Seeking Advice on Working Mommy Guilt

A.,
Try not to feel guilty. YOu have to put a roof over your babies heads. If you are interested in hearing about working from home, let me know. It may be a solution!

Good luck,
B.

I can relate. I had to go back to work when my first child was 4 months old. I would switch babysitters every 4-6 months out of jealousy. I actually thought my baby was growing more attached to the babysitter than me because she was with him during the most important part of the day, in my opinion. I had some serious issues with guilt also. I just worked extra hard on that quality time. My son is 17 years old now. Sometimes I look back and still feel guilty.

I know this didn't help you. But I thought I'd let you know you are not alone.

I remember them days.. hmm the time with the boys' was such a blessing!! At least you have lots of support from your husband who can be with the kids at least some of the time. Is there a way you can make their bedtime 8 or 8:30ish that way you can spend more time with them once you get home. I know they need enough sleep but you also need to spend time with them as well. There has got to be a compromise on both sides. Good luck and I am sure you will figure this timeline out for the best of both of you.

Dear A.,

You are beating up on yourself unnecessarily. Just think, you are being a great Mom and Wife AND helping pay for a HOME. Three days a week is just right for that schedule - The mommie time is well covered, and this way they will become close to Dad, and that is a great gift to the children. Also, the good vibes between you and your husband and WORKING TOGETHER ! THAT IS MARVELOUS.

No te apure, I think that is the way to say 'don't worry' in Spanish. Sincerely, C. N.

YOu gotta do what you gotta do. Spending quality time with them when you get the chance will help a lot and hopefully eventually you'll get a less demanding job and get to spend more time with them (if that's what you want). My hubby works m-fri and leaves at 5:30 am, gets home about 6:30 pm most nights. Bedtime is 8 for the little ones. I don't think he feels guilty. He has to work, and he has weekends with them so he does things with them when he can. They understand he has to work. And you're teaching them that work is important and responsiblities are important too.
Just value the time you do have with them and spend time with them one on one time with each of them so they know you treasure the time you can spend with them.

Hi A... The easiest answer to this is..You gotta do what you gotta do, and there is not a single thing wrong with that. I am a stay at home mom...but if the situation arised and I had to go back to work, then so be it. I know it must not be easy, but thats the way it goes sometimes. In this world today,everything is expensive and the stay at home mom is becoming a rarity. You are working to provide your children a home of their own and there is nothing better than that. Every moment you spend with your children in a golden one and your baby will just appreciate you more when you are around. Good luck to you and keep up the good work.

Hi A. - don't feel bad. I work part-time and had a nanny watching my son for a while. I just started him at a daycare and I honestly think it is go great for him. I think it is good for kids to be with other people other than mom and dad -as long as they are being loved and are safe. They need to learn to socialize and they don't get that by just being with you all the time. My son gets so excited to see the other little kids in his daycare - they are all so loving and playful. it is great.

Also, could you make your kids' bedtime a little later so you can see them longer in the evening??? If they go to bed at 8:30 instead of 7:30, that gives you an extra hour and maybe a little less guilt!

Also, I think it is good for children to see that moms can work and be moms too - it is empowering!

Good luck and don't worry.

A., you sound like a wonderful mother and your husband, a great dad. You are also happy with your care giver. This appears to be a fantastic support system your children have. No need to feel guilty. They are not neglected, abused, or abandoned. You or your kids can't realistically ask for more when you have to work to maintain your lifestyle. Your children are blessed. It will never be the same as having mommy there full time but what about you? You need the whole pie: husband, children, career, and hopefully some time for yourself. All of this makes mom a better mom.

I was a divorced mom of four who had to work as I got no child support and the type of job I had (all hours) made it hard to be there for my kids unless they were sick. I felt guilty but I also needed the time away. I am a grandmother and great grandmother and retired. Now I go to all of the things I missed for my children with my grandchildren. Sometimes you have to trade off. I regret not being there all of the time for my kids but I tried to give them as much of me as I could. They knew that they were loved and that me working meant food, clothes, toys, etc. :-).

