Seeking Advice on Coping with Fertility Issues

I had the same problems..I wasnt ovulating. My doctor stopped my period for a year (birth control) and as soon as I had break through bleeding, I was told to get a thormonitor (basil) put on clomid and when my temp would rise I was to have sex. It took about 3 mths of being on clomid and I was pregnant. Dr. Kallenberger is my ob now and he is great, but Dr. Mayling Barki was the one who got me pregnant. (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean). I wish you all the luck in the world!

My sister has always dealt with fertility issues. She has been married for almost 9 years and was not able to conceive at all. She finally visited Dr. Wilbois (in St Louis) where she was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. Dr Wilbois is like the miracle worker of all infertility specialists, and he did it for her, too..she is finally pregnant after just one IUI and due in September! You can find information about him on the internet; my sister highly recommends him! Good luck!

C. - I am sorry it is so difficult for you to concieve #2. It took my dh & I almost 10 years of IF to finally have a baby. IVF finally worked. We went through the wringer - big time.
The best advise I can give you would be(and I know, easier to give than to recv) don't be so hard on yourself. I know the feeling of wanting another child, but really, be blessed for what you DO have. And if you really aren't able to ccv again, there are other ways of adding children to a loving home. Best of luck to you.

C., sorry to hear you are having issues. I had my daughter after 4 early m/c. Then got pg w/ my son and has 2 early m/c after him. I don't know which is worse, not being able to conceive..or being able to conceive and not being able to carry. It's a total switch b/c I was scared every month that I would get pg and lose it again.

When we started trying to have my daughter, I did have problems conceiving. I am a big momma (at that time weighed almost 300 lbs). What my Dr told me...try to relax and enjoy myself again. Don't do it everyday, or more than once a day during the o/v time. Do it every other day starting on day 12 and ending on day 17. It took a few mths, but I actually did begin to enjoy it again as it didn't seem so dutiful anymore...and there was less stress for us, too as a couple. We actually bonded closer over it.

I know my situation was completely different, but I can empathize with where you are. ::hugz::

"My sister has always dealt with fertility issues. She has been married for almost 9 years and was not able to conceive at all. She finally visited Dr. Wilbois (in St Louis) where she was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. Dr Wilbois is like the miracle worker of all infertility specialists, and he did it for her, too..she is finally pregnant after just one IUI and due in September! You can find information about him on the internet; my sister highly recommends him! Good luck!"
I am sorry but I have to chime in on this. I saw Dr Wilbois a couple of years into our IF and he is a overweight woman hater-BIG TIME. I saw him one time, and I bawled my eyes out the entire time I was there b/c he went on and on about how fat I was and that if I didn't lose at least 50 lbs I would never get pg.
It took me 7 years and I lost 6 babies total, but I have two children ages 3 and almost 2. And I ended up getting pg with both of them on my own! And I never lost a significant amount of weight.
I am not sure what you mean by your ovaries shutting down. A lot of women don't ovulate on their own and just need a little help.
I pray your old Dr will help you to get pg again.
IF sucks. ((HUGS)))

I have not dealt with my ovaries being shut down. But if you have good specialists, they can tell you if you need to continue to wait or not.

Dealing with IF issues is hard enough, and even harder when friends and family are getting pregnant and you're not. I can't tell you not to have resentment towards your family as we all know you can't always control when your moods will hit, how and to what extent. All I can say is do your best to work around it. Maybe by doing research on your own would help. Maybe talking to others to see.

I plan to start an IF group here in the Metro as there are so many of us that have this issue and have lots to learn from each other. In the meantime, I would recommend an IF website. It is wonderful and I know you will probably find someone who is going thru the same thing or have been through it. The website is www.fertilethoughts.com

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs and it took us 3 1/2 yrs to conceive our son. He turned 2 in Sept.

yes, your anger toward hubby and son and even friends is irrational...but infertility is VERY emotional and hard to deal with. As long as you realize its irrational and dont DO anything irrational, its normal.

For advice, I would highly suggest Dr. Stewart at Shawnee Mission's infertility clinic. The entire staff is incredibly supportive. Do they accept coventry? I couldnt tell you, its tough to find any insurance that will cover ANY type of infertility, so I imagine any that will help you out in any way...they'll accept

I'm currently dealing with my own infertility and know how hard it can be, Have they done any testing for PCOS? If you have issues with weight and ovulation that might be the issue. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me.

Hi C.,

I was having difficulty conceiving as well and my OB/GYN put me on Femara. It works the same as Clomid, however, it does not enlarge your ovaries. I am also overweight and my doctor told me that I did not need to lose weight to become pregnant. I actually discovered that I had PCOS and I was put on Glucophage and Femara at the same time. After two months of medication, I FINALLY conceived!

I saw a fertility specialist for awhile (Dr. Stewart), but it was my OB/GYN that discoverd the PCOS and put me on meds. She is in the Women's Health Care Group (Dr. Stone) right next to Overland Park Regional. I have seen her for over 18 years and she is awesome! Let me know if you have any other questions.

S.

Almost thirty? First off, take a deep breath and give yourself a pat on the back! You have a good marriage and a healthy four year old! I turn thirty six months and am just now expecting my first, after losing two babies and using hormones. I've learned that there is no reason for why some people have no problem having babies and others struggle for what seems like years. Take your time, and enjoy each day. If the universe blesses you with another baby, awesome! But don't put so much stress on yourself. friends, or family....just take it one day at a time. Good Luck!

