School Stress

Can you home school or move him to a different school? If an adult felt that miserable at work, he or she would quit for a different job. Why should a little boy have to be even tougher than an adult?

I agree with everybody else. Definately talk to the teacher first. She may be able to have a discussion in class about being friendly to each other.

Talk to his teacher. See if she can give you some insight being in class with him all day. It is good that you know now so you can help with his confidence.

Ah, this breaks my heart to hear. Please don't take him out of kindergarten all together, as one of the other moms suggested. This will just make it ten times harder the next time you try. Firstly, work with the teachers/leaders of this group to make a plan to ease him in and encourage him to make friends. They've seen this all before I'm sure. If this doesn't work out, you might want to try a different school but don't give up.

Hi! I agree with talking to the teacher's. I would also ask his teacher for any play date suggestions. This would definately help.

Hi P.,
After school try & play in the play ground & find some other mom's that have kids in your son's class. Then set up some play dates. That will help him make some new friends in his class.

Hi P., Check with the school social worker at school, they can put together frienship groups and and have them talk to the whole class about friendship. Also check w/ the teacher about prompting him to use the restroom discreatly so he is not embaressd. No one should have to go through this alone, what hurts us makes us stronger. Email me if you like. I went through this w/ my girls in Kdgn. Best of luck.
C.

i would absolutel call the teacher to tell her your concerns and set up a plan. this is his first tast of school and it can still be turned around into a positive one with some assistance. if you get no where with the teacher then i would contact the principal but, not before i talked to the teacher. there is a "chain of command" in schools and i think that is the best way to handle that. she could sit hom next to the kindest kids and assist him in forming a friendship. one friend is all he'll need to fit in and the rest will come as he gains confidence. if you know any of the other moms have one of the kids over for a play date. that could do it. i am so sorry that he is so unhappy. how difficult! you're a good mom and doing all that you can do to help him.

P.
That is absolutely horrible! It should not be that stressful for him. I blame in part the teacher and school for allowing this. I would call the principal today and tell her what is going on! Let him/her guide you. Maybe switching to another class/school is an option. Or, like the other mom said, wait a year. Find a preschool that has a kindergarten class. I would not send him back until you have discussed this with the principal. If you noticed it on the field trip, then I would hope the teacher noticed it as well. As a former teacher, I have come to the realization that not all teachers are "good teachers". Either they are teaching in the wrong grade level or have gotten to the point of burn out and are their for the paychecks! A compasionate teacher, especially a kindergarten teacher, needs to realize how important this first year is for children. It will set the mood for their elementary school experience. The main role of a kindergarten teacher, in my opinion, is to instill in children that school is a safe, respectful, and fun learning environment( not just teaching them school rules and the alphabet). The fact that he is pooping in his pants is a serious sign of stress. I hope things get better for both of you.

P.~
I am most likely echoing the other moms when I tell you that I really feel for you and your son.

As many have suggested I would get in contact with the teacher as soon as possible so that you can start to work on a plan.

I also think the best thing you can do is to keep encouraging him about making friends and trying new things. I've had to give my son a sticker on the calendar everyday that he makes it through another day at preschool (rough start as well).

Keep us posted and I'll say a prayer!

I would talk to his teacher right away and let him/her know of your concerns. Bullying behavior should not be tolerated at any age. You don't have to suffer through this alone, and neither does your child. Tell her what you witnessed on the field trip and let her know that your son does not want to come to school. Hopefully your school has a plan in place to deal with bullying, and she will offer some options, (i/e., talking with the children in the class, talking with their parents, etc.) If she doesn't take it seriously go to the assistant and/or pricipal of your school. If you still get no results and your son is still unhappy go to the superintendent of the school. I guess what I'm saying is don't take no for an answer.
Does your school offer just half day kindergarten? If that's an option for you maybe your son would be happier just going part time. Not all kindergarten age kids are ready to be in school all day.
Don't worry about upsetting teachers or staff, do what is best for your child.
I hope this helps, my heart is breaking for you and your son.

