Seeking Advice on Daughter's Best Friend's Situation.

I haven't been through this situation myself, but I had several friends when I was in high school that became emancipated at 17. That means the girl is legally an adult and can make her own choices as far as school is concerned. That is a possible option for you and the girl to explore. If the girl's mother doesn't want anything to do with her and she's not even living with her, the daughter should be able to get emancipated. I think you will have to contact a lawyer to get the process started.

I don't know what state you are in,,but,,the girl needs a lawyer. Maybe a child advocate lawyer. In some states she could gualify for emancipation from this woman you call her mother. If emancipated then she could have the opportunity to sign her own papers at school. A visit with a lawyer and her counselor might shed some light on the situation and opportunities for her. Good Luck,,you are a dear person to take this on. It takes a lot of love and care to give to others on that level.
V.

Maybe she should consider becoming an "emancipated minor". Good luck.

http://www.jlc.org/index.php/factsheets/emancipationus

Emancipation in the United States
Emancipation is not available in every state in the United States. Where it is available, emancipation is a legal process by which minors can attain legal adulthood before reaching the age at which they would normally be considered adults (this is called the “age of majority”). The rights granted to legally emancipated minors might include the ability to sign legally binding contracts, own property, and keep one’s own earnings. However, each state has different laws governing emancipation and some states simply have no law or legal process concerning emancipation. In states where minors wishing to become legally emancipated will have to break new legal ground.

This page is designed to give minors information on the laws and available legal processes regulating emancipation in their state. The information is based on available state legal statutes and in some cases also includes information obtained from various legal aid organizations in that state. Some states have different legal terms for emancipation and can also differ in their definition of the rights granted to an emancipated minor.

I hope this helps you, because I'm speaking from experience as the friend.

When I was 16, my mom and I left my dad because he was being physically abusive to her...which I have to say...was about time. Anyway, I moved with her here to AZ where she moved jobs constantly, and we moved apartments and rooms and houses. Because of this, I was missing school, and loosing interest in school because I wanted to find work to help our ‘family’ but I was too young and not in school so nobody would hire me (thankfully) and I also I didn’t want to go to school to have people ask me “Why weren’t you in school.” Because then I’d have to tell them. Or lie…and I didn’t want to do that. I was falling through the cracks, fast, and nobody, not even my school counselor could help me. There are only so many encouraging words she could say. She probably could have called CPS but I don't think she did because they never came. I ended up running away from home to stay with a friend and that didn't really work out, so I stayed with another friend and so on... The boy I was dating at the time told his mom about my situation and she offered to become my legal guardian. She let me live at their house and went to court to get guardianship (I honestly don't know how she did it) but I went to see my mom and I asked her to please give up her parental rights so I could be successful because I know that is what she really wanted for me. We talked for a couple of hours and I convinced her to sign the papers. It was the hardest thing I ever done, but it was the first time my mom really did what was best for me. I had structure and guidance, which was a complete shell shock, but I also got my first job and started saving money to go to College and started learning how to do things that I never really learned how to do. Talk to her about the possibility of becoming her guardian and see what she says. Also, when I was 16 I couldn't emancipate because it wasn't something they did here. They might now, but I know they didn’t then.

I went to school at an alternative high school which allowed me to earn the credits that I was behind on (which was almost half of what I needed to graduate) and I finished all my classes and earned my credits in time to graduate with my class in 2000. I think I’ve done pretty good for what I went through and I think your daughters friend will do the same. Maybe it’s something that you could look into for her. Also, I don’t know what they’re like now, but I went to a charter school for 6 months to earn some credits, and basically the credits didn’t transfer so I did all that work for nothing. Things have probably changed since 9 years ago, but still, do the research. Also, if she’s a junior, then she could probably take summer school and take extra classes during school time to make up her credits. I know most seniors get half days because they’ve finished all their credits and don’t need the extra classes. As long as it isn’t a course that needs to be finished before going on to the more advanced version (like Spanish I to Spanish II) then I don’t think 1.5 is too many to make up.

My guardian literally rescued me from a really bad situation. I won’t say it wasn’t strange, because at times I felt like an outsider, but I think that’s part of realizing who you are and trying to figure out where you belong in life. Just be positive and supportive. I still talk to my guardian regularly, and I talk to my mom too. And my ex boyfriend is one of my best friends, and if it weren’t for him and his family, I don’t know where I’d be. Once she sees that someone values her, she’ll value herself and start aspiring for her future.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Get temp custody of the girl or have the girl declare herself an adult. This way she can make the decisions with you.

