Seeking Advise on How to Get 2 1/2 Year Old to Fall Asleep by Herself

You need to watch the SuperNanny! The technique she uses always works (on tv!)It may take 1 long night, but after that,you'll be fine. You take her to bed, read her a story kiss her goodnight, hug her and say " it's bedtime darling, good night. When she screams or calls for you, probably getting out of the bed, you take her back to the bed- no kisses or hugs, but just say "it's bedtime"- and leave the room. The third time, you just take her back, put her back into bed, no talking at all. It may take 3,4/5,6,7 (I've seen as many as 20)but eventually the will stay and fall asleep. The next night she may or may not try it again, but repeat the same technique, just be consistent. I guarantee it will work. You just have to be willing to forego a good nights sleep the first time around.

B.

Had similar probs, so do not have a great answer to that specifically....Just want to shar the GREATEST advice I've EVER heard re: getting rid of pacis....My sis-in-law snipped off a tiny piece of each paci, each day. Soon, her child noticed te diff when she put them in her mouth. Eventually, her child spit them out ON HER OWN...a VERY important note as a child is trying to decide things on their own!!

I know this isn't the answer you're probably lookin for, but part of my day with our kids is to cuddle with them as they fall asleep. They're not 5 and 6, and they really look forward to this part of the day. If we had arguments, or things didn't go as they pleased, we always have a peaceful 'goodnight' each night as they fall asleep next to me. We do have some guidlines which I set early on: no talking to eachother or me (after we say prayers and read a story, the lights go out, and no talking till the morning!) no flopping around, no getting out of bed, etc. If they break the rules, then I threaten to get up and leave the room. I only left for about 3 minutes one time, and since, they listen and obey those rules. I only take them to bed when they are actually tired. They usually fall asleep within 25 minutes, and leaving the bed, with two sleeping angels who happily fell asleep is SO worth the wait. I think, years from now, when they don't want to have anything to do with mommy at bedtime, I will cherish the memories of all our night time snuggles!

DO not give her that paci back! She's too old for it! You already weened off, dont go back. Her teeth will get messed up. Also, it will be even harder to ween her off the paci when the baby comes because she will revert back to baby syndrome. She will want to be the baby again. Ok, sorry had to say that...And I understand about being pregnant, tired and not convenient right now.

I am having a similar problem with my 2 1/2 year old. We moved 2 months ago, changed the the toddler bed. She's been off the paci for 6 mo maybe? I miss 8:30 bedtimes. Now story time has been added to the mix. I read her 3 books and kiss all her stuffed animals good night and tell her good night. She'll get up and cry and get all hysterical and knock on the door to let her out. It is getting better because I try not to go in there unless she is really hysterical and make her get back in bed. But what has been working for me recently is giving her a book in the bed. She reads in her bed after I put her down, by herself until she falls asleep! I mean, this is fine by me. As long as she stays in there and is quiet. You got to put your foot down. I was 'petting' her every night until she fell asleep, and then I was said to myself, I am not and CAN NOT do this EVERY night. Its time consuming and sometimes I'm tired too. It took a while of being consistent and explaining to her: 'You can read in your bed if you want, but dont get back out of this bed, its sleepy time.' Its starting to work. She read herself to sleep last night. Relieves some stress off me too. The first couple nights you start it though will be hard because she's used to you being there until she falls asleep and she will cry and cry for you to come in her room. Don't go in there. If you do, she'll just keep crying and fussing, knowing that eventally you'll go in there. She'll go get back in her bed when you dont go running to the rescue. Be stong.

Hi M.!
I'm in the same boat as you with the sleeping, except I'm not pregnant! I was interested in reading the responses from other moms, but wanted to suggest a few things... My girl is 2 1/2 also and wants me to lay down with her to fall asleep. I do and it only takes her a few minutes. However, I know I need to "break" her from this habit now. The "paci fairy" took her paci's to the babies about 2 months ago. Worked like a charm! DO NOT give it back to your girl! It will only confuse her. This is what I'm going to try and I think I read it here last year...place a chair in her room by her bed; rub her back if she likes until she falls asleep; gradually move the chair toward the door until the chair is no longer in the room and all you do is put her in bed and say good night. I'm also going to go out to see if I can find one of those "sleep turtles" she can have in her bed to assist with falling asleep. I just hate her crying at bedtime and don't want to leave her crying... I hope you have success (me too)! D. H.

