they can see the wisdom of preparing for all possibilities.
♥ Set up your breastfeeding support system.
Having a supportive crew onboard in the first months of motherhood can make all the difference. Welcome meals, errands, and compassionate listeners. When breastfeeding gets rough, support is needed to keep going and not get mired in "what ifs" and judgment. You need to hear acknowledgment that you are doing your best, not more advice and information.
♥ Focus on connecting with your baby and yourself as a mother
Come to breastfeeding with an open heart. To the degree that you can, let go of your ideals and goals, such as breastfeeding exclusively for six months. Just hold the intention to do the best you can. When you love yourself and feed your baby in love, this is the heart of breastfeeding from within
EXERCISE: Feeding with Love
When sitting (or lying down) to feed your baby, try this:
Begin to notice all the sensations around you, beginning with your baby:
Look at her face, notice the touch of her skin, take in her smell and her sounds.
Then begin to bring your attention to your own body: Where does your body touch your baby's body? How is your breath moving in and out of your body?
Where do you feel relaxed and open?
Where does your body feel tight, tense, or closed?
Gently and mindfully breathe into those places, softening and releasing anything that is unneeded in this moment. This may take several minutes. Go slowly and do not expect perfection!
As your body lets go of anything extra, feel your heart opening.
Allow yourself to inhale the presence of your baby, loving her in this moment and loving yourself as well. With each new breath, feel into your baby's heart, visualizing a connection that endures beyond feeding time.
If feeding is difficult, your focus may return to the task of latching or monitoring the feed. Do what needs to be done, then, when you are ready, take another conscious breath and return to your opening heart.
Resources
Local La Leche League
Lactation Consultants
Other Supportive Breastfeeding Moms