School Dances

If you were to chaperone you would most likely see that the girls hang out on one side of the gym and the boys on the other side. The dances are just a lot of good, clean fun and nothing even remotely inappropriate goes on at them. I just think it would be so sad for you daughter to miss it if she wants to go.

Well I would let her go with some girlfriends no date. I would have her dress appropriately - like going out to a nice dinner with the family. If you want to chaperon the dance just show up...don't know why you need to be "picked". Bring daughter to and from dance. Then let her enjoy her friends.

I went to my first school dance, in a small town in Missouri, in 1978.
Disco music was played, and we even had a few little (very awkward) slow dances.
I wore a sweet sundress with spaghetti tie straps, sandals with short heels and even (gasp!) lip gloss.
I'm glad I'm not a girl in today's world, where it's the PARENTS who sexualize everything (while blaming the media) and make girls feel bad about wanting to be pretty and have fun :-(

we had a 6th grade dance (6th grade was our last year in elementary school) .. i dont see the big deal in 5th graders having a dance, why not? let her go and have fun with her friends.. i do see your concern with a dress though.. i see some of these girls walking around and they way they dress you would think they were 5 yyears older than they are.. go with her, pick out a dress.. let her get something cute and nice and a cute pair of flats that go with it .. 5th graders definatley dont need to be wearing huge heels and tight slinky little dresses

We had this issue two years ago. I was a Dance Teacher at a really great ES school in a suburban school. The population was upper middle class and white. I learned a lot working there and saw/learned what these parents valued. It was a world different from other schools where I taught Dance previously and afterwards.

Many of the parents were strict and over parented. When this issue came up, I was nominated as one of the chaperones as the students loved my class and wanted to perform some of the hiphop dances that I taught them. No parents could chaperone, however.

The rules were: 1. no dates, 2. no limo drop offs, 3. no t-strap, stapless or one shoulder dresses.

With those rules, the event remained clean and was enjoyable.

Contact your PTA and let them know your concern. There are probably other moms who support you and feel the same.

Good luck. I, too, feel children grow up way too fast and feel your concern.

Hi M.-

It CAN be a fun filled event...truly. My youngest (now 16) went to a dance at that age with a group of girlfriends. We took a FANTASTIC picture of these 12 or so young ladies (I had it framed for my daughter).

These young women have remained friends...and in fact...this past fall (their sophomore year in HS)...most of the 'original 12' went to homecoming as a group. It tied in with my daughter's 16th b day...so we treated to a dinner for them at a nice restaurant in town...and a limo ride to the dance.

It was 'wonderful'!! In fact, as they were leaving the restaurant to get into the limo, one adult commented 'where are the dates for these beautiful young ladies'...to which *I* replied - 'These are the 'smart' girls...they have no need for dates'

LOL

A good time was had by all...and I feel sure my daughter has built life long female friends as a result of my saying 'yes'...and encouraging a group of young women to go to a dance...as a group!

Best Luck!
michele/cat

I went to my first school (community) dance, as a 5th grader in Iowa.
It was 1977.
We didn't have dates so to speak, but we sure knew who we "liked" and who we hoped would ask us to dance.
We wore summer dresses and wedges (the 70's version of heels I guess?)
Nobody read anything into it, we just had fun.
Try to relax, and let your daughter enjoy herself. This isn't sex, it's not even close to that. And what do you mean by "research?" You either know your daughter and her friends/community or you don't.

When I was a kid (in the 70's) community club dances started in grade five, and they still do here. That is the age kids generally like to start listening to popular music, expanding their social horizons and finding their own style. When I was a kid there was nothing bad happening at these dances, and I'm pretty sure there still isn't. They are pretty well chaperoned.

Dances, yes. Dates, no. I understand your hesitation, especially because some of the parents are encouraging this be a date situation. I remember that was true for some of my children's friends and I felt so sorry for the kids. They just want to have fun. Just set your limits and encourage your daughter to have a great time.

if your daughter is looking forward to it, i'd let her go.
what exactly does one research as far as 5th grade dances?
i'm sure she's aware of your boundaries as far as dress and dating go, right? so which of your values will be 'compromised' if she dresses appropriately and goes with her girl pals?
khairete
S.

We do a family dance some time during the year. It's a 50's dance and it is the highlight of the whole year.

They tried to have a boy/girl dance and no parents attending. An actual date like dance. The parents said no and the school decided to do the family dance instead.

The Benders were hired to play the music and it was an awesome activity so they repeat it each year.

Take her and let her enjoy her friends. This is the beginning if many social outings she will have.

As far as dress... My daughter is 18 and a senior. Her dance socials started at 6 th grade. The current school dress code has been enforced at every event.

No they don't dress frumpy, done very elegant dresses but the code keeps things in order for the night.

It's hard to let go but we have to in baby steps!!! Get a cute dress and allow her to enjoy herself!

They had school dances for 4th, 5th and 6th graders back when I was in those grades, and we are talking early 80's here. It was so NOT a big deal. Usually the girls hung around each other and the boys hung around each other and for the 2 or 3 "slow dances", a boy and girl danced together but still had to keep each other at arms length. They weren't even that formal and we weren't expected to dress up in any way - sometimes it would be theme, like 50's sock hop or whatever. It was just fun, pure and simple.