Call CPS immediately and get legal custody of the child. If mom has technically "abandoned her" you might have a good chance. I also have kids who must play sports as it is who they are. I also am a foster mom and realize the value of guardianship.

You can get a temporary custody paper if she has been staying with you and you have not been able to reach her mother. This would allow you to do things like take her to the doctor or sighn for her at school. Another alternative would be for the girl to get emmancipated. She would however have to be 15 and prove she could, if needs be, support herself financially. This girl needs allot of love and stability. It sounds like your doing just that for her. Good job. My younger sister and I had a simerlarly crazy and abusive mom who din't want children. She constantly tried to stop others from helping us and tried to distroy anything good we had going for us. We were lucky enough to have good people who took us in. We are both grown, married, and leading very good, happy lives now thanks to people like you.

You have a couple of options. You can call CPS if the mother is unwilling to provide necessities for the girl. Another problem you could face is if the girl has a medical problem and her mother is not willing or available to sign for medical treatment you can not do so. CPS may or may not investigate the situation as neglect. The other option would be to get in touch with the mother and see if she will sign over guardianship to you so that you can sign for the girl for education, sports and medical issues. You can also ask for a Power of Attorney but it is not fully legally binding and the mother can revoke it at any time, a guardianship is legally binding and handled throught the Family court. Good Luck!

I'm not sure how it works here, but in MI, once you're 17, you can become emancipated through the court and then you are considered an adult legally, so she no longer needs her mother's approval for anything, including sports or classes, etc. I started the process a few weeks before my 17th birthday, but had a court date for the day I turned 17 and, in a hearing that took about 15 minutes, was emancipated. I would check into this right away so that she can begin to be more proactive about her life. Here's a link that may answer some of your questions:

http://www.lawforkids.org/speakup/browse.cfm?topic=EMANCI...

For any lacking credits, I would check into IQ Academy online to make up for that missing credit virtually. It is free and there are too many benefits to list here, but here is a link to investigate for yourself:

http://www.iqacademyaz.com/

I know what it's like to be in her shoes, and I wish you both the best! :)

Start with the schools counselor. They can probably help with the school issues and you may want to look into "fostering" her. Since mom is an obvious detriment it might be a viable option and there is a possibility they could intervene quickly so she can get back on track. Good luck from a "mom" of an extra kid every time one of my own got to their senior year.

One thing that you might want to consider, especially because she is already so close to 18, is looking into your daighter's friend becoming an emancipated minor. The girl can contact legal aid and get advice on how to go about legally separating herself from her adopted mother. Since she is already living away from her and not under her mother's roof, it shouldn't be too difficult for her to convince the court that she can take care of and be responsible for herself, although she may need you there for moral support. Good luck.

Hi E.,
I have been in education for 12 years and it sounds as though she would be considered a homeless child. Not that she is living on the streets, the State actually has a new definition for homeless. She is not living in a stable environment with her family.

If she were to disclose this to the school, she has rights as a homeless child. Under the McKinney-Vento law, she has several other rights than other children do. Perhaps a school counselor can explain these to her or you. Almost all school districts in the state know about this law. Wouldn't hurt to look into it further.

Good luck!

Hi E.,

I wuolod suggest you contact a family rights lawyer. He(She) would be able to direct you on what the girl's optiona are. I do not think it would cost anything to talk to them. Good luck!
C. W

Dear E.,
I feel for your position, I was in a similar one not to long ago. My daughter is a senior this yr. and seems to be a maginet to girls in this position! I would start with the school. Maybe call the school and speak with a counsoler or vice principle. Get there in put and also call child protective services for some answers. Have you tried talking to the mother at all? I also found out that once I got the parents side of the story, the child wasn't always the victim. Hang in there...

Emancipation might work, if you think the girl is mature enough. Otherwise, go immediately to the county courthouse and file for abandonment. That should give you temp guardianship til you get other legal custody. I kick myself now cause I didn't do that a few years ago when a "friend" drop her kids off with me and moved to MT. Their dad was here and he took them a few days later(had been out of town when Mom left), but when they divorced, she got them without so much as boo.

I would try to get her emancipated.