If it were me at 7 or 8 months pregnant--I'd just give her the pacifier back and try again later--you need your time and your sleep before the new baby gets here. If you don't want to go the easy route, you'll probably have to be really stern about this. Try reading either Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child or one of the Ferber books--they have suggestions for toddlers too. If you keep giving in and rubbing her back/laying down with her, she'll likely keep up the behavior. A few awful nights of being really strict at bedtime should do the trick. Good luck with this problem and with your new baby:)

what worked for my son at that transition time was to do a sticker chart. I wrote up an entire list of items that had to be completed before I left the room. I hung it on his door with pictures so that he could see what we had to do before I left (brush teeth, hugs/kisses, read story, covers or no covers, light on/no light, etc.) I used this off and on as I see needed. Then I made a sticker chart to go with it. He would earn a sticker for staying in bed and not calling us in his room. Once he had 5 he could earn something. Usually it was a toy at the dollar store but you could do 15 min. staying up later, special treat at lunch (my son loves lunchables and those are a treat for him).

DON"T give the pasci back. She doesn't need. Right now they are great manipulators! My daughter will do anything to stay up later or keep me in there. My husband is the biggest sucker of them all! :) He falls for the water/potty/one more book routine almost everytime.
You just need to put her in there and be firm, give her "the look" and tell her she better not get out of bed and scream and cry. I know you are tired but when that new baby comes and you are really stretched thin, you will kick yourself for not being stronger now.
I moved my daughter out of the crib about 2 months before my son was born and some nights are a challenge but it was worth it. Remember it only takes a few nights for them to get it and then they are fine.
You might want to start story time earlier. I know it can be hard but I just clean up the kitchen after story time so I can get both in bed and have the evening to myself. I get my daughter in bed by 8 most nights and sometimes she just sits in bed and talks to herself for awhile in the dark and winds down.

Hey M.,
I had the same problem with my oldest son. He was already in the big boy bed but at a certain point for whatever reason he wanted me there. I asked my peditrician and she suggested that I put a chair in his room or sit on the floor which is what I do now. Do your normal routine for her then say now mommy is going to sit. I have to tell my son several times no talking but usually after about ten minutes he is asleep. It has worked great for me. My husband fusses a little because I still sit even though I should probably not be doing that anymore either, but I use that time to pray for him and sometimes he says some of the sweetest things during that time that really helps me cope with what may have been a hard day. Good luck.

I'm with the other pregnant mom because like yourself, I'm pregnant too (due in Oct.) -if the pacifier will make all of your lives happier, give it back (it's only been 3 weeks, not 3 months), and try again later. I am so tired with this pregnancy and in the midst of potty training my 2 1/2 year old, that I really feel like we have to choose our battles. Every pediatrician I've talked to says there's no reason kids can't have pacifiers until age 3. I know that getting a new baby brother is going to be disruptive enough, and potty training is a big enough change and strain right now, so at the end of the year (he'll be 3 next March), after the new baby has been here a few months -THEN we're getting rid of passy! We have been weaning him down to only having it in the car, at naptime and bedtime -he never is allowed to have it in public, so do whatever you can to make your life easier right now! You can get rid of passy later this year after the baby has been here for a little while. Also -does she have a lovey/stuffed animal she loves? My son is as soothed by his froggy as he is his passy, and he uses it to go to sleep.

M.,

I would highly recommend reading "Healthy Sleep Habbits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weisbluth. It made all the difference for me when my kids were little. They are now 5,7 and 9. Best of luck.

D.

You must quit giving her what she wants with her screaming and throwing a temper tantrum. This will be used against you in other things. When my youngest daughter was only 7 months old she would scream until she made herself throw up. I took her to her pediatrician thinking something must be wrong - well it was with me letting her be the boss. He told me to never lift her from the bed when she did this. To change her clothes, clean her up and change the bed without removing her from the bed. Well it only took a couple of times and it worked. I would also recommend you go to Dr Rosemond's web site for info and he does have books available that are very helpful with practical solutions for parents.

I had the same problem with my son about 14 years ago. Now that I look back at it, I wish I had that time with him again. Look at it as a way to bond and not fight with your child. It's not the worst thing your child will ever do, TRUST ME! If I recall correctly, this habit lasted about 2 years and then one day, he decided to got to bed on his own. I think as new parents, sometimes we think there are "rules" on what our children should be doing or acting, but every child is different and should respectfully be treated at so.

My only concern for you would be that this should be the only thing she controls in the household. I am sure this is her way of having control over something. If she is trying to control more than this, then you will need to fight her on the rest or not only will you make your life miserable, hers will be affected later on. Always remember, children need to feel some kind of control in their life, but they also want discipline and don't let anyone else make you feel different.

Oh, one more thing, DO NOT GIVE THE PACI BACK!! Opt for a special new doll or stuffed animal to replace it.

