Hi R.,
I have three children, the oldest is 23, a girl 14, and a boy 16. First...(my 23y/o tried that at 15), and well, lets just say I deleted some of the things she enjoyed doing until she had a change of attitude.
My 16 y/o has learned to raise his voice (every since his voice changed) I simply look him in the eye (eye contact is "very" important), and tell him that if he does not lower his voice and act civil, he will not playy video games that day. (Usually, his attitude is a result of having a tough day at school with peers on the bus.)
My 14 y/o does not usually talk back or give me attitude "unless" she is hungry, (low blood sugar) and there is rivalry between her and her brother...she tends to be bossy, and demand that my husband and I take away his priveledges, not recognizing that she is the problem! So for her, I usually tell her to back off, that she is out of control, and then I make sure that she gets something to eat. (This usually happens right after school as well.)
So, you might want to identify what is "her trigger" that causes your daughters anti-social behavior...Sit down and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable to you, and that you are more than happy to talk about whatever is bugging her...
When I was 15, my mom identified why I was acting out, and it was because of those lovely pms hormones a certain time of the month...My friend gives her daughter "Midol" ( an over the counter pms pill) It works for her daughter...
Another thing you can do is give her consequences for her rudeness...What is it that she would miss dearly if you took it from her for a day, week etc?
An finally, I pray every night for the good Lord to place a hedge of protection around the children, give them wisdom and discernment beyond their years, traveling mercies, and I ask for the Lord to give His angels charge over them. It gives me such peace to know that He's got them covered...
I hope what I have offered, will help you...
It seems we both have similar situations...
Please feel free, if you would like to e-mail me, I moved here from CA. and my network of friends are there...
My e-mail is ____@____.com
God Bless,
C.