Oh P., i feel your pain. You really need to talk to his teacher. If that gets no where you go right to the principal. If he is in public school and things don't get better demand help from guidance. I had a terrible time when i thought my son had add and they refused to get help for me. But i was young and didn't realize i needed to push a little...or a lot. I hope you can get the help you need. I am a day care teacher and have seen a lot, i do know that his behavior, the pooping is related to the whole thing. i have to agree about not taking him out and home schooling. my grandson is home schooled and is socially way behind. your son needs help that is all just make sure you get the help and it will all work out

Move or homeschool...those kind of eperiences can have a MAJOR impact on the way he views himself for life! He is still so little, it's your job to protect him!

The only advice that I have to give is who ever you talk to about this stay firm and dont let them talk you into thinking it is something else. Today to many schools want the parent to think that all is okay and they are in control of everything. Stay firm and make sure that whatever solution that the school and you come up with that they are willing to back up and help with. Unfortantely or maybe fortantely you might have to "look over there sholder" to make sure they are keeping up with the solution.

Have you tried talking to his teacher at all or the school psychologist for suggestions? I can't imagine how painful that was to watch. I am a teacher (took the year off to have my second child) and would be willing to help any parent in your situation. That might be the first step. Also... I have suggested to parents in the past to have a playdate with some of the kids from the class to help them get to know each other. Make it really fun like a party and the kids may start warming up.

Aw, your post made me cry thinking about your poor punkin not having good days at school. Poor thing. I would start with his teacher to get her take on it. Try to remain calm when discussing it with her too since I know, as Moms, we tend to get over protective and demand something be done! Try to avoid that if you can. Discuss the problem with her and see what she recommends since she is with all those kids all day. My youngest son is extremely shy and keeps to himself but once he gets comfortable, he warms up to people. I was worried about school for him but he did pretty well all things considered. I know you saw some behavior from the children in his class but it could be that some of what he is telling you (aside from what you saw) is just him trying to get attention. I am not discounting what those children did to him at all but he could be distancing himself because one child said something negative to him on the first day of school and now he is scared. Or he really just wants to be home with you and he figures if he tells you often enough that he hates it, you might give in and allow him to stay home. I was like that when I was little. I was on a first name basis with the school nurse from K - 6th. I did not want to be there even though I had plenty of friends. I just wanted to be home with my mother. She never gave in though and would make me go. My friend had the same problem with her son but he was older. She took him out and is allowing him to finish high school via the Internet. He is doing pretty well now that he is no longer in public school and he can stay home but to me, it seems kind of extreme.

I would say your best bet is to start with his teacher and go from there. You could try boosting his confidence by different activities he is good at too. By telling him he is a good kid and loved by his family, you reassure him that there is nothing wrong with him. Maybe that will get him to calm down so he can handle the circumstances better. If he cannot make friends at school, try a play group in your area to get him with kids his age.

Good luck!

The teacher should be noticing this also. Has he/she taken any action? Have they contacted you? Kids have anxiety but pooping in his pants elevates this to a "pay attention" signal. All school districts have social workers who should be advised of problems and talk to the child. Something is wrong and he does not know how to deal with it. I would even suggest you go to the principal and state you know there is a problem but no one has contacted you. He can then get social worker involved.

Oh this is so sad. Get in touch with the teacher and work together to come up with a game plan. Small steps. Once he finds one friend, life will be easier. Role play at home. Work with him on his approach with others. Maybe he is alienating himself and the children don't know how to respond to that. Maybe he doesn't know how to approach others. If he finds one thing interesting about himself, it may entice the other kids. See if they have show-and-tell in school. Invite one child over after school - take them for ice cream. It may help pave the path for your son and you can also observe him interacting with the other child in a non-threatening situation. Kids can be very challenging in classrooms - from year to year the dynamics can change so much. Get him to focus on ANYTHING positive in class, if the only good moment was that he took the bus home, start with that. If he's not feeling good, it doesn't help so maybe that just compounded the issue for him, this week. Just one friend can turn this around. I know you feel horrible about this - you hate seeing kids go through these life lessons - some of the lessons are just plain crummy! Good luck.

