Seeking Help! - Whitsett,NC

Just stop babying him! There is no easing, just stop! You should have stopped wiping him when he was first potty trained.

Things like this are usually mom's responsibility. It is up to you to stop. He will continue to carry on this way as long as you let him. As soon as he was potty trained, wiping became his responsibility. You need to let him do it for himself. Who wipes him in school?? If he does it at school, he can do it at home.

My daughter in law had her children dressing them selves at 3.

You have to decide if you are going to do this for him or not. If you do, you may be doing this for him for another 10 years. I've had garbage sent to me indicating some men and women like this done for them.

Tell him its time to get dressed. If he tells you he can't or doesn't want to, tell him any child going to school has to dress themselves. Tell him to open his underwear drawer. Now pick out some underwear and put it on. Now open your shirt drawer. Pick out a shirt to wear. Now put it on. And so on...

By the time you do this for a couple of weeks, he will be able to do it. He may not WANT to, but he can.

If you decide he is the boss, you will be dressing him and wiping his butt for a while. If you decide you are the boss, then he will be dressing and wiping himself in less than a month.

Good luck to you and yours.

Welcome to mamapedia!

He CAN do it. Stop babying him. Stop giving in to him and these demands.

Be firm and stand your ground. HE CAN DO IT. What does he do while he's at school and has to use the bathroom? He is in the 1st grade. WAY past time for him to be coddled.

J. simply dont do it?

honestly my daughter at 3 wanted M. to help her and i told her she was starting Pre-K soon and needed to learn how to do it on her own. She wasnt too happy but after a week or two of her yelling for M. while sitting on the toilet and M. stating firmly she had to wipe before she got up without going in to her she learned. ussually i would say hurry up emmy i have this awesome treat downstairs( or tv show show) make sure to wash up good and she wouldnt think twice about whining, she'd get in and out. the treat was never for wiping it was J. my distraction to get her in and out.

He can do it. I would matter of factly hand him his clothing in the proper orientation at first and say "Put on your underwear. Now put on your pants. Now put on your shirt." You may want to offer him a choice of clothes and then hand him the shirt/pants he chose to put on.

My 4 yr old can put on her clothes but sometimes I help her if I see she's got herself twisted up in the leg hole or something is backwards. There are some outfits I lay on the floor the way they need to go, and put her underpants on top of the pants (because they are first). It helps.

She wants to be wiped, so I told her that she needs to try (she is at preschool without me so she needs to do it) and I'll check. When I do and there's nothing to wipe, I give her a lot of praise. "Look! You did it right! What a good job, DD!" We also have Kandoo style wipes for her to make it easier.

Give him a box of baby wipes and tell him "big boys" take care of their own "itchies".

Lay his cloths out (for a couple of weeks) and tell him when he gets dressed he should come to the table for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc. If you have to dress him.....no treats, no outings, no friends, no tv.

If he still wants to be a baby, put him back in pull up or diapers.

He is acting like a baby because YOU and dad have allowed it to go on way too long. To make it stop, you and dad are going to have to do some tough love.

I helped my daughter get dressed for as long as she wanted me to, because it just wasn't a big deal. Now, the wiping I wouldn't have done at this age, just because I wouldn't want to! And, he needs to be able to do this on his own when he's away from you. I had the Kan-doo flushable wipes in our bathroom for a few years. They do help make clean-up easier and they can be flushed just like paper. I would show him them, show his how to use them, and then just state that he will be doing this for himself from now on.

Baby him by holding him on your lap, giving him hugs, telling him he's your special big boy. Stop dressing him and wiping his bottom.

When he asks, casually tell him he's a big boy and can do it himself. Perhaps start by staying in the room with him, handing him his clothes one piece at a time as you did when he was first learning to dress himself. Use some humor. Make getting dressed a game. Leave the room while challenging him to get dressed by the time the timer rings. Teach him all over how to dress himself if you've been dressing him.

The key to making this happen is for you to stop doing for him what he can do for himself. Praise him often for being a big boy.

As far as his fear of an itchy bottom, buy moist wipes and show him how to use them. They will get him cleaner and they're easier to use than toilet paper. Keep reminding him that he's a big boy and he won't get an itchy bottom if he wipes himself well.