Let your daughter go, with the rules that she wear something appropriate that you approve of, and she behave herself, no "date". If there are plenty of parent chaperones, I wouldn't worry about it.

Voice your concerns to the PTA.

I think its just a lot of innocent fun M.. Kids that age mostly like to do the group dances that are led by a DJ like cupid shuffle and cha cha slide and all that. Oh and I'm sure they will all have a chance to do "gangnam style"... otherwise it is probably a lot of standing around, running around, eating treats, and daring each other to talk to their crushes. Not much different than what they do at other loosely structured events at that age. Actually elementary school kids are a lot less self conscious at that age and it is good for them to get "dance" experience while they are in their comfort zone of their small familiar school. As soon as they hit middle school/ jr. High dances become excrutiatingly awkward and you see very few kids letting loose and really enjoying themselves. Let her have her fun now while they are naive and innocent and self-assured.

*I work in Jr. High and chaperone (actually plan) all the school-sponsered dances. The very first dance you see all the new seventh graders, fresh out of elementary school totally gung ho, balls-out enjoying themselves. That wears off and the consecutive dances are angst-filled pressure cookers with kids roaming around not knowing what to do with themselves. Then fast forward 2 years to the last dance of Jr. High, the 8th grade graduation dance, and they are suddenly mature and somewhat normal again, acting like actual teenagers and feeling good about just being themselves. I also worked elementary school years ago, and honestly those dances were the best. They have no inhibitions and feel happy and free and innocent.

Let her go have fun with her peers :)

At our elementary school, each grade has a "social" starting in Kindergarten. They're held in the cafeteria with all the lights on and the parents standing around watching it all. They hire a DJ to run music and fun games for the kids and it's a big, fun party - and the kids are all so cute jumping up and down to the music!

In 5th grade, the "social" is the "graduation party" held on the last day of school. It's a big deal. Girls wear nice dresses, boys wear ties, etc. It's held at a rented place off campus and is quite fancy - and no parents, except for the chaperones. Last year, there WERE some boy/girl pairings. My daughter didn't go with a boy, mostly because she just wasn't into boys and wanted to have a good time with her friends. She said that the girls who went with boys were all about the drama "Nick isn't paying attention to me!" "Tim just wants to hang out with his friends and wont' dance!" etc. That kind of stuff bored her. She DID wear a strapless dress, which was extremely cute (I have no problem with girls showing off their shoulders, now if she had any *cleavage* showing, THAT would have been a problem for me). I'm glad I didn't have to deal with the boy thing, though...

This year, as a 6th grader (which IS middle school in our district), there have already been a couple of socials. They're fun for the kids and I've never heard of anyone acting inappropriately. They've all been going to these yearly "socials" since K, so by now, it's no big deal and they know how to behave and what's expected of them.

Of course, it's purely up to you, but if you think your child is responsible and would enjoy a dance with her friends, I don't see why you wouldn't let her go. She needs to learn these social lessons at some point and you can help her navigate through this more easily while she's young. By the time they're in HS, things will be different and your influence won't be as strong as her friends. NOW is the time to teach her appropriate behavior at school functions. Plus, she will have so much fun and will ALWAYS remember her first school dance!

I wouldn't worry too much and I would let her go. If I remember junior high dances, the girls stood on one side of the gym and the boys on the other. Very few intermingled and even fewer danced.

I have to say, we had dances in middle school when I was little (so 6-8th grade) and I loved them. They were wholesome and very well chaperoned (no one was really allowed to leave the gym unless they were going home). I totally get why you'd be worried, and certainly there was an innocence there when we were younger that they don't have now (i.e. the clothes!), but really your daughter is no different than we were back then - it's just a bit of fun. I would echo the words of one of the other people here and just make sure that there is a limit to it going over the top - it's not a prom - so no limos, crazy dresses/heels, boys picking girls up to go etc. and just ensure that you feel comfortable with how it's organised (that there are enough chaperones, it doesn't go too late, that the music is appropriate). It will be fun for her, and if you didn't bring her up to expect a "Super Sweet 16" then the reality is she'll be fine and enjoy the little bit of freedom and responsibility. Good luck!

Just so you can relax a little. They really do not dance together, they dance in groups of girls and groups of boys. They act silly like 5th graders. They dress nice but not to dressy. Fun clothes. Lots of line dancing .... I have chaperoned many. I believe the dress code has always stayed in place. Girls are covered , no bare shoulders, no short short skirts. Its a really fun time.

No boyfriend but I would let her go. It's practice.

I have to tell you about a friend of mine with 2 older daughters and a younger son. when the daughters went for their 8th graduations, she thought, they look so nice, heels, nice dresses. Then the son was finally up there. She thought, oh my goodness, what were these girls thinking?? They look so much older and flirty! Knowing what moms of sons (I am one, too) understand about their level of immaturity, we roll our collective eyes at dances and "grown up" acting girls. If they had a clue of how little the boys thought of dances, they would be shocked! Keep her head level and you won't have to worry.