Seeking Advice - Shiner, TX

OMG! No, you are not being selfish. How horrible for you. What are grown men (with children, girls no less) thinking being with 18 year olds? Egh!

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a similar problem. My ex's live-in girlfriend also has my 6 year old daughter call her mommy. I over heard her calling her this one day, and she looked back at me, with that "oops" look, knowing I would dissaprove. I have spoken to the girlfriend about it and says that she doesn't encourage it, but doesn't tell her not to. I think what happened in this case is that their other children call her mommy, and she doesn't want to feel left out. I was very upset. I agree that she has to earn that title. She didn't carry her for 9 months, or stay up all night when she was sick, and so on. But I got over my pride. I know that my daughter acknowledges who her real mother is. Its a tough one!

Hi L.!You are not being selfish.Being a successfull divorced businesswoman at one time myself, I understand the frustration.We are at our best when we are in control.The situation over there is inappropriate.I think your ex,is probably like my ex-a pervert and spiritually lacking.Regardless,he has taken bed with a child and he has children.It's disgusting.
That said, what recourse do we have? We can drain our energies trying to fix these messed up individuals who live for themselves (how does he honor his daughters?)or we can Give it To God. We already know how men like this end up, alone.Back to the children, I have a nine year old boy and a six year old boy, we have to try and see through their eyes...and then give it to God. The disharmony, imbalances will lead to confusion for them. When the parents banter, the kids get lost in the fighting.They start doing their own thing and rebel. Focus more on them and what magic is happening in each of their own existences (bite your tongue about the father as hard as it is) and shift the focus back to where you have power.Mama Dawn is temporary we know already, you are forever;so the words (name) may not mean so much to a little kid.He/she is caught in the middle of a situation and little kids are always trying to make their elders happy. That is a child's nature so I do not believe it should be taken as an insult to you. The fighting will overshadow what really lies in your children's heart and that is how they find their own empowerment...living where there is peace. If we lose control (because the x has none)how are they to trust the place where they can fall emotionally? Will they choose imbalance or will they seek a more peaceful setting?They don't have the life experiences of childbirth, or struggles with love and lust, at their age.I wish I could shed more light.Don't give the actor a stage full of drama.The kids are watching the performances and need a safe, peaceful environment to just "be". Be above them with dignity.Be with your children in delight. Peace...breath...live.

It definitely is a trying situation, but I am a mom who has been on all sides of the situation. I am a Step mom of three and I have a daughter from a previous marriage. Also I have a Step mother and sibling.Being a mom the hardest thing you can here is your child calling somone else mommy. Whether or not it was solicited by your ex and there partner or the child is doing it to fit in with other siblings. There is not much you can do about it in regards to your child that will not make them feel bad. You have to put your feelings aside. You child propably lied because they did not want to hurt your feelings or there was a fear of geting in trouble. perhaps there has been tension for whatever reason between you and your ex. Bottom line you child wants to feel happy and accepted at both homes and if calling a stepmparent momma dawn, mommy 2, or even step mom, or any other title helps them to feel happy and secure allow it. put your personal feelings aside. My experience is this in front of the kids pretend everything between you and your ex is great even if you hate him and his girlfriend be nice be civil, and discuss issues in a calm rational way away from your child, where they can never here. Do whatever you have to and swallow your pride so your kid will know they are your number one. Let your past go with your ex. Relationships fail for whatever reason, get over it. It stinks to see an ex with someone immature or irresponsible, but making trouble or getting upset only affects the kids in the long run. It may not be the validation you wanted to hear but I have had to swallow my pride many times and my children are the better for it.

Hi i'm new to this but I have a similar situation in that 2 of my sons live with there dad and his fiance and if they were to start calling her mom it would break my heart!!!She wasnt there on the delivery table or at the conception..I think she needs to have her own kids..you should just be honest with your daughter about how you feel I was and my kids have agreed to never call her mom in return I try to only say nice things about her and i try to notice all the positive things she does do for my kids and even ask God to bless her when I pray with them anyway I dont know if that helps at all but it is nice to be a new member of this group!!!

Hi, I think I would talked to my son insted of my ex-husband,(8 years old kids now in days are smart)and i would tell my son that mom, mama, mami, mother is a very special word, and is not for everybody. Find a way to make him understand that. And try to move your son back to you because I think your husband who is 40 years old living with a little girl who is 18 is not a good example for your kids, it would be diffrent is she didn't live there .

