My 20 month old recently started screeching. He used to just shake his head no, now it is replaced by a high-pitched screech, a horrible sound. Sometimes he does it when he is just feeling irritable (not a response to request). Outside of that issue, he is really a terrific baby. We recently took a trip and he traveled well, slept when he should, and was charming...most of the time. Also when he starts off with the screeches, I have no ability to stop or control it in any way. Once in a restaurant (loud and casual place) a lady looked pointedly at me and said, "What IS that noise?" Well, she could see it was my boy, she was really saying shut up your kid. I wanted to inform her that he didn't come with a mute button. But I realized it IS annoying, and maybe childless people don't get that sometimes kids are just what they are, and cannot always be perfectly controlled. I also wanted to tell her that at one point she had been a small child and probably (hopefully) others had been tolerant of her. But I refrained. What do you say/do in these situations?
I will add in response to a couple answers that we do work on distraction (sometimes works, sometimes screeching continues). Also I am not talking about crying or tantrums. Try to give him a bite of food at a moment he doesn't want one...screech! I think you could take him out and when he came back in he would still screech if you gave him a bite he didn't want. Also one of the worst times was in a plane. Where do you take him then??
Wow, some good ideas. I like the idea of a "goodie bag" on the plane, bet that would help. Also thanks for the reminder to tell him what behavior we would like. Sometimes the obvious stuff goes right by me. Thanks!!
Also, no, not lots of words. He signs a little. He seems to use the screech to say he means business...NO!
To the mom who thinks this is intolerable, first I'll say it sure isn't cute. Annoys me! I would also argue that a drunk who chose to lose control is quite different than a child whose brain simply hasn't developed impulse control. I'd say a more fair analogy would be to a person with Tourette's syndrome, or a brain injury. And yes, perhaps the answer is that we shouldn't take him to restaurants or in planes right now. But we probably will. ;)
tis a beautiful sound to someone who was told for over 20 years that they would never have children. the screeching is normal at this age
K. h.
there's 'perfectly controlled' and there's screeching. when i go out to eat, i do have some sort of expectation of being able to enjoy the meal that i'm paying for without being deafened.
it would be one thing if the woman expected your child not to babble or coo or whine. but yeah, screeching isn't something that other diners should have to put up with.
when my babies were too tired, overwhelmed or over-stimulated to be able to behave in public, i removed them from the situation. it was better for them, and courteous to everyone else.
khairete
S.
I have an issue with this in public. I am not a "childless" person and actually take care of children as a career for the last 24 years. It simply is NOT ok to allow this behavior. No one else wants to hear it. In a restaurant, in a store, etc.
The few very rare times my own child acted up (never the screech, but behavior that would annoy other patrons), we immediately..and I mean immediately, removed her. Outside to the car. It simply is not fair to the rest of the people to make them have to suffer thru this. Its not cute and its not their problem. I am sorry for parents who have to work on this issue, but I still do not want to hear it. In my eyes...I paid for my meal, not to listen to anyones child misbehave. I know more than most due to my education and experience with children that certain behaviors can be "normal" but making it stop is also normal and until it does, remove them so no one else needs to be a part of it.
If someone is near you at a table or in a line, and is loudly swearing..or drunkenly swaying and talking loudly about inappropriate things..are you offended and want them removed? To me and to many this is the same thing.
My intention is not to come across as harsh, but somewhere along the line, misbehaving children in public have become the norm and we are becoming a society of this. It is NOT ok. Screaming kids...2 year olds at R rated movies crying and talking....small children misbehaving and climbing over the benches at a place I pay $25 for my meal at (X3 people in my family)...
When I was a child this was not ok. Why is it OK now?
I dont mean to sound harsh...but, I have a 4 year old. If she decides to be loud in a restaurant, grocery store, department store....I remove her. No one wants to hear that. I dont blame them. When my 4 year old and I are in the store and a baby is wailing on and on and on...EVEN my daughter will say, "whats wrong with him Mamma?"....I can count on two fingers, how many times I actually HAD to remove her....maybe the proof is in the pudding. She learned REAL quick that screaming makes us leave.
Good Luck :)
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You are right his sounds are telling you his version of no... it is just his age. This too shall pass.
Perhaps when he does it, tell him that he has to say "no" instead and yelling isn't allowed. I know that may seem silly, but over time he will understand what you are saying. We tell our girls to use their words and that really worked for us.
But until he gets it, like another mom said, show him you mean biz about how he is acting. Only you can know what to take away or how to handle that part. You know his buttons.
