Seeking Advice for a 3 1/2 Month Old That Hates Her Car Seat

oh my gosh, I just spent 15 minutes typing you a response and My darn computer kick me off the internet just as I was about to send it... I am at work and cant type now but I will later when I have some time... sorry, I will write you later... hang in there.
A. P

Oh my I know how you feel. I had the same thing with my first son. It is horrible! I looked on line at the time for advice too. The answer ended up being to get a new car seat. I got a Britax Roundabout and it worked like a charm. Seriously there was no more crying. Who knew he was so uncomfortable?

I wish you the best,
J.

I hope it's some consolation I had the same experience with my son too. He outgrew it or just got used to it, but it was
SO hard. I feel for you, but do know this will pass...it really will. It doesn't seem like it will now, but it will and there will be different stages to adjust to. I know it's hard to drive with a baby who is so stressed out, but you just have to know it will be okay. Hang in there.

M.

As long as she's clean, tummy full and not in pain... let her cry it out. Oh, and get earplugs.

My baby did the same thing. Each time we would go somewhere she was cry till she was red in the face and eyes swollen. It was heart breaking to hear her cry. But when I went back to work and the car seat became a routine, she was fine with it. You may want to sit her in it every so often even if your not going anywhere. Show her it's not all that bad. I would put her in it and when she started to cry I would walk around outside and she would stop. When she would cry I wouldn't take her out of it right away as I didn't want her to associate crying with being removed from the car seat. I hope this helps.

Maybe take the car seat into the house and practice sitting in the car seat little at a time and build up. Maybe the car seat hurts her...try a differant car seat?

First, check your car seat. Some car seats have too much of a angle where the childs buttocks sits, creating the tummy to be pinched. My chicco car seat was too uncomfortable for my son. He hated it when we put him in it, especially to buckle it. It was too confining for him. We added different bumper pads as well to soften his seat.

This did help. However his screaming continued when we buckled him in and got him out. I eventually got a new car seat. I purchased a evenflo triumph. TOTALLY WORTH THE $$$

My only draw back....I lost the bar for his hanging toys. Thankfully his grandpa is very creative and fixed that problem. So now he has plenty of toys, a new seat and a mirror to occupy him. This has worked like a charm. He is MUCH happier all the way around!

Oh and my son throws up less in this car seat...funny.

good luck and congrats!

Hi J., I have heard this before and the problem was the car seat. A friend of mine had this same problem and found that the car seat had a lump under the cover that made her child uncomfortable. When she purchased a new seat from a different company the problem was gone and the car seat became a pacifier. Try taking the cover off and see if there might be something that is causing your baby discomfort, or just try a new car seat. Good Luck...

My daughter who is now 4 did the same thing. We used music and that seemed to help also. One thing we did change was we put her in a regular carseat turned around of course, instead of the infant carrier. This seemed to make a big difference. I'm not exactly sure why this helped. We did this when she was about 5 or 6 months old. Good luck, and congratulations!!

I had the exact same problem. My daughter would cry from the time I buckle her in until the ride is complete. Once, my daughter napped during a car ride and then cried for an hour on my way back from an errand. Needless to say, I never went anywhere far from that day onward without me physically being in the backseat for quite some time. I then kept her occupied milk, with my singing, entertaining her with toys, as well as try to lesson her sensory disorders as much as possible. She still cried a lot.

My other daughter wanted toys, but wouldn't last very long playing with them. Singing and more milk didn't help either. So, I got a DVD player and put on Baby Einstien videos on for her. It worked wonders.

So, it seems like each child truly is different. So, you'll need to discover what works for your child or if your child is in pain (e.g. tummy problems).

From about 3 mos to 5 mos, my baby screamed through every car ride unless I sat beside him touching and/or breastfeeding (yes, in the car seat, imagine the contortions). It made going anywhere by myself with him a torture session. I could distract him with loud music (regina spektor or music box music seemed to work best) or singing very loudly.

I kept wondering what I was doing wrong--I'd heard about babies sleeping in the car seat, but all mine did was scream. Other mothers just shrugged and said their babies didn't have the problem or suggested giving a bottle.

Ultimately, whether singing or talking, I had to just let him cry. It was heartbreaking. My mom reassured me that even though it was difficult for us both, he was not in danger or hurt, he just didn't like it.

I don't know if he just got used to it or if he grew out of his utter loathing, but just as a helpful friend gave me earplugs (still unopened), he stopped crying and started singing himself to sleep or playing with a whozit. At 16 mos, he now plays with toys or looks out the window. He doesn't seem scarred by the experience. I'm not sure I can say the same.

