Seeking Advice on How to Explain Where Babies Come From

Theres a great DVD you can get called Where did I come from? It's a funny but informative cartoon that explains everthing in a way young children can understand. You used to be able to rent it at Blockbuster and I know you can get it online at Amazon.com and on ebay.

I recommend this book highly: "It's Not the Stork!" (for children ages 4-8).

http://www.powells.com/biblio/0763600474 (I have ordered from powells.com before and was pleased.)

From the powells.com review: "It's Not The Stork! helps answer these endless and perfectly normal questions that preschool, kindergarten, and early elementary school children ask about how they began."

I think its important to keep the conversation on an 8-year-old level. It may be a little too early to discuss sex, but he will understand that when mommy and daddy love each other, a baby can grow inside of mommy.

You want to keep it simple and answer his question. He may be asking, just as it sounds, where do babies come from? Come from... meaning vagina or in some cases tummy when it is a c-section. He may not be asking how they are made. Answer the question and then ask him if he has any more questions to make sure you answered what he asked. Hope that makes sense. I'm sure there are books out there on the subject but nothing beats the simple truth coming from Mom and Dad.

Oh, how cool - I just noticed you are pregnant! Your son is old enough to be a part of the birth. If he is interested, start talking to him about it now so he'll be ready/prepared when his little brother/sister arrives. Congrats on your pregnancy!!

Best wishes,
M.

I teach high school and have had a number of pregnant students. Most of them said that their parents refused to discuss reproduction with them. What a shame. It's funny isn't it? When kids ask us where babies come from we assume they want to know everything when sometimes a simple "babies come from their mommy's tummy" may be enough. Don't give too little information but don't give to much either. Try telling them the tummy thing first and if they keep asking more questions then answer them truthfully. If your son does ask more questions then it is probably best that mom and dad answer them together to show your son that he can come to both of you with this stuff in the future. Don't make him feel wrong for asking or like it should be something to be hushed up. Human reproduction shouldn't be a taboo topic to discuss with your kids. That's how we end up with so many teen parents.

Good luck

Hi T....

First, congratulations on your new Little One on the way! :) I hope everything goes well for you :).

My daughter is 5 and asked the same thing. I about spit my dinner across the table! It's the curious age... and it seems to come out of nowhere!

It's a normal and natural question. Whether or not your son saw your magazine doesn't really matter either. You are pregnant yourself, so he probably is wondering how his new little brother or sister got in there :). I would wonder that if I were a kid. When my daughter asked us, I told her the truth. My thinking was that I want her to be able to come to me as she grows- all throughout her life- and be able to ask me difficult questions and get an honest answer. The baby making process is a beautiful and magical part of life; it's not a big deal unless it is made into one. Of course, when she caught us so off guard at dinner, I pretended I was choking... and looked over at my husband, who, just by the look on his face, was clearly wondering HOW I was going to answer her.:) First and foremost, I told her babies come from LOVE. Regardless of the feelings between two people at the time a child is made, or the circumstances surrounding how or why two people were together, a child is pure, innocent love and comes from such a higher level. She knows that her Daddy and I love each other SO, SO MUCH and that our love together made her and her brother. I focused more on the feelings than the process, although I was honest. Despite the fact that my daughter is 5... almost 6 (in one month tomorrow), surely her maturity played a very important role in how much and the way I told her. My daughter is extremely intelligent and handled the answer very matter-of-factly for the most part. Naturally, to a child, that's what mommies and daddies do and it's gross :)...

For me, I do not remember my mom or dad telling me where babies came from. My mom gave me a book to read... however, this was after I had already found it and secretly read it. It was devastating to see the pictures, despite them only being watercolored or some airbrushed type of art...whatever it was... it looked more like paintings than real life. I would have welcomed her telling me- and I am quite honestly surprised she didn't because she was always very open about everything. Nonetheless, in her NOT saying, gave me the message that she was uncomfortable or it was something we just didn't talk about. I never talked about anything with my parents growing up. Now, we talk about everything and are open with each other, but it still makes me giggle at times because I get a touch embarrassed with her as we didn't have that open forum while I was growing up. I will talk about sex with anybody and I don't hide things, but I still get embarrassed. I felt pretty proud of m yself when I answered my daughter though! I did great! :) I don't want her feeling like I did when I was little-- like it was a secret. I remembered how disgusted and mortified I was when I got my first period! I wrote my mom a note so she could READ that I had gotten it. Well, she was all happy and excited for me, but I was embarrassed as ever!! My daughter already knows about her period and that she'll get hers. And this only ever came about because I NEVER have privacy in the bathroom! :) So, NOTHING is a big deal. And I believe that if a child is thinking about a subject enough to ask about it, we as parents need to talk and be open with what we know so they grow with a known safe place (us) to go back to when they wonder about things. We all want out children to turn out the best they possibly can be... that starts with love and honesty and very importantly, the MOST SOLID and STABLE foundation we can provide for them. :) We teach our little ones how to handle themselves as we constantly example by our own ACTIONS. WHAT WE DO IS KEY!