Sadly you can't control what they call her in his house. You can ask the kids not to call her that in front of you though. I know the situation is bad, but legally you don't have any rights in that relationship. The kids are probably going to call her Momma Dawn, because when they are at her house she is the "mother" figure. The good thing is that they aren't just calling her mom .. at least that shows that they see the differeance between you and her. Choose your battles, get upset with her parenting skills and bring that up, but don't make the kids feel ashamed about calling her a certain name. They know who their real mom is and chances are she probably won't stick around for long.

Hope this helps.

i've been in your shoes. i have 3 kids and my ex moved in with a woman and they wanted my kids to call her momma. i threw a fit. there is no way that my kids are going to call another woman momma unless she has earned that right. and this woman hadn't. i just told my kids that they didn't have to call her that and they actually stopped. but then again my kids didn't have a very good relationship with the other woman or my ex. and they haven't seen either of them in over 3 years.

YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH YOU ARE BEING RESPONIBLE UNLIKE YOUR EX I'VE GONE THROUGH THAT TIME AN TIME AGAIN WITH MY EX. MY IS 7YR OLD AN HIS DAD WHO IS 32 HAS DATED WOMEN FROM 19 TO WHO KNOWS AN THEY ALL HAVE LIVED WITH HIM AT ONE POINT OR THE OTHER AN MY SON HAS BEEN IN THE MIDDLE OF IT GETTING PHONE CALLS FROM HIS DAD'S GIRLFRIENDS SAYING THEY LOVE HIM AN BLAH BLAH BLAH..... SO WITH THE LAST GIRLFRIEND THAT WAS 22 I PUT MY FOOT DOWN WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT HER EX WAS GOING TO THE PEN FOR DRUGS AN SHE HAD A RECORD A MILE LONG SO I CALLED MY EX AN MY MOTHER IN LAW AN TOLD THEM THAT IF THINGS DID NOT CHANGE I WOULD TAKE THEM BACK TO COURT AN ASK THAT MY SON ONLY VIST THEM ONCE A MONTH AN NO OVER NIGHTS. NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY BROKE UP AN HE'S NOW MOVED ON TO A WOMEN HIS AGE.

MY POINT IS MAYBE IF YOU LET THING RIDE FOR A FEW WEEKS THINGS MAY CHANGE IF THEY DON'T CHANGE YOU MAY HAVE TO HELP MOTIVATE YOUR EX TO CHANGE HIS LIVING ARRANGEMENTS WITH THIS GIRL.

I'M IN ABILENE I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHINER,TX IS HOW FAR FROM ABILENE?

I don't know that selfish is the word I would use - maybe short sighted. Your daughter is looking for a way to be comfortable in her family unit. Believe me - as someone who has had 3 step moms and IS one.. I know who my mama is, and my s'daughter knows who her mama is. I am younger than my husband - 16 years older than my stepdaughter - I had very little parenting experience when we got married, but it has been a crash course.

It made - and makes - me no difference what she chooses to call me, but she has chosen to call me s'mom - short for stepmom - and it makes HER more comfortable in front of her friends, classmates, even with her teacher.

At first her mom was livid, but she has come to realize, I think, that I have no interest in her title or her position - just my own - and that I love her children as much as I love my own, and that can only be good for them. Now she's pretty ok with it.

i would try to talk to the ex and let him know that this is unacceptable. he will probably be less than responsive and give you some line about being jealous or something to that effect. also check in your divorce decree, there may be something about co-parenting...if they aren't married sometimes it will be thrown in that co-habitation has to be agreed upon by both real parents. if nothing else, talk to your children and let them make up their own minds about what they want to call the 18 year old and let them know it's okay if they don't want to call her mama then they don't have to . if worse comes to worse discuss it with your lawyer if you are that uncomfortable with it. never let your ex's hormones get in the way of your children's heath and happiness

No, you are not being selfish. Have you tried to talk to your ex. Tell him you don't like that your daughter is calling his new person. Tell him the truth. That what I had to do with my ex. Thats if the to of you can talk. If not tell your daughter that it hurts your feelings.