Searching for Happiness

If you truly want to keep this alive you will do whatever it takes. With that said, many psychologists will say, "Act as if you do, the feelings will follow." Good luck,
Wendy

"The Five Love Languages" is a book that saved my marriage. We've never been happier ever since we read the book together and tried to apply it's suggestions. Good luck!

find the happiness in yourself and he will automatically become happy with you again but he needs to do the same. what makes you happy? drawing dancing or what then do it.

marriage takes work, don't know how you are going about it now, but it won't happen by just hoping things fix themselves. make an effort. put a sexy note in his lunch or wallet where you know he'll find it. text him throughout the day. thank him when he does something small for you or the kids. plan a kidless night or a date night, for the two of you to spend one-on-one time together. buy his favorite for dinner "just because". was he calling you "debbie downer", after he made an effort and you shot him down? make an effort to meet him halfway. it's the little things that tell him (and you) that there is still something there. might surprise you by giving him ideas on nice things to do for you. hang in there.

buy books, read books, borrow books.... or if you can afford to see a counselor
But get a conversation started. The best way to get this relationship back on track is through conversation.
There is something called "The Relationship Tool Kit" - It is designed to help you strengthen your relationship.
Now if you believe that the only thing missing is the romance there is a book called "101 Grrreat Nights of Romance" by Lisa Corn(I think thats the author). It has 50 dates for you to do for him and 50 for him to do for you and 1 for you to do together.

But my question to you is how is your attitude? the phrase "Debbie Downer" is coming from some where. Do you have a positive outlook or is the glass always half empty. Because the answer may be as simple as finding out why you aren't more positive? Maybe there is something going on with you and your husband is seeing the signs more than you are. Take a long hard look at yourself and try to see what he sees, heck ask him what he sees. Can you fix it on your own? Do you need help to fix it?

Try the book "The 5 Love Languages". It's a quick easy read and gives you practicle advice about how to get back to the days when you used to fawn over eachother!

start slowly, baby steps. It took some time to get to where you are and it will take time to improve the situation. Start by touching his shoulder when you walk by him or give him an unexpected kiss (even if it doesnt feel natural at first). Go for walks together where there isnt anything to distract you from having a conversation. Go on dates...

Do you have children try dating again go to places that you boh enjoy perhaps a romantic movie anything to help you remember why you married him say i love you often ive been married 61 years you can do it also A. no hills

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DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN TRY DATING AGAIN GO TO PLACES THAT YOU BOH ENJOY PERHAPS A ROMANTIC MOVIE ANYTHING TO HELP YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU MARRIED HIM SAY I LOVE YOU OFTEN IVE BEEN MARRIED 61 YEARS YOU CAN DO IT ALSO A. NO HILLS

Updated

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN TRY DATING AGAIN GO TO PLACES THAT YOU BOH ENJOY PERHAPS A ROMANTIC MOVIE ANYTHING TO HELP YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU MARRIED HIM SAY I LOVE YOU OFTEN IVE BEEN MARRIED 61 YEARS YOU CAN DO IT ALSO A. NO HILLS

Updated

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN TRY DATING AGAIN GO TO PLACES THAT YOU BOH ENJOY PERHAPS A ROMANTIC MOVIE ANYTHING TO HELP YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU MARRIED HIM SAY I LOVE YOU OFTEN IVE BEEN MARRIED 61 YEARS YOU CAN DO IT ALSO A. NO HILLS

This book, and accompanying CD (which made it easier) was a godsend: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. You can get them inexpensively here: http://www.gottman.com/ along with other aids. It works.

So much good luck to you.

Hi L,
You need each other as parents! It is time to take a vacation together. Leave the kids with mom and dad and find a way to take a mini vacation! Find ways to tell him how you appreciate him and hopefully you will get some appreciation in return.
S

"Light His Fire" for her and "Light Her Fire" for him by Ellen Kreidman (see www.lightyourfire.com) . Both are quick reads (okay, I confess, I read 'his' book!). Great advice for more than just romance. Favorite quote as I remember it: "Listen, listen, listen with your heart and not your head." Thankfully I read it (okay, them!) before I got married. Still use it to this day. We will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in 25 days.

Do you guys exercise? i swear exercise helps the mental state so much..how about you guys join a gym that has a daycare..i go to Equinox..you can leave your child in the daycare up to 2 hours..u can take some classes together..like yoga or spin..make it fun..then you get your bods in shape..you feel good about what u just did..you did it together..its fun..u make friends ...i've had such a fun experience with the gym..i even have trainers that train me for free sometimes..we had a party at our gym last night so i brought an old high school buddy i haven't seen in over 20 years..i'm 45..and he was actually looking really cute..but anyway..we took yoga together and then we partook in the festivities after ..go on hikes...be active.. i don't know what happened to me but after i had my son i became workout mom...i think it was when this man at the park told me about how gyms have daycare..and that i could catch a break and get in shape..i'm a SAHM...
also are u guys getting enough sleep? i took melatonin last night and i had the best sleep i've had in a LONG time...as for affection..just snuggle up tonight ..u instigate it..oh and working out makes your sex drive improve..i am a much happier person now that i work out..if u can't afford a gym ..go running or biking ...hike..take long walks in a local park..if you would like passes for Equinox send me a private message on here and i'll send you guys some or ask for Benson at the Pasadena Equinox and tell him D. D. said he could get you and yours some passes..and he'll set you up at whichever Equinox you'd like to try.

xo

be happy!