I don't really have an answer for you, but I too have a daughter (just turned 4months old) who seems to hate the car ride. If we are moving she does fine, but the minute we stop at a red light the crying begins, also I notice that when I have the canopy up on the carrier she seems to cry more because she can't see anything. So I try to put it back as long as the sun is not in her eyes(we are unable to put her in the middle seat because we have 2 carseats to accomodate). A friend of mine has a daughter who was the same way and they figured out that riding backwards was making her carsick, of course there is not much you can do about that until they are old enough to turn around. Hang in there it can't last forever!

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but you just do it and make her deal with where she is, she'll get used to it. You may cry and your heart may break, but you just have to do it. You were me about 15 months ago. Hang in there!!

Hi J.,
I'm sorry this is happening to you so early on. I have 3 kids and all have gone through this, but it wasn't until they were much older. Right now I have the issue with my 2.5 year old. Since you have tried toys, I'm trying to think of other things that would work. She is so young. Do you think it is a comfort issue? Have you tried soothing music? I'm sure you have tried the obvious of making sure the seat,itself, hasn't been sitting in the warm sun and that it's not too cold in the mornings. I actually have to go out and roll down all my mindows and cover the seat about an hour before we go anywhere because my little guy screams that it is too hot. Try spraying some Lavender aroma therapy room/linen spray in your car prior to your trip (before putting her in). It does have a calming affect. Lavander Farms makes a good one. Make sure she isn't overly bundled and that she doesn't feel too confind by clothing. Have you told your Dr? Maybe it's something medical that isn't obvious to the naked eye. Maybe the position or movement irritates her ears,sinus, tummy. I'm just grasping at ideas here. I wish I could be more help. I know your frustration.
J

I'm so sorry you're going thru this! my daughter is almost 9 months old and STILL has screaming fits in the car, not always, mostly at night... but in our state, CA, it's law that they have to face backwards until they are 30 pounds AND one year old!
it helps, sometimes, for my hubby to sit back there with her (he can't drive so I can't sit with her), and it also helps sometimes for her to have her glow seahorse (kinda like a glo-worm). :)
but we are impatiently looking forward to being able to turn her around, since i've heard from many that this solves it!

good luck!

If there is a toy that she particularly likes, save it for the car seat only. Put her in the car seat while in the house and play with her / give her attention while she's in it. The idea is to create positive associations with the car seat. When she gets a bit older, perhaps you can give her some favorite baby snacks only in the car seat.

I had the same problem with my son. We finally ended up putting him in his big carseat facing forward and that solved it.

Wow! What a beautiful outpouring of advice and empathy! It seems that many of you have experienced a similar situation, and many of you offered helpful advice. I think I will try new music, a mirror, and a new car seat. And yes, I do imagine that she will eventually out grow the tramatic response. Some of you seemed to describe my exact situation - sitting in the back with her does help, but we usually max out at a half hour of mommy-sustained diversion. Many thanks to all!

You may have to just tune her out until she is big enough for the forward facing seat. Constantly responding to her crys will just reinforce that behavior. What ever you do, do not let her out of her seat while the car is running. Waffling on that rule will make the tatrums worse for a long time. This happened with my youngest brother. Now a- days kids will be in some sort of car seat until 6+ so they might as well learn early that they stay buckeled up when the car is running. We kept this rule with our son and he travels well, although we did have to drive through a few crying spells the first year or so, especially on longer trips.

J.,

Do check into other car seats. But, you might also take her to a good chiropractor who treats babies. My son cried all the way home from the hospital when he was born. He also did not enjoy the baby swing or anything that moved. His pediatrician recommended Modesto Chiropractic. When the chiropractor examined my son, he found that his neck had gotten out of place during birth! After only a couple of adjustments, he was fine. He only goes back annually now for check ups. When babies cry that hard, there is a reason. They just can't explain it to us. On the up side, they are quite resilient and will make it through. Things will get better! And, good for you for seeking out advice. Use what works for you and file the rest! You're the mom.

I had the same problem with my daughter. I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!! She did the same thing for almost 7 mo. So here is what we found:

1) Try doing the car seat straps a little looser.

2) Find a good classical or lullaby CD, and play it when you get in the car. One that both of my kids have been soothed by is "Baby's First Classics".

3) Put a mirror where she can see herself. (Like the Teddy Bear one at Target.)

