Seeking Advice on How to Help My Children Organize Their Toys!

Wow you sound like me and I only have one child. I've been trying the rewards system with my son since that's what they use at school for clean up time...and they have a song but my son only taught me some of the words so I just hum along. My son has a sticker fetish so I reward him with stickers and sometimes fruit snacks. I have noticed that if I play with him and remind him to clean up after he is finished with each toy; that works but I can't play with him all day. I don't know if anybody has truly mastered this but if all else fails I just make a point at the end of the day to do a cleanup game with him and reward his efforts.

You're children probably have access to way too many toys. You should limit the quantity until they can manage to put them away. If you put away some of the toys, they will be able to play with and put them away. Then gradually rotate the toys, the children will feel like they've gotten some new toys and will be able to manage putting them away...

My son is 4 and also has a problem putting toys away. We dont organize the toys but they need to be put away. What I do is give him a time limit and if he does not put them away in his box where they go then I get to take the toy away and the next time he cleans up if he does it right he gets the toy back. We also once a year go thriugh al his toys and the ones he has not played with in at least three months we donate. This greatly reduces the clutter.

I had the same problem and it was ME that wasn't keeping on top of it. So, life is easier since I've been consistent.

I only allow 1 set of toys at a time. If they're playing store, it's store along with the register/food/$$ etc. But NOT food and let's bring out baby dolls and trains too. No no. And you know I think they like it better that way. It's not chaotic anymore. Organization is easier that way.

Clean up is a team effort between the two kids. I do help sometimes too, but if my kids are being lazy and don't want to clean up or are being fussy about it. They know that if *I* have to clean it up, the item I clean up *alone* is going into the garage for a undisclosed amount of time.
I've only put something in the garage once and clean up time is typically no problems! But it was me that had to follow through and teach them the rules.

Also my kids know that if they don't care or respect their toys, they don't get to play with it anymore. I've told my son that we can donate the toys to kids who don't have any because I'm sure they wouldn't want to try to break it.

Don't be afraid to weed out toys and donate or throw away. Kids don't need a million toys. When you have so much that they are all over the place or simply part of the scenery and not actually something they will play with, clean out and get rid of it. It was LIBERATING when I did that..

I've only put something in the garage once and clean up time is typically no problems! But it was me that had to follow through and teach them the rules.

Good Luck!

At school, your child's teacher probably participates in the clean up process, guiding the children along and helping them to put the toys away correctly. I admire your efforts in labeling all of the places, but you might have to go back to helping them with a little remedial group clean up for a while. My husband has employed the strict discipline of "whatever I find on the floor goes in the garbage" rule. We don't have all of our bins labeled, but we do have lots of baskets and shelves and drawers into which toys belong in a general sense. We try to keep the number of toys to a minimum and with the "garbage" rule, it thins things out. Good luck.

There are two things I have found that works. Both take effort on your part. LOL The first is to only allow them to play with one toy at a time (which is what they do at school) and then have them put it away correctly before they get another one out. The second is that you go in and help them pick up the toys every day until they get into the habit of putting them in the right places. 5 and 2 are really too young to do it all themselves if there is a lot to be picked up.

The last idea is to let them put the toys away how they want and not worry so much that everything is in the right place. I used to do that one and every once in a while I wouold go in and organize things the way I wanted them. All my kids are grown now and they do keep their houses organized and picked up as adults so I didn't ruin them too much. :o)

I know you don't want to hear this, but your child isn't the only one that does this. Feel grateful that you have taught your 5 year old enough respect to follow directions elsewhere. You will always be tested at home.

Here is what I did with my daughter at that age. First, I finally realized that it's nice to be organized, but they don't care, so don't make it a big deal. If my daughter didn't pick up her toys I told her that I would pick them up and she would have to earn them back (i.e.-chores her age, pick up rest of toys for so long, etc. . .). But remember only one toy per good job. Giving them all back you're right back where you started (yeah, did that). Second, when they're use having toys in one place they look for them there. If they aren't there and have put them somewhere else they usually start asking you. My response was that "No one had made me keeper of the toys and I didn't know. This why we organized them." Either they'll catch on or continue to ask. Just know repetition is a form of learning and it does catch on. Please don't worry, they grow out of it. Just remember whatever you do stick with it and don't give up. Good luck!!!