However I agree on a plane, you are stuck! Food was always our best friend on a plane and our surprise bag. Go to the dollar store and fill up a small bag with junk. Every 10-15 minutes a new thing got to pulled out of the bag. Let him figure out how to open and play with. After that fun dies, let him get another one :)
Is there any way you can distract him when he starts to screech? Maybe keep something newish or that he hasn't seen in a while in the bag to surprise him with and get his mind off his voice.
As far as for strangers comments ... I've decided I really don't care what they think. I've been in the middle of a grocery store with a kid screaming because he wants to get out and walk (translation: run away from me) or whatever, and I just ignore him and keep on with my shopping, because that's the only way to deal with it. Anybody who's been a good parent has been through it and can probably see what you're doing. Anyone who hasn't ... who cares what they think... Of course, you want to quite him down as much as possible, out of courtesy to others in the restaurant, but giving it too much attention will also increase the likelihood of it happening again. I guess if it got too bad, you could take him outside or in the restroom till he quieted down...
when my 22 mo old does this, we try and make a game out of covering his mouth, to make him giggle and then he's not screeching anymore. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And I get embarassed as well, but I also paid for my meal and I'm going to sit there and eat it. The people who have to make rude comments need to realize it's a small child, someone who is still learning and if you don't take them to places like a restaurant, where they will have to learn how to manage the over stimluation. My son has severe sensory defensiveness and is in therapy for it. They told me we NEED to get him out to places where he could be over stimulated.
And to the mom acting all superior due to education and her mostly perfect little darling, I'd like to lend you my kids for a day and see how you handle it when you have 3 children with sensory issues--all different, in a situation like that. Are you going to say, oh well, I paid for this meal, this rare treat to get to go out and leave? I bet you won't. It's very easy to point fingers when you've never really had to deal with a situation. It's very rude to act like you just did and to be honest, I wouldn't mind if my kid did interupt your meal, then you might try and put yourself in someone else's shoes for real and not just be judgemental.
this is a totally normal phase. unfortunately, one of the more embarrassing ones. you're doing what you need to, not giving positive reinforcement (don't give him whatever he wants), distracting him. be firm when he does it, make sure he knows mom is not thinking he is cute at all. unfortunately, as you said - kids don't come with a mute button. this is a phase he is going through and they all do it. some things you can't "fix" lol. he will get past it. it will also help to correct him when he's doing it, and encourage him to verbalize. i know he's not talking much now, but if you KNOW what he's screeching for, encourage him to use the right word. "no? you want the RED one? look here's the RED one!" just always keep teaching and encouraging, the sooner he learns to use his words, the quicker this will pass. good luck and hang in there!
Kids will be kids!!
They will do things like these, and yes they can be annoying but, please, that was just plain out rude of her to say. I wouldnt have apologized or anything, I would have just looked at her with a confused look, and said excuse me? Then went back to my meal.
Things happen that you cant control and again kids will be kids. They are loud sometimes, and any human should have the common sense to know that. There is NO perfect child, especially in public. Its what they do so dont worry too much about it, and dont stress!
Life with children gets loud sometimes!
You didn't say specifically if he's talking much. I've noticed that young children who are later talkers tend to find other ways to communicate. If he doesn't have a lot of words yet, he may be frustrated with getting you to understand his wants. As he learns more words, this problem could go away. If he's perfectly capable of communicating with words, then I don't know...
Just another note to say you're not alone! My son does this too and it's horrible! He sometimes does it when he's upset or trying to communicate but a lot of the time he does it b/c he's happy and is trying to play. I agree with you that you can't hide in your house and hope it goes away, get out and do what you have to do, but just keep trying. I did take my son outside once while at a restaurant and waiting for food, but I try distractions too and they don't usually work for us either. It's really hard when people give you the evil eye b/c although you do get it's annoying, there's really no controlling it in a 20 month old (my son is 19 mos). If the child were 3-5 then certainly removing them from the situation would do more good, but here it's a bit more complicated. Usually I just smile and say something benign and friendly to them, and although they don't judge me less, I feel better!
my son is 21mnths old and does this too! its normal. what we do is we start whispering and my son tries to copy us instead of screeching. Its earpiercing I know but he will outgrow it!
If someone would have asked me what that noise was I would have said "you talking?" as innocently as I could look or pointedly mattering on the situations... if she was close enough to touch I would have patted her hand giving her the "it is ok, we know you are an idiot" look.
Of course I think by the seat of my pants quite well, it sometimes gets me in trouble...