Well, first thing you need to do is apply for legal gaurdinship. It is never a good idea to have a child living with you without some kind of legal standing. If her mother wants nothing to do with her this shouldn't be too hard to get done. But I think that the best thing to do for everyone involved is to try to open the lines of communication between the mother and daughter. If that relationship can be healed then the daughter will have a much happier life. The mother-daugheter relationship is SO important. If this bridge between them can't be mended then pursue the legal gaurdinship as soon as you can.

It sounds to me like the local Child Protective Services need to be involved. This is a case of abandonment, but on top of that, the mother is being Malicious. Although child protective services involvement complicates things, they will act only in the best interest of the child and may help the matter.

try having her get emancipation from her mother. then she can make her own decisions and play sports.

What happened between her and her mother?? I don't need you to tell me, but you may want to make sure that you aren't hindering her parent from something worthwhile. Although I have to say as a parent I can't imagine what would be worthwhile about giving your child the boot! Perhaps this girl has made some bad choices and her mom was at her witts end. I would consider that. HOWEVER having said that, if you know for a fact that this child was just being misstreated, then fight for "permanant gaurdianship" Its not too hard to get and then you would have jurisdiction. I actually had permanent guardianship of my niece once. OR you can try going to the principal and explaining the situation. When I was in highschool at 17 I moved out on my own. I went to the principal and explained that and from then on was allowed to sign all documents for school myself as my own guardian. This was about 15 years ago and in a small town, though. But both of those are worth a shot. Have you tried talking with her mother??

well you must be really nice to let a great gurl come and live with you i think you should just try to keep ur daghters friend in comhort and things will work out and just try talking to that gurls mom maybe you could change things around.

good luck and ur a great person for having that gurl :)

If her mother is really as out of the picture as it seems, she could try to get herself declared an emancipated minor (I'm not sure what the legal aspects are.) This way she wouldn't have to have her mom's permission to play sports or make up the classes she needs.

Sounds like you and your daughter's friend should look into emancipation. I don't know how it works in New Mexico, but here in Arizona, you can contact the state bar association and go thru what is called Lawyer Referral. That's where the bar sets up an appointment with an attorney at a HUGELY discounted price. (When I worked for an attorney in '97 the cost was $25) That will let you find out what you need to do to get the ball rolling, and also let you and this girl know what you're able to do around her parents. Might open some doors that seem to have been slammed in her face!

Try seeking info. about her becoming an emancipated minor. Also, talk to the coach, explain the situation, I'm not sure if a school can override a bad parent decision but it's worth asking. As far as credits go, she can take an on-line or correspondance class. They cost but it would be worth it for her to be able to graduate with her peers. Most of Mesa's schools have A and Z hours but it may be too late to get in. Go in and talk to a school counseler for more ideas.

Hello E., I would have the girl talk to her school counselor to find out about what is going on. Perhaps he/she will be able to have some resources in your area that could help. Also the school counselor can look at alternative school options & give career screenings of some type to help her get excited about what she is good at. Perhaps she could help coach some younger kids in basketball which would be great support for scholarships for college. As you may have guessed, I'm a school counselor but for an elementary school. If your school doesn't have a school counselor perhaps the school psychologist or your principal. I hope this helps you - bless you for taking in another child. My best friend's family did that for me when I was in my teens too. What you are doing for her will continue to be a blessing.

well, I think that you should contact the county court system and explain what is going on and see if you can get rights to help this girl out since apparently the adoptive mother is no help at all.
Good Luck anf God Bless

Hi E.. You can seek legal guardianship for this girl...though the process will not be quick. I manage a law firm in downtown Phoenix but this is not an area in which my firm specializes. I just know, from being in this industry for many years, that options exist...especially given the age of this child. Perhaps start with child protective services. While I am not a true advocate of this agency (because I feel they tend to be a joke sometimes) they could likely steer you in the right direction. She is still a minor and therefore under that jurisdiction. One thing I would caution...have you SPOKEN with the adoptive mom? If all your information is coming solely from this girl, you might want to MAKE SURE you have your facts straight before going to bat and getting blindsided by the truth. I am not suggesting this girl is lying..but it HAS been known to happen. Besides, perhaps in a conversation with the adoptive mom, she would relinquish rights (not likely) but you never know. Start with CPS; I think they could steer you in the right direction. Best of luck to you...