Seeking Advice on Being a Step-Parent and Not Interfere

you might want to think about letting brandon go once a month and stay a week end with his mother. brandon needs toknow who his mother is and hey put your self in her shoes would you want someone to keep your child from you and never let him talk to you as for the phone calls. you can see she misses her son nothing is wrong with letting him talk to her or her talk to him. if you try to put limitation on the boy and his mother brandon will only grow to be distant and we know what that does now a days maybe you can set a time during the week to let her see him at a playgound for about an hour that ca;t hurt. but remmember put your self in her shoes..... i wish you the best

What about having your husband talk to her and establish a time limit say 10 minutes on nights other than Wed. You could even have your stepson call her so that you could control the time-- maybe before bed?

Trying to put a time limit or stopping phone calls sounds just plain selfish. If you want what is in the best interest of your step-son then having communication with his mom is it. Trying to control that or stop it will only turn out bad for you guys in the long run. She may have had and/or still has problems but she is still his mother. Being a mother yourself you should put yourself in her shoes. Could you imagine someone telling you you could only talk to your children for 10 Minutes?? Or to not call everyday?? And don't you think your children would cry everytime they had to leave you? As a parent your job is to put your feelings on a shelf and LISTEN to what the child needs. So my advice to you would be to not interfere with his relationship with his mother... as long as he is safe with her if that ever changed then you have a responsibilty to get involved. Hope this helps you.

I can understand that she may want to be a part of his everyday life, but it sounds like right now, she's dealing with a significant transition in her life--and addiction recovery brings with it a whole host of emotional growth and healing that requires structure, support and time. I applaud her efforts to let her son know that she loves him--but that can't come at the price of his feeling safe and secure in the basic foundation of his life.
And it can border on emotional blackmail on her part to imply that he can move in with her when it clearly hasn't been discussed with his father or you.

For a kid, who probably wants to please his mother, and not see her hurt, all the emotional turmoil she might be experiencing is likely very confusing. Add to that the excitement, but also stress, at the prospect of changing his whole life over to her home--wow. that's a lot to ask a kid to deal with.

Is it at all possible to sit down together and discuss this? Maybe even with a professional mediator if one is called for?

The top priority, obviously, is in making sure that he's tended to emotionally and physically while his mother processes what she needs to.

Best of luck!