I am so sorry for your little boy! Poor Baby! Keep him home. Kindergarten is not mandatory and while it is important for learning basics and social skills, I believe you child may need another year home.
I am a teacher and I have my only child in Kindergarten this year. Perhaps you need to put your child in another half day program. I am not suggesting to hold him back, because you did not mention any other issues so I am going to assume he is on track with the other kids. But kindergarten is suppose to be intro. to school and kids are suppose to like it. This is suppose to be a good experience and I believe this may be too stressful for him. Keep him home from all day if you can. Otherwise, I am afraid your son will be typecast for the year. Kids can be so mean!!!!!!!!

Good Luck Momma and I will send good karma your way.

Hi P.,
I feel so bad for your son! I think that the teacher and school are to blame at least in part. The teacher should see what's going on and he/she should put an end to it. And your son just comes home with poop in his pants? The school doesn't contact you? The teacher didn't notice? Do you know if it's happening at the end of school, or is the teacher just letting him walk around like that during the school day? I think the first thing to do is schedule an appointment to meet with the teacher and school counselor to discuss how you can put an end to this problem. Sometimes all a child needs are a couple of good friends. My daughter used to tell me that no one liked her in kindergarten. I used to actually cry myself because I would see how sad she was and how afraid she was of rejection. We caught the problem early though, because she had a wonderful teacher who contacted me right away. The teacher made sure to sit my daughter next to the friendliest kids in the class so that she could talk to them and become friends. And I explained to my daughter that not everyone is going to like her all of the time. I told her that there are people she doesn't like, sometimes for no reason at all. And so likewise there will always be people that do not like her, maybe for no reason at all. but I told her that is okay because there are a lot of people that do like her and will like her. And I told her that having a couple of very good friends is more important than having a bunch of people that like you, but who aren't good friends.
I hope that if my advice doesn't help you, someone else's will. and if nothing works then seriously I would pull my child out of school before I let this continue. No child deserves to be treated that way by their peers, especially at 5 years old. And I think if he learns to hate school now, he'll never like it. He could end up with self esteem issues that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Maybe some will say that running away from the problem isn't teaching him the right way. But lets face it, as moms the first instinct we have is to hold our child in our arms and shelter them from pain. I say in this situation, follow that instinct! Best of luck to you!

Well, I read that you got a lot of responses. Don't know if anyone mentioned that your wiping him indicates you are doing too many things for him and are overprotective. We think we are just being responsible and conscientious, but have never looked at it from the child's point of view. The unspoken message sent is that you can not do things for yourself. Let him mess up. Let him fall without fussing about it. Little boys often fail to wipe themselves. So give him a lesson in it and then let him do it himself. Maybe a month later repeat the lesson if he still has 'skid marks'. Try to quiet your fears of his being rejected. Tell the other M. your concern and ask her to keep an eye on him when she goes along on a field trip. Don't go on all the field trips, but maybe 60% of them. Whenever you start feeling anxious about him in one way or another, talk to someone else abot it, get the facts, consider that you may be over-reacting. Now think about other things you are doing for him that he could be doing for himself and, without putting it off, begin to stop doing them for him. Try not to come off with the teachers as an overprotective mother or it will be like the boy who called wolf, when you have a legitimate concern she may not take you seriously. That's some very straight talk, I hope you can use it.