We found that our daughter cant stand the feeling of being confined. She even hated being swaddled, and wont let anyone except Mommy hold her tummy-to-tummy. Once we did the straps of her car seat a little looser, she stopped screaming. Believe me...my daughter doesnt cry herself to sleep. I once had a two hour drive that I could not get out of, she screamed the entire ride, and did not fall asleep. She would not take a pacifier to save her life. At the age of your daughter, our daughter was most amused by her own reflection. And lastly, I am really big on classical music for babies, but it does wonders for mommies nerves too!!!

I hope our experience helps you. All babies are very different, but reading your story was like having a flash-back. My little one even screamed her way home from the hospital.

I am so surprised that no one has mentioned this, because it works for us about 95% of the time: radio static, tuned to the back speakers, turned up loud. White noise is one of the 5 S's (someone else mentioned "Happiest Baby"), and we use radio static at night to rock our almost 3 month old daughter to sleep. When she is throwing a fit in the back seat of our car (she also hates her car seat), we turn on the static, turn it up loud, and it usually calms her down quickly (unless something else is going on, like hunger), and she usually falls asleep.

I'd also like to mention that we have the Graco SnugRide car seat, and have recently purchased the swing frame that the car seat snaps into. She still doesn't like her car seat, but she is tolerating it much better these days, since I think she may be learning to associate it with calming activities.

Good luck!

My sister's nephew had the same problem. Turned out he hated the reclining position he was in. They were able to get a rear facing carseat that sat him up a little more and he cried a lot less. I'm not sure if that's the problem with your little one, I just know it sounds similar to what my sisterts in-laws were going through. I'm sorry its hard to take her anywhere! I can't imagine!! Good luck and I hope you figure something out!!

Maybe her car seat is uncomfortable. I've heard of that happening. Does she have a mirror on the seat in front of her so she can see herself? Sorry I don't have more advice, my kids were always good in the car, but I have heard of changing carseats solving the problem.

Since there is no getting away from the car seat, my only advice is to let her cry it out. One of my kids hated her car seat and screamed each time we would put her in it. Before we went anywhere I made sure she was dry and fed, that way I knew she was OK. This will hopefully be a short term problem anyways. Sorry, not to have more of a solution. This is totally normal and something that she will outgrow and get used to.

Hi J.,

Congrats on your little one. When my son was this age I would always make sure he had eaten before I went anywhere. I would nurse him before we left. I would also check the car seat to make sure she is comfortable. I'm not sure how big your daughter is, but if you still have the part in the car seats for newborns you might need to take this out. Your car seat should tell you the weight limit for this part. I hope this helps and best of luck to you.

J. - I have this same problem with my 5 month old daughter (which started about 6 weeks ago). I'm so glad you asked this question! I think in my daughter's case she's just bored. I dismiss all the advice from people to just let her "cry it out" - that sounds cruel to me - especially when she screams to the point of becoming hoarse and sounding like she can't breathe anymore. The first time it happened was so bad the au pair actually thought she WAS going to stop breathing. I pulled over to soothe her and it was a long ride home having to do this a few times.

Anyway - I'm grateful for the advice offered here (other than CIO) and will add that for me, the only thing that's helped is to talk to her the entire way if I'm the one driving and make sure she can see out the windows. If I'm not driving and can be in the back with her, that's much better as she can be entertained by me reading books, playing, singing, etc. I was able to do a 2-hour car ride this way but can't do anything of the sort if I'm driving.

I've also used some of her favorite toys to keep her distracted. She usually lasts about 10 minutes. If I'm lucky, I can do a half hour. Hopefully, some of these suggestions will help for better, longer trips. I'm hoping it's a phase that will pass.

Also - I was told that they don't have the brain development yet at this age for it to be car sickness (something to do with the part of the brain that affects sense of motion/balance, etc) - not sure if that's true or not, but it's partially why I think it's an entertainment problem with my little one. I think I'm going to look into a different car seat though as that seems like a possible solution as well. Good luck!

My daughter did the same thing from almost birth until 4 or 5 months. I use to roll down the window (she's facing backwards so the air won't take her breath away) and/or play the Baby Einstein CD. My friend said she use to turn the music up kind of loud, I couldn’t' do this because I was afraid it would hurt her hearing, but to each their own =o)
Best of luck, this phase will pass before you know it.

