Seeking Advice for 18 Week Daughter Who Still Struggles with Babysitters

Updated on November 11, 2006
C.G. asks from Chicago, IL
4 answers

My baby girl is such a "mama's girl" (early strangeritis), but it's making it hard for me to work (and I need to work to help support our family). I work from home tutoring students with learning disabilities from 3 to 8 PM Mondays through Thursdays and my babysitters come in and watch her in the home. She did great with the babysitters from 8 weeks until 12 weeks at which point she started to be 'fussy' for at least a third of the time they are here. I did some preliminary sleep training (e.g., napping only in the crib, putting her down drowsy, but awake, etc) and have stopped using the Snugli at the recommendation of my pediatrician who says that she is so bonded to me that it makes it difficult for her. She is also fussy for daddy, but she has gotten better with him in the last 2 weeks. We have not done cry it out yet because I'd rather not if we can avoid it (especially since she cries it out for a good part of the time that I'm working). It is just so hard to concentrate on my work as I hear her wailing, knowing that if I go to her she will stop crying in seconds. I've had the babysitters take her out for walks, but as we get into the winter, that option is becoming less and less possible. I'm open to all advice, as this problem does not seem to be improving with age! Thanks for your suggestions!

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So What Happened?

I appreciated everyone's feedback. We ended up doing gradual 'cry it out' sleep training (combo of Ferber/ Weissbluth) with her and it worked wonders. She simply needed WAY more sleep than she was getting. She now takes two 2 hour naps daily and gets about 12 hours of sleep at night. She still fusses when we put her down awake in her crib, but the crying jags with the babysitters have ceased for the most part which has been SUCH a relief for me! She actually smiles and interacts with them calmly similar to when she was 2 months old!

More Answers

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

I wish I could be more positive but I will tell you my daughter REFUSED to have a babysitter watch her until 14 months! I too tutor and teach and it was horrible. She would scream and scream and scream until I had to give up tutoring some students because I couldn't do it to her. You have to decide what your daughter needs and then sometimes we make do with a lot less to keep our children happy and healthy. We struggled worse than you can imagine during that time and we are just getting on our feet now financially but I know it was right cause she was happy. Thats the bottom line. Not all babies can be trained and pushed to do as WE want them to do. Good luck making the right choice.

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

C. I am not sure if this is an ption for you, but you may want to try and put your daughter with a sitter outside of your home. Maybe an in-home daycare or another stay at home mom could watch her nearby . This way your daughter would still get a lot of attention (unlike a huge center) and she would have the benefit of being around other children. Children have very heightened senses, and if she knows you are in the house, she will inevitably cry for you because she knows eventually you will come to her. And I understand it is very hard not to go to your crying child. If she was able to be around other kids, she most likely would be more content watching them and observing. Plus she would be in new suroundings which is always interesting to a baby. Just a suggestion, but you may find the a couple hours away may be best for both of you. And I agree with the other moms about the snugli, keep using it, your bond is the most important.

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K.C.

answers from Chicago on

Have you tried having the babysitter put your daughter in the baby carrier? A good rule of thumb is to never ask your doctor for parenting advice (only medical advice). It's great that your daughter is so well-bonded with you. Is she in the same room with you when you are working or just within earshot? Hang in there!

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

Someone else said it more nicely than I will. Your doctor has it backwards. Do not seek his advice except for illnesses. Bonding is beautiful and healthy for you both. Get out that Snugli again. Let the baby sitter use it, also.
It should be worth your time to read some books written by Dr. William Sears. This is all about attachment parenting, which is how you describe wanting to parent. Also, try swaddling. You can find out about that by reading The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. Many stores sell swaddling cloths with velcro. Check them out. You just need more information in order to do things to your liking. Have fun with it all.
Amy

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