Good morning K.,

My good old-fashioned mom's idea about not picking up your own toys and clutter worked wonderfully well. Here is her adivse: If the toys are not picked up and put away properly, you pick them up and put them in "your toy box". If the children want them back, they have to "earn" them by keeping the rest of their things in order. Don't argue after you have explained the rules. Just remove the toys. Yes, there will be some screaming and tantrums, but given a couple of weeks, it will work. If there gets to be too many in your toy box, then you can donate them to a needy organization. You can also use this as a bargaining tool with your children. I know it is a lot of money out of your pocket for the toys, but in the long run, maybe they really didn't want or need those toys anyway. If your children truly want what is in "your" toy box they will cooperate to get them back. I know I did and so have my mother's grandchildren. Good Luck!!

M.

I don't pick up after my kids. I figure they are old enough to make a mess, they are old enough to clean it up, albeit, it might take a while. Son #1 cleaned things without much prompting. Son #2 (22 months currently) needs a bit more supervision.

We went to Lowe's and bought this storage/closet organization unit with cloth baskets in different colors. One is for balls, another for cars, another for trains, another for random crap toys that end up home somehow, another is for play-doh and other artistic stuff (crayons, paper, markers, etc), etc. Ths kid know exactly which bin everything goes it and can find their toys really fast...as well as clean things up without just stuffing.

http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=productDetail&p...

Item #: 163256 Model: 864500

We have them for their clothing in their closets and their shoes. No one has to wonder where anything is!!!

Here's a pic of the baskets:
http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=productList&N=0...

Well I had a very similar experience with my two boys. I had everything organized for them to put back with names and pictures just as you have. I spent hours and hours talking to them and explaining that they needed to put away their toys. I finally ended up getting the biggest box that I could find and put the majority of their toys in the box and simply removed them. I did leave some that they liked to play with and some on purpose that I knew they did not play with as often. When they asked me for the favorite toys to play with I would let them go the box and get one toy out each. Since my boys at the time were 3 and 5. I let my oldest go first as his younger brother watched and learned coping his brother. The rule was to be able to get another toy from the box they had to put back the toys that they were playing with correctly and keep the play room tidy. I waited a day at least in between they getting a new toy out to see if they would keep to the rules. The first few days were a little hard because if the toys were left out, then they each had to put two toys back in the box.

I have to admit it was a struggle at first and some pouting and crying but my oldest learned to keep things pick up and put away and since his younger brother was always watching he copied his every move. I simply realized that for me it was my oldest son trying to establish some independence and control. I did this to let him realize that he was controlling wether or not he got toys out of the box. So I just told him that it wasn't up to me if they got toys out, it was all his choice.

I had a friend tell me once that if you do something at least a dozen times it will create a habit of actions. So I was consistent with them and it took about a month before they earned all their toys back. It created a habit that is still with them for the most part as they are now 7 and 9.

Hope this helps.
L.

I've been through the toy hurricane as well. I like the suggestion of having only 1 bin for your 2yr old who is learning to clean up. Then maybe you and your 5yr old can sort out that bin together. The chore chart has worked wonders for my 4yr old. She also puts toys away at school but not at home. But at home she absolutely does not want to see a sad face next to the "put toys away" box on the chore chart, so she cleans up her toys. Of course everything is not exactly where they should be, but I applaud her efforts. I'm sure she'll catch on to organizing by categories with time, as will your kids. They probably don't have as many toys at school as they do at home. I also use my daughter's favorite sayings when I talk to her. "I've got a great idea, let's clean up your toys." Good luck!

S. M
www.ytbtravel.com/mislan

Kristen, Whats funny is now a days parents are so scared to teach there childeren the way they were tought. Example, when was the last time u threw out the old toys that they dont play with? With out them pinching a fit? You will have less mess and an easier time teaching them how to clean with out so much to clean!!!!!!

Kids will always focus on what ever you focus on. When it's time for dinner or something they want to do, expect that they put their toys away properly first. Be sure to "catch them doing something right" in this endeavor...praise every little right thing done and correct, immediately, when they mis-step and just shove something out of sight. You will need to babysit this for a while again (starting over) but, in the end, they will understand that it's just not worth the effort of a re-do to be lazy and not do it correctly. Make sure you give them plenty of lead time to pick up their toys correctly before the fun activity is scheduled to begin! Make it fun if you can!
I have heard of moms regularly singing "just a spoon full of sugar" or some other fun, energetic clean-the room song!