Before you talk to your son, just for a possible funny memory, ask him where he thinks babies come from first. I asked my daughter. She said, "LOVE!" I wholeheartedly agreed, but I knew that wasn't the answer for which she was looking. That isn't an answer adequate enough for a growing child's curiousity. It's a question we all have to face. I would feel pretty darn good about yourself, T., :) in that your son came to you and asked you.:) HE FEELS COMFORTABLE. Move forward in your lives knowing that, never forgetting that!! I think you will keep the doors of communication open for him to enter always- and he WILL KNOW IT!!!

Before I say good-bye, if I may add one more thing here because you do have a son... my husband has no relationship with his mother due to the fact that she endlessly broke his trust and his confidence in her from childhood on (among many other things). This trust thing was a BIG issue to overcome in my husband's life. It wasn't easy for him to let me in during the beginning of our relationship over 16 years ago, as an unresolved result of what happened to him. Children have gentle hearts and spirits. Just keep in mind the trust your children will place in you... in all of us who are parents. It is a most precious gift and compliment to receive :).

All my best wishes for you and your family... and your future-perfect delivery!!! :D

In Light,
J.

I would go to the local library and find some kid friendly books that help describe everything.

My daughter started asking questions about a year or so ago and I'm always one to turn to a good book to help me. I found "First Comes Love" by Jennifer Davis. We read it together and it seemed to satisfy her questions. Very well written, age appropriate, and providing sound information without more detail than necessary. I highly recommend it!

the best answer i ever got was from a 5 year old.
"the daddy plants a seed in the mommy and it grows into a baby that mommy protects with her belly so it can grow big. then the mommy pushes out the baby when it gets too big for her belly."

It is true, to the point and omits the details that your child may be a little too young for.
If nothing else, tell him the truth! dont make up stories!

When I was nine years old, my parents sat us down and had my sister and watch Nova's "The Miracle of Life"...I was fascinated. My sister was two years younger than I was and we both seemed "to get it"...I still remember it and watched it again when my husband and I were pregnant with our first child. I think it answered all the how does it happen questions without going into any of the other stuff that we might not have been ready for.

Good luck!

-M

Hi T.,

I have an eight year old daughter, and just read the book "where did I come from" by Peter Mayle. It gave a great explaination of how babies are created and also about the birth process. I think it worked really well to give her the info she wanted, and open up discussions between us.

Best wishes

Hi,

Just tell him the truth! You don't have to tell him how the egg got fertilized, only how where the baby comes out (that's all he asked). I told my 5yr. old son and 8 yr. old daughter when they asked. It wasn't as bad a I thought. They giggled a bit and got over it in a couple of minutes. Now they know and it's no big deal. They deal with the truth so much better than we give them credit for. They'll find out the truth eventually, wouldn't you rather it be from you. He'll always remember you told him the truth, just like you always want him to tell you the truth!!!

My now 25 year old daughter and I laugh at that question. My sister was pregnant and my daughter was 4...well it suddenly occurred to her that baby had to come out of that belly. All I had answered was the doctor will take the baby out, she suddenly asked will the doctor rip Aunties head off and take the baby out. So, I answered question honestly and she said EWW. That was pretty much the end for a while.

C.

The younger they are when you begin to explain these things to them, the easier it is for all of you! Some good books have been recommended and that's always a great starting point. At your son's age, he should know this, so it's wise to explain. It's a good time to make sure also he knows the correct names of all of his body parts, along with those of the female anatomy. It just gets harder as they get older, also they become embarassed because for X number of years nobody has discussed this and all of a sudden we're talking about it, and it's uncomfortable. Both of my sons knew the facts of life before most of their friends, they knew about my period and I could warn them.....I started my period today and feel a little grouchy. I also explained that many parents were uncomfortable talking to their kids about these things, so it would be best to not volunteer this info with their friends, and we never had any problems. My sons felt comfortable coming home and asking me "what is XXXX?" that they heard on the playground, and we could talk about it without anybody feeling uncomfortable. (They did get grossed out now and then!!) Open lines of communication are wonderful, and at your son's age, he needs to know the complete facts of life.

This is not a big deal at all. Don't turn it into one. Tell him! His mom is pregnant. A baby is about to come into his family. He should know. I am kind of surprised you didn't cover this ground with him when you told him about the coming baby. Children fear the unknown. If they know the facts, they can deal with them much better than adults give them credit for. Tell him the facts. There are tons of good books you can find at the library if you are not comfortable laying it out for him. Find an age-appropriate book and read it to him, then answer any extra questions he may have. Stick to the facts and you won't go wrong.

Babies come from the hospital

Hi T., tell him the truth, I personally do believe in lying to kids about anything. You can tell him the truth with out getting graphic, it usually does not take to much explaining to fill their currosity. J. L.

Ask him what he knows (or thinks he knows!) and go from there. Explain it like you are explaining how an elbow works - very matter of factly. It's just another part of human biology, no big deal.