You are now the substitute for the pacifier and when you quit the backrubs and laying with her you'll be taking away another comfort and security. Find something she can have that won't have to be taken away that she can always rely on for whenever she feels she needs it, especially at bedtime. Sometimes a nice soft blanket, a soft slippery piece of material, stuffed animal, soft music, a piece of your clothing, like a T shirt with your scent on it might help her. But remember, you have to be diligent in always remembering it where ever you go, so keep tabs on it or even better have two in case one is lost or needs washed.
Good luck!

I too, would give it back to her- and than maybe when the baby comes home, tell your daughter she is a big girl now, and her little brother needs the pacifier? My daughter is 19mths, still had a binky, When she is old enough to understand we are going to have the binky fairy come, and we will replace it with a big girl toy... but to my husband and I feel there is no sense to make them unhappy, they are only babies one time!! Make it easy on you- and when she is ready you will know! Good Luck!!

Hi M.,
A couple I know was having the same trouble with their son of the same age. They had another baby on the way and moved him to a toddler bed to have the crib for the baby. They ended up seeing a pediatric sleep specialist and this is the advice they rec'd: she said that he wasn't ready for the toddler bed and that 29 months is the earliest to transition a toddler to a bed. She said to try to keep him in a crib until 3 yrs since kids feel more secure in them. If climbing out is a problem, she suggested a canopy tent and they made a big deal out of it saying he was getting a "camping bed". They also posted a sign in his room with his nighttime routine and stuck to it. The specialist said it should be kept to a minimum and they read one book, say a prayer, sing a song and let him pick 2 animals to go to bed with. Once they put him back in the crib and stuck to the routine, he did a lot better. The specialist also said that they could come back in to comfort him after 10 minutes but that they should only tell him that its time to sleep and that they love him and then they should leave again. Your daughter is probably sensing that something is changing with your family and doesn't know how to react. I hope that this helps!

PLEASE don't give her the pacifiers back...that's just going into regression. If you use the excuse that you are about to have another baby then there will be excuse after excuse.

If you keep responding to her negative behaviors (screaming, ect) then she will learn that is a way to get your attention and get what she wants...thus getting you no where. I think the advice referring to the super nanny is very good. I would keep checking on her but don't talk to her. Don't make it seem like she's missing out if she goes to sleep, which may be what she is thinking. My daughter is nearly 3 and has been in a big girl bed for a couple months now. Occasionally she will throw a fit and screm and cry which we will let her do. We will check on her if she doesn't stop every 15 min or so but only to tell her to lay down. She has seemed to have gotten over it now and is going to sleep just fine on her own now.

GOOD LUCK!!! :)

I would definitely not give the pacifier back. You should set a routine at night and stick with it. Bath, pajamas, brush teeth, tell everyone in house goodnight, book, song, prayer, etc. I think it is okay to sit with her for a little while, but not lay down with her. Sit and rub her back for 5/10 minutes. Then tell her you have to go somewhere like the bathroom, but you will be back to check on her. Then come back and check on her in 10 minutes even if she cries. She will learn that you are going to come back and maybe feel at ease. Either way, keep the same routine and she will feel more at ease after a while.

With a new one on the way, I would give her the attention she needs now and she will probably regress once the baby comes. Try to have some patience although it can be hard when you're pregnant and need some rest too.

Good luck,

E.

I probably don't have the best advice, as my son has only fallen asleep on his own a few times. One thing that works for us sometimes is to say "oops, momma has to go get something...I'll be back in five minutes". Usually my guy will accept this and I can leave for a bit. Often I have to return after 10 minutes because he calls my name, but sometimes he falls asleep on his own.

Don't give in to the pacifier!! She really is too old for it and since you have already gotten her off of it you should not confuse her by now telling her it's ok again. This will just create a whole different set of problems. She will start to question your authority on everything you tell her - and you sooo do not want that!! Be gentle with her at bed time but firm and let her know that she's not going to get her way. I agree with the poster that said to turn your back to her. This way you are in the bed with her but not engaging her in any sort of activity. Start her routine a little earlier if possible, that way if she still fools around a little you can still get her to bed at a decent time! I can't imagine how tiring it must be for you but you can do it!! Let us know how you make out and good luck with this and your new little boy!

We just switched my 2 1/2 son to a big boy bed and we used the Moonlight Turtle as incentive for him to stay in bed. If he gets out of bed, he loses the turtle for the night. It works and he hasn't gotten out of bed. It has stars that shine through the shell onto the ceiling and it even has the constellations. They have turtles and ladbugs as well. It is very soothing and may be a good distraction away from the pacifier. They have the turtles and ladybugs available at Once Upon a Child. Good luck!!!
E.