Hey J.!! Congrats on your baby and welcome to mommy world!! This is a normal phase, although my boys' both loved the car rides- they hated being buckled in their seats, but they loved the movement of the car.. that was the way I put them to sleep sometimes.
I would try putting on some music, not rock, but maybe try Beethoven or soft music so she can fall asleep while you are in the car- its okay to let her cry while this is happening, it will take a while to get used to the soothing of music for a while, something new always takes time but it will be worth while- She is only 3 1/2 months.. relax. This too shall pass. good luck. Also, you can try feeding her snacks, or bottle before you have to leave .. maybe you are rushing her when she is not ready.. it takes time- how would you feel being rushed in every direction at the spur of the moment?

We went through this at various stages with both of our girls. We ended up changing carseats. It's pretty amazing but for our youngest, who did this at about 6 months, she really didn't like the seat she was in. We switched to a seat a friend had used for her granddaughter and it went away instantly. It was a toddler not an infant seat and it was a bit more upright and she could see more out the windows then. We left it rear facing until she hit a year as recommended/required. She's still in that seat at 2.5 years and haven't had another problem. Interestingly enough the seat she hated was the same our other one didn't like as well. Can't say we'd recommend the Alpha Omega seats as the kids don't seem to like them.

You could also check and make sure the seat is at the right angle. Some seats slope such that the seat reclines too much. The seat back should be at a 45 degree angle compared to the ground. Some seats have little things that tell you if they are correct. But you could try rolling up a towel and putting it under the seat (the end her heads at) to see if the angle change helps.

I am curious whether it is the car seat, or the car ride that is upsetting...

At that age my daughter was super happy in her carseat, and took some of her best naps there-but she was not always happy to be put in the car.

Do you load her in the seat in the house and then carry to the car? Or load her in the seat already in the car? There may be a comfort issue-something not sitting right on her? Not swaddled enough...

If it is not actual discomfort-then it is a phase-I think that the music and fresh air are good ideas. One one those bars with swingy toys. Do they still do the mirrors, or were they too dangerous?

Hi J.,
my daughter hated the car seat too for quite some time. the two things that helped us were to 1) support her head and neck with a tiny travel pillow braced under her chin and 2) set up a mirror on the back seat for her to look at. It does get better with time. Gook luck!

J., I understand your predicament. Have you checked the car seat? It may be uncomfortable for her, or something is bothering her about it. Try a different seat.
Hope you find a solution. (my three children were before car seats.....what a trial!) Best wishes.

One thing we did that sometimes worked, especially if I could be in the backseat next to her was humming her name AVA loudly right next to her. It's like how the doctor from the Happiest Baby on the Block said to do shhhing sounds but we would hum her name in a deep deep voice over and over like AAAAAAAVVVVVVVAAAAAAAA and drag it on till your out of breath and then do it again. It would help calm her and sometimes she would even fall asleep. It was so bad for us that we tried to limit how much we went out. Once you get to a point where you can turn her forward facing which we did before the allowed time right around 11 months and she was tiny, then they get much happier. Also, sometimes playing loud music that isnt classical but hard rock or something like that can help. It's in the vibrations. Good luck and remember this too shall end!

I feel for you because I went through it too. The only thing that helped, besides moving non-stop (not easy at a red light!), was a CD of kids songs. I would play the cd in the car, then memorized a few of the easier ones, and sang them to her at home (while nursing, rocking her to sleep, or just holding her and playing with her). That way she recognized the words/tunes, and associated them with happy times. But there were still many times she cried and I cried right along with her. Now she's 19 months old, she sits forward (which made a huge difference) and we survived! It sucks but you will get through it!!!

My first grandaughter was like that. We took a trip to Southern California in her first few months of life and I was amazed how long she would cry in the car seat at just a couple months of age. But I was also thankful that there was something she did not like that was manditory if we wanted to go any where. I have always had a hard time letting babies cry, but it doesn't hurt them, if they have all their needs met, to let them cry over something they don't like. I believe it is good , not only for lung developement, but character developement.

My son who is now 4 went through this at the same age. It lasted a month or two and then it was gone. I never thought we would be able to drive anywhere, but it suddenly ended. If she is healthy, then she will most likely grow out of it.
Hang in there.

I had the same problem with my son. He hated being in the car seat especially at night. What helped for us was to strap a mirror on the seat so that he had a face to look at and I would talk to him the whole way. At night I had to leave the little reading light on so he was not in the dark. Hope this helps for you.

My son was like this too. Especially when we stopped at a stop sign, or, red light! The only thing that pacified him were songs from church. I had to sing continuously whenever we were in the car. It didn't help if Dad sang, only me. Needless to say, I went through my whole repertoire many times during the first 6-8 months he was alive :).
He's nine years old now, and cracks up when I tell him this story.