I recommend therapy. My husband and I went through it and it helped tremendously. Most recently my sexual desire has been really low. Based on everything I read on Mamapedia, I thought my hormones might be out of whack or I'm just too tired by a mom and housekeeper to try. But, I went to a therapist that specializes in sexual issues and discovered my problem is much more than any of this. I'm still working through the issues, but my relationship with my husband took leaps beyond anything we've had since before we had kids! I highly recommend looking at therapy as a solution to rekindle your relationship with your hubby.

Can I make the suggestion of the Love Dare book> I was in your place last year. Alot of our marriage problems were how I viewed them, my husband thought everything was fine, except I was very angry. About the little things, It got to the point I love my husband but I was falling out of love with him. I read the Love Dare book, I did it on my own. It has made a complete difference in my marriage and in me. I appreciate and choose to love my husband for who he is now. When I changed my views it change his behavior toward me; now those little things I was so angry about he has started doing. So you may want to give it a try. It seems you do not have anything to loose. Good luck

Well you need to treat each other like you did when you were dating. I know you can't turn the clock back, but you need to plan things to surprise the other. You need to be his girlfriend and he needs to be your boyfriend. There are things that you loved about one another that got you to say I do. I think you need to read some books on relationships. Dr. Laura has a book called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. There are many good books out there. It's in the little things you do each day. Make sure he feels like he is number one and not tenth on the list. Run away for the weekend. Spend time each evening just the two of you. No TV, no kids, no nothing. Make love often, even if you are tired. Nothing will help you get a better night's sleep. Say I love you each day. My husband and I had a journal or notepad (nothing fancy), that was 5 things that I appreciated about him that day. You write in it every day. Your husband has one that he does for you. They need to be accessible so that you can read some of the things he writes and he can read what you write. Also I make my husband's lunch each night but I write a note on his napkin every single day! I want him to know how much I love him, appreciate him and know how hard he works for our family. Sometimes it's just a silly little smiley face with a tongue sticking out. Or a statement I LOVE U! Or whatever, sometimes it's the laundry list of the days activities with the kids. All in all I am communicating with him. That is really, really important. Communication!!!! Keep it going. I hope some of these ideas help.

L.,

It is easy to get into a funk when life is always getting in the way. I know for myself it is hard to juggle everything and still find time for myself and my husband. Sadly most of us put our marriage last sometimes. After the work, kids, sports, homework, and house get done, we call it quits and throw in the towel for the day and don't have much energy for anything else. You need to make a conscious effort to make time. Schedule things on the calendar or set a reminder on your phone to show your hubby that you are thinking of him. Try sending a sexy/sweet text message, try having date night once a month, try something new together that you both have never done before (like a class, horseback riding, roller skating, etc.).
I am a Passion Parties consultant so I can recommend some romance tips and products to spice things up in the bedroom. You and your hubby can browse my catalog and talk about the fun things you'd like to try together. That should build some excitement!
The most important thing is COMMUNICATION. Talk and if you don't find it easy to do so maybe you should seek some counseling. You need to be able to figure out what is causing you to be so down. You both also need to be able to talk about what each of you needs and set goals to reach those needs together.

Good luck! Feel free to check out my website:
www.endlessbliss.yourpassionconsultant.com

T.

This month my husband and I both started taking an herbal supplement to help our overall mood and we both noticed a difference within a couple of days. It’s called Luminex and it may be something that can help you. It contains natural ingredients like St Johns Wart, griffonia seed, folate, and vitamin B12 that help with depression and anxiety. It may be worth looking into. Let me know if you are interested or have any questions.

I know this may not be the answer you're looking for but have you ever thought about therapy? My husband and I have done it both individually and together and have found our life (love life especially) much more joyful after we were able to talk openly and honestly about all aspects of our life together. Having a better understanding of myself though this process has paved to the way to a happier existence. Best wishes to you.

What about date nights in? My husband and I don't have the funds for big dates plus a sitter. We now have "dates" every other week. Our date night is on Wed. We take turns planning the date. So each of us only had to plan one night a month. The kids go to bed a little earlier and then I take time to "get prettied up". The dates usually involve dessert and wine but some months we do a special dinner. The only rules are; no whimping out, no talking about the kids. Sexy lingerie is always a plus. :) I have planned indoor picnics, romantic movie snuggled on the sofa bed downstairs, feeding each other dipped fruit in chocolate, whipped cream, or cream cheese, and dessert by the fire. Most important is just to talk to each other. Share your day, listen not judge.

Keeping the romance alive is hard after kids come along. You have to work harder and schedule it in so that time together does not get pushed aside.

Hope this helps,
K.