I am a neat freak, but I have learned to be a little more lax about stuff being in the "right place" as long as they don't come to me lated crying that they can't find a certain piece to a particular toy. As long and they are put away I try to be thankful. The stuff that does drive me crazy are the things that wind up scattered around the house. So I have a new rule. Any thing that is left lying around at bedtime gets put in a bin in the garage. I don't give them any warning and I for sure don't argue with them about it - just if it's not put away by bedtime... it's in the garage and it will stay there until THEY put it away. This means if it's socks or jackets from school then it doesn't get washed when the laundry is done. If it's their lunch box, they get a paper bag the next day instead. It's worked out good with the older ones. If it's mostly toys that they leave out you could even make them "earn" back their toys by doing extra chores or tell them if it winds up in the bin that they can't have it back for a certain amount of time (3 days or so). You'll find what works for you. Good luck.

Sometimes the advice of an outsider helps put things into perspective. I hope this does that for you.
In my opinion the kids are just looking for a place where they don't have to follow so many rules. School is nothing but rules. If home can be more relaxed the kids will have happier times at home. I'm not saying to let them get away without picking up their toys, but I am saying that it shouldn't be a big deal if they put them in the wrong place/shelf/bin etc... So long as they are attempting to pick things up.
I am a big believer in the "teach by doing" not by so much telling. I believe that the things I do will teach my kids by "leading by example". So I try to point out what I'm doing every time I'm doing it and if it annoys them then maybe they'll take action to keep me from saying it.
For example: I'll say, "Look, I'm picking up so-and-so's toy again, (sometimes a little competition between kids can help)I sure wish this person would pick up after themselves so I don't have to", same with dishes. My kids are teens now.

I'm not saying they are anywhere near as neat as I'd like them to be, but then I just have to remind myself they are in my home temporarily so I should enjoy them while they are here. I'll miss there little messes when they are older and moved out. I have to remind myself that a clean house is not as important as the magazines let on. A clean house means I don't allow enough time for play and relaxing. If we can't relax at home where can we? Kids need some play time while they are young. There will be plenty of time to teach them to clean up.

My husband hates when I cater to my kids, and I agree, I don't really like to pick up after them especially since they are in high school now. And it takes a lot for me to let my daughter leave her room messy. I've learned to close the door. But every opportunity I get, I remind her to clean it. When she wants to go to a friends house, "Is your room clean?" it's hard to remember to do that. IT works though. I've stopped nagging so much, and had to remind myself that no one is coming over so it's ok to let it go for a day if I need it. But it is dangerous to have things strewn about the floors, someone may trip. So I point that out. My floors are a big OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)for me. Nothing on the floors please! I hate tripping! So the counters and tables sometimes get a bit piled up. But I need a break now and then too, so I'll sit down and say, "Would you please take your stuff to the kitchen, bedroom etc..." they do it. I also still make them little meals, fix them for them, because I know when I'm at work my hubby is too tired to do it so he makes them fend for themselves. I'm their little "mommy" still, and I'm soaking in as much of this as I can while they still live with me, but I keep in mind one day they'll be moved out and then who will do their bidding? They'll have to fend for themselves and I may be making it harder on them by doing it all for them, so I teach when I am up to it. And when they are gone who will I get to nurture? I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts even if it seems like they take advantage of me. So long as they are noticing the little things I do for them when I am not home it's cool. IN May I go to Vegas for four days with my sisters and mom (mother's day and her 70th birthday) so they'll have to do without me a few days. It really makes them aware of all I do when I'm not here. Maybe you should take a mini vacation some day soon.

I don't know if this helps you in any way. But I must say, I like the way you organized it all. I used to try to do that too. And it does help in the long run. My son keeps all of his things in particular places in his room. He picked up on my organizational skills. My daughter rebels against it, but every now and then I help her clean her room and try to show her how it doesn't take but 5 minutes to make it look really nice. And how nice it is to enjoy a clean room. Just because she doesn't share my urgency to keep it nice in case friends come over doesnt' mean I have to stress about it. That's why her room has a door. ;) hahhahah

I still really hate it when it gets really bad in there, I can't even put her clean clothes in her room since there is no space to set them neatly and they'll end up on the floor. So when it gets backed up bad I still nag... she's slowly getting better and less rebellious about keeping it clean.

My two are 14 months apart so I remember those toddler days and how messy it would get. It was like having twins! I'd get mad stepping on toys.

Anyway, I think one big dump bucket is just as good as several with labels. Just get one big dump bucket with a lid. It's easier and may be more incentive for them to pick up if they don't have to read the labels. ;) Just an idea. Why make it so hard on yourself?