P.,
I am so sorry to hear your story. Please talk to his teacher about the children being mean.
She can keep an eye on them and stop them if anything else is said or done.
Next, see if there is anybody that your son kinda gets along with and plan a play date.
Once he makes a friend, the other kids won't matter as much. Good luck!
S

This is such a hard issue...I think the hardest thing to deal with as a parent. I don't have any magic solutions to offer but I would urge you to take this situation seriously. This is your son's first experience of school and if it becomes an ongoing trauma for him it will likely color his attitude about school and learning for a very long time.
Here's what I would do: immediately enlist the help of his teacher and the school principal and possibly the school social worker. Insist that they deal with this situation and that you be allowed to come to the classroom (perhaps under the guise of volunteering) to see that they are doing what they say they will. Often the worst times for kids in this situation are the relatively unstructured times: lunch and recess. Be sure you or someone else apprised of the situation will be supporting your son at those times.
I would also reach out to some of the other parents and see if they are having similar problems or if they might be able to have their child reach out to your son. Sometimes one friend is all it takes.
If you feel the school is proactive and taking the situation seriously, give it some time. If you meet resistance from the faculty/staff, I would seriously consider a different school for your son.
I don't mean to sound overly dramatic about this but I believe from personal experience that bullying and socially ostracizing has been taken far too lightly in the past. Kindergarten is not important enough to make your child miserable and possibly color his attitude about learning.
Good luck

I am so sorry that your son is experiencing this! Have you talked to the teacher; what are her feelings about the situation? I definitly think (and hope)that the teacher is encouraging positive social interactions and discouraging teasing and alienation. If she's not then I would question the values of the program. I would definitly mention your concerns to the teacher. Also, I would talk to your son and make sure there isn't something that he is saying or doing (perhaps even unintentionally)that may cause the other kids to treat him this way. Good luck!!

Your story just breaks my heart, poor little guy. Well first thing I would do is talk to his teacher and/or teachers' aide(s). Surely someone that is there observing all day can give you some insight into what's going on. Then, because the kids are so young, I would also seek out the parents of the children that are being mean and talk them. I'm sure they would probably like to know what's happening, as well as possibly be able to talk to their kids about why they have not been nice to your son. Between everyone, you should at least be able to glean a little insight into why this is happening.

You're very smart to be doing something about this now. Best of luck to you and your little guy.

That is so sad. I have a son, now eighteen, who experienced similar things and I actually switched his school. He never grew to love school, but he did grow up to love all the extra curricular activities, had a lot of good parts in school plays and is working and in College. By the way he still doesn't like school, but he has a lot of friends. Anyway, if you can, take him out, or switch him now. He is young enough he hasn't established lifelong friendships that will be disrupted. And I'm sorry, I'm of the old school they are still babies and a full day of kindergarten is too much. There are children who have been in daylong daycares or other programs, but those have lots of fun. Kindergarten is school nevertheless and it might be too hard for some of these little ones.

P., My heart is breaking for you. I would talk to the teacher immediately and see what she is doing to help the situation. Maybe something happened that you are unaware of, which really doesn't matter but perhaps with new information you can help your son.
As far as the poop in his pants, has it happened in his class or on the way home. If it happened in class he might be getting teased. Talk to his teacher ASAP and get as much information as you can. If things don't get better soon and if its an option you might want to enroll him somewhere else and start new.

Sounds like he just might not be ready for school yet. You could pull him out and let him start kindergarten next year when he's a bit more mature and ready to handle it, or you might consider homeschooling him. There are a lot of resources on the Internet about homeschooling that you can read and see if that'd be a better fit for him and you.

Make the teacher stand up; don't let them tell you that he is too young for kindergarten and I don't think I would take him out either. He is anxious right now especially with the bowel issues and doesn't feel comfortable at school. A good social classroom where everyone is valued is essential component of a child's first experience. If your son is feeling the sting other kids are also. I volunteered at my child's school as well to know what was going on so I could support my child, the teacher and the class as well for a positive environment. Work with the teacher and need be the social worker to help him out to adjust. It is totally normal for kids to feel uncomfortable about a new situation especially all day kindergarten. Good luck with it all!
T.

P.,
I would definitely investigate the situation. I work with children and whenever they show any signs (squirming, bouncing etc.) you are to let them go to the restroom. Really go and observe the environment and school. No place is perfect, but at least check things out because if there is any thing that you find that might be unsettling, you might have to change his school.

All the Best

talk to the teacher about your concerns, it will help. i went through the same thing when my daughter went to kindergarten. the teacher was very good.