Screaming and Tantrums

this is a phase...we used the distraction method...if one distraction didn't work, we would try a different one. other than that there really isn't much you can do but not loose your patience.

with the new baby coming just prep him as much as you can, but they say to not do it too early as toddlers don't have a sense of time, like when you tell them we are going to the park next Saturday...they don't understand that, it can lead to too much anticipation. Your child will more than likely take toys away from the baby, but he will also most likely give toys to the baby too...yes there will be tantrums when the new baby gets here, but really they won't be much different than what is going on now, then tantrums he is having now, might be a little different once the new baby gets here, they can be less if you include him in on everything you do with baby, like feeding the baby, my son loved that, I would pump so he could feed his little brother...the more I included him the better he was about his tantrums or screaming fits...

L.,
Sounds like we are experiencing some of the same problems...my son is 18 months and is extremely energetic, can't and wont sit down for 10 seconds. Last night we tried to do a time-out, he thought it was fun to be continually put back in the corner, his butt hardly hit the floor and he was right back up again. I am reading the book 1-2-3 magic, haven't gotten very far but its about the counting method (although, I dont know if this will be effective for us because my son is obsessed with counting, counts everything 1-5, he'd do it a hundred times if I didnt distract him). OUr son screams too, I know these are all phases but as parents how in the world do you get past them, we too have resorted to yelling nad he just laughs back.
I don't have any strong advice because we are trying to figure things out as well, but I will keep watch on this. If you need someone to "vent" too, feel free to email me. Where do you live?

My son went through this phase too. I think he learned it by watching a little boy in the neighborhood get his way by screaming. When he would do it, I would say to him calmly, seriously and on his level, "That may work for Henry, but it won't work for us." or "Honey, if you want something, you need to TELL or SHOW me what you want, not scream." I have also started using the word "Patient". "Honey, you need to be patient." Then I would tune him out until I finished up what I was doing and then work with him. They're pretty smart at 19 months. He wants to see how you react and what he can get away with. My son is 2 1/2 and still tests me, but the screaming has gotten better. :)

Hey there, L.,

Yep... definite phase. My son did the same thing. I don't know if it will help or not, but you can give it a try and see how it goes. We sat down with Alex, looking him in the eye at his level, and told him that he had two choices. He could be a good boy and tell us or show us what he wants or he can scream and be mad and not get anywhere but time out. I would remind him every time he screamed that he had a choice of time out for screaming or he could relax (I'd do a deep breath and let it out slow to show him how to relax... and it helped me keep my cool, too) and tell/show what he wanted.

I'd also say "use your words" if I thought what he wanted was something that he could name. Then, if the screaming continued, I would say "I'm going to count to three and if I get to three, you have made the choice for time out". I'd count slowly and remind him after each count that if he continued to scream I'd HAVE to put him in time out even though I didn't WANT to do that, but he was choosing it. If I got to three and he was still screaming, I'd put him in time out and told him it was two minutes without crying... if I could get him to that point (the first couple times I had to hold him there... not looking at him and listening to him screaming was hard, but it did help because he realized that I was serious and I kept telling him that he chose to go to time out because he would not stop screaming). I would tell him that screaming was not acceptable behavior. I know that it may seem that they don't or can't understand what unacceptable behavior is, but I think it was more the tone and that I would reward him for being polite and using his "good words" like please and thank you.

He's three now and still has an occasional fit, but it's more about whether he doesn't get something he wants (like a cookie before supper). The other screaming did stop, but it took a while (sorry I can't be more specific). Now my husband puts him to bed (away from us) if he won't listen or eat supper, etc. and discusses what is good behavior and bad... basically letting Alex choose from two options.

Whenever Alex chooses a good option, we praise him and tell him how proud we are of him for being a good boy, etc. and that seems to help too.

One last thing that I do that I know might sound silly is that Alex has a couple of favorite stuffed animals "Puppy" and "Baby Lion". Well, I talk to his buddies and ask them yes and no questions (mostly ones with yes answers) and then nod their heads while Alex can see them "respond" (I hold them so my thumbs are under their chins and press down for the nodding motion). He almost always stops doing the bad activity and ALWAYS wants to hold his buddy after that. So... if your little guy has a favorite toy, that might help a bit, too. Alex has got a great imagination, now, too. ;o)

Good luck and hang in there... it can be tough, but remember that you are not alone! And, don't be afraid to tap into your creativity... it may be just the ticket.

When the baby comes... try to make sure that you have personal, private time with your little guy to show him that he is still special, too. Just a thought (I only have the one so I don't know if that will work, but that's what I would do).