Take it easy! :) They'll catch on one day. Then poof! They'll be out the door. Showing them how to clean and organize can be a good thing, but too much information may make them run the other way.

Love,
Val

My children were much the same and I still have the occasional problem. Have you tried positive reinforcement? When my son picks up his toys and puts them away in the correct place, he gets a star on his star chart. When his star chart is filled up, one week if he gets a star everyday, he is allowed to pick from the reward box. The reward can be as small as a sticker or a small piece of candy. The stars, combined with the reward, help him to understand that he is doing well and serve to remind him to do his chores properly. I check how well they did, but when I do check their work, I don't fix it for them. They have to make adjustments and put the toy in the correct place by themselves. This way they learn that if they don't do the job well, mommy isn't going to do it for them. Good luck.

Try putting bulk bins in each room for the toys that have "escaped" the play area. Since your daughter knows how to put the toys away properly try putting her in charge !

2 and five is not too early to start with chore charts. Putting away toys properly is very age appropriate , for your five year old. For your 2 year old putting toys in a bin or just out of sight is appropriate, lol..

If you make him the official toy picker upper and her the official toy sorter I think you will get a better ( but not perfect) result.

She is probably frustrated at her brother not being able to sort toys and she gives up picking up after his "mistakes".

Here is a great free site to print out cool chore charts . Hope it helps.http://www.handipoints.com/printchart.html

J.

I would take any misplaced toys away for one week for the kids that are old enough to know better.

Okay, I know what the problem is... YOU! :0) Don't feel bad, I used to be the problem at my house, too. My guess is that you have always been a bit obsessive regarding tidiness. The vast majority of your life you have been responsible for the tidiness and orderliness of your surroundings. You need to come to the realization that you are a mom now, and to raise a healthy and happy family, some messiness is absolutely necessary. My first kids were born when I was in my 20's, and I had the whole organizational system set up, just like you do. I expected my kids to put everything in its place. I expended SO MUCH time and energy trying to get the kids to tidy up, put stuff where it belonged, etc. I let it drive me nuts. It wasn't until much later that I realized, the problem had been with me and my expectations, not with the kids! What a waste of energy! Fourteen years after the other kids were born, my last child arrived, and I have learned my lesson. Tidiness is WAY down on the list of what is truly important in life! So things don't get put in the right bin? So what??? Change your expectations, lower your standards a bit, and stop spending so much time on organization. You will never regret it. What you will regret is all the time and energy wasted on issues that are of relatively little importance in the overall scheme of things. Once the kids are grown and gone, you can keep your house in perfect order. You want to be remembered as a fun and involved mom, not as a mom who was overly concerned with neatness. Enjoy your clutter-bug and your snuggle-bug!

I have 5 kids and 3 step kids, so I deal with this alot. Some things that work for us: toys get picked up before we go anywhere. We also take time every evening (10 minutes, etc) and we each pick a job to do to help around the house- this way we are working together for a common goal. A 4 yr old can dust, for example. It doesn't matter if it's not perfect because they are helping. Small, multi-piece toys, like army men or games, go in a freezer bag in a bin and we play with those separately. Finally, if they are picking up, does it really matter in the long run if all the toys aren't in the perfect spot? Imagination, helping, and learning are important and the fine details will come later. If you like the organization, maybe one day a week or every other week to organize would be enough.

try making it a game for them by telling them ill give you 3 minutes to pick up all the dolls. i wouldnt stress on the boys making it into the right bin. i mean for real if they make it into a bin at all is progress. i have a 1 year old little girl and i ask her to hand me her small toys and i put them into her toy box and only leave out the few that she plays with everyday

I think all MOMs have this problem. You seem to be very organized and want to pass it on to your children. Try and give a prize or special time spent with mom if they do it right for a day and week. See if incentive works. Positive enforcement is alway good. Tell them how smart and what a great helper they are. Be sincere. They need to be praised when they do the right thing.

I have a 3yr old and a 22mo old. Although I do not have many bins for toys I have the big toys on a shelf and all of the smaller toys in a bin. I have the kids sing with me..."clean up. clean up. everybody lets go. clean up clean up everybody lets go." You can always make up your own song but when I sing that song they pick up their toys much better because it seems as though it is more fun for them. I hope this helps.

My advice? Relax! If they put away toys in the wrong bins, so be it ... at least they put them away. They are only children and young ones at that. Don't push your organizational musts on them at such a young age. When they get older, maybe invite them to create their own way of organizing. Remember, you've had 44 yrs. of training, they've barely had a tenth of that!