My daughter had a phase like this. She snapped out of it when I took a Saturday and treated her like a baby. I cleared up the floor, laid out a large blanket and told her she had to lay there. She was a baby that day and babies are too small and can't walk around. I took all her toys away and gave her the baby toys we had put away when she out grew them. I turned on the radio of baby classics and told her babies were too young for TV. Then I got her breakfast a sippy cup of milk. That cup of plain milk was her breaking point, she decided it was better being a big girl. It helped that we'd bought strawberry syrup as her weekly treat that week. She wanted her weekend "pink" milk.

For you, just refuse to do those things for him. Set out his clothing, "Here you go Big Boy, you can do it yourself." and walk out of the room. Get him wet wipes and hand him one when he's done. "Ok Big Buddy, wipe up. Let's check..Good job!"

Good luck to you!

I assume he is in school?
What does he do in school?

He can do it. At this age.
My son is 6 and he does.

In my kids' school, there is a 1st grade boy, who is a bit babyish. He is 6 now. All the kids knew that, and they coddled him last year, like a baby. The Teacher, explained that that is not "helping" him. It took the Teacher and the entire class, to kindly guide him into being more independent...so he gained a sense of accomplishment. And of course the Teacher had to speak to the parents too, in a nice way. This year, he is better about things. I see it.

I take it he's an only child? Just lay his clothes out at night-he needs to dress himself and when he uses the bathroom-have some wipes for him to use after he has used tissue. Pretend to be too busy to help him-he'll adjust. Maybe he'll grow up to be President! Although, no only child has yet to do so.

Retitle your post. We are all seeking help to some issue or another. If I had known it was about a poop situation, I would not have opened it during lunch break.

I agree with Momof4 after reading your answer to another poster. It has been months, you said, and you are in a one year program with him living with you.

This HAS to be the problem, mom. You should be sticking close to him, but require him to do his own dressing. Hand him each article. Be "busy" doing things with your hands and don't watch him put on his clothes. Talk the whole time about what the day will be like.

As far as his itchy bottom goes, put wipies that are flushable beside the toilet and tell him to use them. Do not wipe his bottom for him. Tell him that he is a big boy now, and mommies don't wipe big boys' bottoms.

Read to him a lot. Have structured time with him when he isn't in school. Get him to help you with putting dishes in the dishwasher, setting the table, etc. Offer him rewards (not bribes - you offer it AFTER.) Say to him "You were such a big boy today and I'm proud of you. Let's have some big boy ice cream!"

If none of this works, talk to the ped about it. It could be that your son needs some counseling to help him deal with your past.

Good luck,
Dawn

These seem to be the last things parents "do" for their children, as they transition from baby to big-kid, and some kids can try to milk those behaviors for as long as they can. And some parents don't mind, because, well, they are only young once, right? One thing to ask yourself; are you connecting with him in other areas? Making sure he is getting enough of your attention and playtime with you? If not, he may be "needing" you to baby him, in order for him to feel connected to you. Or the flip side, he's lazy, and it's just easier for someone else (you) to do these things for him. Either way, I think it's just tougher on some kids to grow up and be independent, but they do, eventually, in their own time. Good luck mama :)

I read your prior post about your addiction. You explain in that post that you have let a lot of people down, including your son. You also say that you are in a 1 year program to overcome your addiction and your son gets to live with you. I'm sure a lot of his behavior stems from your addiction.

Perhaps you need to get your son some help with all that has happened in his short life. I myself have dealt with a mother who was an addict and let me tell you, the addict is NOT the only one that is hurting.

Talk to your son about his needs. Tell him how sorry you are and that you never want to leave him or hurt him again. Tell him how much you love him and want to be there for him whenever he needs you to be but that you know he can get dressed and wipe his own bum. Maybe he wasn't been well taken care of before and got a real bad rash that scarred his bum and his heart that you weren't there for him. Tell him it's ok for him to wipe his own bum with baby wipes and if he gets an "itchy" bum, that he can come to you and you will be there for him.

I think this is more than him just not wanting to do it, but about your past relationship with him.

I truly wish you the best and hope you have overcome your addiction. My mom ended up passing away at the young age of only 44. I never had a childhood let alone a mom. Please be a *Supermom* to your son.

Well it's not like he will want you to do this forever. I say give him wha the needs and don't push him at all. You can ease him into doing for himself, yes, by asking him to suprise you by picking an outfit or you can "check" how well he wipes without actually doing it. But at the end of the day, he needs a little security of his young kid routines, and I wouldn't deny him that. I have a big problem with Moms and Dads who baby their kids and end up limiting them and making them feel less capable. However, he is setting the tone on what he is comfortable now, and I think that is fine. Child led development. In 6 months, he probably won't want anything to do with you in comparison.