I believe that your hope is all going to be in prayer. My husband and I were trying for another child and had a very hard time concieving. We also went to see the doctor, who was very explicit in telling me how over weight I was and because of health problems, I wouldn't be able to conceive. I prayed about it and left it in god's hands. God will answer your prayers, may not be today or tomarrow, but it will be in his own time. Be patient.

I understand you frustration. It took us 2 years to get pregnant. I would have a period and we would try then it would be 2 months before I'd have another one. I was taking preganacy tests every other month.I went to a fertitlty specialits and he did blood work. It turns out I have PCOS,( poly cyctic ovarian syndrom) I make a high amount of insulin and that throws my cycle off. Some symptoms are obesity, abnormal hair growth, missed periods, acne,high insulin, infertitlity. I was put on metformine, a pill diabetics take and a month later I got pregnant! So this could be something to check out. Hope it works out for you!

I wanted to know if you had ever tried rebound ovulation? The premise is that you take birthcontrol pills for a few months and the month after you stop, boom you're ovulating. It's a great way to get your other hormones stable before you concieve again. It's also the time to lose weight, change eating habits, get more exercise and time with your husband and son before you start nesting again. It's more important that you have a good relationship with the two men in your life than how far apart your kids are. Maybe buy a house with a playroom and room for another baby? (if you build it they will come, sound familiar?)

I totally agree with the other posters about watching how you handle your anger and jealousy. It can be hard but it's more important that you celebrate what you do have that what you don't. If you let the bitterness creep in here it will creep in on other things like finances, school performance or activities and grades.

I felt the exact same way with my husband's sister She was having her 3rd baby at 22 by the time I was pregnant with my 2nd at 29 and after 5 miscarriages between DS#1 and DS#2 I was pretty resentful of women who could just get pregnant. I didn't treat her well and she thinks I'm the psycho witch of Oklahoma

Now the obsession with your biological clock is something that you should quit focusing on. You still have 5 more years before you reach the 35 year old marker which raises risks and all kinds of other hormonal issues. The truth is, with modern medicine allowing women to become mom's again at 50+ I wouldn't even think about this in terms of time is running out. I would think there's no time like the present to start saving for easier procedures and better testing.

There's a board at WebMD.com called Trying To Concieve:Fertility Issues. Those women have seen, tried and heard of it all.

If you're open to herbs and natural healing, I recommend www.infertilityworkshop.com

Hi C.,
This can be a huge emotional struggle, as you already know and are already experiencing. (I know-- been there, dont that.)
Wanting to conceive and be a mother (first time, or again) is a wonderful and noble thing.
What I find to be most important though, is to not let this make you resentful or bitter. This is like a big test for you. It's a huge test of your character.
The feelings of being upset that your friends have conceived is normal-- BUT it's something you can overcome.
You expressed that you know you shouldn't have bad feelings about their pregnancies-- they're your friends. You SHOULD be feeling joy for them. But when you're trying to conceive and can't, it becomes especially difficult. Feelings of jealously can take over if you don't fight it. Then you almost feel like you don't even want to be around them.
The BEST way to overcome that, is do to the exact opposite.
Do something for sweet for them. Get or make them a card with some cute or funny expression of congradulations on their pregnancies. Or get them a gift for the baby-- don't wait for a shower-- just do it. Even as you doing it, you'll start to feel better. Maybe take them a plate of brownies to share, a batch of mashed potatoes and gravy, a jar of pickles, or stuff to make ice cream sundaes-- whatever they happen to crave during pregnancy. When you do something sweet and kind FOR them, you'll feel more sweet and kind feelings ABOUT them, and the jealous feelings will start to go away. And not only that, you can actually begin to feel happy for them, EVEN THOUGH you feel sad for yourself-- which you're certainly entitled to feel!
As for your husband and son-- really, the same thing applies.
It's funny how our emotions can become so twisted-- isn't it? The man you WANT to get pregnant with, and raise another child with, is the same man you're afraid you're going to resent, if you can't. Can you imagine, though? It's essentially-- "I either get to have another baby with you, or I'm going to resent you, and it's not even your fault."
One voice in your head says it, but another voice says- this isn't right-- I shouldn't be feeling this way.
And the voice that will grow and get louder, is the voice that you FEED.
So you CAN'T let this cause resentment towards him, or your son.
Your son especially, can't be a "victim" of your struggle to conceive again. What's the point in having a second child, if in this process, you hurt the first?
You don't want your son, who you already DO have, to somehow feel like he's less important--that you're so desperate to have another one, that he must not matter that much. Or else why does mommy get so upset that she can't have another one-- I'm not enough?
You don't want your passion to have another child, to overtake the passion you have for the blessings you've already received. You have a beautiful son, with a husband you must adore (otherwise you wouldn't be so set on having another with him!)
Certainly, you can continue to do whatever you can, and seek whatever medical help and advice you can to try and make this dream happen. But if you become so emotional and such a wreck that it starts to negatively affect the family you already have, (as you indicated that you're worried is beginning to happen) --then what's the point, right?
It's hard thing, I know, I've been there. But that you're recognizing and admitting what's happening emotionally inside of you, is good. You have a good heart-- just remember to enjoy the blessings you already have-- a husband, a son and good friends-- and I think you'll do just fine.

My best wishes for you!!
T.