Pat yourself on the back. You spent as much time as you could, I didn't even have that time. This economy doesn't promote stay-at-home moms. You are wonderful!!! Get use of that!!! :-). R. T.

I know how you feel. I have felt it going on 8 years now. I am a single mother of an 8 year boy. I was able to stay with him at home until he was 1 and then I had to go back to work to maintain a home for us. It was hard to work 10-12 hour shifts and never be able to spend time with him. You need to keep telling yourself that you are doing this all for him and that it will help greatly in the future you both share together. Till this day I am unable to really see my son expcept on weekends. Due to school and work but when time spent together I do by best to make it unforgettable for him. We always have our Sundays to do whatever we want together. Which we both look forward to.
Don't feel guilty for wanting the best for your children. Be thankful that your husband is there when you can't be and always know that even tho you may not be there everyminute of everyday you are there when it counts. Since you get home when is already bedtime do something unique with him that he can remember as he grows for instance my son remembers when I use to sing to him everynight before bed. Sometimes he will ask for it :) I hope that this made sense and it helped. I am not that great with words :) Great luck to you.

Gosh, can you switch around your work a little bit and travel less? With all the advances in communication these days, it seems to me that time spent traveling is really a waste of time. (and with our little ones, time is precious, you know). I feel your pain, because I had to return to work after 9 weeks with my first and it almost killed me. I was lucky enough to have a very understanding boss who valued my talents and we came up with a reduced travel plan for me and I left work at 4:30 every day to pick up my baby from childcare before 5. I did, however, take a pay cut. With my second child, however, I am at home full time. Something to note - with me being home, my husband has cut WAY back on his "helping out with the homefront" stuff and is working way more hours. He is now the classic breadwinner and feels the pressure of that, so he has less time to spend with our WHOLE family. That, my friend, is that trade off. He was very bonded and spent lots of time with #1, but #2 he really has not bonded with. It sounds like you and hubby are fairly equal in your child care and home life duties. It could all change if he feels the entire financial burden. I don't know if that helps, but it is something that definitely changed in our family when I stopped working.

I think you need to just accept the fact that you are doing what needs to be done for your family. You should rent the movie,"The Pursuit of Happiness". Every morning when I drop off my 4 year old son at Daycare I am sad that I can't just spend the day playing with him, and there is some guilt. But I am taking care of my family. I am putting food on the table for him. Everything I do is for him, even if he doesn't realize it now. I am always trying to think of ways that I can not work as much so I can be with him and maybe it will happen someday. But for now, I am doing everything I can to make sure he is a happy, healthy little boy. You should be proud of yourself.

Hi,
You need to know that you are doing the best you can for your family. You are working so that they can have a safe and happy life. Your kids have a lot of time home with their parents and you have found a great person to care for them when you can't be there.
You have to work to support your family, that is your reality. It is the same reality for millions of families. You are very lucky to have a good job, happy family and supportive husband. It is always had leaving a baby. I remeber sitting in the parking lot at work crying, after I droped my baby off. But she is 3 years old now and doing great. Very social, has lots of friends and is very happy and not harmed at all. It will get easier, just stop beating your self up. You are doing the best you can.
J.

Don't feel guilty! I went back to work after my little guy was 4 months...thankfully, my boss is flexible and I can work from home a little while. Now that my lil guy is almost 13 months...he loves going to daycare. He loves his teachers which is a good thing...that means he is getting great care. It's hard because the time goes by so quickly, and sometimes I would feel bummed because I would get home from work, and he would go to sleep an hour or so after. But, he knows that I love him and is doing great. And the time we spend together is quality and I cherish every moment...and I am still breastfeeding...so it can be done!

Good luck!!

Ahh, I knwo this guilt!!! I was very sad to go back to work. I still to this day miss my mornings with my son!! It was favorite time. He was in such a good mood and my two oldest were in school so we had just that time to ourselves.

We are in the same situation with our HOuse!!!

I have made other times for me and him. In the evening either I do a really nice bath time with him, or we take a stroll. So maybe somewhere you to can plan something just for you two. Hope the advice helps.