You know your son best, so keep the explanantion in terms that he can understand while using the appropriate words for everything. He doesn't need every gory detail yet. And make sure you praise him big time for coming to you with his questions!

Good luck!!

Tell him. Use real words.

Don't be graphic, just be real.

My parents showed me The Miracle of Life video from Nova, then answered any questions after that.

I highly recommend the book "Where did I come from?" My mom used it with me and I used it with my children, now 14 and 10. The companion book, "What's Happening to Me?" which deals with puberty, is also excellent. There's no bias, allowing parents to share their own values as they read through the books with their children.

Don't be surprised, though, if this leads to all sorts of "birds and the bees" questions! I found that simple, straightforward answers, free of euphemisms, did the trick. Since I wasn't embarassed to answer the questions, my sons came to me freely with them. By the time my oldest hit junior high school, his friends were coming to him to get "the straight story." Something to think about...

Good luck!

Check this book out...it explains it all! We got it for my 7 year old daughter who is extremely curious, and it seemed to work!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Da...

I don't have an 8 year old son, I have a 4 year old son, but I just had a new baby and he was very curious about it. I told him, "Babies start off as a seed inside a Mommy's body. They grow and grow until they are big enough to come out." If you get a "How does the seed get there?" question, I'd say, "A daddy puts it inside and it grows and grows until it becomes a baby" or something along those lines. When my son asked where the baby came out of, I told him, "A special place called a birth canal." "Where is it?" "Near my bottom."

When our baby was born I filmed it and I've showed it to him so he can see what it was like when she was born. He asks me often if he can come next time when another baby is born. I like that he is interested and wants to be a part of it.

I hope it helps a little bit - though you can change the language and such for an older child.

T.,

I would start by asking him to ask you what he would like to know. Take it from there. Answer as simply, and as honestly, as you possibly can. Just give enough to answer his question without giving too much. If he wants to know more, he can ask more. After each question, ask him, "what else would you like to know?" Keep asking until he stops asking questions. The more you are open and honest the more he will know he can come to you for questions.

My MAIN suggestion is to PLEASE be sure to call body parts by their correct names. I know this can be somewhat of an embarrassment for you, but in the end it will be the best.

Good luck with this.

I have a medical book that tells everything. I am upfront with my children about childbirth and how babies are made. Show them pictures of conception and the growth of children. You will be surprised at how well they understand.

J.

I believe in telling the truth. You don't have to give him all the graphic details, but if you don't give him the correct information now and he figures that out, he might not continue to look for you as a resource on these type of topics as he gets older. If he knows you are willing to talk to him about anything without embarrassment, he will continue to seek you out for information.

There are lots of books on this subject. My kids have always been curious about all kinds of bodily functions, so we have a body book that we reference. (They have named the womb the Baby Machine.) You'll find that they can come to their own concuclusions pretty accurately and in their own terms if you have an age appropriate book to share with them.

At this age, there isn't much embarrassment associated with natural bodily functions, so it's the perfect time to teach these things. If you wait until he's older, he'll be embarrassed.

My daughters are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2 and both know babies grow inside a mommy's uterus and come out through her vagina, unless she requires a c-section. We talk about babies getting their nutrients and oxygen through the umbilical cord, where their belly buttons come from, etc. They've yet to ask how they get INSIDE the mommy, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. My mother, a nurse, brought out the textbooks and was very honest with all of us. I'll be doing the same with my girls. I don't answer more than they've asked. If you're relaxed and matter of fact, it should go well. Good luck.

Being a sexual health educator was one of the best experiences in my life and it taught me that honesty is always best. I have two boys 14 and 8 and have always thought that knowledge is key especially about our bodies. I suggest that you explain the difference between boys and girls and go from there, refrain from using wee wee and use the actual terms, if you take it seriously they will too. For an 8 year old you don't have to explain too much and if he asks more questions you can always explain the bare minimum. I hope this helps. Happy parenting.

Short answer: Answer his questions. There's a great website called Advocates for Youth and they have a publication called "There's no place like Home...for sex education". This publication has one-page newsletters about how to talk to kids of all ages about sex and sexuality. They have pages for kids ages 3 through a senior in high school. If you haven't had conversations with him before you may have to go back to some of the younger aged topics. I had to explain things to my son at age 5. I was prepared to talk about it, but wasn't expecting to have to do it so soon! I'm always amazed at how much he already knows and how much he pick up from his surroundings. Good luck!! P.S. the website address is: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/ - go to the section for parents and scroll down towards the bottom for the publication I'm refering to.

Parenting.com always has interesting ideas of how to talk to your kids about everything. The truth is always good too.

Hi T.,
I noticed some good books on Amazon that might help you. I do remember someone telling me that we shouldn't give more information than your son is really looking for. Your son may just need to hear "mommy and daddy love each other and made a baby and it's in my stomach". That answer may make him happy and he may not need to know all the physical aspects of it yet. So try a simple answer first and you may not have to get into all the details.
Good luck!